i may have a broken leg later

 i may have a broken leg later

no not irate readers given their opinion

the curtain hooks have come off and so finally

with the aid of a new ladder we'll attempt to fix it

i may get my small daughter to try if I cannot manage it

remember all my aches and pains

you even get stabbed from the inside

as they put a plate in after heart surgery

I won't go on today, it's boring for both of us

you and my reader

Anyway If I fall off the ladder

then it would be curtains for new stories, literally

Its nice to see 10 countries on the same day reading my rubbish

over on Wordpress where the Translations live

But remember you can tell your screen to Translate over here too

I started with Polish as I had Polish neighbours, really great people

Then I moved onto other languages, so even more of you could suffer

I do tidy myself up occasionally but I detest all those posed pictures

and lovely layout, that covers VACUOUSNESS, or NOTHINGNESS

It may look pretty but really its just a Smile covering Emptiness of the Soul

But enough Philosophy 

What you see is what you get with me

But pound for pound, a bargain, I am 50pounds heavier than I look

I weigh more that Tyson Fury, the boxer, though he is much much taller

Its condensed fat, or might just be my strong thighs 

too many years standing and carrying things, and playing rugby at school

or it might just be being the son of a County Kerry Blacksmith

OK here' another random piece, to keep you going

I have to chose a new Kdrama to watch, a Comedy this time

 The Bickers ©

By

Michael Casey

The Bickers were in fact Mr and Mrs, but I’m not going to tell you their name as The Bickers was what they were know by, ask the post man and their long suffering neighbours. Why The Bickers? Was it rhyming slang for No Knickers, no. They were an old couple, a couple of old dears, and no that’s not rhyming slang either. They were called The Bickers because they lived next door to the Vicar’s, well no that’s a lie, they did live next door to the Vicar’s, but they were called The Bickers because they were always bickering. BICKERING. It became a place on the map, well known to delivery drivers, better than any Sat Nav, The Bickers.

Have a parcel for anybody on that stretch of the B82 then just drop it off at The Bickers, they’ll sign for anything. And Mr Bicker would, it was his way of having contract with the outside world. People would drop by for their parcel and give him a bar of chocolate or a few lines of chat, it did not matter what, it was nice to meet people, anybody.

Mrs Bicker had a cleaning job in various places, so she was always out and about, she always smelt of Pledge, forget Chanel no.5.Pledge was her perfume. Though she was given plenty of Chanel no.5 by very satisfied customers, she was a good scrubber in the best use of that word. So she hated the dirty boot marks from all the couriers who past by her house, Mr Bicker even gave them a quick tea, he always had his fast brew kettle on the hob. So the bickering as a result of their different life styles.

She was always cleaning, and he was always dirtying, she even complained about the amount of toilet paper he used. He just retorted when he died he’d make sure it was on her best floral carpet, image getting the marks of death off that. She said she’d buy him rubber nappies so if he died while she was out, they’d be no mess on the floor. Treating me like a Death Row Prisoner about to be executed, shouted Mr Bicker. That’s too good for you, if you ruin my new carpet from John Lewis with your coffee, I’ll put you over my knee and spank your bare arse. Do it now then retorted Mr Bicker.

So there he was spread over Mrs Bicker’s knee in her new Parker Knoll chair with his bare arse in the air, when Mrs Knowit, the local gossip came in for her parcel. The doors were never locked as he was always in and ready to receive parcels. Mrs Knowit gasped and grabbed her parcel. In 5 minutes the whole village Knewit, SPANKING, and at their age. However the Agatha Raisen was a newcomer to the village so she was impressed, very impressed and knew 1/2 the village would be giving it a go that very night. But I digress.

I’ll put the sterile gloves on next time, she said when she had finished giving him 6 of the best, Mrs Knowit was still outside gasping for breath, so she heard that too. However she looked at her watch, if she hurried the local Post Office and general store would still be open, she was sure they sold sterile gloves.

