Friday, 6 July 2018

Welcoming Finland

Welcoming Finland  (and i just spoted Norway)

I did meet a Finnish lady once when I workd at CPNEC Birmingham, a 4star deluxe hotel. The  lady wanted to know was it fur weather or not.

So God Bless her, just in case it's her who  has stumbled over me.

Or it's Putin  getting ready for his meeting with Trump.

Either way all readers are most welcome.

I will write a new piece later today, but the heat is so much, and post quadruple heart bypass I'm not as gung ho as I used to be. i was telling my neighbour about three 20+ mile hikes I took without any preparation in my pass. Sadly I cannot do that any more. One in 1976 as a MARCH assessor, one in 1986 in Kerry Eire, and one in Normandy in 1985. 5 mile walks used to be so easy, or 8k if you are metric handicapped.

I am not totally useless, I just have to pace myself, which reminds me of an old joke, about church bells and then the icecream van, do your research.


I'll write a new piece  later today, I've been trying to exorcise the cursor from hell,though it could just be a Windows 10 hiccup.

Aren't the England team near Finland? Just go and play with your balls and don't waste your time on me, as if its them. i couldn't even fit into a waistcoat.

By the way why are footballer's balls bigger that rugby players balls? They sell more tickets.

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC






Thursday, 5 July 2018

This was in the Washington Post

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/07/05/a-giant-blimp-depicting-trump-in-a-diaper-is-likely-to-greet-the-u-s-president-when-he-visits-london/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.93fed906197d

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Hot Weather from 2013

Hot Weather ©
By
Michael Casey

They say that some like it hot, me I like it just right, just as the 3 bears in Goldilocks and the 3 Bears did. My wife does call me a polar bear, I am a large sized person after all, she does call me that too. Though me and the girls do call her the witch, with the hackled voice too, on occasions.
But what about the weather?  We are having a heat wave here in Birmingham and the rest of the country.  Though we did just have thunderstorms and a new Royal baby in the middle of it.
Where I live if there is half a smile from the sun then the legs are out. I mean literally, all the men sport shorts, short fat and hairy legs suddenly appear. And don’t you wish they’d hide those hideous legs. Yuck.
Me I have great legs, but as a public service I hide them, I keep them covered. If I were to reveal   them  old ladies would faint and young ladies would swoon. Sergeant Mulholland from Old Forge and Singing Anvil police station did have a quiet word. He said he’d buy me 17 pints of Stella and a packet of cheese and onion crisps, to soak up the Stella, IF I promised to keep my long trousers on, and never reveal my stout hair legs.
So that’s why when the whole of my area is in shorts I’m still in long trousers, standing at bar of The Trader, trying ever so hard to finish my Walkers cheese and onion crisps.
The girls in my area they too are in shorts, it’s like  being at the beach, but there is no sand. Why should a bit of sunny effect people so much? Well we did all have the worse winter in 50years, I can even remember the snowball fights with my brother. One end of the garden had a carved up snowman, the other end near the hedge had a wall the width of the garden. Yes that was 50years ago.
But what of the sun, well we don’t normally get heat waves over here in England. So everything stops. It’s as if a war time siren sounds and its screamed from the roof tops “SHORTS ON”. Our police don’t wear shorts, it’s their legs you see, policemen’s legs have to be covered, it’s the law in England. If you don’t believe me go write to the Library of Congress and ask to speak to Randy Cheserwich he’s the police attire specialist, world affairs.
People smile more when the sun shines, even burglars, because we leave our doors and windows open. So remember to be sensible. Though in the street next to mine we did have an attempted burglary due to the sunshine and open doors. It could have ended in tragedy.
The burglar sneaked into the home, and was half way up the stairs when he saw a sight to behold. The ugliest and hairiest legged man in the world, no not me.  But this man was too hot so he was wander around his own home, au natural. The burglar screamed and ran off.
That was a mistake, as Gregory the home owner happened to be a sprinter. The burglar was already in shock from the what he had seen, but being chased up the high street, was another shock. When you have the fear of god in you, you can tun fast really fast. But not fast enough, people came out of the butcher, the baker and the undertaker and watched the race. Smiling Paul from the bookies even placed a bet on the result.
Screams and shouts as Gregory caught the man, no he wasn’t Gregory’s girl, he was Gregory’s thief. Gregory also happens to be a Black Belt, though he wasn’t wearing any trousers. So Gregory bounced the thief off a wall, before making a citizen’s arrest.
 It was then that Gregory met his future wife, Amanda from the material shop. She had seen everything, and she thought, that’ll do for me, I can always shave him. So striding out of the material shop she wrapped Gregory in green material. He was all hers now, the urge was upon her, and as Gregory looked in her eyes the urge was upon him.
A normal kind of Summer’s day in Old Forge and Singing Anvil, so ask for The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker at Amazon Kindle.
Bye now I think I’ll put my shorts on. Michael







Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Passport Photos

Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Passport Photos


Passport Photos ©
By
Michael Casey
As usual I had no idea what to talk about then reality gave me an idea, even though I wish it did not. My big daughter lost her seasonal bus pass, with just 2 weeks left of term time, but the pass lasts till the end of July. So I was was not very happy, so after we moaned and told our daughter she was just like her uncle, he’d lose his arse if it was not tied onto him, as my mother used to say. She went to the shop to get a new bus pass. Only she needed a new passport sized photo, so she had come home like a fool, and we had no spares at home.
This is when it got interesting and funny. She took a photo of herself, then emailed it me to print off, only you have to print it to the size of a passport photo. By doing it ourselves we save a fiver, though if she hadn’t lost her bus pass we wouldn’t need to save a fiver. So I printed the photo on colour paper, I’d bought some ages ago so we had plenty thanks to the Pound shop. Only it came off full size A4. So I tried again, still the same result.
We decided to consult Dr.Google it told us that a passport photo was 35mm x 45mm, so armed with that information we put the photo inside a word document. Then we dragged it smaller and tried to print it. Now my daughter looked as if she was in a hall of mirrors at the fair. I decided to print again on the same piece of paper, hoping it’d go in the space. Only it printed on top of the same photo. Now it looked as if Picasso had taken the photo of my daughter.
Then my daughter noticed I had magnify on the word document, ratio 189%. So I reduced to real size and tried again. This time the picture was better, only my daughter’s neck had been squashed, no longer an elegant swan, now a stumpy little robin. We tried a few times and then finally a 35mm x 45mm photo, or as near as we were going to get. That would have to do. 
I used to have software that let you print a whole sheet of passport size photos but that seems to have gone on one of my updates to Windows 10. But at least Picasso would have bee pleased with my  efforts, and I do remember seeing some of his stuff in Barcelona in Feb 1999. Then I tried chatting up a girl with great hair and an American accent, who I discover the next day was a Russian ballerina, who happened to have a broken nose, but maybe it was Picasso doing her makeup in Las Ramblas.
Pictures are strange, and passport photos are even stranger, so you have to keep your sense of proportion in life and in photos, or you end up like a Picasso image.

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC



Monday, 2 July 2018

Story Cards

This Chinese company send me a random email, about LCD greetings cards which you use to explain your products. So instead of a flyer you send this greeting card with a short video. I think its a great idea, obviously I saw how I would use it.

I'd record a video of me reciting a story, you could add if you wanted, the text on  a ticker below plus any foreign translation. Such as Chinese below my words in English. So you watch the video inside the card and read the words and translation. You can do lots of other things too, such as having the story printed in full inside the card, just as songs are listed on CDs.

All in all the perfect way to discover my 2000 stories. I would want 50% of cover price just in case any Chinese  companies are reading this. So you use a greetings card to share laughter and learn English.

A simple idea, www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com to HEAR me, and there's a bit of video on my Amazon page https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

So if you are that Chinese company do contact me, and I'll start making videos of me telling stories, 2000 stories would make a lot of money potentially. But I won't hold my breath.


Sunday, 1 July 2018

Family Email- Guess what I found in the wardrobe

GUESS WHAT I FOUND IN THE WARDROBE?
I found 2 dead rats and a dead bird, Totoro had brought them in for us...

I also found Eve's 2 school shirts and other rubbish just squashed inside by

 LAZY girls.

Luckily none of the rats' of bird's blood was on them.

I also found my SLIPPERS I knew I had another pair, they were hanging up.

In my BASKET, and can all baskets stay out of MY BASKET

I found a brand new purple jumper

I found a  new yellow jumper

I found 2 new red Polo tops

I found a couple of other new tops.

Plus old tops that I need as bedware to protect my nipples after my heart op

as well as that I found 2 new pairs of trousers.

They were all in a sale  7 years ago but went missing once I put them away

and I found my 20 year old pair of formal trousers in the basket too.

SO STAY OUT OF MY BASKET OR I'LL BUT A STEEL CHAIN ON IT

AND FINALLLY LEAVE MY CLOTHES ALONE AND DO NOT THROW ANYTHING OUT

 MRS   CHINESE CASEY

I SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH TILL I DIE NOW, AND IF I DO THE PENSION THING IS

 AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BASKET, for when you are a widow.

SO ALL AND ALL A VERY PRODUCTIVE DAY, APART FROM ONE STAB PAIN 

ATTACK 90 MINS AGO

SO THOSE NEW PAIN RELIEF MEDS DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR THAT.

NOW WASH YOUR BUM, XI NI DI PIGU

********  I emailed this to the wife and kids when they were out. She read it in Sainsbury's on their free in store wifi, she was crying with laughter in the checkout queue.


300 and Not OUT  has lots of stories like this in it.

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here's an old family photo I stumbled over, only the kids have changed


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

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