Wednesday, 1 January 2020

My Final Decade?

My Final Decade?

My Final Decade?
well I’m waiting for the girls to come home from Hanicha’s, they are  watching the fireworks together. So I’ve almost reached my 5 years since my quadruple heart bypass.
Aches and pains and ill health have littered my  path and you are all sick of me talking about it. But realistically I’m probably now in my final decade. Yes I’d love to live 40 more years and marry a 25 year old nice Korean girl and have 4 more kids and form a Kpop band  or a Martial arts school.
But what are the chances of that. Over 20 years ago I visited the Czech Republic and stopped with a Gay Doctor, because my female pen friend had no space at her place.
I also met a female Professional Model called Patricie V, who then came to my home here in Birmingham to learn English for a month. The girl I really wanted was an English girl, but she had great taste and did not want me. So I ended up marrying a Shanghai girl instead, far far prettier than the Czech model.
Now it’s 20 years on, and I’m in pain a lot of the time, as I’ve bored you all about already.
So really what are the chances  of me meeting a Korean girl and starting a 2nd family.
Zero, my Shanghai wife would have laughed her eyebrows off.
So keep on laughing with me this Decade, I hope you enjoy my words.
And Happy New Year to you all especially if you are in Singapore, my Shanghai wife once told me a millionaire asked her to marry him, but she turned down his golden cage and ended up married to me here in Birmingham and not in Singapore.
With a life like mine, little wonder I write  comedy. And who did I meet in the Post Office
today, only a group of Czech gypsies .
So what will my fortune be, its all in the stars, which was the story I wrote for Louise
20 years ago. I bet she’s relieved….
BBU in KOREANVietnamese Translation The Butcher The Baker and The UndertakerKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015BBU in Indian HindiBBU UrduBengali Translation of BBUBBU ITALIANBBU IndonesianpersianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

Monday, 30 December 2019

It's all in the Stars



It’s All In The Stars  ©

By


Michael Casey



Louise just loved to read her stars in the papers, but

gradually she became disillusioned, they were too inaccurate, too
general, she wanted more detail, a personal touch, she wanted to know
how her life would be. Not "you'll have a happy day today, a surprize
could be on its way." She wanted more, so she went to see a clairvoyant,

the clairvoyant was a gypsie who had pitched her caravan in the Bull
Ring. Louise happened to be there buying new knickers for herself outside
Saint Martins church when she spotted the sign saying "fortunes told,
cheap prices, under a fiver to know your future. "
So grasping her knickers in the carrier she climbed the four
steps into the caravan. The fortune teller looked like a rugby player in
drag, but that’s normal for fortune tellers, so Louise wasn't afraid.
She had 30 mins before she had to get back to Stats and some report
writing for Derek the boss. The bells of Saint Martin peeled, a
lunchtime service was about to begin, as for Louise she held her breath,
what would the future bring ?

Michael also wanted to know the future. He read his stars avidly
in the papers, he'd buy his shopping in Safeways, then once through the
checkout he'd read his stars in all the newspapers, before discarding the
papers and leaving with just his shopping, the papers in a heap at his
feet. He always hoped the stars would tell him when he'd meet the love of
his life, what he failed to notice was that while he had his head in the
newspaper, pretty women were standing right next to him browsing the
womens magazines. If only he looked up from the stars.
Fate would bring these two together, in fact they lived in the
same street, but their paths had never crossed, Michael lived at number
19 and Louise lived in number 25. Michael had been a computer operator
for 20 years but when the job ended he took the first job that came along
, so now he was a security guard, not one of those thick ones in uniforms
, no he was a guard in the new Travel lodge hotel on Broad street, the
biggest hotel in the city. He wore a suit and had a nice badge with his
name on it, and he had a nice slim radio. So he was an upper class
security guard. It was the perfect job for him because he liked meeting
people and having a gossip.

