Tuesday, 22 February 2022

Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham

Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham

Published by michaelgcasey

I’ve updated this 5th December 2021 I’m Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me … use Google UK to find me, otherwise Posh Americans pop up I’ve done loads of writing, about 2,000,000 Words worth over 33 years now But before I started I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio. He’d be nearly 100 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 50 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I have a picture in the attic, just like Dorian Gray I’ve also had an interest in Politics for 50 years with my dad heckling the tv and Politicians. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre. The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 yes, 30 years plus ago, the play was written in 1988. So since then I’m more than good enough, as a writer. Anything else….. I also ignore those who just cannot write, pick your own candidate I tend to write Comedy as I’d rather make you laugh than cry I have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 ” (c) by Michael Casey” If you include “chats” 3450 samples, all told, the chats do NOT go into my books when I compile them. My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 10 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on WordPress look fo Translations Galore page, and more And in over 90 Countries world wide too so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 100 countries now, just to repeat myself From Nepal to American Samoa and all places North South East and West Or its just a hit man on the run, or whatever Unknown Region Means It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff Coverage but lacking penetration as marketing folks might say I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess. which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker all by word of mouth. If you add up all the downloads from my WordPress + 13,000 when somebody stole the file. I have had more copies than Boris Johnson’s Churchill book distributed. Maybe 40,000 copies . Not made a penny from it, free downloads in multiple languages. Reverse Logic, if the world knows me, eventually somebody will pay me But in reality I’ll be dead first, and then just 2 pennies to pay the ferryman is enough I’ve cut the Plaudits, you can read/decide for yourself As for my life, I was born in the shadow of a Brewery, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales, 21 years altogether, started in 1978, StatsMR Call centre guy, like everybody once in their life I was also a Trainee Betting Shop Manager I was a concierge and 10 other roles at Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham for 3 years. Spent 3 years at Pinsent Masons Law firm in Birmingham I even hid a copy of my comic novel “BBU” in the Law Library at Pinsent Masons, well just for a day.. and I was an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school, for a year, I knew I could teach. I got Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary on the external assessment, yes really beside which I’ve had a Shanghai connection for 20 years now, including 2 bilingual daughters and being a hausfrau a long time too, I’m a great dad, as I’ve had lots of time with my daughters I can always make somebody talk or laugh I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them Or a Tale a Day from Michael, a story telling App What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. Now with an add on Hernia pushing through my bypass scar, it hurts when I laugh, so don’t make me laugh I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn’t bother But I’ll ignore you, and carry on regardless. I do get heckled by my own Tinnitus these past 3 years+, so I have music on all night long to drown it out. I sleep with Miley, Taylor, Eric Clapton and Will Young, maybe I should buy a bigger bed, or just get a better mattress. Tinnitus is a curse, just trust me I know That’s the end of the tidy version of my life To finish here’s the list of my 20 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views 19. The Final Cut of the 19th Hole 20. 2020 Words 21. 21 Door Keys, key to the door 21 on Bingo, hence title, 53,000 words so far https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks Loads of Korean and Arabic translations downloaded from my WordPress, 1000s of them Quick Stories in Korean is a big hit. Maybe Kim in North Korea should read my books, instead of wasting his countries resources on what? Just keeping one person in power, him? Instead of joining the real world and opening a string on golf courses. That way we could get rid of Trump too. Into the sunset, as they play golf. Tears for a Butcher will be the sequel to BBU, and it too will be 600pages, however I really need a speed typist to put it down, while I sit and dictate like Barbara Cartland, and hopefully my speed typist would be impressed. we’d marry have half Korean kids, and form a Kpop band with our 4 new kids, with me as manager. And yes this is more for my bucket list, as Tinnitus keeps me awake too much, 6 months of not sleeping till dawn is really killing me Michael Casey aka the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England View more posts

Explaining Politics to Children

Now as I begin my shoulder kicks off so I've slapped on the pain killer and taken paracetamol, 

I have to watch what I take, GFR 27 now, so kidneys beware. Maybe my Pain investigations at Hospital

this week will find the answer, frankly I think they won't and I'll continue my life of pain.

I finished my daily trawl of the Press. I started to read one column, but found the writing irritating. 

