When You Die I'm Gonna Have

When You Die I’m Gonna Have©

By Michael Casey

Siblings argue, they always do, look at your own family, look out the window at the neighbours over the road. Look North, look South, look East, look West, stop looking at your navel, look around you. Look high into the sky and look in the gutter whether or not there are stars there.

I’m gonna have your room the biggest room when you die, and I’m gonna throw your stuff in a skip and get it carted away like rubbish. I hate you, I hate you, I really hate you. The door is slammed to punctuate the sentence, I hate you!

I’m going to burn your stuff so there will be no trace of it. I’d cremate you and flush the ashes down the toilet, so I could pooh on you every single day. Yes that’s what I’m gonna do, I’ll be glad when you are gone. No stink of you about the house, you will be gone gone gone.

Then when the cancer struck, then when the cancer struck, then when the cancer struck, he still told her he hated her, he still told her he hated her. It would be wrong to change his tune, it would be wrong to change his tune. And yet, she loved him even more, and yet she loved him even more. This is the way they were, this is the way they were.

I’m having an operation tomorrow, good I hope you die, I’ll start moving your stuff out of your room. That night he realised he’d have nobody to argue with, he’d have nobody to love, he’d have nobody to help him with his homework. How could he say he loved his sister, how could he say he really loved her to bits, how could he say he’d be heartbroken, that his life would be over without her.

He went on Facebook and got 10,000 people praying for her, every denomination none. He pretended he was Christian and Jewish and Buddhist and Pagan, every Faith and anything that believed in one God or had some form of belief, he just went through a list he found on Wikipedia asking and begging for prayers for his sister. 

He demanded that God saved his sister, he offered to take and accept all and any pain his sister might have, just let him carry any cross for her, just save his sister because he hated her. But that was normal she was a big sister after all.

Then exhausted he slumped down in front of his computer, the tears came down the tears came down, just pray for my sister will ya, she’s gonna die but somebody out there must be good with prayers, just pray for my sister. Sure I hate my sister because she is my big sister after all, but but but really I do LOVE her, honest to God I love her, please save her.

The boy had knocked a button on his computer his pleas had been steamed all over FaceBook, the 10,000 became 100,000 and then it was picked up on local tv. By the morning 2,000,000 were praying and hoping for his sister,  lots of boys who hated their big sisters were praying too. You couldn’t live without your big sister could you.

I still hate you even though you survived the operation, don’t think I’m going soft said the boy to his big sister as she watched the tv news, in total 10,000,000 had joined the prayer chain.

I know you hate me and always will said the sister, and I don’t want it any other way, you hate me10,000,000 times over. And then they cried together, tears of joy and hope and LOVE.

A Glimpse Of Stocking

A Glimpse Of Stocking ©

By Michael Casey

Well yesterday was Ash Wednesday so I hope you are all still there, you may have given me up for Lent. I think we need a little levity so that’s what I’ll try for today. There may be pauses as the pain demands attention like a spoilt brat, or a North Korean leader, I’ve thrown in a political joke just for the journalists reading this. You think I’m a girl mentioning the pain, I’ll throw a few adjectives at you or even a metaphor if you are not nice to me, I’ll tell my Polish fans to come and hack you. 7000 plus hits in less than a week from Poland, maybe only they find me funny. So move to Poland, you really are so cruel, I’ll come a live next door to you. I knew that would shut you up, call yourself a sub editor, emphasis on the SUB.

Now that we’ve sorted out who is the boss shall I begin, and see I’m posh I use shall. We wish you used more deodorant. Silence in the ranks, I look like the Elephant in the Jungle Book, or is that just the smell. If any of you mutter anything again I’ll send you to Donald for a spanking.

Now spanking is a key word in English, those naughty boys, the SILENT naughty boys smile at the very mention of the word. If you have seen the Carry On Films then I need say no more. What I want to talk about today is how values have changed so much. Personally I think it’s all in the mind, what? It, it is all in the mind. 

You don’t have to lay it all on, or swamp everybody with it, it not IT, there is a difference. You know it, or shall I shout  IT, and I mean IT and not IT. Sometimes the Press pack are so deliberately boring. Donald give them a really  good spanking from me. I know MATT the cartoonist has whipped his crayons out already and you have a queue, or Line as they say in USA of journalists waiting to be spanked by Donald.

Ok I’ll leave that idea in your mind and I bet it’ll appear somewhere in cartoon form within a week, I am Mr Cartoons made from Words after all. Now where was I, yes I’m sat here talking to you all, and I have to confess I get Russian readers too, Putin reads me, yes he does, his MAD magazine got stuck in the post somewhere so he started reading my column, Nelson his press secretary put him on to me.  That’s what a bushy eyed man told me by the frozen peas in Aldi yesterday, or he may have been asking me to putin the peas into his basket. I just wish I was a linguist, LINGUIST, you lot are so slow sometimes.

