Nagged to Death

Nagged to Death ©

By Michael Casey

Don’t do that, move your legs out of my way, lay the table don’t just sit there watching Hillary and Trump on the tv, they don’t make your dinner I do. Get the cups and put them on the table, we need a drink to go with the dinner. Call the kids down for dinner, what are they doing all night  in their bedroom, just wasting all the electricity.

No don’t give the kids beer in their cups, something better than that, and I don’t mean Dr Pepper either, you are so useless I don’t know why I married you. You thought I was Donald Trump rich and powerful.  More like fat and losing your hair, it’s like a bird’s nest in your hair, does that mean it reminds you of China, the birds’ nest? That’s Peking, I’m not from Peking, I wish you were, because I’d be even more beautiful? No because you drive my quackers all your nagging, quack quack quack, if you were a duck, a duck from Peking at least then I could eat you.

Then  you would fart all night, like a fat Englishman, I’m not English. Yes, but you could fart for England and win a Gold Olympic medal. You are jealous, me jealous of you. Yes really, I am a winner and you are not. Is that Irish logic from your Kerry? Yes. I think you need to eat more Chinese rice. Why. To make  you thinner as you are so fat fat fat. But you still married me, only because I thought you were just pretending to be fat, but nor really fat.

We then  fall over laughing on the floor, I am then nagged for nearly squashing and killing Totoro our cat, the children look on in disgust, they deny all knowledge of us, they pretend  to be French and leave the room speaking French, Bon Nuit  is the last thing they say, so I shout something at them in Spanish. Any language so long as  my Chinese wife cannot understand us, its revenge for her and the cat Totoro  speaking Chinese.

Another day in Paradise, hey you angels when am I going to win enough money to buy a new bigger house, then I can do all the nagging instead.