Tidying Yourself Up

Tidying Yourself Up ©

By

Michael Casey

If you saw the photo I posted earlier today then you will know that I’ve tidied myself up today, just by having a £5 haircut at my local Pakistani barbers. We also have Russian and Italian barbers, not to mention the other 10 hairdressers and barbers we have up the road.

A man can have the 3 S , Sh_, Shower and Shave. Then hey presto you look 20 years younger, in my case at any rate. Or you go out looking like a wreck but 15 mins in the shower and having a shave and using the toilet first does make a difference. By going to the toilet you lose enough weight for your trousers to fit.

 Then by shaving the white stubble disappears and you look 20 years younger. Its a pity about the silver hair that goes down your neck and all along your back. So you are a werewolf man, a real actual werewolf, hope its not a full moon tonight man, or I’m going to get some silver bullets ready.

If you actually polish your shoes, both shoes, and with the same polish on each shoe, then you have immediately smarten up your act. Shoelaces are a good idea too, if they match and are the same length that is even better. Socks are good too, especially if they are the same colour and you have not been wearing them for a month.

Nothing is worse than stinky feet especially if you are having an interview. You could of course sprinkle talc in your shocks before you put your shoes on. This is good, but the seal on the shoes and the socks is never perfect, so you leave a trail of white talc everywhere you go, rather like a snails trail. But at least no bad smell.

Trousers are always a good idea, especially clean trousers, but if you do wear a kilt then don’t forget to wear some woolly knickers underneath. But if you are Scotsman all you need is a kilt and a big big smile, but don’t spin around too fast, or the whole world will soon know if you are a true Scotsman or not.

Now a clean shirt, without toothpaste stains all the way down the front is a great idea too. Maybe a tie as well, if you are going to a very formal interview, or trying to impress on your first date with the local Mortician Mandy. You don’t want to appear too stiff on your first date after all.

Depending on the weather you may have a jumper on as well, just make sure the knot of your tie is exposed, and you have no toothpaste stains on your jumper either. Speaking of exposed, check that your zipper is closed too, you don’t want to make a wrong impression on the interview panel after all. But if you are having an interview at the local Naturist store then maybe an open zipper would be in order, a kind of visual handshake if you like.

All in all clothes do maketh the man, as does a wash and brush up, Dan Dan was a desperate man who combed his hair with the leg of the chair, after washing his face in a frying pan. But that does not mean you should follow his example, not unless you girlfriend is into grunge. Or maybe a Jezza Corbyn fan if I an be Political.

Yes do tidy yourself up, but remember real people like to hear what you have to say, and they can close their eyes as they listen to you. Or maybe you didn’t realise you were being interviewed by the Blind school, so all your efforts though laudable were in fact in vain. If you can make a blind man laugh, without giving his dog a bone, then you really do deserve that job teaching English at the blind school.

There is one thing you could say to make a blind man laugh or any man who loves his dog. Tell him Michael Casey’s dog peed on a house and as he led the dog away hurriedly he noticed that the house was for sale. So by hitting the spot Michael Casey found his new home. A house blessed by dog pee.

      

The Writer Michael Casey in photos just after his haircut, ok its that fat silver haired writer in shades again

So hypnotize me ©

By

Michael Casey

I was just picking up the kids from the school on the hill, I overheard a mum saying that her son was thinking of doing Hypnotism as a subject for part of his University course. It made me think about what kind of world we’d be if we could use hypnotism to iron out the rough spots. If we could use it to make us all shiny and new all the time. It made me think of Scifi  films, from Logan’s Run to Matrix, the perfect world.

So what if it was just weight loss, or fear of animals that was hypnotized away. You used to be able to listen to a tape while you slept and then hey presto in the morning you could speak Chinese.

That’d be good in our house as my wife is a Shanghai girl and our girls speak Chinese with her while I’m trying to write here at the computer.