The Bickers loved to Bicker, it was their form of tv, they did have a tv but stopped watching when Arthur Negus was no longer on talking about furniture. So they listened to BBC Radio4 instead, and yes for them Nicholas Parson and Just a Minute was King. The Vicar always seemed to appear naked having his shower when Nicholas Parsons was on the radio. They always spotted him from the snug in their cottage kitchen, his bathroom overlooked their kitchen. And with BBC Radio4 Extra, Nicholas Parsons was a daily event, as was the naked vicar in the shower.

The Bickers would bicker about repetition, deviation, though thanks to Mrs Knowit’s observations all the village were all learning about repetition and deviation. In the best context of a stable and caring relationship, jut ask the stable girls, but I digress.

One day the Bickers were bickering so much the whole village heard. It had been Amazon Prime Day, so there were stacks and stacks or parcels to collect. They gathered outside for a couple of hours, all they could hear was the crash and bang, crash and bang, and bang and crash. After 3 hours, they were very polite people after all the Vicar suggested they all went to his bathroom, not to baptise them but so they could look down in to the Bickers’ kitchen.

What they saw shocked them, I could not possibly put it on the page, it would singe the very page. Ok, I’ll tell you. The parcel men had clubbed together to get them a present for their 40th wedding anniversary. It was Karma Sutra for beginners, the Bickers had been trying it out all around my house, and other places and positions. This was much much more then mere spanking.

The villagers crept down the stairs only to trip over the vicar’s bondage gear, he said he was minding it for somebody who was in jail. Mrs Knowit, winked, she would return after dark. As for the rest of the villagers, they hurried to place orders on Amazon Prime, it was a primal instinct in them. What was good enough for the Bickers was good enough for them. Agatha Raisen would fit in perfectly in this village.

taking your mind off things

 

Taking your Mind off Things ©

By Michael Casey

 

As you all know me and George are in the same sewing circle, that’s me and George Clooney. He has my best thimble in his pocket, it’s his lucky charm, if you look carefully, you’ll see him use it in the next gangster film he’s in.  A sequel called, Ocean’s 26, and you thought he was sleeping with the fishes, no he’s having a whale of a time, he’s a bit of a marine biologist, and that’s a metaphor. In the Ocean he uses the thimble, to count all the stolen money with, as the electronic money counter is bust. Which sets up a sequence where he counts $100K ever so fast, rather like Spike Milligan as the postman beating the sorting machine, though I doubt any of you will know that film, Ocean’s 26 I’m talking about, everybody knows Spike Milligan, you ask his butler Prince, or Charlie as everybody calls him down the Windsor pub.

 

But, where was I, now that I’ve warmed up the toilet seat for you, it’s a specialist occupation, I began when Carry on at Screaming was filmed, but that’s History. Yes, I remember now, Taking your Mind of Things, I’ve inserted the title again, just so you won’t forget it, repetition aids memory, you ask any kids beaten by the teacher in the 1960s for not know their times tables. My own buttocks quiver every time I’m doing multiplication, or maybe that’s another metaphor, but I am very good at multiplication, maybe it’s my alluring Clooney like looks, Ok I really look like Hew Edwards the news reader, though I look far far younger. So, what has all this got to do with the price of lettuce? If you are not paying attention I’ll slap the back of your legs with a wet lettuce, and I may leave the snail on, and you never know where it will slither to.

 

Ok, the theme today is taking your mind off things, so can you remember what you were doing a few minutes ago? Have I distracted you, or am I so bad you have lost the will to live? I can hear all the heckles, and an echo from the past also just hit me, that’s the trouble with words they bring memories too, I’ve just awakened a ghost.

 

But I want to share something today. If you have a busy busy life, then mundane things, such as my writing, I’ll get in the jibe first, do relax. Mental chewing gum, or mental chocolate, does help to relax, then you can go back to your important job refreshed and relaxed. I was fiddling the other day, repairing my Rosary beads to be exact, first repaired with a ring of steel, a circle you have your keys on. Then I found some old plastic covered wire that I bent into shape, to relink my prayers. This repair was better, and is almost unseen, as prayers should be. Enough philosophy.

