Wednesday, 18 September 2019

Urdu Translation of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

Urdu Translation of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker(c) by Michael Casey

can now be found over on my Wordpress

It is not Shakespeare nor Dickens

but a modern story about love, family, and lots of Comedy with a thrilling end

What would you do to save your Princess?

It was looked at by a film Producer 6 years ago

maybe somebody somewhere will adapt it

and yes PAY me, as it always remains my copyright.

Urdu Translation of The Butcher The Baker and the Undertaker

BBU Urdu

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/author/michaelgcasey/

how do you lose 10 pounds and 10 years in 15 minutes?

how do you lose 10 pounds and 10 years in 15 minutes?

YOU SHAVE

well it worked for me, I was looking like an old granddad

and smelling just as bad

Now at least I'm slightly better

the local kids thought I looked like a Bad Santa

I wear a red jumper and trousers hence the confusion

I may try and add some extra languages to my Wordpress

just so I can annoy a few hundred million more of you

POTENTIALLY

Israel was reading me last night, maybe as a break from their election

Today Russia and Brazil are reading, see I'm world famous, but not in England

Just like a Prophet

Full of Dandruff and Penniless is my future, but at least I shaved today

Tuesday, 17 September 2019

New Stuff

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 17/09/2019 5 Minutes

New Stuff ©

Michael Casey

Earlier I spoke about being or rather feeling old if you surf for keyboards, the ones with the Alphabet on. Well I’ve had my dinner and met Annie on the Hill as well as the orange cat and our neighbour the blind man with the Alsatian guide dog, and my daughter has more junk to take with her to University, so I was thinking New Stuff. So that’s why you are getting this, whether you are in Russia or South America or Thailand, some of my readers these past 2 days. And yes none of you have stopped by Amazon to buy the English version of my ebooks, but I’ll forgive you if you can get Putin or Trump to mention me in a Press Conference. Even if its just to say that fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England is a disgrace, leaving a trail of dandruff everywhere. Fame at last, and then Head and Shoulders will put my face on every bottle, don’t be like HIM, use US instead.

But back to the plot, New Stuff, we all like new stuff. My first pair of long trousers made me feel great, Summer of 1970 I think, just before I went to Grammar school. Mum was sat in the garden on a broken backed barn chair, she took up the hem, then I tried them on. A pair of puke coloured cords, I remember dancing up and down the yard enjoying the sensation of long trousers. I used to wear shorts with long socks with garters to hold up the socks. My new long trousers were great, they were in fact an old pair of one of my brothers, 2nd hand or even 3rd hand, but they were mine, all mine.

And yes I’ve always had short fat and hairy legs, just like Ernie Wise, though mine are incredible strong. Which came in useful when I needed veins to transplant into my heart for what turned out to be a quadruple heart bypass. I weighed myself the other day so I think all my weight is in my thighs, I am 116kilos, and no I’m not going to pose for you, you’d have to know my biblically to find out. Fetch the bucket to be sick in.

Back to new things, it’s the smell and the touch which is so nice. A book, a physical book has colour and text and smell, and a cover design. If you are lucky it is well written as well, otherwise you use it in the outside toilet as reading matter, or to wipe your bum with, or you may just burn it on the wood burner.

New things smell new, and they have a feel to them that makes you happy, you have something new, as opposed to hand me downs. They can come gift wrapped as well, and that can add to the excitement, just like Christmas. Though men are really fed up with socks and ties every Christmas. Shoes, new shoes are a weakness of mine, I used to buy brown because they were cheaper than black, but now years later I do actually like brown the most. Black shoes denote work, whereas brown is for relaxation, for taking your ease as my dad used to say.

Though he wore size 10 steel toe capped boots, for his time in the steelworks. Me I wear my old shoes as slippers, so rather than throw them away I give them some extra grace and use as indoor slippers. Believe it not I was 2015 UnCool Dad of the Year with Clark’s Shoes, part of the prize was 2 pairs of shoes of your choice, I’m still wearing a brown leather pair right now. Musto, they are too worn to wear outside any more but after cleaning the sole I now wear them as my house slippers. That photo of me in an Orange Polo was enough for me to win the prize, the only good thing that happened in 2015, which was my own Annus Horribilis.