Learning piano via hypnotism would be good too, my small daughter is now trying out the guitar after playing on the piano for 30mins. We saved up for years to buy the piano and then my brother gave us a child size guitar which he’d picked up cheap in The Works. My girl is making up a song now behind me as I talk to you, its hard trying to type when you’re trying not to laugh, try it for yourself.

Now hypnotists use a watch to hypnotize, so that’d interest me straight away, just the watch. I have a Russian KGB officer automatic at present, if you’re read The Watch and Me you’ll know about me and watches. When I have some money I hope to buy an Oris watch, but it will have to be a strong one.

 So there I am being hypnotized to learn after dinner speaking, I’d really love to get on that circuit, however I don’t know any Freemasons. I’m being hypnotized when I realize the hypnotist has a lovely Omega, so what happens. My love of watches overrules the hypnotist, I escape with his Omega and the hypnotist is found staring at the clock at New Street Station, he’s mumbling just look into my eyes, look into my eyes. I’m sent back to the hypnotist, he’s very famous, he has a Cartier Bleu watch, he just gives it to me, everything becomes a blur.

In the morning I wake up in bed speaking Chinese and giving an after dinner speech, on one wrist is an Omega, on the other is a Cartier Bleu. As for the hypnotist he’s found on the no8 bus going around and around Birmingham, on his wrist is my Russian KGB officer watch, and guess what, he’s speaking Russian.

Das Vidanya Everybody,

Michael

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

Philosopher in Pyjamas

Philosopher in Pyjamas ©

By

Michael Casey

Clever people don’t wear pyjamas, they are nude in bed. As I am, because my bum is just too big for pyjamas, and so when I got my own house 30 years ago I ditched pyjamas. Ok, you can all reach for the sick bucket, 30 years not a prude.

So why are we more relaxed in our PJs and not in our office attire? And why are we so cool when we are in the nude, obviously because we have no warmth from our clothes. Its ideas that keep us warm, its in our PJs that preconceptions are lost, and yes you can see it coming, when nude preconceptions can end and conceptions begin. Its 22.45pm here in Birmingham so you’ll have to forgive my opening.

When you are chilled, again through lack of clothes you are more inventive, that’s why companies have dress down days. These days make us all equal, or so is the theory. I find wearing comfy shoes makes me more relaxed, ask any woman when she comes home from work and throws her heels off. As she pours herself a glass of wine. Me a bottle of Dr. Pepper and my brown suede shoes does the trick.

Ditto with soft furnishings, if you are sat on a nice sofa and not on your hard office chair then you are more relaxed and creative. Google and such places are like a Wacky Warehouse such is the level of low key and dress down. Perhaps a toilet made out of soft furnishings would end constipation as well.

I try and have a comfy chair as I sit here talking to you all,with a bit of Gerry Rafferty playing in the background. As I am heavy and sit in the chair a lot they only last a year on average. I may replace the one in the photo soon, perhaps I should ask for a chair sponsorship from an office furniture company such as Staples. This story is brought to you by Staples printed at the bottom of my story. Or try and get a computer company to offer a free PC and printer, and not forgetting free unlimited Broadband. Sadly nobody anywhere would be so kind.

Its hard to know what anybody will like about a story, some people won’t get the joke, like one I tried to make about Scholes and Scholls tonight when I spotted somebody wearing a football shirt. All I can do is put my words out, on the page or live to people I meet and hope they get it.

 You have to be philosophical about it. If you get laughs 90% plus of the time then you are doing well. Some people will always think I’m an idiot, and not like what I say. I don’t like the Harry Potter books but a billion people do. Who is right on that one? Me or the billion readers?

Have you got the strength to stick to your guns against a billion to one others? Again it depends on your self confidence, and your self belief. Yes things are not always Black and White, and modern writers say White and Black to be trendy and thereby become a herd animal with words.

There are many shades of grey which is a Monkees’ song, and you have seen my hair after all. But you must always be true to yourself. But never say I’m Sorry But, say this is My Opinion, never say sorry but for having an opinion, you’ll be apologising for the colour of your eyes next. Though you do know I have nice eyes, its just everything else about me that stinks, especially my writing. See I stole the words from your mouth, perhaps I should go into Politics.