The fortune teller had told Louise, that she'd meet somebody
strong and reliable, though perhaps a little boring, things would
happen suddenly and she'd be swept off her feet. Louise liked strong men
why she'd been to see the Chippendales four times, so she smiled to
herself as she left the caravan, clutching her carrier of knickers. The
months passed and still Louise hadn't found her Mr Reliable, she got
offers of course, she enjoyed strutting her stuff in pubs all over the
Black Country her and her friend Mary. Only the offers were always from
men just past their sell by date, men who would buy you a pint and a bag
of chips and then want to feel more than your hips as she danced to 70s
Glamrock. So Louise said "Sod It !", as she slapped another man across
the face. Why couldn't men be Gay without being Gay, you know Gay men
treated you like a lady and didn't grope. Just why couldn't one like that
turn up.
Michael finished another 12 hour shift and was wandering around
his flat naked, scratching his bum and drinking another 2 litres of
coca cola. He switched the telly on and surfed teletext, his HiFi was
on too playing Genesis, he always read the news on all channels before
reading his stars on ITV channel 4, channel 5 and Sky. His whole working
life involved working odd hours with even odder people, so he'd never met
anybody who would put up with his lifestyle. Now 40 was on the horizon,
was he clutching at straws hoping against hope by reading his stars to
cheer himself up. Jo from the kitchen had given him a Xmas card saying "I
hope the girl of your dreams find you in 98 ", and the year was half
over. Michael sighed, at least he could have a quiet cry while he watched
weepies on Sky and the other channels. Little Women was perhaps his
favourite film, the ending where the Professor says he has empty hands
& he has nothing to give, but the girl gave him her hands and said "now
they are full". His own father had nothing when he met his mom, yet she
married him, and yet he married her and her false teeth, and they went
on to have six children. So Michael watched and wept, at least there
was refuge and solace in prayer, he had taken up regular prayer when he'd

read about Padre PIO, and when his mother died, and to his surprize his faith got
stronger. But still he longed for company, to talk with, to laugh with,

to cry with, and to wake up with. So he prayed and read his stars in
equal doses.
Louise slammed the door of her flat, and rearranged her blouse,

that bastard had more hands than an octopus, he'd left his thumb print on
her boob too, and the bra strap was broken too. She have to go down the
Bull Ring on Monday and get herself a new red bra, and new red knickers
too, it was a matching set after all. She flicked on the telly, Central
Weekend was still on, Russell Grant was on, so she didn't switch off.
He was saying that a proper reading involved study. Louise examined her
bruised boob as he talked, still listening she practised her undressing
technique, it'd been in Mary's Cosmo three months before, so she'd been
practicing it. Once she met a Gay man who wasn't Gay, he'd have the full
benefit of it, it was all about pleasing him, so to please yourself,
that's how Cosmo explained it. So there she was naked before her telly
with just Russell Grant smiling at her, "And it’s about examining your
potential and optimizing your best bits ", Louise was examining her boob
again, and her bum, she found another bruise there. So it was standing
naked before Russell Grant and a studio audience that she decided to do it
herself, she'd go to the library and dig out some books. She'd form her
own future, she'd caste her own fortune.

Michael dried the tears from his eyes, and switched the tv off,

scratched his bum, then got into bed. If only a millionairess would
stop at the hotel and fall in love with him, well it happened in films

didn't it? His stars had been contradictory as usual, so he just
believed the nice ones. Louise had switched off the telly when she'd
glanced out of her window, only to see a naked man get into bed. Michael
was afraid of the dark you see, so he always left a chink in his curtain
and Louise by chance or was it fate ? She had seen him, he was fat and
very hairy, but at least he had a big chest, she just loved men with big
chests. So sniggering Louise headed for her own bed.

The following Monday Louise dashed up to the Library and got as
many do it yourself Horoscopes books as she could find. There were five
in fact. She'd read them all then photocopy the best bits on the works
photocopier. No more newspapers for her, she'd do it herself, she had
five minutes left of her lunch hour so she went and got a new matching bra
and knickers from the Bull Ring, and some grapes too, she just loved
grapes. Somebody was selling a telescope too, so on impulse she bought
that as well, it was only a fiver. She be able to gaze up at the stars.