 

The point is though that occupational therapy as some might call it, does work, it distracts, so your mind has a rest from one thing, as you are absorbed by another. I suppose that’s what Play Time was originally invented for, make the kids run and jump about while the teachers have a coffee and cake. Mothers used to bribe teachers in the old days. Ted Heath the former British PM was a sailor, when you are in a force 10 in the Irish Sea, you’re not wasting your time on who is stabbing you in the back in Parliament. Your mind, heart and soul is dancing with the waves, Politics is forgotten.

 

I could give you more examples, but you have your own. You know Jack who is a reporter, but works in the soup kitchen on his day off, just to remind him to be humble, as his mother used to remind him, he’d never be as famous as Bob Hope. Bob Hope was the local rat catcher, who lived with Dorothy Lamore the girl with the big big smile. So, things distract us, we have our guilty pleasures, such as watching Kdramas with the sound so high, that flocks of geese take a detour. Anything that is a distraction is good, because we are not machines, we have to switch off and rest. We need oiling and resting, like a machine being serviced so that it can perform even better. Though oiling and resting does sound suspiciously like another metaphor.

 

I hope I’ve taken your mind off things, so you can get back to what you were doing before, and if you’re mind has gone a blank then I’ve really proved my point, yet another metaphor maybe. Because you are rested, and this writer has earnt his pay. Nothing.

 

 

Beware of Fakers

 I've been skiving today

I've been watching my Comedy CSI K drama

Partners for Justice  is the English title

I found the cast list etc

did not  spot the Goth in 2nd series, who does Toxicology

will she and the gringe finally get together?

Faker email with photos pretending to be a Gi In Libya

with a ton of money, honey trap/ greed stuff

I just delete such rubbish

What use is money to me?

With my Health problems?

A miracle and then the rest you know already

I got such rubbish years ago when I sampled FB

Too many strange people out there

If you send an email full of lies

or and far fetched BS it gets deleted

Anyway hello Zambia tonight visiting my Wordpress

And Russia too reading the Russian translation of

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

And go away to the card who is going through a list of

supermarkets, at least 6, and saying I've won a prize, just click

Somebody else is adding my email to lots of places too

Next I'll have an email saying I stand with Donald Trump

and thanks the $50 donation

Please just go away, I've been relaxing

me and my Partners for Justice Kdrama

2 more episodes and I seen both series

I saw the central 2 characters won acting awards, deservedly

Here' a random post to keep you going through the night

I did have 2 ideas I could have written up

1. Fixing things is Therapy

2. The Seasons change

but they'll keep I'll throw salt at them as my mum might say

Life Lessons ©

By Michael Casey

I was talking to my dad yesterday, yes I talk to my dad, doesn’t every 16 year old girl? He was telling me about his struggles, he doesn’t call them struggles as that would sound Pretentious and he despises Pretentiousness as much as We hate double Latin last thing on a Friday afternoon, after a hard week at school. My dad actually did have double Latin on a Friday afternoon when he was in 5^th Year, he hates all this Year Whatsit stuff as well, if it’s so Modern then why does it suddenly become 6^th Form after all the years of Struggle. But at least We don’t have double Latin on a Friday afternoon.

I said it would be inspirational if he went into schools gave a speech, dad just laughed and said only if the English teacher wore stockings and suspenders and a short skirt and was 25 years younger than him. Or was that the French teacher marrying the student, and then becoming the President. Or am I mixing something up that I half heard on the news, I never pay attention to the news, does any 16 year old girl? The bit about the stockings and suspenders is true though, as dad has such a booming voice you always hear him clearly. He showed me a picture of mum once and said that’s why you are here, but that’s another story so I’ll draw a veil over that.