So I'll never read her again.  Style yes, but not yours. Though she may say, I'm rubbish too. 

Though I'd say I'm readable, readers in 100 countries, so maybe only Foreigner like my style.

Jon and Emily from the BBC have jumped ship, for the money, as BBC never pays enough

or so their managers would say. But Podcasts, I'd stick to BBC Radio 4 myself. 

As well as BBC and Sky tv, and 3 English Papers and a trawl of USA stuff

That's why I insist on readability.

Boris has saved his own bacon with Covid rules ending

He was on form yesterday

Though now the RUSSIA restrictions should be FULL  ON straight away

The thing about Despots is they don't have any voters

So Democracies are slower by nature

In USA they are Isolationists, and everybody has snout in trough for Midterms

Hillary comeback says it all, she is ridiculous, shows how bad her party is

Can they not find anybody good

Today is the end of Biden, and Lame Duck beckons

He has to save himself today re Russia

GOP is corrupt, believing in Trump a criminal

No wonder the Chancer PUTIN thinks he can get away with anything

This is a moment in History

But Politicians fudge, and USA says its nothing to do with USA

You cannot wait for a Pearl Harbour moment before waking up

And yes the Woke Generation don't really care

So long as they can bitch and protest without any RESPONSIBILITY

So long as they can take SELFIES

The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance

And Freedom costs money too

You pay for it in Taxes

But people just want to watch Reality TV

And not look at actual Reality, as nobody watches the News

Not Opinion Shows, but Real Hard News

Believing Facebook who could not be bothered to PAY for Real News

Everybody needs to Wake Up

I could go on, but you are all bored all ready

You want to watch sports on tv, with all the doping too

But who is the Dope in the End?

It's YOU


and now for a piece of writing, the above is a chat and would not appear in my books

Though with Tinnitus always screaming, new new material is hard to produce

but you may be thankful for that

You'll make me cry, pass me a tissue

Somebody was reading this last night if they looked at old 2015 stuff

Explaining Politics To Children ©
By Michael Casey

Imagine you have to explain Politics to kids, what would you say and how would you do it? All Politicians are Liars and Bastards could be a good opening to begin with and grab their attention. Politics is all about Public Service, could be another line, just make sure you don’t say pubic service by mistake or you’ve lost your audience forever.
So what exactly is Politics, “the art of the possible” is one famous quote, you get a stale 2 week old Easter egg if you know who said that, no cheating on Google. Will kids in today’s world believe you if you said the Liberals were once a major force in politics and Labour is a new party, relatively speaking. Would kids have heard of the Whigs, and where exactly did the Tories come from as a name for the Conservatives, “nobody knows  Sir, they are just bastards” may be one interjection from Clegg at the back.
So you start by explaining what Democracy is, the kids say that this lesson is so boring and vote that they go and play football outside instead. So then you have to explain that teachers are dictators, so can they all sit down again and put the ball down. Such is modern day teaching, having taught myself this writer can vouch that it is even worse than that.

So you start the simple way, you’ll explain each party in turn. So you start with the Labour Party, so some wag at the back says it’s a party for pregnant women. So you reply that it’s an ever growing party as their numbers grow every 9 months. Then you talk about unions etc, the kids think this is so boring, until another wag says the students union is the best one, as the beer is so cheap, and he cannot wait to be a student. Was Tony Blair’s policy all about getting millions to drink cheap beer? I suppose in the end you do get a degree as well, I’m told 41% gets you an engineering degree, but the maths is so hard, could Prince Harry have passed engineering maths?

You try explaining Liberals next. The class is ahead of you and say they are all wear anoraks and smoke skunk, that’s why they wear sandals as laces would just be too much on shoes, besides laces become snakes if you take too many legal highs. As for yellow being their colour, it’s because they eat too many curries, but Birmingham is the best place in the world for curries, did Sir know that? Liberals like jointing things, such as Cameron’s government,  in fact they’ll join anything,  it’s the only way they can make friends.

