Acceptance Speech (c)
By Michael Casey
Thank you Navy Seals for getting me here
Ryan air didn't complain when you carried me on as hand luggage
And stuffed me in the luggage rack
They didn't check your bulges under your macs either
Flasher macs, not apple macs
you have to be quick on the draw
whipping out your pistol
Am I speaking code, Rodger the Dodger used to say I did
But he was a golfer and I've not seen him since 2005
He'll swing better than Trump
and his score is real
But I digress, I am frightened of flying after all
So the Navy Seals were being kind to me
And if I had a funny turn, Mandy was there ready
So now here I am to accept the Nobel prize for Literature
The Seals are laughing like seals and banging their flippers
The doormen were too scared to not let them in
I won the prize fair and square
An obscure writer that nobody has heard of
or even read in any language
Though on every street corner in Singapore
Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades
from Birmingham England
is all the rage
Is it because of my looks
or the weight of my books
or just because I'm a cult
or a writer
or maybe just a W C
a Writer Cult
or did they say something similar
It's hard to hear with Tinnitus in your ear
another W word
or another C word
Snoop Dog would know
he calls me a soinso
or maybe another word
he is so tall his words fail to reach my ears
Anyway
To get my 1,000,000 from Nobel I have to give a speech
I only accepted for the money
Other awards give you nothing but a plastic trophy
the 2023 bin liners award from your local supermarket
so I don't want one
and Charlie may be Camilla's darling
but a Knighthood if there's no money attached
leave it in the back of the fridge
I have seen people advertise how to get awards
I think that proves my point
I'd rather have 3 pints free every Saturday at a Pub Chain
For life, and that would not cost them much
considering my Health Record
So Nobel I accept your money
Will it increase my sales from Zero to Zero plus one
as everybody reads for free on my websites
Only if Putin condemns me from his Pulpit
would my sales begin
But I'd rather fart in his face
as he is a disgrace to the human race
So here I am in a crumple hazmat suit
the Navy Seals I wore it
but I did steal a Rosary beads on the way in
so when I finish my 1 hour speech
of thanks to Nobel
I could borrow a stick of dynamite
and tell Putin to eat it
while I say a Rosary
I do like to be different after all
and then we can all get drunk
on the free Stella Artois for life
though I do have a friend next door
who might appreciate it too
and his Good Wife likes chocolate
so I'd ramble on and on and on
just. like a politician
finishing by throwing
Clotted Cream at the audience
they can lick the smile off their faces
Cheshire Cats all of them
or is that a Metaphor
Who know's it is Literature after all
and Nobel gave me a prize for mine
or does the stick of Dynamite
go up my backside or Putin's
You decide
Because I'm Worth it
there are nicer photos, but these are more realistic
come and type for me, and make soup, and you can photo me for your instagram
whatever that is, a pot noodle maybe?
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