Yes, what I really want to talk about today is the wanton use of sex in the media. In days of old a glimpse of stocking was classed as shocking but now anything goes. I think I saw it performed at the Good Old Days on tv. What is amusing us all at the moment is a feminist deciding to flash or half flash, her upper bits, I won’t use any words as it may upset nanny. I can hear the sound of the cane in the distance, 

Donald is spanking the journalists in the distance. They should have saved the DC Digger Metro Edition, not because its second hand bargains were the best in the whole of USA, and the supermarket coupons inside were always for the best shops. But because if you stuff it down the back of your trousers no amount of spanking by teacher will hurt.  

So rather than talk about the level of nudity, let’s look at this sideways, and sometimes you have to because the way things are published. Should I, moi Michael Casey from Birmingham England, should I have a shirt split to the navel to expose my quadruple heart bypass scar. Should I wear see-through pants, as you call trousers in USA, should I expose my short fat and hairy legs to show off my scars. The scars run from my socks and stop at my, well too high to mention, only my nurse has examined those regions. 

In today’s world the   Stars show everything, only a butcher shows more, laying in his shop window, and if the Stars were naked in a butcher’s shop window could you tell one piece of meat from another? And no I’m not suggesting the butcher lies naked in his shop window only holding his cleaver.

What if in the future the circle turns full circle. You wear a suit with cut outs exposing your elbows, just your elbows. The screams from women in the street as they faint with shock. Exposed elbows, terrible, shock horror. Somebody take him to Donald’s office for a spanking, he must be a terrible journalist or some such thing. Then even worse a suit with exposed knees, otherwise totally totally formal but the knees exposed, the utter depravity of it, exposing your knees in public.

The absolute worse of the worse would be shoes, patent leather shoes with the big toe exposed and wiggling for the whole world to see. Off with his head, somebody call the executioner, what Mr Pierpont is on holiday. Donald will have to give him a double spanking instead. Where is Pierpont? Oh, he went on a Nudist holiday to Brighton in England.

Oh just for the record Donald is a She, in these days of gender equality anybody can be called anything they like. Donald is the President of the Bad Grammar Corrective Ink Party. A private members club for Journalists in DC. What were you all thinking, I told you it’s all in the mind.

The Things we do for kids

The Things We Do For Kids ©

By Michael Casey

I’m listening to Bread on Spotify and the song is “Make it with You” which is how kids are made in the first place, between 3 and 4 am after a graveyard shift also works if anybody out there is having trouble creating a baby. Don’t worry be happy, when I was in the hotel years ago one girl blurted out that another wanted to breed with me because I had such cute kids. My standard joke is that ugly dads have beautiful kids, and cute parents have ugly kids, its balance, God’s sense of humour.

Once you have your kids you will do anything for them, you will wear shabby clothes just so your daughter can have that nice dress for the prom. I just remembered my dad had a made to measure suit, something unheard of for a working-class man, a blacksmith and steel worker. I only just remembered that story, and yes I paid for it, that’s an old memory from maybe 40 years ago, the Jewish tailor was very good, his name may come to me later on as I talk to you. Mr Rice comes to mind, but I may be confusing him with somebody I met in my travels.

My dad did so much for me and all his brood, and yes he had his heart broken by us all, and he had to heal our broken hearts, as did mum as do all mums. The Power of Love is such a great thing, and we all remember in the Bible the passage about achieving great things, but if there is no love, then there is nothing. I can remember our Jewish head boy  Hart was his name read the passage out in school assembly maybe 45 years ago, I remember him because his younger brother was in my brother’s form.

It is such a simple truth, and it is this simple truth that pervades us all, we love our kids to the death, to our own death, I was called “boy” by my dad till I was 40, he still cared and treated me like his little boy, even though I weigh as much as a heavyweight boxer, more to be honest.

Now I am a dad myself my duty and it is duty is to go out in the wind and rain to the corner shop to buy chocolate and other snacks while my girls study hard. Last generation was Oxbridge and this generation may equal that, or I may just give a Dr and the next Julie Walters to the world. Julie Walters used to live just up the road from our house when she was a humble nurse, washing a sleeping patient who was in fact dead.

I’d come home from an evening shift and dad may have the 1^st forkful on his fork about to eat it, he’d offer me the food from his very mouth, just as birds feed their young, dad claiming he was not hungry. This is the standard I grew up with, so this generation means I go out in the rain for snacks for my girls, which is nothing compared to what my dad did for all his brood.