Michael had a nice day at the hotel, people seemed to like him,

well in five minute doses that is, a millionairess did stop at the hotel,

only she was a bitch, who knew she was rich and beautiful and intelligent
and she wanted the whole world to know it. If only she had a dose of
humility that'd change her thought Michael, would be perfect for this rich millionairess,

a dose of humility was a good thing, but Michael smiled and carried all her shopping
and put it into a waiting taxi, as she swore at him for not being quick
enough. But his stars had said "You will be mixing with the rich and
famous", and so he was, by carrying her bags.
Louise dashed home with her carrier full of library books,
she'd know her future tonight, she was a bit impetuous at times, so she'd
work out her future tonight. She saw the light go on in Michael's flat,
and she did have a telescope, so she gave into temptation and spied on
him. e was nice,very nice, then she nearly dropped the telescope, he
had a horrid birthmark on his left shoulder, a brown stain all covered in
hair. He was a bit like the elephant man, Louise laughed, and then went
back to her books. As for Michael he put the Disney channel on and
watched Beauty and the Beast, he could empathise with the Beast, he'd
been called a beast himself because of his birthmark, girls had run away
from him because of it. They could put up with him being fat, but not the
birthmark as well, that was too much. So Michael watched Beauty and the
Beast and cried and cried, some say a man should not cry, but Michael
knew that was bollocks, it was good to be in touch with your emotions, a
good cry cleanses then system. Recently he'd started listening to
Classic FM, cos one of the cleaners had told him about it, and that made
him cry too, how could just a few violins and so forth touch your soul in
seconds. But it was nice, besides they'd never be anybody there to see
him cry, so he could be true to his soul, and cry and cry.


Louise looked up from her books, she'd spent five hours reading
the future was hers, she picked up the telescope again, this time to
look for Uranus, but the sky had clouded over. So she watched Michael's
bum as he got into bed. Louise spent weeks reading and watching naked Michael

she even went to West Bromwich library in search of books, she was confident,

she knew she’d always be ok for money, and that was all that mattered as far as

she was concerned, so long as she could pay the bloody mortgage and could feed
her cat Sam. One night Mary couldn't come on the razzle, strutting her
stuff with Louise, and as Louise had a bit of a cold she stayed in and
watched the telly. Elephant Man was on, the music was good, but Louise
hated the black and white, and was going to switch it off, but it was
compelling in a horrible sort of way. As she watched she looked out the
window and could see naked Michael, she laughed, then looked back at the
Elephant Man, then she laughed "Elephant Man lives over the road, Sam",

then the music touched her, she felt guilty, a silent tear fell. She
couldn't bear her guilt so she got up and switched the telly off, she
didn't have a remote control. She put Heart FM on loud to cheer herself
up, but her eyes were drawn over the road towards Michael's back, so she
picked up the telescope. "It's not that bad I suppose, if I were his
girlfriend I'd shave it." Then she dropped the telescope, and reached
for her chocolate, and soon forgot him, Heart FM was great.

Hazel had the flu, so would anybody like tickets to see Phantom
of The Opera. So as it was free Louise had it, she liked classical music
too as well as glam rock, so it would be a night out for her and Mary.

The Phantom was great, a bit like Disney's Beauty and the Beast really or
even the Hunchback Of Notre Dame, about love crossing insurmountable
barriers. Michael had once said to his mom, that he wasn't good enough
for anybody, and his mother had chided that of course he was, Love
Conquers All was her message. And so was the message of Phantom. Louise
ate her chips on the bench outside the Hippodrome, her mind troubled,
Mary thought she was a bit quiet. Louise lied and said she was only
tired. But once home she got her telescope out and watched Michael's back
as she played the CD of the show that she'd bought. Guilt overcame her
and she cried, she cried just like a little girl.

Now sometimes fate cannot wait no longer it bursts on the
scene, it demands attention. Louise was returning the books to the
library, she had just bought more knickers from the Bull Ring. It was

while she was crossing the road at the top of Hill Street that she nearly
walked under a bus, had it not been for a strong hand pulling at her bra
strap she would have been dead. "Pervert" was on her lip, as she fell
backwards but the noise and shadow of the bus drown her words.