Dad stopped picking his nose, but at least he doesn’t wipe it on the wall as my little sister over there used to do, when she was in Year8, sorry I mean when she was eight months to 88 months old. Anyway I said Life Lessons, so dad just raised his leg and farted, he said it was a family tradition as his dad my granddad used to do that. Then he asked how long, how many pages, how long if it was read out. I suggested 3 pages worth. He ignored me and went hunting for the remote control but I knew he might rattle something off in the morning. It’s his mental exercise, writing, 1,060,000 Words so far he told me, so that makes him very mentally exercised, with a brain as big as, Kim Kardasian’s ARSE.

He didn’t say any more, but he wants a change from Translating into Polish for his 21,700 in just 3 weeks Polish fan base. So I just crossed my fingers and hoped Dad would come up with something. Dad being dad was suspicious that I wanted him to write an essay I could memorise for my GCSEs. His ESol English students had tried to pull that trick years ago, they were only learning English as a foreign Language, so when they wrote something that was too good, it was obvious not all their own work.

But that I suppose is the 1^st Life Lesson, don’t try and memorise the perfect essay and pass it off as your own, Like a Politician’s speech, as cut and paste or memory cut and paste STANDS OUT, and you will be caught. Your teacher knows you, so if it doesn’t seem to be like your work then it isn’t. Though I did think of getting my little sister to write an essay, when she’s not wiping snot on walls she really is a good writer, better than dad she always tells him. But he always tells her, that’s the  way he wants it to be, then he lifts his leg and farts, and sings Nobody Does it Better, from the James Bond film.

And that’s the 2^nd life lesson, don’t cheek your dad, or he will turn the other cheek and fart, leaving you gasping for breath. The 2^nd Life lesson is always have enough toilet paper in the bathroom, and when you finish wipe both sides of the seat and flush. If you finish a roll then replace it properly. Dad cleaned bathrooms in a 4 star deluxe hotel, CPNEC Birmingham, when he wasn’t talking to millionaires in the foyer. So a fully ready toilet is always a must.

Things will go wrong, and in dad’s life they did. In everybody’s life they do, the question is what are you going to do about it? What if you were in that toilet and there was toilet paper, what would you do? Text a friend? Though text is a good word, as this is in fact the 3^rd copy of this text I have in my hand. What happened to the 1^st 2 copies? Well I didn’t have a phone with me to text anybody, so I improvised.

So that is the 3^rd Life Lesson, always print on super absorbent paper, and remember paper can really really cut, a paper cut is the worst thing, ever, so if you do have to improvise at least you’ll always have some paper, some text with you, should you not be able to text a friend. But if people remember Life lesson 2 then YOU won’t need life lesson 3.

Life Lesson 4 is follows on from Life Lesson3, always but always have copies. Physical copies can be destroyed, or put to other uses as we’ve already discussed, such as mopping up spills, coffee spills on the English teacher’s desk. If she insists on wearing stockings and suspenders to school what dos she expect, a marriage proposal from the French kid hoping to be President?

Dad backs everything up in cyberspace to multiple accounts, they are free so get 17 of them and get all the free hard drives in space. Then email everything to yourself and your 17 free email accounts. Files and CUT and PASTE in FULL. So that when you set fire to the house because you were on the phone and not watching the chip fan. By the way this is not enough either, so buy a pack of usb sticks and make copies galore. By copies galore at least 7. 7 being the number of times you, well use your own imagination, dad wrote this for me not you. 7 times you….

Why is dad so strict about this. He was a Computer Operator when he was still a teenager 40 years ago. Then computers were as big as wardrobes and a disk drive was not a usb stick, it was as big as a washing machine, with 0.1 of a gig or less on it. And if something went wrong you really really really knew about it. So Lesson4 BACKUP, especially now that A levels and degrees and PhDs beckon. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Lesson 5, you will get you degree and be the best of the best. But now you will be even more unemployable. As you know I am ½ Chinese, but say I went back to Shanghai and said I have a degree in this or that. They would laugh and say look out the window, and as you look the will say, we have 200million people just as qualified and 150million better qualified.