If is being sung by bread on Spotify now, if as they say is a very melancholy word, did we thank our mum and dad enough, did we say “I LOVE YOU” long enough and loud enough while they were alive, do we feel guilty about it when they are gone. My generation never went around saying this and doing that, just like reality tv people.

I did visit my dad every single day while he was in the old people’s home, and after 3 years of visits I met my wife, it’s all in Padre Pio and Me by Michael Casey, on the internet, so does that count as saying I love you? Bread are singing Everything I Own, and the words are so powerful, you can apply them to any form of lost love. Do I plan this, no I’m not that clever, but I am very quick at reacting, hence that’s why I mention Bread in this story.

Love binds us together as families, it’s in the breed and it’s in the blood as my dad used to say. We all would say kill me, save my child, have everything I own but save my family. If you love your things, your flash car or your big house more than your kids or more than your girlfriend then I would say you have never heard that Bible passage Without Love.

Today is Ash Wednesday 1^st March 2017, just in case anybody finds this story in future years. Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust if God Does Not Have You Then The Devil Must as we used to say as kids, but I’d say it’s true. WE are given our kids to treasure to love as long as we live, we should love them as much as life itself, and to die for them if we have to.

Just as Christ died for us.

A Table and a Chair

A Table and a Chair ©

By Michael Casey

Well today is a special day, 29^th Feb 1988 was the day I finished my first ever book, The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker. I have posted the final chapters In Search of an Indian Princess online on my sites and for some reason Poland loves it. I hope they nag the Polish Media and I can get a media deal of my own. We just need to find a translation other than Google Translate. I do have over 1,000,000 words after all, in 12 books on Amazon.

Now I was going to talk about Chat Show, but I thought that was too easy a topic, so I’ve ended up picking this, a Table and a Chair. When I wrote my book, using a typewriter I balanced it on an old tall stool with a red seat. My dad had bought it at an auction in Digbeth Civic Hall in 1973, and so 16 years later I used it as a table for the typewriter. I also got a cassette recorder back in 1973, I can remember listening to a tape of Status Quo while I revised for my exams. My daughter is having a stack of mocks as we speak, but she’ll have to get used to them if she wants to become a Dr, or pathologist, 10 more years of exams at least.

As I wrote my book shivering in front of the gas fire I sat on an old barn chair which had the back sawn off as it had already broken. I brought this chair with me when I moved house, my mother always nagged me to return it as it was perfect to stand on while she washed the outside windows. So that was my table and chair as I became a writer, by the time I had finished writing the book I was a writer, I had learnt as much as I would ever learn about the craft, the rest is just practice.

I suppose 29 years on it’s time I unmasked the muse, the man who suggested I wrote a book. His name is Pad Webb or Patrick Web, then he was16 when he started in the computer room, now he is 46 maybe and a computer engineer, although he could be anything now, ashamed and in denial about ever knowing me, he may even grow a beard to disguise himself. Hang on he did grow a beard, so perhaps he is bald and fat now, I’ll probably never know, but it is all his fault, so if you meet him in a pub, buy him 2 pints of Stella Artois and a packet of cheese and onion crisps as a “punishment”.

That’s one table and chair that was very important in my life, an old stool and an old barn chair. The stool is behind my bed with my dab radio on, the barn chair is languishing in the rubbish room as we call it. Though miraculously today I did spot a great house, one which I’d buy immediately, though it will no doubt be snapped up by somebody else. But if God is good as my mum used to say then I’d move into that house with my old stool and the old barn chair, and I’d wash the outside windows while standing on that chair.

Mums are very powerful and the kitchen table and the corner chair beside it were a confessional and a place of hope. That table was mahogany and very heavy, it’s been in the family house over 60 years now. Mum used to recite German verbs for my sister to help her learn for a test. Mum didn’t know what they meant but she was a great reciter. Ich Bic Dir Du Bic Dir, is all I seem to remember so forgive me any German speakers out there, Carl Lagerfeld will no doubt roll his eyes and drop a stitch, as he makes a pair of oven gloves for Meryl Streep, with “you are so hot” stitched into them in silver. I’m glad they have kissed and made up, life is more important than the wrong envelopes and such things. When they both kneel down for their pillow fight tonight maybe they’ll pray we finally get our dream house. Then they can beat the hell out of each other but with pillows full of love, and feathers.