Moving on to the Conservative, the clue is in the name, conserve, keep steady and not change too much. Aren’t they just rich bastards Sir? So you have to explain they have their own businesses and work hard, that’s why they move to nice areas. So they don’t have to mix with the likes of Smith and Jones, Sir, comes from the back. So you ask a rhetorical question, imagine you win the lottery, where would you go and live? I’d live in a nice house with those rich bastards the Conservatives, Sir.

UKIP, is next on your list, does anybody know what UKIP stands for? They don’t even know themselves , Sir, comes from the back. So you explain, United Kingdom Independence Party. And no they are not a Real Ale appreciation party. They are more than that, though judging by the leader, there is a large element of truth in that statement.
Scottish Nationalists, what exactly are they? Well they are Scottish and they are in fact a Separatist Party. They hate the English or so it feels, they are very clever because the educational standards are higher in Scotland. If only I could teach in Scotland bemoans the teacher as he kicks the football and it hits Clegg on the back of his head, but at least it makes Clegg pay attention.

All of the parties do have one thing in common, they love the sound of their own voice, they love being interviewed and getting a few quid every time they are on telly. The food and drink in the Houses of Parliament are great and cheap, that’s why a lot of M.P.s become alcoholics or just fat, that’s why they lean back and sleep in the chamber. The story of microphones imbedded in the furniture is just a myth they are just a bunch of old sots.

Now students I do hope I’ve explained the political system to you, we do have such a bunch of wonderful people ruling us. You can watch The Ruling Class the 1972 film with Peter O’Toole as homework. Don’t forget as you can now vote at 16, thanks to Prime Minister Miliband, don’t forget to go out and vote on Thursday. Now let’s go outside and play football.  Sir’s been smoking skunk again laugh the kids, Sir must be a Liberal.




War and Peace, I choose peace, PUTIN wants to turn back time

War and Peace,  I choose peace, PUTIN wants to turn back time

Sadly greed has turned him

So again I ask everybody to pray

Miracles do Happen

Covid was enough for the Planet

Now aggression which could lead to a World recession

Or Flashes in the SKY

Then Nothing

Maybe a Revolution in Russia will sweep him away

Or when the Army does not get paid and all the ATMs

Stop, and for What?

Ego, plain and simple ego

People want Bread not badly made Propaganda

Russians believe the Fridge not the TV

Or shall we all pray for Rain so all the tanks

Sink in Rasputin's Mud

And all this Phony Putin Faith, that's even worse than Trump's

God knows the Truth, Vladimir

You are still a little child pretending to be a Man

A Man makes Peace

A child is all pretence, a real Man a real Leader

Puts himself Last, and People first, all the people

Put yourself in others shoes

What if the walls of the Kremlin fell down

What if all the Holy Icons there burnt on a fire

What if Glorious architecture was smouldering rubble

And what if all the Moscow people were dead in the street

Then it would be a Tragedy 

So if that is True

Why is it right for that possibility to be inflicted on Kiev

So Look in the Mirror and Change the Course of History again

Or have all the mirrors been smashed in Moscow

Because you cannot look yourself in the eye






Monday, 21 February 2022

A Cartoon is worth 10,000 words here's some from Guardian Newspaper, their copyright the cartoons

A Cartoon is worth 10000 Words, from the Guardian

And as you finish laughing at the Black Humour a question for you. Would these cartoons be allowed in Russia. We all want Peace and I encourage Everybody to Pray for Peace surround Mother Russia with 2,000,000 Rosaries and More. And if you Pray another way, then Pray too. A second question is this all about the Love of Money, which as you know is the root of All Evil. Remember too Mother Russia did suffer in WWII, 40,000,000 Souls lost to Nazis. So maybe out of Fear, they kept all the Eastern Nations. But the Berlin Wall did Fall. The Eastern nations got the Freedom to choose, and they did not want USSR. Nobody believes in Communism anywhere, it’s leave us alone to make money for our families that’s what people really care about. Egos are for Politicians, but remember too all Political lives end in Failure. So retire while you are head. People want Bread, not the Circus of Armies self proclaiming their Love of Country while the people starve. Pick any country not just Russia. Any war would be Putin’s war, not Russia’s war. Putin is doing this for himself, People Believe the Fridge NOT the Tv. And Ukraine is Russia’s first cousin, did you not learn in Church, Love One Another, for they are your very brothers.

