Glossing over the Facts ©
By
Michael Casey
I think we all need a laugh, maybe especially
Theresa May, Putin is still laughing at the back of his super-sized car, as for
Trump the whole world thinks he’s beyond a joke, but will his Party actually do
anything? I bet not, but watch the news tonight to see if I am proved wrong. So
let’s talk about facts and glossing over them, why let reality get in the way
of a good story.
So when you arrange a blind date, but not
in Helsinki, what do you do? You build up the girl. She’s so good looking she
stops traffic. And she does, she has a stick and stops traffic so the
schoolkids can go over the road safely to school. Or rather she has jam jar
glasses and jaywalks into traffic, hence the stopping the traffic, or the
crashing of traffic. But that’s fine she works as a loss adjuster for an
insurance company.
My own wife was very scruffy when I first
met her, now decades on, and two kids later she can still fit into the evening
dress I bought her. We were in Offenbach in 2008 and they had two tall models
filming a Honda Jazz advert in the courtyard of the Hotel Achat, me and the
wife and kids walked past, the models
started to cry. Yes, I am that pretty, and the wife and girls aren’t so bad
either, but I digress.
So your girlfriend wants somebody nice, so
nice he could be gay, but isn’t, he is nice but knows how to please a Lady.
Barry White is singing in the background, it aint what you’ve got but how you
use it. Which could be the kind of bloke
your best sister from the tyre factor wants. Somebody who knows how to please
her, just like Donkey said to Shrek. You gloss over the fact that he has spots,
like a puzzle book, all you need is a pencil to join the spots up. But when
they meet its perfection, you see she is spotty too, they look as if they
should be in isolation together. He gives her a gift and she gives him one too,
the new super spot removal cream. Her dad has a Pharmacy, which will be useful as the relationship
progresses.
We gloss over lots of things, like her bad
breath and his smelly feet, but it’s a match made in Heaven, they have so much
in common, like rambling, they can never hold a decent conversation, it just
rambles on and on till they hit the bunkers. They fall into the bunkers by the
golf course, but bunkers can be very nice places, so long as you don’t get too
much sand in sensitive places.
So you decide you should move in together,
not just share a bunker. Then you read the ads in post office windows, warm
flat available with great views. It is a warm flat, it’s above the chip shop
and smells of fish and chips. Look out back and you can see the yard with a
mountain of potatoes, look out front and you can see the dual carriageway and
interchange. But at least the bed really is super king size. But it’s been
there since the time Henry XIII stopped by for some orange chips. One leg of
the bed has been replaced by a tin of tinned roe, the other has an old tyre
underneath it. But when you jump from the wardrobe onto the mattress you have
the surprise of your life. It’s perfect, the chip shop owner got it on discount
when the bedding warehouse closed down. Fat Freddie from the bedding warehouse
was a regular customer, so thanks to those extra large portions of kebab the flat
above the chip shop gained a great mattress.
We gloss over the fact that we hate our job,
it’s challenging really means that every day it’s a challenge for you not to punch
that bastard’s face in, or stab him with your stiletto. He never appreciated your
hard work, and he had total disrespect for the fact you cross dress. Why could
he not accept the fact you wore bright red lipstick and red dress split to the thigh,
and if you wanted to shave your legs in the Gents at dinner time what was it do
with him, the inconsiderate bastard. But you have to gloss over those facts or
Danny la Rue your auntie might be very upset.
Nobody could ever accept her dressed as a man after all.
We boast about our cars, though not me, as
I travel by bus. There is so much lying about motors, and the size of the
spoiler, spoil her with your larger
spoiler, so much utter rubbish. So long as it goes from A to B and there is no
hole in the seat, now that’s enough for me. The sound system is great, or in other
words, a 4 seater becomes a 2 seater as child size speakers are in the back
seats. Give me a DAB that’s enough, I have no need for my ears to bleed as we
are stuck in traffic, though Traffic were a good band. And as for engine
rumblings, an engine should be as silent
as a Rolls Royce. I don’t need audible
flatulence from any motor, on que a motor bike with chronic farting has just
passed by. Pardon me while I close a window.
I just looked over to see Totoro our cat
asleep on the armchair, I’ll gloss over the fact the fact that she is a one
girl killing machine, but if you love your cat you will forgive the bodies she
lines up outside the kitchen door. It’s been a long hot summer, and for Totoro
this means open season, as she escapes my bedroom window at 4am as dawn breaks
and let the hunting begin. It is no longer the dawn chorus, more like wake up
wake up, killer cat alert. Even with her bell dingling she is faster than that
sloth Hussain Bolt.
I’ve given you just a few samples of what
we gloss over and why we gloss over. And what is the best glossing over? That’s
when lip gloss rubs against your lips, from the Lady you love, I think I need put
Barry White back on. Or I could just kiss my own reflection, but I am no Donald
Trump.