That kitchen table of ours was where dad counted all the money from the lodgers’ gas and electric meters, and yes the money smelt of gas. When it was all counted I’d take the money down the road in dad’s dinky little black leather bag, the one he had his dinner for work in. Then I’d ask my Mohan at the bottom of the road did he need any change. He’d throw the money into the safe at his feet, then he’d get out his wad with 100s in and peel off 40 or 50 quid or whatever it was and hand it to me. He never counted or weighed it, we were his neighbours after all. In fact I can reveal part of his character was in my novel, one story even was based on a true event at his corner shop maybe 40 years ago now. Let’s just say Indians are very good at hockey, and if you are a shoplifter you better be a fast sprinter or you will find out just how good they are at hockey.

You know when you are rich when you have fancy tables and chairs, or you even have a dining room. Me I never had a fancy table, we still use a coffee table for our family meals. If you have an Oriental wife, or Shanghai to be exact, then you have little tables with lots of dishes on. The coffee table has  been replaced a couple of times but the Oriental theme continues, so my wife feels at home, and I don’t have to fill my home with over-sized furniture.

Simple things do make a difference, so when/if we finally move house I won’t throw away my 40 year old stool and 40 year old barn chair, I have to bring them with us, because they have meaning and love attached to them. And Carl Lagerfeld hurry up with those over gloves for Meryl Streep, she’s going to cook a really good Sunday roast and you are invited, and yes she knows you won’t want a morsel because of your diet. But we both know whatever she was wearing at the Oscars wasn’t very good, but don’t tell her I told you, it can be our secret, and I nearly forgot please return my old barn chair and the stool when you have finished playing musical chairs with Meryl Streep.

这是我的电梯广告 对于我的一百万字的笑声超过30年的写作。 CHINA

I live in a small province of China you may have heard of it, BIRMINGHAM ENGLAND
If this makes you laugh then tell all your Media as I want to have all my words in all the countries of the world. I have 1,000,000 Words perfect to teach English, as well as just translated for fun for everybody to enjoy. BUT I DO WANT TO BE PIAD.
Michael Casey or PANZI as my Shanghai wife calls me.

这是我的电梯广告
对于我的一百万字的笑声超过30年的写作。
PS我有读者： -加拿大，美国，英国，爱尔兰，澳大利亚，俄罗斯，波兰，捷克，德国，法国，葡萄牙，新加坡，尼日利亚和中国 ，菲律宾 的名字，但几个地方。
你好，如何一个口头卡通电台和所有其他媒体

我长大了听收音机，我们都习惯了隐藏在毯子下面，听我们应该是睡着了。 收音机改变了我的生活，一个寄居人给我们一个收音机，他不得不回到爱尔兰照顾他的病妈妈。 事实上，他离开了所有的东西，抓住了第一艘船回家。 几个月后，他回来看我们，说我和我哥哥可以有他的老布什收音机。 我花了20年听收音机。 当我8岁改变了我的生活，改善了我的智力，并害怕加拉格尔。
我在老人家里遇到了我上海的妻子，她正在清理我爸爸的房间。 我得到了伯明翰皇家芭蕾舞团的一位中国芭蕾舞演员的正面审查，现在我们结婚了两个双语女儿。 甚至Totoro我们的猫是女性和双语。 我是在家庭中的象征男性和英语的说话者。
现在这里有几个例子，我想做的是在你的收音机上阅读我的短裤/博客。 每个片约90秒长，90秒与迈克尔的想法，简单的想法。 我已经获得了 19208 意见滑稽还是死亡的样本
眼泪的屠夫，这将是我的第八本书的 第一 章ST。 只有有一天，一个出版商说我的短裤300和不OUT是非常有趣。 事实上，我必须有890+短裤，足够一年多。 我已经记录了207个到目前为止，11个小时的音频。 我在 Google+上 近 30万 的意见，以及
我已经开始录制我的短裤，并把他们的50+的 www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com 我有一个新的麦克风，现在也一样，所以以相反的顺序听。
我的12本书在亚马逊Kindle上
http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1
和 https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk


这里是收音机或打印的样本。
LinkedIn简介和CV©
通过
迈克尔凯西
我们都在Facebook和LinkedIn上，我们认识人和做“朋友”。 在LinkedIn，它更多关于连接和可能的业务连接。 所以我们必须依赖于简介，我的LinkedIn个人资料讲述了我的故事，因为我是一个作家。 但是这些配置文件有多准确？
我是一个出生的领导。
意味着他是一个11个女孩的家庭中的第一个男孩。
我创建了供应链结构。
意味着他决定使用剪贴板和记事本而不是他的记忆。
我优化了目标受众的销售。
他聊天了所有的女孩，他善待前辈，去教堂。
我是创造性和创造性地获得新的销售。
意味着他设计了一个传单，并走到街道交付他们。
我从来不害怕为业务增加额外的英里。
意味着有一个街头帮他追逐他，他在银行后
我很高兴在传达商业信息。
他只是不会闭嘴，所以老板让他整理在ma和pa商店外面的水果。
我总是试着改善自己。
意味着他没有朋友，所以他读了很多。
我创建了新方案以优化业务现金流。
意味着他拿起商店的现金，把钱放在马上。
我现在正在寻找新的机会擅长
意思是他被解雇了，警察不叫作为所有者结婚到他的妹妹
我创造了一个伟大的新想法，集中采购交付。
意味着他是货运公司，头盔和面甲的守卫。
我创建了我自己的初创公司
意味着他从现金交付公司窃取了钱，并开始了自己的公司。
我现在正在学习休假，然后恢复我的职业生涯
意味着他在监狱里，在图书馆工作。
所以当你阅读这些LinkedIn个人资料或阅读简历或简历认为他们真正意味着什么。 检查照片太多，现实可以有很大的不同。 就像演员，照片可以是10或20岁，他们是。 挖掘更深。
我，我谷歌和检查人出去，只要你可以在谷歌。 Google我（michaelgcasey）和我的网站，自己想。 我自己休假，没有我不在图书馆，认为我们有很多书在家里，没有它被称为关节炎，来来去，使我有时尖叫。 但至少我可以坐在这里，让你的一些笑，因为我Google大家。
可悲的是，自从我写广告之后，我需要为我的广告添加非计划的四重心脏旁路，但是我在过去几年里又写了四本书，使我在亚马逊上的总数达到了12个，我已经写了近100万字。

让有光©
作者：Michael Casey
让我的眼泪是我的话
让蜡烛光成为我的眼睛
让绽放的花是我的嘴唇
让他们的香味是我的血
让风是我的呼吸
让云是我的心情
让孩子的笑声成为我的希望
让寡妇的叹息是我的良心
让陌生人的祷告是我的喜乐
让蜜蜂成为我的智慧
让树木成为我的力量
让我的耐心到达星星
让我在你的祷告中永远记住