Saturday, 19 February 2022

Time a Cantonese film , wonderful a strong 8/10 , so go watch it

https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/entertainment/article/3141047/time-movie-review-1960s-stars-patrick-tse-petrina-fung

Found review so, you can read it above then watch the film

I am so pleased that I started on Kdramas about 3 years ago

But I also watch Russian, Indian, Chinese, Taiwan, Cantonese, French, Spanish films

AS well as English, I watch with Original soundtrack and English subtitles

as listening to some American dubbing Everything would be rubbish

Amelia 2009 a French film, exceptional francais bien sur

I love you stupid, a Spanish film very funny, the Spanish like an express train

I did French and Spanish at Grammar school, long ago

I hear Chinese/Shanghai constantly these past 20 years

But I don't understand

I obviously heard a ton of Korean too as I watch so many Kdramas

Seeing a pretty girl cry is what tears your heart as you watch Kdrama

I'm watching one about Weather right now, Episode 3 tonight, when I get back to the tv

My TINNITUS is screaming, which can drive you mad literally

I have to  use tricks to survive it. 

Such as the ringing is like my dad hammering on an anvil, saying hello

He was a blacksmith and steelworker after all

Went deaf in one ear due to the Industrial din

That's all for today

Pray Putin puts his toys away

Russian tech and hard work should be used to save the Planet not destroy it

Will he destroy all the churches and icons in Ukraine, has he gone insane

Putin come to Birmingham for a Cultural visit

Not all this Macho rubbish, do you think people are Morons

People want a Full Fridge, not a TV full of rubbish 

And who will pay, the poor ordinary people

Not your Billionaire friends

SO STOP TODAY

While I ask Everybody to surround Russia with Prayers and Rosaries

Because WAR is not worth It

If all the Icons started to bleed tears of blood would you stop


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&


Instead stay home and laugh at the fool, Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades 

from Birmingham England instead of invading






Ukraine

 Ukraine

If you have a 3 to 1 advantage then you win

This is basic warfare

So if Putin wants he can get to Kiev easily

5 hours or so

Straight through Chernobyl which is still radioactive

So is he bluffing

To steal more of Ukraine

Or will he go all the way and rape the land

America is isolationist as ever

And after Covid and Trump is divided

And then the old German chancellor helped with the Pipeline from the East

So it's a perfect storm for Putin to take advantage of

So the question is DO you give in to a Bully

and Pray he goes away

But what would then be next

We could Surround USSR 2.0 with Rosaries and all other kinds of prayers

From everywhere, and I'd encourage you to do that

Or will Ukraine be a sacrificial lamb

Will you unite in switching off the tap of MONEY

Or will self interest be the norm, as it usually is

Meeting in Munich, is so full of Irony

Ukrainians could have to decide fight or die, 

or surrender to the bully

Grannies throwing petrol bombs

Fall back positions, don't present a target

Fade away, and attack with guerilla warfare in your own homeland

All this and more

The Longest Day all over again, but in Ukraine

All Satellites should go on livestream to the World

Then every step of the way we can see the Invasion

For what it is

Putin's war

Not a Russian war

Putin's war

One man can change the world

Turn back the clock to USSR

That's why I say  Pray, Hope and Don't Worry

and give Peace a Chance




Friday, 18 February 2022

Big Wind so a random story for you with RUSSIAN Translation first

 Big Wind

so here's a random piece to keep you all going

This is what WE should be doing

NOT Invasions

Just Peace and Love to ALL men


Love thy neighbour, Mr Putin

Когда ангелы Санты пришли на помощь ©

Майкл Кейси

 

Деду Морозу было грустно, даже он подхватил Covid 19, он думал, что он в безопасности на Северном полюсе, но нет, он подхватил Covid 19. Так как же он мог попасть в ловушку и доставить подарки, кроме того, что насчет всех тех бабушек и дедушек, которые приютили и могут не увидеть своих внуков в это Рождество. Все это было так грустно, Санте просто хотелось плакать и просить обнимашек у мамы. Он всхлипнул, и Рудольф откинул свою шерсть назад, чтобы побольше прикрыть его, Рудольф тоже волновался, никто понятия не имел, что делать. Рудольф выскользнул из гигантского иглу и заплакал бы, ему пришлось скрывать свои слезы от Санты, северный олень всегда должен быть сильным. Рудольф посмотрел на небо, над головой пролетела падающая звезда. Но это была не падающая звезда, это была космическая станция.