Getting something new is always nice, we used to have Fashion Parades when somebody got something new, so we could all comment and gawk at the member of the family with the new item. We may all try it on too, even trying to put a coat on the family dog, and my mother chiding us, don’t break it on the child. New things denote prosperity, or a bit of slack in the family budget, it’s a joy, dad has got a bonus, or one of the family has got their first pay packet.

In some cultures you may give your 1st pay packet to your dad, but even if you did he’d probably just give it back to you. He had the honour and the offer, and he could boast my child gave me his first pay packet. I can remember I got £30 or so and I bought a hifi which lasted years, and it was so nice to be able to listen to records. In them days they were real records on black vinyl. The hifi sounded great, and I never changed the stylus in the 10 years I had it. I think I gave it to me sister once I bought my 1st proper hifi a Technics, 30 years ago. I did get some cheap albums, which I bought the fire salvage shop nearby, I bought them if the cover art looked good.

Nice things are nice, because they are new and smell new, and it’s proof somebody loves you. A gift is good because it’s evidence of love and friendship. It’s even nicer if somebody bought something that you actually wanted, be it a pair of brown shoes, or a doorstop to keep the door open as the lock is broken and you don’t want to be trapped in the bathroom again. Yes, that is a real example. I was actually trapped in the toilet on the Paris to Calais train in 1984, but that’s another story.

Sometimes old things are better than any new stuff, remember that chair my mother sat on as she turned up the hem on my trousers? I took that with me when I got my own house. So it reminded me of my mother, I only lost it when we moved house a year ago now. So for 50years that chair was part of the family, and mum always nagged me to bring it back, so she could stand on it to clean the windows, but she stopped nagging me in 1996.

persianBBU PORTUGUESE BBU2019 China BBU-converted China BBU-converted В поисках индийской принцессы Wydanie polskie Still Alive 2015 win Wiersze dla wszystkich The Polish Translations The Polish Translations polish Guardian Angel Polish Edition of Still Alive 2015 Michael Casey The Polish Translations 페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN 아직도 살아있는 2015 ページ1 Quick Stories in Japanese インドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – Copy ЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ AD Страница 1 shoplife spanish Japanese elevator Advert BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples 50 Spanish Examples bbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1 BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in Hebrew BBU in Arabic 300 و my new bed BBU Russian Translation microsoft word BBU in KOREAN BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples KOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015 The Polish Translations Spanish BBU 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015

how do you know you are getting old?

how do you know you are getting old?

when you surf the Internet for keyboards

yes keyboards, I Write so a keyboard is a very important thing

here's one I spotted

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07K2Y7XGR/ref=sspa_dk_detail_2?pd_rd_i=B07K2Y7XGR&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExTUhIMUc1SUlPOVlEJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMjQ2MTAzMVdMQ0RMTDNGSzNJUSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwODc5NjA2M1NZNDlCM1hQNUM2MiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2RldGFpbCZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU&th=1

and no I'm not endorsing it, I am not an influencer or anything just a fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England

but I'll accept this if anybody sends me one.

The keys are called Chocolate keys nowadays

because they stand out like a bar of chocolate

they used to be called island keys

another sign I'm getting old

I'm still 20 in my head by the way, so no rude comments.

Monday, 16 September 2019

What's the News

What’s the News? ©

Michael Casey

Well where do I begin, which is a song title, you can Google for yourselves, I think Andy Williams sung it in the 1960s. So that’s a start to a story, to today’s piece, I did think of several other starts, but I may weave them in later on, I try and never waste material. It’s a sin to waste food, and it’s a sin to waste ideas, my mother would be proud of me, she always proud of all of us. You are as Good as Anybody I remember hearing her say when I was 4 or 5, about the time my eldest brother went top Grammar School.

So every day or so it seems I’ll phone my sister and touch base, I’ll get all the news and she’ll pass on all of hers. Who we met and who we saw, and the silly and stupid things of the day. What food we ate, or saw in the shops on offer, normal family stuff. How are my girls doing and so on.