"I could have been killed," she stuttered, as she got to her feet.

"That's why I grabbed you, your bra strap was what saved you," replied
Michael.

Louise looked up to see who had saved her, she looked deep into his eyes
,his child like eyes. She screamed and fainted, he caught her in his
strong arms. A full minute later she opened her eyes.

"But it’s you, I've never seen you with your clothes on, " stammered
Louise.

"Pardon? " replied Michael not knowing her guilt secret.

"You see, we are neighbours in Miracle Road Qangleton, " explained
Louise.

"Here's your knickers," replied Michael as he picked up her carrier and
it’s spilled contents.

"But, you saved my life, " said Louise, before smothering him in
kisses, he had saved her life after all.

"Let's go for a coffee in Dunkin Donuts," suggested Michael "you have
had a shock after all.

And so that was how they finally met, it was all in the stars, I
think they went on to have twelve children and lived happily ever after,
you get a lot of family allowance with twelve children after all.



now I wrote this for Louise 20+ years ago  maybe

then 4 years later I actually began work at a Hotel....

Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham

since then I've morphed into a Writer and email sender to the world

happy 2020 and read a book before I die, but not too soon, the dying that is.
















A Christmas Present for Kim in Korea

A Christmas  Present for Kim in Korea

BBU in KOREANKorean Valentine PoemKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015Korean Still Alive 2015페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN


3 books:- The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
                 Still Alive 2015
                 Quick Stories

Plus a Love Poem  :- You are Never Alone When You are in Love

So Kim, you disarm and we'll send you food
Berlin Airdrop Mark 2, but sacks of rice
All you have to do is disarm
Then you can go into the Hotel Business with the newly resigned Trump

The Best of all Possible Worlds   as Candide  said

Love and Kisses Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades





from Birmingham the one in ENGLAND

Sunday, 29 December 2019

Michael Casey Head of Mi5 and Mi6 and why not?

Michael Casey Head of Mi5 and Mi6 and why not? ©
By
Michael Casey

Well I read they want a new head of MI5 and MI6 so I thought I’d apply for both, if I don’t get one then I get the other. But don’t tell anybody it’s a secret. I mean If Dame Judy Dench can be M then I can be her top boss, I am M or Michael already, I just want to go higher, through the Glass Ceiling, but having a glass ceiling in a spy place sounds stupid. It’s like somebody losing the Plans of the building, it’s too ridiculous for words, it could never happen. Oh it just did.

So they said stand by your man, I was doing line dancing at the time, and somebody whispered in my ear, so I slapped his face, I’m not that kind of man. I only like women, it was a test to see if I could handle anything, I certainly wouldn’t handle a man, I’m a one woman man, loyal. Then we danced a bit more, the man was persistent, so I slapped his face again, he said his name was Bond, James Bond, I didn’t believe him, he looked like a Colin to me. Or CO LIN if you are American, the things the Americans do to names, it’s just STRANGE, but spelt badly and wrong.

Then later a Korean girl marched passed, perfect line dancing, wearing a KIM T-shirt and a dangerous smile. Obvious I told her I loved Kdrama and maybe Yoona would marry me, or a clone of Yoona. They are very clever in North Korea they clone anything. But she said all she could offer was an extra bag of rice, she was from the local take away.

But really that was a cover, she was in MFI, the furniture store, constructing  a cover life. Really she was a spy, I knew it, the way she carried a bag of rice gave it all away. Later as we waved our cowboy hats in the air she spoke, meet outside the public toilets at noon, and you’ll be picked up and taken for your interview. Then she kissed me lingeringly and felt my amble behind, before slapping my face hard, she’d seen Where Eagles Dare, so she was playing her part well, too well.

Outside the public toilets there was a queue of old ladies, there always is, the only bench in the town is there, so old ladies fight over it so they can sit and have a fag. Or cigarette if you are a confused American. A car pulled up, I thought it was a drugs dealer, Fatty get in, he shouted at me. The old ladies thought I was on the game, moi, a male prostitute or something. But it was all part of the cover. Hello I’m Rodger said Rodger, I really thought he was on the game, as Roger is a verb in England, and if you are American ask the vicar to explain.