                死亡与生活（c）

                           通过

                     迈克尔凯西


     我九岁时，我第一次看到一个死者，我的父亲说不是

     担心死者和生活一样，只有笑声

     已经离开了他们，闪光已经从他们的眼睛，忧虑已经

     从他们的肩膀上被解除，他们的声音消失了

     永恒。

     在天堂的火花将返回，因为它是闪烁的

     星星，笑声也会回来的，因为它是早晨的微风和

     转动的潮汐是他们的两侧摇动着笑声。

     我对待死者的方式与我对生活的一样，

     虽然我发现死者总是更有礼貌。 我的父亲也

     有几句话说的生活。

     他说，生活只是心灵的照顾者

     他们认为他们的存在是一切，他们知道一切

     因为他们经历了许多与他们的感觉。

     生活不承认的是他们的时间短，

     当我躺着他们的身体休息，他们的灵魂继续没有

     他们，没有他们的强大，没有他们的弱，没有他们

     美丽，甚至丑陋的临时形式，到我不能说，只有

     这是一个更好的地方。

     珀西的承办人把盖子放在棺材上，灵魂是自由的


                          开始





Sleepover©
通过
迈克尔凯西
睡眠就是这样，你的睡眠结束了，你笑着孩子侵入你的房子，并驱使你的思想。 不是总是，但它是非常分心。 你不记得你在做什么，该文件在计算机上的哪里。 这是我第二次告诉这个故事，为什么，因为我的话，或在我的话，故事死了，或者Word没有正确关闭，所以现在你得到一些不同。
总的陌生人，或陌生人，你到达的房子和种类入侵它一晚。 你喊上楼梯，让他们离开我的房间。 不是因为你有什么值得偷的东西，而是他们窃取你的隐私，这就是你所有你留下的，如果你的女儿在你的房子。
然后，指甲油的味道飘落在楼梯上，渗透到处，它比大战中的芥末气更糟。 你尖叫着楼梯，打开所有的窗户，你的房间怎么样，爸爸？ 特别是我的。
然后，你的内心的圣地被破坏，因为他们带来他们的朋友帮助他们打开窗口。 他们看到你自己6岁的泰迪熊，入侵者笑了。 她也看到你的床深深的热量，他抱怨指甲油。
晚餐时间到达，你必须喂杜鹃，只有她不吃这个或她不吃，原则上。 所以你说，你必须要那样。 你的女儿，主人，是恐惧，所以你放心，弹着一个英镑硬币在他们，胆固醇游离油用于制造芯片。 因此实现了折中。
你把天空体育观看比赛，他们说卡塔尔将要建立地下体育场，小说的想法。 你到底要看到鲁尼，当他们到达背负片满载。 她的朋友只喜欢芭蕾舞，天空艺术有Bolshoi，所以他们可以请看看。 你说你会为他们记录。 但是你和小狗杀手一样糟糕，甚至提出暗示。
所以作为一个好爸爸，你让他们看着你的46英寸电视上的芭蕾舞，而你撤退看电影在楼上的比赛。 他们从来没有告诉你这是在养育课，只是如何改变尿布。 让我们希望威廉和凯特被告知。
在芭蕾舞之后，他们撤退到楼上的女孩音乐，和你在他们的房间在笔记本电脑上做什么。 你不知道你只是一个不允许在内部圣地的爸爸。 Hits是在他们的dab收音机打开第13卷，你撤退观看在大屏幕上的比赛后谈话。
后来它的洗澡时间，所以你必须等待2个小时，在你的房子里的所有女孩，包括杜鹃，污染你的一个爸爸之前的浴室，并付账单，可以刮胡子。 只有你最后剃刀已被用来拯救某人的腿。
所以每个人都睡觉，一切都很好，抱着你的玩具熊，你睡得很好。 直到凌晨3点，当一个女仆尖叫醒来，你的妻子和所有的邻居。 这是杜鹃，她有一个噩梦，它必须是芯片，和从他们的胆固醇游离油。 或者半醒来忘记她在哪里。
所以记住穿上你的睡衣你必须冷静下来，回答门，对警察，当邻居从邻居手表已经敲响他们。 所以警察进来看看。 扁平写在警察笔记本上。 当你让警察再次出门时，你最小的女儿会把你的泰迪熊，它的确定爸爸，只是一个sleepover。

男士怎么样？ ©
作者：Michael Casey
男人和女人之间有区别，并感谢上帝。 但是男人怎么购物？ 购物男士是关于得到你需要的，我的鞋子有一个洞，所以我会去商店买另一双。 一个人会买一双与他的旧鞋子完全一样的新鞋子，或者如果他是冒险的，他会有一双鞋子是完全一样的，但灰色的鞋带而不是黑色。 现在对一个人这是时尚意识。 如果一个男人想要一条新的裤子，他只是去商店，看看他们有腿/腰尺寸，然后尝试他们，确保他们不分裂，当他弯曲，并且他的包裹没有被挤压。 如果一个男人需要一套西装，他在穿上外套之前检查裤子，外套必须能够在没有他的肚子炸开按钮的情况下完成。 一个人永远不会扣他的西装外套，但他需要知道，按钮不会飞离，击中任何人的眼睛，如果他有。
如果一个男人需要一件衬衫，他会检查颈部尺寸，在我的情况下，18.5，然后他看到如果它的完全适合或不。 然后，他买了5件衬衫完全一样的塑料。 对于一个懒惰的购物者，他会直接去板凳，得到他想要的。 进出30分钟的一切。 然后他会去酒吧，和他的伴侣，有一品脱太多，离开他的所有购物在皇后酒馆。 幸运的是，他们是诚实的，他的购物被保存，否则他必须浪费30分钟在板岩，回到酒吧。
这基本上是男女之间的区别。 女人店，男人拿起衣服或什么像一个命令选择器，没有任何激情。 一个人回家，把他的购物忘记了。 就像在电影“飞”，那里的男人的衣柜包含所有相同的颜色，衣服只是一件事，所以他们都统一。
至于女性购物的东西不同，衣服必须尝试，他们必须使女人看起来完美，她的屁股或胸部不能大或太小，一切都应该是正确的。 为了帮助女人选择她的衣服，她带来两三个朋友或她的孩子与她。 她的男人也被迫来了，但他把Radio5 Live插入他的耳边，在她选择的时候听足球。 男人知道5种颜色，红色，蓝色，红色，绿色，黄色或可能一两个; 因为一个女人至少有50种颜色，正如爱斯基摩人有30个词的雪一个女人有10个字的每种颜色及其hews。
这个勇敢的男人，或者我是愚蠢的，我只是给我的妻子的借记卡，并说，让我在和平，所以她与她的女孩微笑与她，他们是年轻的Fashionist毕竟。 我几年前决定，妻子需要的是空间购物，而不是不断看着我的手表。 所以这就是她做的，她膨胀的衣柜将证明我的决定的智慧。 当一个女人回家2小时的混合和匹配，以确保新衣服匹配旧衣服，丈夫试图看电视上的大比赛，但他的妻子在客厅周围荡漾，问“我的烧伤显示”和各种其他问题。 这是一个惩罚，你坐在你的座位边缘，妻子出现，阻止你的看法，所以你错过看到为什么你的一面被降级。 正常生活在家里上下国家。
第二天你再次平安地观看比赛，你记得在Sky +上记录下来，对于妻子，她回到店里回来了她买的一半，因为它不符合她的鞋子。 这是你的错，因为你不会再给她的借记卡，所以她可以买到便宜的100英镑的鞋子。