 

Рудольф был вдохновлен, Капсула Дракона заполнила космическую станцию ​​людьми, чтобы они могли по очереди помогать ему. Рудольф взлетел ввысь, сверкая красным носом, SOS, SOS, SOS, что, как вы знаете, означает «Спасите нашего Санту», «Спасите нашего Санту», «Спасите нашего Санту». Космонавты думали, что видят что-то, но Монах читал им Рождественскую песнь, не выходя из своего кабинета. И когда они взволнованно сказали, что Рудольф мигает им, он взял фотографии Санты из-под своего 1-го издания рождественской песни. В одно мгновение он понял, что нужно сделать: трое двоюродных братьев из Папалоффа должны были отправиться на Северный полюс и помочь Спасти Санту.

 

Как мог отставной генерал США заставить Россию помочь? Монах набрал номер и больше ничего не говорил, только постучал большим пальцем по телефону, на азбуке Морзе попросил друга об услуге. Мог ли Владимир доставить троих двоюродных братьев на Северный полюс. Теперь Владимир был просто дворником, по крайней мере, так он утверждал, но у него было много дел. Так что, когда он услышит морзе, он, конечно же, поможет. Никаких слов не было сказано, ничего не было сказано, просто тук-тук-тук по его особому телефону, который его друг подарил ему много лет назад. Однажды мы спасем мир этим телефоном, — прошептал монах. Телефон был прилеплен к обратной стороне иконы Марии, дара одной сверхсилы другой, от брата к брату.

 

Преподобный улыбался, у него точно такая же икона висела на стене в личном кабинете, ведь иконы имеют силу, потому что написаны с любовью и молитвой. Монах вернулся к сказкам на ночь для космонавтов. Тем временем на Попалова приземлился вертолет, и после небольшого обсуждения трое кузенов ушли. Леху, Борису и Грегорджи выдали арктический костюм и велели быстро одеться. — прошептал Алекси Гуденофф, — это приказ свыше, ты должен спасти Санту, он спас тебя, теперь твоя очередь спасти его. Все одетые в белое, в очках, по бутылке водки в самолет. Теперь вы можете пить водку, объяснил Алексей Гуденофф, потому что то, что они собирались сделать, было безумием, и только сумасшедший, дурак или человек из Попалова осмелился бы это сделать. Сам Джеймс Бонд сказал бы, что я должен какао, если меня попросят сделать такую ​​опасную вещь. Трое двоюродных братьев прыгнули бы с самолета прямо на шельфовый ледник Северного полюса, они были бы на лыжах, и только сверкающий нос Рудольфа был бы их маяком. Деду Морозу нужна помощь, и только они помогут.

 

Вернувшись в Папалов, иконы сияли, любовь, сила молитвы были с мальчиками. Из Папалоффа можно вывести человека, но Папалофф всегда в человеке. Так что сила пульсировала в них, как и 2 литра водки, которые они выпили за один раз. В конце концов, на Северном полюсе может быть очень холодно. С этими словами Алекси Гуденофф вытолкнул их из самолета, когда он замедлился и стал снижаться. Рудольф мелькнул и с товарищами поволокли за собой добычу. Это было близко, но Рудольф был профессионалом, они поймали трех кузенов, когда они падали с неба. С отрыжкой, ударом и пуком Лех, Борис и Грегорджи были в безопасности. Два литра водки на каждого — отличный способ расслабиться, так что они моментально уснули. Они проснулись, чтобы оказаться перед Сантой, они обнялись. Санта был одет в скафандр, чтобы убедиться, что он не заразит их Covid 19.

