Using a Computer

Using a Computer ©

By Michael Casey

We all use computers now, but it wasn’t always like that. When my brother said try computers back in 1978, yes nearly 40 years ago, they were new, and if you told anybody you were using a computer they were impressed, very impressed. They always misunderstood what a computer operator was, they thought it involved programming though people call it coding nowadays.

A computer disc drive was as big as a washing machine and vibrated just as much, tape drives were as big as wardrobes and the rest of the computer was long enough to sleep on, but that’s another story. So if you compare then to now, a computer is as small as a text book with a dinky keyboard attached.

I use the family desktop to write my stories and load them up to Amazon  books when I have a collection of 100 or so, not forgetting my 3 websites. I share the computer with my girls and they use the printer at my feet, so very typical of most families the world over. Then we all had the gift of Windows 10 which is good in my opinion. So we all use computers in our daily lives.

So how do you use your computer? If you are rich and/or have worked hard then you may have an Apple Mac, these look very pretty, I’ve never been lucky enough to have a play on one. However I do note that the keyboard is very small, it’s very pretty in an artistic way, but with my sausage fingers way too small. Even the standard size keyboard it a bit fiddly.

I did have some luck though as I was allowed to take home an old Microsoft keyboard, it’s almost as big as a skateboard, it was going to be binned, but I was allowed to rescue it. Once home I gave it a big scrub and tried it in the family PC and to my delight it worked, it’s the perfect size for my sausage size fingers, it has lots of little buttons I never use, nor do I really know what they are for, but the keyboard is ergonomic as the call it. It means its curvy like a woman’s body if I’m allowed to use that word.

A computer desk is a nice thing, the keyboard can slide in and out, though I tend to have the keyboard on my lap as I talk to you all, I have a drink perched on the desk in front of the PC, for safety the drink is not above the PC itself but on the opposite side. It is above the printer, but that’s always switched off till the girls need it.  And that’s how I am as I talk to you, not forgetting the screaming in Mandarin from the room behind me, you try living with 3 girls and a bilingual cat called Totoro.

Now a computer used to be very boring, then speakers came along, so you can listen to radio online, or play your music while you are using the PC, of course there is Utube too, but I’m assuming you are using your eyes so it’s just your ears free. So for few quid, or the price of 5 pints in a pub you can get some decent speakers. Then you are never alone as you work on the computer, I tend to play the same albums over and over, though now with Magic Radio and its sister stations I have plenty of advert free music.

At work people have postit notes stuck to their computer, like Autumn leaves about to fall, with curled up edges. Some have photos of kids stuck all around the edges of their PC, though some of the people I used to work with may have had phone numbers of 3 pubs stuck to the frame of their PC. WE were market research into alcohol sales after all.

Others have pens and pencils and felt tips in the grooves of the keyboard, personally I need a clear keyboard, as it’s balanced on my lap anything on the keyboard would soon fall to the ground and Totoro would run away with it. I do keep a pen to hand in front of the screen and last year’s diary I recycle to scribble any notes on, like don’t forget to buy Fairy Liquid.

The screen does make a difference, I was one of the 1^st to have a flat screen, maybe 14 years ago, we knew somebody whose factory made them, so I got one, it was very expensive at the time, a new one today with a much bigger screen size is ¼ the price of what I paid back then. Dinky size screens are just irritating, so a nice large screen is good. Back in my computer operator days in 1978 they were cube shaped with just black and white letters on, no pictures at all. So today when we have HD and all singing and dancing screens it’s a revolution, and the work of the devil compared to 40 years ago when I first started in computers.

The bottom line though is what you produce on your computer. Otherwise it’s pretty but a waste of money. Me I write my stories and will reach 800 next month or in early September 2016, then maybe by Christmas 2018 I’ll get to my 1,000,000 WORD, and maybe 1000^th story. So if my chair is broken by then I’ll treat myself to a new chair, they do tend to only last a year as I’m 100kilos plus and 40 hours a week plus sat in it is a lot of weigh.