所有事物明亮和美丽©
作者：Michael Casey
我没有在一段时间写一个非痛苦的片段，所以我会试着忘记痛苦，写一些新的东西。 我们刚刚有一半的假期，我的女孩一直在玩“商店女孩”，因为他们称之为。 他们甚至在他们的卧室门上有一个标志，说“开放”或“关闭”。 他们偷了我妻子的衣服和楼上的门。 我们的大女儿比我的妻子有更大的脚，这是一个救济，因为她不能再偷走我的妻子的鞋，但它不妨碍她的妹妹戴妈妈的鞋子。 还有贝雷帽和银色亮片的问题，这是一个绝对的时尚必须。
我，我不时尚，在房子里的三个女孩就够了，如果我给他们，他们会在我的眼眉，我穿着粉红色的场合，所以这就是我走。 如果我也许3轻打我试试其他的东西，我没有看到一个漂亮的线夹克在棉花贸易商48R，它是明亮的蓝色，翠鸟蓝色，我的女孩称它为“小丑夹克”。 像这样鼓励我应该做什么？ 我说如果我赢得欧元百万我会买夹克。 我的妻子有一个很好的浅棕色的，虽然因为她是一个女人，会有一个更准确的颜色名称，男人不做颜色。 如果你认为它的黑色，白色，蓝色，绿色，橙色，只要男人走，但女人至少另外40个颜色的名字。 至于我的头发去了，它的银，虽然一个朋友过去常说我是一个白头发的老人。 因为我们的头发的颜色改变它的人的7岁。
我记得阿里说为什么不是“白色电话”而不是勒索。 我们在粉红色如果我们有良好的健康，我渴望回来在粉红色自己。 我们说，我们希望回到黑色不在红色，当我们做公司帐户，我们寻找银衬里。 我们看起来看看彩虹的歌曲，我们可能会发现金的缸，我们的烦恼可能结束，我们可以把它们包装在旧的工具包。 希望涌现在我们里面，现在是春天，而且正如加德纳的机会说的“在春天会有增长。

奶酪和Chorizo​​©
作者：Michael Casey
关于女孩的事情是，他们偷你的东西，你认为他们是好的，甜蜜的气味，但他们不是。 如果他们在你面前起床，他们会袭击你的冰箱一边，吃你的奶酪和香肠。 奶酪和香肠烤面包，热巧克力跟着，这是你的女儿如何对待你。 这是我的女孩对待我。
昨天妈妈买了饼干，她和她分享了吗？ 没有。 女孩有一些，但我没有。 他们是我真正喜欢的，它总是你真正喜欢的。 我看起来高低，就像一个阿哈的歌，但什么也没有。 JJ妻子只是笑了我，当我从柱子到柱子寻找一个饼干，Tunnock的。 看到这是如何3个女孩在我的生活对待我，我是饼干。 最后，经过多次嘲笑，我的小女儿告诉我饼干是在哪里，一个新的隐藏的地方，这就是为什么我找不到他们。 所以我是胜利的，我在我的口袋里偷了一块饼干，滑落，平静地吃。
鞋子是一件大事，所以我们的小女儿走在房子里妈妈的鞋子，我们的太大，所以幸运的是，他们被孤独。 然而，有两个喜欢纺织品的女儿，这是从学校缝纫和做事的花哨的词。 如果他们喜欢纺织品，那么你的衣服是不安全的，他们拖了一件衬衫或两个从衣柜，说他们想把它变成东西。 跳线也不安全，他们可以切断他们做一件衣服甚至一个手提包。 至于针，就像在家里有一个豪猪，危险。 你只知道你坐了一两针，妻子只是说免费针灸，没有必要要求胡医生给我们一个访问，是的他真的是胡医生，不是博士谁，但胡医生。
现在我们11岁的身高是5英尺，和妈妈一样大，她想穿她的衣服，但你可以想象上海女孩穿什么样的衣服。 所以有中文辩论，我不能理解一个字，但是SANINGONGA听起来很频繁，这意味着没有。 这也意味着我的女孩，我们的女孩会回来从我的衣柜偷了。 在某种程度上，它像飞蛾，但不是在你的衣服孔，整个项目只是消失。 但它不只是女孩，它的妈妈太，她会决定时尚警察不喜欢这个项目或那个项目，所以它消失了。 我什么时候发现？ 没有，或几乎从不，直到我走过一个慈善商店，看到一个帐篷大小的项目在窗口，这是我的衣服。
所以如果你想把衣服放在你的背上，不要有女儿。 如果你想要你最喜欢的食物安全在冰箱的一面，冰箱的无中国一面，那么没有女儿。 如果你想节省你的便士，没有上海的妻子。 但是，生活会无聊，只是确保你看看你坐之前。