 

Итак, вы видите, мальчики, у меня просто нет энергии из-за всего Covid 19 и всего такого. Вот и Рудольф подумал, что ты можешь помочь, а поскольку эльфы тоже подхватили Covid 19, у меня тоже нет подарков. Но Любовь — это все, что вам нужно, — невнятно пробормотали трое двоюродных братьев, которые еще не протрезвели после выпитого по 2 литра водки. Мы должны просто подарить всем Ангелов в это Рождество, этого достаточно, Ангелов, о которых мы слышали на небесах. Когда они сказали это, мать заплакала, и ее слезы разлились по полу, как жемчуг, так решил король. В это Рождество каждый во всем мире будет особенным ангелом от Санты, а точнее Леха, Бориса и Грегори.

 

Двоюродным братьям сказали, что все, что им нужно сделать, это прикрепить ангелов к окнам, а не спускаться по дымоходам, поскольку они все слишком большие, кроме того, Санта обладает магическими способностями, которые позволяют ему спускаться по дымоходам, и, к сожалению, с Covid 19 это может быть лучше не входить в дома мира. снова м 

Kogda angely Santy prishli na pomoshch' ©

Maykl Keysi


When Santa’s Angels Came to the Rescue ©

By Michael Casey

 

Santa was sad, even  he had caught Covid 19, he thought he was safe at the North Pole, but no, he caught Covid 19. So how could he get on his slay and deliver presents, besides which, what about all those grandparents who were sheltering and may not see their grandkids this Christmas. It was all so sad, Santa just wanted to cry and ask for a cuddle from his mom. He sniffled and Rudolf pushed his  fleece back to cover him more, Rudolf was worried too, nobody had a clue what to do. Rudolf sneaked out of the giant igloo and would have cried, he had to hide his tears from Santa, a reindeer must always be strong. Rudolf looked to the skies, overhead a shooting star passed by. But it was not a shooting star, it was the Space Station.

 

Rudolf was inspired, the Dragon Capsule had filled the space station with men, so they could take turns to help him. Rudolf flew skyward, his red nose flashing, SOS, SOS, SOS, which as you know means Save Our  Santa, Save Our Santa, Save Our Santa. The spacemen thought they were seeing things, but the Monk was reading a Christmas Carol to them from the comfort of his study. And as they excitedly said Rudolf was flashing them, he took the photos of Santa from beneath his 1st Edition a Christmas Carol. In an instant, he knew what had to be done, the three cousins from Papaloffoff would have to go to the North Pole and help Save Santa.

 

Now how could a retired USA general get Russia to help. The Monk rang a number and then did not speak, he just tapped his thumb on the phone, in Morse Code he asked a friend for a favour. Could Vladimir get the three cousins to the North Pole. Now Vladimir was just a janitor, or so he claimed, but he had fingers in many pies. So when he heard morse, of course he’d help. No words had been spoken, nothing had been said, just tap tap tapping, on his special phone that his friend had given him years before. One day we’ll save the world with this phone the monk had whispered. The phone was stuck to the back of a icon of Mary, a gift from one super power to another, from brother to brother.

 

The Monk smiled, he had the exact same icon on the wall in his  private office, you see icons have power, because they are painted with love and prayer. The Monk went back to bedtime stories for spacemen. Meanwhile, a helicopter descended on Popaloff, and with little discussion the three cousins were away.  Lech, Boris and Gregorgi  were given Artic weather kit and told to dress quick. Alexi Goodenoff whispered, these orders are from on high, you have to Save Santa, he saved you now its your turn to save him. All dressed in white with googles on, a bottle of vodka each they transferred to a plane. You can drink the vodka now explained Alexi Goodenoff, for what they were about to do was insane, and only a madman a fool or a man from Popaloffoff would dare do it. James Bond himself would say I should cocoa if asked to do such a dangerous thing. The 3 cousins would jump from a plane straight onto the North Pole ice shelf,  they would have skis on and only Rudolf’s flashing nose would be their beacon. Santa needed help, and only they would do.

 

Now back in Papaloff, the icons glowed, the love, the power the prayer was  there with the boys. You can take a man out of Papaloffoff, but Papaloffoff  is always in the man. So the power was pulsing through them, as was the 2 litres of vodka they had each downed in one. It can be very cold at the North Pole after all. With that Alexi Goodenoff pushed them out of the plane as it slowed and came in low. Rudolf flashed and with his mates they dragged the slay behind the. It was close, but Rudolf was a pro, they caught the three cousins as  they fell from the sky. With a belch, and a bump and a fart, Lech, Boris, and Gregorgi were safe in the slay. Two litres of vodka each, was a great way of relaxing, so they instantly fell asleep. They awoke to find themselves in front of Santa, they hugged. Santa was wearing a space suit, to make sure he did not spead Covid 19 to them.