News is the verbal cement that holds a family together, and yes I wrote that line over 30 years ago in The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker my comic novel, should anybody be tempted to claim it as their own. Though that’s old news as if you are reading this you have probably read the line in the Arabic or Spanish translation you downloaded from my WordPress. Maybe you are Jordan, the country not the model reading it right now.

So news comes and news goes around. How they brought the Good News from Aix to Ghent was a poem we leant in 1st year of Grammar school with Mr Foster, and Brewer you are a Cretin was a line of his I seem to remember, after he first called him a Moron. Casey are you raising your hand to answer or supporting the Wall? Is what he said to me, as I sat in the alphabetical corner, nearly 50 years ago.

News comes in good and bad packages, you’ve passed an exam and you proudly hold the letter aloft. You get news of a death or of an illness, or that Foot and Mouth has wiped out your sister’s cattle. But she had a great brother in law who sent help. I can clearly remember that as I tell you this, as I write it down, it brings tears to my eyes because it reminds me of my father and the love over the Irish sea back to Kerry, maybe 50 years ago.

News is fun, it is joy, it is Saint Patrick’s badges been sent in an envelope for us all, so the Green can be celebrated in our corner of Birmingham, from the very same aunt. Simple joys in a letter, sent with love.

There can be sadnesses too, a knock at the door and 2 Policemen there, Can we Speak to Mr Casey, which one there are 5 of us. Then the Police come in, they tell me that our lodger, the one who gave me a watch for passing the 11 plus exam was dead. He was going around in circles on the No.11 bus, the Outer Circle all 20+ miles of it. He’s died on the bus home from his riding holiday. Then it was me who had to tell our mum as she came up the road carrying two leather shopping bags, it was 1980, another lodger has died on me of a heart attack just the year before.

Death and disaster arriving in letters or in person. The Angle had Glad Tidings of Great Joy I Bring, Hope can Spring Eternal, a Letter or just one word can change everything. A simple Yes through the tears of Joy, or a sad silent No, a shake of the head, unwilling to look you in the eye. All these are news. I’ve had a bit a sad news myself recently, but you can never let it beat you. Yes be sad for an hour or for a day, but then be glad again, never stay sad.

Retail Therapy does work, or Sod It, let’s go down the Pub, it can and does work, as does a few hours in bed curled up against your sadness. But Comfort in bed from the one you love is far far better, a hug and a kiss, and a bit of sexual bliss, will help you weather any storm. Then you put your pants back on and face the day again.

In my case I just bought some toys for my daughters, because they needed them and besides you can’t take it with you. So break the budget and fight back, I’ll get over whatever the problem or setback is, I’ll tuck my fat belly in and wear roomier underpants, and then stride manfully along. Though I do need a woolier winter vest too.

So that’s today’s piece, I could have quoted the famous pieces about News, but instead I’ve shared memories, which I hope remind you of your own ones. Remember too, the Prodigal Son and The Good Samaritan. One was ashamed but returned home, as a Father will never turn a son away. The other treated a Stranger as if he was his son and bound his wounds, in today’s world that was the Bad Guy tuning out to be the only Good Guy. The guy who is generally despised being the Hero in Shining Armour. Which reminds me of High Noon, do not forsake me…

300 and Not OUT 18 New Views 17 AGAIN 17 AGAIN 15 Down2018Jan 14 Up persianBBU PORTUGUESE BBU2019 China BBU-converted China BBU-converted В поисках индийской принцессы Wydanie polskie Still Alive 2015 win Wiersze dla wszystkich The Polish Translations The Polish Translations polish Guardian Angel Polish Edition of Still Alive 2015 Michael Casey The Polish Translations 페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN 아직도 살아있는 2015 ページ1 Quick Stories in Japanese インドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – Copy ЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ AD Страница 1 shoplife spanish Japanese elevator Advert BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples 50 Spanish Examples bbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1 BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in Hebrew BBU in Arabic 300 و my new bed BBU Russian Translation microsoft word BBU in KOREAN BBU German BBU French 50 Spanish Examples KOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015 The Polish Translations Spanish BBU 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015 아직도 살아있는 2015