I have to watch the Press Preview on Sky now before bed, so I’ll leave you all pondering on tonights words. If you are as old as me you will remember Two Tribes by Frankie Goes to Holywood, if I remember right there was a video of Reagan and Gorbachev wrestling. Perhaps politicians should mud wrestle naked, then we can see all their shortcomings. And then laugh as we vote, it would be great reality tv.

Or am I just too far ahead of my time? Tick Tock the clock stops for no man. And when it does we argue with God that we just want a bit more time with our family. We feel exposed as God see us all naked, without any Philosophy. So if you are reading this God, I really did want to live till I was 100, but can I share my pain with a few sinners. I’ll let you chose who. Or am I trying to be too much like a god.

Come back in 2 hours I should have a new story ready for you

.something from 2010 or so/   to keep you going.

As I look out my Window ©

By

Michael Casey

As I look out my window the breeze gently rocks the rose bush in my front garden.

Loony Chick the teddy bear or should I say the teddy chick big and bright yellow sits in the front window. He or is it she, came all the way from Shanghai last Summer now Loony Chick sits in the window of our Birmingham home. But at least Loony Chick can still hear some Chinese every day and still smell Chinese food. So Life is normal for him or is it her? So what is normal? Having your own bed to sleep in and not some hotel far far away, not grandma's house in Shanghai, not an uncles house in Shanghai. Just normal, ordinary Birmingham. The clouds are so bright, the white white candy floss with all its funny shapes. The grey clouds are trying to group together to form rain clouds and then in the middle is the blue blue sky. This is Nature and is a Free Show, just as  the breeze can be like a kiss on the cheek, the flowers beginning to bloom, the buds on the buds on my neighbours apple tree next door, the golden chain at the bottom of my own garden. Transplanted 20 years ago and more from  my own mum's garden. The technicolour green grass in the garden, the bluebells in the flower bed and a few stray ones in the lawn itself. Grandpa's flower too, as we call one lone tulip which holds such memories for us. There are a few weeds too and some wild shamrock that survived  this harsh Winter just gone, scattered chalks in the yard, or should I say patio, which has drawings all over it, thanks to my artistic girls. Then there is the view of the washing line with small small clothes on it, until you see my "flags" giant items blowing in the wind, my clothes  are so big compared to my girls things. When I was in Shanghai the 1st time, now over 10years ago, we could locate Ma's house by my flags hanging from bamboo poles from the window ledge 4 stories up.

And the point of all my musings? Today everybody wants to talk about the new PM and the New Politics, and there will be much noise made. So instead of worrying about that, why not just sit sit back and have a nice cup of coffee and a Cadburys Crunchy Bar too. Look outside in the garden and see the bumble bees bumbling, see the magpies dance about, they may even steal your Crunchy Bar wrapper. Watch the clouds amble through the sky, listen to that ticking clock on the shelf besides the hugh Chinese/English dictionary, bound in red of course. The Tick Tock is soothing compared to the whine of the PC  processor at my feet, I can hear the back door close as my wife brings in the washing. All these are ordinary things BUT usually they go unobserved, take time out, if I dare mention a rival chocolate bar, take time out just to enjoy life. None of this costs any money nor takes any effort, BUT will be good for your Spirit, failing that just reach for the Johnny Walker Red Label, or in my case the Dr Pepper.

Don’t Abandon Your Future, There are many Futures ©

Don’t Abandon Your Future, There are many Futures ©

By

Michael Casey

I begin with irony and pain, my hips are getting better as I listen to the Beatles’ Sgt Pepper album, and I’ve got to admit its getting better. Only for my left shoulder pain to appear and descend to my heart, you think you’ll have a heart attack but actually its “just” Arthur my arthritis in another position. Hence the irony, don’t abandon your future, as I reach for the Movelat gel, and I smile through the pain, don’t abandon my future etc.

