Saturday, 22 June 2024

The Arabs seem to love my stories, judging from overnight figures

The Arabs seem to love my stories, judging from overnight figures

there must be well over 1,000,000 words to read

so please pray for my Health, as that is the real wealth in Life

and not forgetting the neighbours

or if you read English this is the Finale of

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker by Michael Casey

Maybe because we all love our children that is why people love this book,

or because its all about LOVING YOUR NEIGHBOURS

and yes you could all buy just one book on Amazon, to pay this worker

there are 20 on Amazon

Published by michaelgcasey

I've updated this 18th March 2022 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... use Google UK to find me, otherwise Posh Americans pop up I've done loads of writing, about 2,000,000 Words worth over 34years now But before I started to write, I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio. He'd be nearly 100 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 54 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I have a picture in the attic, just like Dorian Gray I've also had an interest in Politics for 54 years with my dad heckling the tv and Politicians. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre. The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 yes, 30 years plus ago, the play was written in 1988. So since then I'm more than good enough, as a writer. Anything else..... I also ignore those who just cannot write, pick your own candidate I tend to write Comedy as I'd rather make you laugh than cry I have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 " (c) by Michael Casey" If you include "chats" 3700 samples, all told, the chats do NOT go into my books when I compile them. My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 20 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on Wordpress look fo Translations Galore page, and more And in over 90 Countries world wide too so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker or Quick Stories or any other of the books in Translation on my Wordpress This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 100 countries now, just to repeat myself From Nepal to American Samoa and all places North South East and West Or its just a hit man on the run, or whatever Unknown Region Means It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff Coverage but lacking penetration as marketing folks might say I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess. which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker all by word of mouth. And 50,000 plus in Christmas week 2021 If you add up all the downloads from my Wordpress + 13,000 when somebody stole the file. I have had more copies than Boris Johnson's Churchill book distributed. Maybe 40,000 copies . Not made a penny from it, free downloads in multiple languages. Reverse Logic, if the world knows me, eventually somebody will pay me But in reality I'll be dead first, and then just 2 pennies to pay the ferryman is enough I've cut the Plaudits, you can read/decide for yourself As for my life, I was born in the shadow of a Brewery, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales, 21 years altogether, StatsMR Call centre guy, like everybody once in their life I was also a Trainee Betting Shop Manager I was a concierge and 10 other roles at Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham for 3 years. Spent 3 years at Pinsent Masons Law firm in Birmingham I even hid a copy of my comic novel "BBU" in the Law Library at Pinsent Masons, well just for a day.. I did a few other jobs too, working life in reverse so to speak and I was an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school, for a year, I knew I could teach. I got Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary on the external assessment, yes really And I asked them to pray for me at least once a day beside which I've had a Shanghai connection for 20 years now, including 2 bilingual daughters and being a hausfrau a long time too, I'm a great dad, as I've had lots of time with my daughters I can always make somebody talk or laugh I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them Or a Tale a Day from Michael, a story telling App What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. Now with an add on Hernia, the size of your fist, pushing through my bypass scar, it hurts when I laugh, so don't make me laugh I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn't bother But I'll ignore you, and carry on regardless. I do get heckled by my own Tinnitus these past 3 years+, so I have music on all night long to drown it out. I sleep with Miley, Taylor, Eric Clapton and Will Young, maybe I should buy a bigger bed, or just get a better mattress. Tinnitus is a curse, just trust me I know, each day I wake up, Tinnitus SCREAMS at me for a full hour till it calms down That's the end of the tidy version of my life To finish here's the list of my 20 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views 19. The Final Cut of the 19th Hole 20. 2020 Words 21. 21 Door Keys, key to the door 21 on Bingo, hence title, 53,000 words so far I write bullet point stuff mainly now as Tinnitus stops me from getting in the zone to write, story stories. (c) by Michael Casey stuff though my bullet points are better than some "writers" discuss, miaow. That's why I dream of a speed typist, so I could dictate from the sofa https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks Loads of Korean and Arabic translations downloaded from my Wordpress, 1000s of them Quick Stories in Korean is a big hit. Maybe Kim in North Korea should read my books, instead of wasting his countries resources on what? Just keeping one person in power, him? Instead of joining the real world and opening a string on golf courses. That way we could get rid of Trump too. Into the sunset, as they play golf. Tears for a Butcher will be the sequel to BBU, and it too will be 600pages, however I really need a speed typist to put it down, while I sit and dictate like Barbara Cartland, and hopefully my speed typist would be impressed. we'd marry have half Korean kids, and form a Kpop band with our 4 new kids, with me as manager. And yes this is more for my bucket list, as Tinnitus keeps me awake too much, 6 months of not sleeping till dawn is really killing me Michael Casey aka the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England https://2.gravatar.com/avatar/efda2dca0de5b9269191b7c8b0102473?s=400&d=mm 