So Life Lesson 5 is stand out. And I’m not talking about the English teacher in her stockings and suspenders. A repeated thing is called a Chorus by the way, so the English teacher in stockings and suspenders is the Chorus. Or the Amen at the end of a prayer, that A MAN, may be the answer to the English teacher in stockings and suspenders PRAYERS.

If you are pretty you stand out and you are remembered, so subliminally you get a head start. People judge you in 20 seconds, when my dad worked in a hotel he must have met 100,000 people and spoke to that many, lots of micro-conversations. In his prime he could sum somebody up in 30 seconds, just as a good policeman or bouncer can.

What can you do to get an edge, well you could dress like the English teacher, repeat Chorus everybody. Or you could have style? Style may be just one item of clothes, like Theresa May’s shoes. Or a colourful scarf, or a scarf with unique broach on it. Something that makes people look twice. Yes un-brushed teeth with last nights’ kebab stuck to it makes people look twice and  remember you too.

Do you know you colours, have you done a Swatch, Gold and Black is not a good selection by the way. And yes if you are wondering, my dad is Gay Dad. No, stop laughing, he has a Shanghai wife, you’ve all seen my mum, and 2 bilingual daughters and a bilingual cat called Totoro. This means he knows about FASHION. He wrote the script for Zoolander.

So ask yourself, if a fat farting silver haired dad in shades can know about Fashion, why can’t you? Fashion is a tool so use it.

Life Lesson6 is Personality, this is the most important thing of all, people look at you first that’s why the Fashion, is 5 and Personality is 6, if you look like a dog’s dinner then you won’t get a chance to show your personality. Personality is the most important thing. If you can make somebody laugh then they will like you.

They will say where is Mandy, Brandy or Barry Manilow? If you can hold an intelligent conversation then people will want to listen to you. The looks will fade, but the twinkle in your eye or the laughter and light will not. If you look great that’ll last for 10 years, or 30 if you have Chinese blood, or if you are a fat silver haired dad in shades, then Forever, Fame I want to Live Forever Fame. Chorus again please.

OK, I didn’t write this dad did, he puts stuff down to embarrass me.

Life Lesson 7 is never be embarrassed, what would you do if a naked man suddenly appeared. The English teacher would just slap his bare arse and say, Kindly Go to the Art Studio, the Still Life Class does not start till after assembly. You will have kids, even Sarah, and they will pooh and puke everywhere, so you have to cope with it. I live with dad, he does not pooh and puke everywhere yet. BUT I DO KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH BEING CONSTANTLY EMBARRASSED. So have a catchphrase and use it on all these occasions. Such as I used to work in a 4 star deluxe hotel, and smile.

Dads make you take the rubbish out, to do this to do that. And they are a right pain in the PIGU, this is a Chinese word you can look it up, I’ll spell it for you. P I G U But what I never realised was its his way, their way of saying I LOVE YOU. It’s to teach me, to teach you, all of us of the value of work, real work, physical work.

Dad has cleaned toilets, he’s swept floors, he’s ran computer rooms, worked in a major law firm, he’s taught English as foreign language. He’s even written over a million words, please buy the books, he says he’ll buy me a Range Rover if you do, and try saying that if you are Chinese.

The point though is that Dads try and protect us.

STEP AWAY FROM LECTERN

AND DO TAI CHI DISPLAY.

Dad taught me that Tai Chi too, he had to visit 99 Chinese takeaways, visiting all the food and relatives we have, just so he could pass on that Tai Chi. He put on 10 kilos in 3 weeks. But he said he did it because he loved me.

So the 8^th and Final Life Lesson, and 8 is lucky in China be HUMBLE enough to realise that you don’t know all the answers, the old sack of farts in the corner, the fat man with silver hair and shades has lived a life and many many things were sad, too sad to mention, that’s why dad, my dad only writes comedy. A Comedy of his many Errors, but if you do buy all his books, he really will buy me a Range Rover, for my dad keeps his words, all 1,060,000 of them safe in cyber space and on 17  usb sticks.