He drove me to the local library, and told me to look for Sherlock Holmes, I could not find any on the shelves so I asked the Librarian Fran, only it was not Fran but the Korean girl, as she spun around it was love at first sight. Her woolly jumper and skirt were just too much for me,what with the horn rimmed glasses, she had power over me. My behind had bruises to prove it. Then in Queens English Miss Korea explained, look for Sherlock Holmes and pointed. In a corner there was a man all dressed like Sherlock, not the deer stalker one, the American tv one. And yes Miss Korea’s real real name was Watson, as in what’s on tv tonight, Elementary, obvious isn’t it?

The drug using guy in the corner was there to interview me. And why do you want to be Head of MI5? Because as James Bond is retiring I thought I’d tidy up the firm. He rolled his eyes not because of my answer but because whatever stuff he was using had just kicked in. While he tripped away, an old dear shuffled towards us and sat down.And why do you want to join MI6? Because you want more stamps in your passport.

So they pinged and ponged and asked questions, about this and that and the other. Would I do anything for Queen and Country? Would I go to bed with a man, if that’s what I had to do, and yes they’d seen that French Secret Service show on tv as well. I stuttered and fixing my gaze on Watson in the distance I tried to imagine her as a Kim, and failed, she was just too, too, too unbelievably pretty. No I could do anything but that, even sing the Meatloaf back catalogue,but I could break any man, I am 116kilos or 18 stones, or 252 pounds if you are an American. So I’m body slam them and throw their body in a ditch, providing that no Borises were there. They smiled at that for some reason.

They then took me for tea, Watson looked on admiring, she still had skin from my behind stuck under her nails, it was intoxicating her. At the transport cafe next door there was a test, could I steal a truckers heart, by stealing his 18 wheeler with my 18 stones.So I stole some truck keys and drove the MFI truck and trailer to the MFI store further up the road, the spooks aren’t stealers after all.

We returned to the library, there there was a final test. Kill Watson, could I kill in cold blood. Just like in The Kingsman where you have to kill a dog, and the British do love animals more than their children after all. So I sneaked up on Watson in the True Romance section, I fluttered my eyelids, and revealed the man with the child in his eyes. We backed up to Sci-Fiction and grappled, her tongue against my tongue, it was a tongue fight. We went through the Biology section, grappling more and more. We reached the Fire Exit, now after having distracted her, her a double agent, as I was told I was going to gently strangle her, with my old school tie,the green and red of George Dixons Grammar school for Boys.

I was never confused about my gender, though I did once wear my mother’s dress and stockings,I was just hoping I would not be outted for doing that during the vetting process, I’d just have to keep my legs crossed, and my ladies frilly knickers on. Watson fainted in my arms as her nails broke in my buttocks, it would have been perfect love making, buttocks, I mean but I’d been told to kill her. Forgive me I whispered, the happy Line Dancing memories still as fresh as paint in my mind.

Then I was hit on the back of the head and blacked out. Korean Watson was no double agent, it was all a test. I awoke half naked above a Korean food store, Watson looked at me. You did not get the job, either of them. But they said I could keep you as a trophy fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England. Then she winked. Or maybe I’m just prawn crackers.





mi5 and mi6 will be the next story the headline was a gift

mi5 and mi6 will be the next story the headline was a gift

so i'll do that today if the pain monster stays away

Tinnitus is a pain, no rest for the wicked perhaps

anyway stay pure, or as pure as you can be

i'll be back with a story later

in my mind the route map, or splattering of the story is there

i just have to join up the dots on the page

like a pig with  diarrhea  marking a wall 

i just joint the smatterings to get the story

yes you were right, my writing stinks ho ho ho Rudolf likes it anyway




Trump Hiring Now

TrumP Hiring Now 14/11/2024  ~  michaelgcasey   ~  Edit "TrumP Hiring Now" I’ll give you a job, your hot dog stand is so good, Foo...