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Death of a Hero Butcher, the climax to Tears for a Butcher, somebody was reading this, I'll probably never finish it

 Death of a Hero Butcher, the climax to Tears for a Butcher, somebody was reading this, I'll probably never finish it

Saturday 9 March 2019

Death of a Hero Butcher


Saturday, 9 March 2019

Death of a Hero Butcher

Death of a Hero Butcher ©
By
Michael  Casey

After Big Sid had been shot 3 times at point blank range and then saved, the drugs collective decided he should die. So an assassin was sent to the hospital to kill him in his hospital bed. It was easy to slip into Dudley Rd hospital the place was so big, so Big Sid would soon be in Heaven and not annoying the Colombians. Or so was the plan, only nurse Gladys Emmanuel was on duty that day. She had just emptied Sid’s bag in the sluice when she saw a man standing over him. So Gladys hit the intruder with what was to hand, a still full metal bed pan. And then she screamed as only she could scream. R A P E. and on she screamed over and over again. R A P E. As she continued to hit the intruder with a metal bed pan.

The Dudley Rd rugby team had just returned from victory over the QE when her screams rang out. Staff, all manner of staff raced to her aid. Darcy Braithwaite ran the fastest, he was sweet on nurse Gladys Emmanuel but hadn’t yet plucked up the courage. But now, but now, Darcy Braithwaite ran like the wind. He was 22stones and could have player rugby for England but Medicine claimed him first. Ordinarily he’d be the slowest in the pack, a tight head prop with cauliflower ears.  to match. But now he was a greyhound.

The Medics Rugby crew piled into the side room, the would be assassin was stamped on, two broken knees as least. This is a place of healing you bastard screamed Darcy s he looked at nurse Gladys and as Big Sid’s bed was returned to it’s correct position, it had been knocked sideways in all the commotion. Are you, ok, asked Darcy. Of course I am, that bastard was after Big Sid, replied Gladys as she picked up the gun from the floor and put it in a still soiled bedpan. Good I’m so relieved, Darcy began to cry, at that moment Gladys decided she’d marry him, well come and but me a cuppa before the canteen closes.
And that was their first official date.

Sgt Mulholland arrived baton drawn and taser at the ready. The would be assassin would need medical attention. The head of hospital arrived, Dame Elizabeth York, this bastard broke the sanctity of this place of healing, I advise taking him to the QE, he’s not welcome here. I hear they are better at knee cap surgery, she was lying, but she was livid, she was 78 now and this was her last year as honorary head of hospital.

Then maybe it was because of her age or maybe it was otherwise, her grandfather has been a butcher, but she “fainted”, but as she fainted her legs convulsed upwards. Her very fancy designer shoes, those very pointy ones, just like Theresa May’s ones, well her pointy shoes hit the would be assassin in his balls. A perfect shot, a perfect parting shot from the honorary head of hospital. Now I do know for a fact that the QE does specialise in testicular procedures. So Sgt Mulholland slowly cuffed the assassin and led him away. The rugby team smiled, and that was another reason why they loved Dudley Road so much, quality leadership.

Percy arrived with Mr Stone MP. They huddled with Dame Elizabeth York and the rugby team. Then it was decided. Sid must die, to save Sid he must die. If those Colombian drugs bastards were after him they would try again. So to save Sid, he must die. Everybody was sworn to secrecy. But where could Sid go and receive the care and safety he needed. Dame Elizabeth touched her nose, Brother can you help a sister in need? It was all decided, you see her brother was none other than the English aristocrat billionaire whose ancestors feed Henry VIII  who had knighted the beef to create Sir Loin.

Big Sid would be spirited away to safety on his huge estate. But everything must look real. So Percy himself would remove the “body” and Mr Stone M.P.would make a statement to the Press. I am an M.P. so if anybody is to lie it should be me, and so it was all decided. Andy, Percy’s son would go with Sid to the Billionaire’s  from a rear exit while Percy took Sid’s “body” out the front. To make it look real Len would have to help.