 

So you see boys I just don’t have the energy, what with all Covid 19 and all that. So Rudolf thought you could help, and because the Elves caught Covid 19 too, I don’t have any presents either. But Love is all you need, slurred the 3 cousins, who had not yet sobered up after the 2 litres of vodka each. We should just give everybody Angels this Christmas, that’s enough, Angels we have heard on high. As they said this a mother cried, and her tears spilled all over the floor like pearls, so it was decided by the King. This Christmas everybody the world over would be a special angel from Santa, or rather Lech, Boris and Gregorgi.

 

The cousins were told all they had to do was stick the Angels to the windows, no climbing down chimneys as they were all too big, besize Santa has magic powers that allowed him to get down chimneys, and sadly with Covid 19, it might be best not to enter the world’s houses. Again a mother cried, and on high stars shot by. This evil pest, Covid 19 was doing it’s very best to hurt everybody. But the boys from Papaloffoff were on a mission, and as they flew through the sky, icons in the East began to glow, in the North, in the South and in the West. In Churches and in book stores, and in private collections hidden in bank vaults, the Icons, the Holy Icons were coming alive. You see this was no tale like A Christmas Carol. Tonight Prayer and Hope and Love would descend from Heaven above, and Covid  19 could go to Hell.

 

Norad tracks Santa every Christmas, but this Christmas Santa seemed to be very erratic, popping up or is it Popaloffoffing up here there and everywhere, until finally Santa seemed to split into three. Norad did not understand, but  the Monk and Vladimir the janitor knew, and as they each drunk their cocoa, with vodka in, they smiled and the icons in their rooms glowed. You see, a mother’s tears this Christmas time had all her prayers answered.

 

At each house an Angel was stuck to a window, Angels we have heard on high, singing gloria in excelsis deo. Andrew Graham Dixon the greatest British art expert was in the bathroom shaving when there was a knock at the window, he opened it so see Lech throw an Angel at him. Then a few minutes later Boris was there with another Angel, then a few minutes more Andrew Graham Dixon had a third knock, it was Gregorgi with a third Angel, Gregorgi did steal a stay can of Guinness that was sat on the window ledge. Andrew Graham Dixon looked like Santa with shaving foam all over his face. He laughed, it must have been the pudding.

 

So on, the boys from Papaloffoff flew, 3 parts drunk still, but still delivering Angels everwhere. Now you won’t believe what happened next. Yes, they fell asleep, and 3 became one, or rather all three of them were back in the slay. In the morning the world over people delighted in seeing angels at their windows. Perfect angels, icon like angels. Now the thing is, as Mary looked at her angel, she began to cry, if only grandpa was here. And grandpa looked at his angel, if only I could see my granddaughter Mary, she’d love this angel. And so she did, and so grandpa did. As they both said it simultaneously a hologram, or perhaps a Holygram appeared. Grandpa was really there with Mary, and Mary was really there with grandpa. You see the power of love, and pray, icon style. Mary really was with her grandpa in his house, and grandpa was with Mary in her house. 

Now this happened the world over, just think of me and I’ll be there, reach out and say my name with a prayer and I’ll be there. So by the power of Angels everybody was together, even though they were apart. That’s what  icons do. Now maybe I was wrong about the 2 litres of vodka each, perhaps it was not vodka after all. Maybe just maybe it was Holy Water, so the three cousins had breathed Holy Water everywhere, and it was a Blessing so Families could be together.

 

There is one footnote. When Andrew Graham Dixon checked his three Angels, because he was a friend of Popaloffoff that’s why he got three, he discovered they were in fact long lost treasure. Three Angels, a set that belonged back in Saint Petersburg, so after he cried with delight he returned them to Vladimir the janitor in Moscow. Who gave him permission to film anywhere and everywhere he liked, because if you know the janitor, any door can open.






Portuguese Translations

Humour Writing by the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England read in 167 countries so far https://www.amazon.co.uk/Micha...