So that’s not where I wanted to start but I suppose it highlights the fact that you never know what might happen, you never know just how your Future, you wanted to be a world famous writer and make lots of money for your kids’ Future. Though I don’t want the Fame, the money would be enough, or just enough money to pass on, providing my Care does not cost too much. Don’t show Theresa this piece or she’ll cry, again.

So instead you are found dead on the floor and the cat Totoro hits the keyboard and deletes your masterpiece, so your family stay in poverty eating fish finger finger sandwiches on Hovis. Actually cats do sit on keyboards so close the lid or push the keyboard away. Or Just don’t let the cat in the room while you take a leak.

I’ve digressed as usual, my Joyce Grenfell and Ronnie Corbett on Speed style of writing, it wasn’t planned it just emerged, you can Google them and let them entertain you if you don’t like my stuff.

My daughter is having chill time during the half term, and as she is so super industrious as a student I just asked her had she changed her mind about being a doctor. I then added that there are Many Futures, so if you don’t get one there is always another, so all of the students out there should bear that in mind when the Results arrive in two months time.

Look at my path just by way of example. Tax Office, March Assessor, Computer Operator with interlude at paint factory, otherwise 21 years at the same place, City Hall Computer room, Trainee Betting Shop Manager, 3 years at CPNEC Birmingham at the Hotel where I did everything, 10 roles on a regular basis, Life Insurance Underwriter Non Medical, 3 years Pinsent Masons Law Firm, Esol English Teacher, House Husband or Hausfrau, being there for the girls while the wife went to work.

We want somebody to be home to feed and water the girls when they come home from school. As well as spells of unemployment before becoming full time Hausfrau. Not to mention 2013 when my Arthritis arrived, then 2015 when I went in as a 999, with Arthritis pain, my heart was not too bad, the but once they saw the results of Heart tests I had started to have weeks previously they decided to keep me in, and after more tests, 10 days later 13 Jan 2015 I had what turned out to be a Quadruple Heart Bypass.

So there you go, that’s why there is a Bucket and me on the cover of Still Alive 2015. I’ve also written 4 other books since then, you can count them https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

Nobody can predict what will or won’t be, nobody knows. You may have a Golden Life, rich family and live in a mansion and a beautiful wife. Then one day you’ll wake up and realise its just a bucket, like the one on the front cover of Still Alive 2015. That’s why you have Hippies having a Quest for meaning, and experiencing altered realities via dope and drugs.

Really, and I’m speaking from my own life experience, not some book, or cult. The true journey is Within, its your Interior Life, you can Google that if you don’t know the concept. Its your Family, they are what makes the difference. Money sticks to Money, but when the money goes what’s left? Will Money like you? Money isn’t Bad, its the Love of Money which is. There is a difference and you don’t have to be a Bible scholar to know that.

Family is the boat we sail in, when the storm comes, and it will, and there may be many, many many. It depends on many many things, life is a weather forecast after all. So what are you going to do? Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters? Or curse three times like Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral. F-, F-, F-

Or the 3 Fs, Family, Friends, Faith. We all have uncertain futures, me I just hope to live to see my girls grow up into strong women. I don’t know God’s plan for me, or even if he has one, that’s philosophy by the way, so I may touch on that in my next piece. I had one future, the door was slammed in my face. So I had another path, then another then another. Not forgetting stumbling into writing and marriage with children.

If you have a setback you start again, you never never surrender, I did not learn that from Churchill either. His bar bill was equal to 3 people’s salary, there was a programme on tv about it, hence the quote. Old Boris Johnson wrote a book about him recently. Go read that if you won’t buy any of my books. You make your own Future. You live with and through your disasters in life, whatever they are. A Golden marriage turned to dust as she ran away with the milkman or her personal trainer, not that Theresa may or may not do that. She could run away with Jezza and live on his allotment, living on his potatoes and onions.