Len, do you love Big Sid. Like a brother Len replied though tears. Then Len, Sid has to die and his body has to be carried out the front door of Dudley Rd. To make it look real we want you to be in the coffin as you are the same weight of Sid. It will be on tv so we want the assassin’s employer to think the job got done. Meanwhile we’ll gain the advantage as they’ll think Sid is dead.

So Len climbed into a coffin, and Sid’s “body” was lifted and carried by an honour guard of butchers the length of the longest hospital corridor in Europe, a one kilometre corridor. Every  100 metres another 6 butchers took over the carrying duties, 60 butchers had the honour of carrying Sid’s body to the front main exit. Percy had planned everything. Staff and patients lined the corridor, everybody would be watching and the tv crews through tears would share the tragic news.

Mr. Stone intoned, Big Sid died today as a result of trauma, while an assassin tried to kill him in his hospital bed. We ask for Prayers for Big Sid and his family. Mr Stone was crying, genuine tears that were shown all over the world. Sid’s friend Percy Frost will personally look after the last offices of the dead, the funeral is expected in 3 days time.

Meanwhile Andy drove a private ambulance away with Big Sid and 4 doctors inside. The Billionaire had some friends from Medicines Sans Frontieres ready until a full hospital room would be prepped in a matter of hours. His sister was always in a hurry, but now, but now she had afforded him the greatest honour of his life. He must remember to donate 10 million to MSF once Sid and settled in.

Once Percy had got his undertakers Len got out of the coffin. He was red, coffins are not built for the living after all. Is Big Sid safe were Len’s first words once he caught his breath. Yes, Len kissed Percy on the cheek, they were brothers now. Now if you wait an hour I’ll get Michael to drive you to meet Big Sid. Len started to cry, if anything happened to Big Sid it’d drive me mad. So Len waited an hour the old Michael arrived in his taxi under the cover of darkness and took Len to see Big Sid on the Billionaire estate.

The Estate was on lock down, everyone of the Estate workers were armed and told to shoot first and ask questions later. The MSF friends smiled, it was like being in a war zone, apart from the cuisine and 5 star luxury inside the Mansion. Len arrived and was led to Sid’s side, it was best Sid had a friend beside him. As the Billionaire greeted Len his phone rang, he looked over to the portrait on his wall, he passed the phone to Len. A voice said, just to let you know we are all praying for Sid in our house, and I mean all of us, do keep us informed. Call me Elizabeth by the way. Sorry must dash the corgis are chewing the carpet.”The phone went dear. Len looked at the Billionaire and the Billionaire looked at the portrait on the wall, it was Queen Elizabeth.

The Nation was in shock, 3 days of mourning and back to back tv about Big Sid, it was even discussed would he receive the George Medal posthumously for his bravery. So when it was announced that Mr Stone M.P. was to hold a Press conference all the world’s press were there. If I can begin with an apology, and I hope you can all forgive me but, I lied and an M.P. can never lie. So I will be applying for the Chiltern Hundreds and resigning my seat in Parliament. Everybody was confused, it must be all the pressure.

You see, Mr Stone paused, his face shone through tears. Bid Sid is ALIVE. Stunned silence, he really must be suffering from stress, it was 3 days now, and nobody survives 3 days dead. Big Sid is ALIVE I tell you, it was a trick to save Sid, to keep Sid safe while we spirited Sid away to safety. Uproar. I cannot tell you where he is but he is safe. I have a video to prove it.

The video started, it showed Buckingham Palace, then switched to a hospital bed, Sid was asleep and tubed up, a hand placed fresh flowers on a table besides him. The camera pulled back, it was Elizabeth Queen of England, Sid is under MY protection, and that of my Family. The Camera pulled back, the Duke was sitting in armchair his Pearly shotgun locked and loaded. The Camera pulled back again, outside the ceremonial guard had bayonets fixed and pointed at the camera. And besides them all the Firm had firearms locked and loaded. The video ended.
Total uproar, utter uproar. Sid was Alive, more alive that Flash Gordon. But Mr Stone, would keep his word because he had lied. But so had the Queen, or rather she had misdirected. Let those bastards come to the Palace, while dear Sid, Sir Big Sid GM, has a ring to it, does one agree. So Sid was safe in the countryside while the Gordon Highlanders just wished those Colombian drugs dealers came to the Palace where they were on guard duties. Then they’d flash them and give them a bayonet up the Kyber.

With that I’ll rest this fragment of the story from Tears for a Butcher. And if you are a Queen reading this how about some publicity for my writing, so I can leave some money for my daughters. But maybe only if Theresa May herself name drops me will I get any rewards for my words.


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