从A到B从星期六到阻塞的水槽©
作者：Michael Casey
我希望你今天早上都很好。 对我们来说，Sat Nav的辩论继续。 在过去，黑色出租车不会被看到使用AtoZ，它是在他的尊严。 他做了知识，它的头都在那里。 杰克·罗森塔尔写了一个伟大的戏剧，它是30年前？ Maureen Lipman是他真正的妻子。
送货司机有和蛋和培根一方面滴鸡蛋到AtoZ在另一只手，而他们尝试和提供一个五斗橱，5天的胡子生长良好的措施。
公共汽车司机知道他们的路线，所以一旦他们做了一段时间的自动，他们知道他们在做什么。 所有他们要做的是忍受孩子试图使用3天的机票，不要从公共汽车上的所有大麻太高。 或记住他们已经切换路线，因为这可能会导致奇怪的方向。
门到门的推销员所有那些年前，与背后的口琴说唱在他们的路线上携带样品的手提箱。我可以模糊地记得我们的后门一个我妈妈买衣服刷吗？ 但这必须是45年前。
所以基本上我们都知道我们想要什么，我们要去哪里。 再往后走，他们说人们只知道在他们家附近有六个街区半径。 去战争改变了所有，无线电，然后更重要的电视。 电视是我们的眼睛在世界上，在那之前只有商人海员知道的世界。 我自己的爷爷是一个商人海的人，我有时想知道他是否去过上海
或者是我，他的孙子先到了那里。 如果他在19世纪/ 20世纪100年代和之前的访问。
这让我们回到星期六Nav。 我使用一辆公共汽车，除了坐在你旁边的公共汽车上的锅头，我想做的所有是puke。 我的妻子是一个汽车司机，所以她和我们的女孩爱车。 但我的妻子借了一个星期六导航，喜欢它的轻松，所以现在她想要自己的一个。 结果是，我被困扰提供一个。 你支付，我付，是你付，为什么我付，因为你是丈夫所以你付，没有办法我付，你付你自己，我说。 在叮dong上，唱着歌。 这是有趣的部分。 我不付钱，使用电脑我说。 你可以得到完美的方向离开计算机，然后你必须做的是打印出来，如果我们的打印机仍在工作，我们会这样做。 所以真的所有的妻子都要做的是复制他们，英语。
她和我谈话，她忙着炒锅，现在她受够了，她只想要我付一半钱。 所以我说我会倍加慷慨，双倍的份额，我不会支付，我会支付零，她可以支付100％。 这是谈判的真正精神，现在我有另一件事要解决，她阻止了水槽，所以赦免我现在，因为我采取暴跌，或相反采取柱塞到水槽，不需要使用卫星导航到那里，它在我的肩膀在隔壁房间，只是左转在电视，直接走到泡沫的声音。 爱无处不在，你不知道它，只是找到它，没有星星Nav需要。


我的另一个想法是一本短裤，40故事与40翻译
在面对页加40音频的我读我的故事在usb棒。
完美的教英语作为第二语言，通过幽默。
我是Esol英语老师，并获得了
2我的外部评估的优点和示例
因为我写了890多个故事，这将是一系列20多本书
所以我们可以有普通话/日语/乌尔都语/西班牙语/印地语/俄语等
这将是一个世界性的打击，天使投资者需要
感谢阅读这，这是如果垃圾没有得到它。 我已经近了，没有一个雪茄在我的生活中多次，所以我决定试试你。 广播是我的话的媒介，与迈克尔90秒，可以去全国，这是一个简单的想法，用伟大的话，我的，如果我可以吹嘘。 我已经记录了我的890+短裤中的200个，到目前为止记录的11个小时的音频。
一些可以听到 www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com
Cheerio，Michael Casey
电子邮件 michaelgcasey@hotmail.com
  https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk
www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com
听到50多个故事
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1
12本电子书和3本印刷在纸质书上
http://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

ps我有读者： - 加拿大，美国，英国，爱尔兰，澳大利亚，俄罗斯，波兰，捷克，德国，法国，葡萄牙，新加坡，尼日利亚和中国只列举了几个地方。