 _***

_{see you tomorrow, but one day there will be no tomorrow}

_{so enjoy my stories and spread the word, like fertilizer}

the multi layered writer, in all senses of the word

U2 and more

 U2 and more

I just saw a doc/rockumentary on U2

very impressed though they are not on my music list

I'm not on their reading list either

Somebody over on my Michael Casey blogger is reading

The Korean translation of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

The full translations are available on my Wordpress

I'll paste in the link at the end

So went to Mass in Dublin via the Internet

Heard a Scots Passionist lead the way

So accents astray

Had  to have a nap later on, but yesterday Tinnitus was mostly kept at bay

Got up when Totoro clawed at my bedroom door, that's how she gets let  out

By waking me up, the kids sleep like pigs

So it's always me that feeds her, she has a pile of food by washing machine

I always know when she wants to come in late at night too

She sat on the fence or the kitchen window sill

Happens too often, so we must be connected by brain waves

yes the cat is smarter, and has 9 lives, I wish she could borrow me one

Totoro is nearly 6 now, and should live 14 more years, Jean our old cat did

What else, I'll listen to Bono and crew more later

But not overnight, Taylor Swift, or soft rock Play List is best during night

As I fight Tinnitus

The Rosary works sometimes, or surfing the internet till 5am 

or whenever Tinnitus gives in, Tinnitus is the worst of all my diseases

Even worst than the pain attacks, because at least they end

Or the change in voice and unable to breath sessions, no not Covid

my usual merry go around of pain, without the pleasure

Yes Korean Kdrama really does keep me happy, that and films too

I don't think I watch any actual tv programs apart from NEWS

That's why BBC and ITV worry

ok, time  for bed

here's the link to ALL the Translations, so go tell the United Nations, shout out the window

something to read while it snows

ALL in ONE place Translations Galore

OUT이 아닌 300Download

korean-translation-still-alive-2015Download

KOREAN Quick StoriesDownload

korean-translation-still-alive-2015Download

bbu-in-koreanDownload

all-for-koreaDownload

outec9db4-ec9584eb8b8c-300-1Download

Arabic Altogether NowALL for KoreaKOREAN Quick StoriesWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015Wydanie polskie Still Alive 2015 – Copywin Wiersze dla wszystkichVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerTURKISH tRANSLATION OF bbuThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationsspanish-bbuSpanish BBUportuguese-bbu2019abcportuguese-bbu2019abcportuguese-bbu2019PORTUGUESE BBU2019polish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translationschinese translation BBUchina-bbu-converted-1China BBU-convertedChina BBUbengali-translation-of-bbuBengali Translation of BBUbbu-russian-translation-microsoft-wordbbu-italian (2)bbu-in-arabicbbu-germanBBU UrduBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU ITALIANBBU IndonesianBBU in KOREANBBU in Indian HindiBBU in HebrewBBU in HebrewBBU in ArabicBBU in Indian HindipersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019В поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015   

It is nice to see every day where you all are as you read my stories

It is over 80 places worldwide

I’ve covered all the major language groups and you can all buy my Original English

on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

I only read emails in ENGLISH with a decent subject line and I never click links

Junk emails just get deleted unread

Now curl up in bed and read my stories

yes this is me on  14th Oct 2019, I think

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/2020/05/15/all-in-one-place-translations-galore/ 

7th Feb 2021 The Sky is the limit

 7th Feb 2021 The Sky is the limit

well I had better sleep,in 2 hour chunks so that is good

Been watching series 2 of comedy CSI

very dramatic, and disturbing

I hope the CSI girl gets her man, but I'll have to wait and see

the thing I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT KOREA 

is the Corruption, as shown in Kdramas, it's saddening

In The Good Manager he wants to go to Denmark

and now I know why

That aside I still have my Korean dream

a new Korean wife and to produce 4 kids to form a Kpop band

though obviously that won't happen, I'll be dead first

Though God is good as my mother always said

So you could be in Seoul now but end up beside me in Birmingham

I hope you bring have loads of money as I have none

Gangham Style, or you have a takeaway nearby

Enough here's a random piece to keep you going

there may or may not be something  new later

Lessons in Listening ©

 

