How to Keep the Kids Occupied (c)
By Michael Casey
How to Keep the Kids Occupied without getting the Police involved
Well you could handcuff them to the dustbins or a filing cabinet
A friend of my brother was actually handcuffed to a filing cabinet
It was in France, and he was drunk maybe
In Korea they give you a blanket and send you home
Koreans drink 4 times more than Americans
I read it somewhere
They drink more than Czechs if that is possible
Now as I've subdued you, or is it the booze
How do you keep the kids occupied
without invading their bedroom
and you can take the door off the hinges to avoid
SLAMMED DOORS
no door no slamming
I just remembered my Trainer in 1998 did that
I seem to remember now her mentioning that en passant
The Trainer was not a Lion Tamer, or Elephant Tamer/Trainer
No I was on a Presenting Course
Caroline Whitehouse from StatsMR it was you
so big Thank YOU
are you screaming now
Yes you and the Sisterhood allowed me on a Presenting Course
this was followed by my trip to Pilsner in Czech
and my Famous Czech Story
Ewina gave a 10 for it, then took a mark away
cos nobody is Perfect
But back to the Plot, though it may have been a ploy
to get me out of Birmingham and into Oxford ACNiesen office
which looked like a 6th form college, with a field behind
but I digress
This is how you teach Presening
You gather around a Table
The Trainer pulls various object out of a bag like a Magician
Or the Trainees pull objects out of the sack
Then they are placed on the table
the 5 trainees pick one each
They are allowed 5 mins to look at their object
and No a bottle of beer is NOT one
Thought StatsMR was legendary for drinking
It was a Market Research company into alcohol sales company
Otherwise, not one drop passed their lips, hic
So once you have your object you take turns to talk
for just a minute about your object
afterwards you get friendly feedback
then the 2nd person speaks for 1 minute about their object
afterwards friendly feedback
and on it goes
Then a new selection of objects is chosen
But
This time 2 mins explanation
Repeat
So you build your speaking time and get feedback
THE NEXT day
You have to speak for 15 mins
Which is Speech Time, as Kennedy said 15 mins is enough
The next day at Headington Oxford
I was due to speak for 15 mins
I told them about my Paris misadventures a few months earlier
The main event was food poisoning and me going to to a Pharmacy
and asking Avez Vous de L' asparin de bas prix
I got a box with a tube inside, bigger that extra strong mints
Asparin Tamponne was on the box, it was green
No string
It was a new word for me in French
Tamponne means in a tube
Obviously I thought it was something only girls know about
as I opened the box
outside on the wall was a machine, not chewing gum
But a Preservative vending machine
Preservative is a French word go Google
and google is shy, Preservative is connected to
saving you from disease
Go ask the Frenchman in your class
Anyway, as I told this story
Carole Wilkes, I seem to remember she was there
If not, forgive me Carole with an E was it
or Hello Gill with G
So they laughed till they cried
The trainer asked how long did I think I had spoken for
I said 15 mins
She said it was 30 mins
The next day I flew to Pilsner in Czech
and I ended up in an English language Classroom
Where off the cuff I spoke for 90 mins
I could say much much more
But I've taught you how to Present now
500 each maybe for a 2 day course
I don't know for sure
Then I went to work in a hotel a few years later
Speaking to 100,000 people maybe in 3 years
Mini conversations
Years later a Teacher in an Islamic school
ESOL English
so the presenting course helped
Caroline Whitehouse thanks again
I did get Excellent Excellent Exemplary
from my Outside assessor for my Esol Teaching
Now years later I've written 20 books
80,000+ words written so far of book 21
2,000,000 words in books maybe
but if you count everything 3,000,000 words
or 8 to 10,000 pages
Like all the pages of a Printout from StatsMR
into Alcohol sales
So this is how I keep myself occupied
despite
the quadruple heart bypass, arthritis, hernia in centre of my chest
the headaches, the Tinnitus that is like a Barometre inside me
and Ckd with GFR of 25 as I try to avoid Dialysis
So if I can Carry On so can you
and maybe a miracle happens
I did get one in 1996 when my dad survived his heart attack
8 weeks after my mum had died in the marriage bed
and then after visiting my dad every single day for 3 years
I finally met a Shanghai girl
and the rest is History
But a typist and 4 more sons maybe
Could be my next chapter, or story for you
Will a Singaporean come and get me
or will the Undertaker get me first
Though it could just be a Fishing Fleet
in Singapore who reads me overnight
They haven't told me, so maybe I'll never know
Though I could do Stand Up all about it
at the Masala night club in Singapore
Enough, I have to go for bread
Enough said
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