Whatever happens you have to deal with it. But Never ever ever have a Keep Calm And sign in your home or the Devil himself will come for your Soul. A sign is rubbish, its what’s in you that makes you you. Its that that determines your Future, everybody’s Future.

I’ve given you the tip of iceberg by sharing, ok boring you with some of my life in just over a 1000 words. You have to move on and do the best with what you’ve got. If you wanted a better house, job, car or life, then you have to work for it. And if you don’t get the Sun be satisfied with the Moon, but always look to the Stars even if you are in the Gutter.

One final thing when you go to bed and you turn out the lights, you are making love to, anybody you like, in reality or in your dreams. The Beatles are singing All You Need is Love as I finish. So you are making love to your husband/lover/boyfriend/toyboy or the female equivalents. It’s all in your imagination.

 Am I Shakespeare and the product of my loins are 1,070,000 words on a page, or am I just a figment or your imagination or a REALLY BAD DREAM.  

Morning All 31st May 2017

Well its 3rd morning waking up as if I was a kebab on a spit through my hips gently roasting. takes a few hours for my body to get to "normal" So don't have Arthur arthritis any of you, lots of pain

OK I'll not bore you any more.

I do have 2 ideas for stories this morning,
Philosophy in Pyjamas
plus
Don't abandon your Future there are many Futures

Which could apply to Kim in North Korea
or
Trump in USA

either linked or unlinked

we have 1/2 term hols here so my daughter is chilling a lot half way through her exams, she even had her Prom, with 4 heavily armed Police at the door, because of the Manchester massacre.

It must be so unbearable for Manchester People, I can remember Northerners visiting CPNEC and they were always the best, loud and proud. Give us a kiss Michael and show us the photos, one lady used to say when she arrived. and I'd share the latest snaps of my then Toddlers.

Happy Happy Times

I'll  write my latest "masterpieces" later on 1,075,000 words is now the total, and I have 38,000 words so far ready for 14UP which will be my next book. Out of interest would you prefer blank book covers instead of my ugly mug staring out from the covers?

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC     to see  all my covers

Politics and Poland

I've just watched Theresa and  Jerry do their stuff.
Afterwards somebody who could lose a lot of his house value to potential pay for his social care
said he'd still vote Tory.
An a traditional Labour voter was thinking of voting Tory because of the Business taxes.
Then in Inner cities in Wolverhampton the asian vote on tv is thinking Tory.
So that indicates to me that the Tories will will even after a major wobble.

Not very scientific. but we'll know in 10 days time.

As for Poland I've reloaded some of my Polish Translations to this site.

I did produce 3 books in Polish but Amazon says its Kindle is not yet read for the Polish language, so those Translations are waiting for Amazon. Not Unless you know any Polish Publishers.

Thanks for reading this

Michael Casey


Właśnie patrzyłem, jak Theresa i Jerry robią swoje rzeczy. Później ktoś, kto mógłby stracić wiele swojej wartości domowej na potencjalne wynagrodzenie za jego opiekę społeczną Powiedział, że nadal głosuje na Tory. Tradycyjny wyborca ​​pracy myślał o głosowaniu Tory ze względu na podatki od działalności gospodarczej. Wtedy w wewnętrznych miastach w Wolverhampton głos azjatycki w TV myśli Tory. To wskazuje mi, że tory będą nawet po znacznym wahaniu. Nie bardzo naukowy. Ale będziemy wiedzieć w ciągu 10 dni. Jeśli chodzi o Polskę, ponownie załadowałam niektóre polskie tłumaczenia w tej witrynie. Zrobiłem 3 książki w języku polskim, ale Amazon mówi, że jego Kindle nie jest jeszcze w języku polskim, więc tłumaczenia czekają na Amazonkę. Chyba że znasz jakieś polskie Wydawcy. Dzięki za to przeczytanie Michael Casey

this chair is falling apart I need to replace it a 12inch bolt came out of it, either that or a North Korean hit team put it there...