By Michael Casey

 

This should be about the World’s events this Jan 29^th 2017, but there are enough people talking about it so I’ll let others do that. I will say though, and you all just knew I’ll say that I’d just say. I live in Birmingham, my parents were from County Kerry Eire, and they came here in 1944 when the war was on. My wife is a Shanghai girl and we have 2 bilingual daughters, one of whom dreams of being a Doctor, the other may be the next Julie Walters or a PhD in something else. My best friend is a little Indian guy who has a PhD too, if you hang around with clever people you appear clever by association, oh by the way my friend’s family were from Calcutta.

 

I’ve started a new paragraph so you can skip the 1^st if you have low tolerance for major news stories. I decided tonight to write about Listening, obviously we all listen every day, and you can guess what my last sentence might be before I’ve even started on tonight’s piece.

 

So why do we listen? To get what we want and to give what we want, we listen. Can I have a Cadbury’s Crunchie please? And Neil in the corner shop, who is Indian, will give you a Cadbury’s Crunchy. He also give you your change. Every simple interaction in a shop is about asking and receiving, we do it all the time when we go shopping.

 

When I’m in Aldi I’ll ask the crew where is this or where is that and they will tell me and I’ll go away happy with my precooked in a Kiln Salmon pieces, and they are delicious by the way, and I don’t explode the salon in our microwave any more. Life is all about asking and then receiving. Seeking and then finding, doors are even opened for us, such as fridge doors in Aldi. The religious amongst you will have spotted the Biblical reference.

 

The point being that by being courteous we have a smoother Society, I listen to you and you listen to me. I know from experience that listening does make a difference. If you work in a 4 star deluxe hotel for 3 years as I did then all day every day you are listening. You are there to please the guest, if you do its good for the hotel and they come back.

 

Ours was a new build, I even had my interview in a porta-cabin. The thing we are taught and learn is that people like to be listened to, it takes no effort and does make all the difference, especially when they are complaining wherever you are working. If you let people blow off steam then they calm down sooner, ask any Police you know they will agree. 

 

The week I started at the hotel was the week my dad died, I went to visit him on the Tuesday the 2^nd day of the new job and he died on the Saturday, so Joy and Pain all came calling in the same week. The hotel and Jonathon Walker were very kind to me. I had spent years visiting my dad every single day in the old people’s home and there I listened to him. It’s now 15 years since he died.

 

You are company for your old dad or mum or aunty or the old cantankerous woman in the flat above. Listening and sharing a cup of disgusting tea DOES make a difference even if its just that you appreciate a good cuppa after your sacrificial cuppa you force yourself to drink with the horrid lady upstairs. There are millions of people the world over who appreciate a kind word, or help finding white bread on the shelf in Aldi when their eyes are too old, or they don’t read English.

 

For me listening isn’t just about being charitable, its about being Irish, as having Irish blood means I enjoy a story, little wonder I’ve ended up as a writer with one million words on the page. I did spend decades talking to my dad enjoying all the stories even if I’d heard them many many times before.

 

Listening to BBC Radio 4 is all about listening as its speech radio, not music or background music. I smile when I see kids heading for cramming courses nearby I want to tell their pushy parents to buy a radio and glue the dial to BBC Radio 4. Its worth a 2 grade improvement in itself. Why waste your money on a crammer, best of all when 5000 people apply for the 500 places at grammar school. In passing our local school is in the top 2% in the entire country, Discipline makes a difference, as does Listening to the Teacher.

 

The greatest thing we do in life is listening to another person, and when we listen our defences are lowered. If you can make somebody laugh then barriers come tumbling down, they want to listen to you because you make them laugh, you make them happy.

We appreciate each other and then because we have listened we can love. If you like making love is the perfect act of listening, which may explain why real ugly comedians have the prettiest wives.