Saturday, 14 September 2019

Weighted myself for first time in ages

So naked on the scales I am 116.5 kilos

Which is 7 kilos MORE than Mike Tyson

when he was in his boxing days

I am still very quick, so just leave me alone

If I am rushing for the toilet

or just buying toilet paper in the store

there could be very dangerous consequences indeed

and yes it was me who stole the Golden Toilet

from Blenheim Palace, that's why I look so flushed

google it if you don't believe me

Arguing the Toss

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 14/09/2019 4 Minutes

Michael Casey

As you know I read the newspapers every day and I watch the news too, and of course there is radio as well. A lot is interesting and some stuff is just boring, even I am sick of Brexit. So I hope there is some finality soon, but what annoys me the most is the pointless pieces. What am I talking about? You know where Common Sense has just gone out the window. School has restarted after the Summer break and now we have “issues” with uniform, and I hate the word “issues” too, it’s too much PR speak. Just speak clearly.

This uniform is too big, too small, or not there at all. If the girls look like a Prostitute because of their “style” then yes send them Home. Or if the boys turn up looking like Elvis and smelling of Stunk, yes send them home or even call the Police. However if you go around with a ruler and say the trousers or skirt are an inch the wrong side of “Policy” then this is just PETTY. Or if you say the shoes are too shiny, or there is a pattern an almost invisible pattern on the toe of the shoe, so the child is sent home, this is a total waste of time.

I know Uniforms are supposed to make kids uniform, and to give a sense of Identity, but it’s 2019, everybody is aware of their own identity. Uniforms in today’s age, are a bit of a stale joke, rather like school photographs, everybody has a camera, or should I say a phone, which has a great camera on. Yet schools persist, because they get a kickback from the photographer, it’s a stale tradition, everybody has 1000s of photos on their Facebook already, or Instagram which the kids prefer nowadays.

Yes have a uniform, but do you know the Trouble it brings for the parents? A standard cheap uniform, say a black jacket and you can buy a school specific badge, that can be ironed on. Then hey presto you have a uniform jacket, by the way my school uniform jacket was green. GD green. You can get cheap trousers too from Asda, or a skirt if you are a girl. Then black shoes, and don’t argue the toss to get the absolutely strict interpretation of how they should look. So long as they don’t conceal a blade in them like Kingsman or James Bond, then it is all sorted. And yes I speak from Experience, as hunting for the exact school specific Look, is a waste of Time and Money. So come on schools, grow up, it’s the schools who are behaving like naughty kids. You try living on a tight budget and having to pay for several different uniforms.

Now that I’ve vented on that, what else annoys me. I want to be different, you should respect my differences. Treat me nice, don’t be nasty to me. To which I say, I do already. But if you behave like a bastard I’ll tell you to your face, whatever “way” you are, because the way you treat the least of my brethren is the way you treat me, as somebody once said.

So everybody can have equal treatment, but not special treatment. Obviously if somebody is blind or deaf you make accommodations, which makes the playing field level. But if they are nasty, you don’t give them a free pass, or would you put up with it? Just as if a Politician is corrupt he should not get away with it because, he is a “leader”, the standard should be higher if he or she is a leader or a Priest. They say they lead, but we are not sheep, so we should never accept BS from them.

My final thought is about Trivia, tv shows are full of it, it’s cheap TV, on both levels, cheap to make, and it’s rubbish too. But people watch it and argue about it in the pub and at the hairdressers or nail bar. Cindy’s boobs are real, no they are not, oh yes they are. My Simone had hers done and they look just like hers on tv last night. But my Simone’s are better, she went to Hungary to get them done, saved thousands. Wayne looked so manly on tv last night, I’d stay in bed for a week with him, if I could get my walking frame close to my bed. I’d even use clean sheets to get dirty with him, he’s such a Hunk full of.

And on it goes. The Host is neither Straight nor Gay, and leaves the Audience confused, is he a he or a she? He gets paid lots, so his accountant calls him, “Loaded” or “Fully Packed”, the host’s partners call him or is it her, “Boss” is the word most likely to be heard. Though the host’s old mum, calls the Boss a Bastard for never ever visiting her in the old people’s home. And speaking as somebody who visited his dad every single day for 3 years at the Old People’s Home. All I can say is don’t waste your time arguing the toss, as Bastards aren’t worth your spit.