Before I forget, a word of warning, never trust a computer, not ever, assume it’s a Politician who’ll stab you in the back, topical reference thrown in for good measure. Always back off your files to at least 2 usb sticks, or any other removable media. Always back to the cloud too, and just to be extra safe email your important files to yourself, you should have at least 2 email addresses, or more, as they are free. Email stuff to your 90 year old maiden aunt too, so if anything happens, like Donald Trump’s Russian friends hacking you, at least you have safe copies in cyberspace.

On that note I’ll say goodnight, I have to watch to Politics on Sky and the BBC now, though I tend to watch it on the computer too, so freeing up the family tv for my 3 girls and our bilingual cat Totoro. Trust Nobody as Mulder says….

The Dead and The Living

The Dead and The Living ©

by

Michael Casey

I first saw a deceased when I was nine years old , my father said not

to worry as the dead are the same as the living , only the laughter

has left them , the sparkle has gone from their eyes , the worry has

been lifted from their shoulders , and their voice has vanished to

eternity .

In paradise the sparkle will return for it is the twinkle of the

stars , the laughter will return too for it is the morning breeze and

the turning tides are their sides shaking with laughter .

I treat the deceased with the same courtesy as I give to the living ,

though I find the deceased are always more polite . My father also

had a few words to say about the living .

He said that the living are only the caretakers of the soul , yet

they think their existence is everything , that they know everything

because they experience many things with their senses .

What the living don't acknowledge is that their time is short and

when I lay their bodies to rest then their souls continue without

them , without their strong , without their weak , without their

beautiful or even ugly temporary form , to where I cannot say , only

that it is a better place .

Percy the undertaker placed the lid on the coffin, the soul was free

THE BEGINNING

Let my Tears be my Words

Let There Be Light ©

By Michael Casey


Let my tears be my words

Let the candle light be my eyes

Let the flowers in bloom be my lips

Let their scent be my blood

Let the wind be my breath

Let clouds be my mood

Let children’s laughter be my hope

Let widows’ sighs be my conscience

Let a stranger’s prayers be my delight

Let the bees be my wisdom

Let the trees be my strength

Let my patience reach to the stars

Let me be always remembered in your prayers



***** I think the world everywhere needs prayers for Peace, now more than ever

Surviving the Summer Holidays, Part One

Surviving the Summer Holidays, Part One ©

By Michael Casey

Ian Dury the singer had a song called Reasons to be Cheerful Part One, so I’ve used the idea for today’s title. If you haven’t heard his music go to Utube or your music store and get an album. Ian had a disability but that did not get in the way of his Life, he is worth a google. Now what am I actually going to talk about is Surviving the Summer Holidays, and if I survive them there will be a Part Two.

So your kids are off school, and what’s the first thing they do? They look into the fridge and say, “there’s nothing to eat” the fact that there are at least 6 different food items or menus inside does not matter. Totoro the cat is sat on top of the fridge peering downwards hoping to sneak inside if the girls are not quick enough in closing the door again. Totoro has leapt into the fridge before, she has even climbed into the cupboards too, that’s why they are now sealed with tape. My girls, your girls, everybody’s girls look into the cupboards and declare like Old Mother Hubbard that there is nothing to eat in their either.

So they put their puppy dog eyes look on, and demand you go to the corner shop for chocolate, what’s it with chocolate, girls love chocolate more that life itself, certainly more than boys, but ponies are a 2^nd best after chocolate. So I have to slip on a pair of trousers over my slob PJs and go to the corner shop, the things a dad has to do for his daughters. I should add we live in Birmingham, the Cadbury’s factory is just down the road from us, so if ever you visit the Cadbury’s factory you can thing of us.

You hide the chocolate in the freezer box so it’s cool, on a hot day this is a good tip, put your chocolate in the freezer box for 30 minutes before your girls devour it. Make some ice cubes too, ready for their cool drinks, so they then think you are a cool dad, otherwise they think you are worse than useless.

You have to do your daily shop, but now for the next six weeks you are feeding your pigs too, no school dinners to satisfy them it’s up to you to bring something home that’ll keep them happy, or grunting happily. The food bill triples too, you have to buy a pasta this or a pasta that, not forgetting a cereal which is 90% chocolate at least, it must have all RED on the food Traffic Lights on the wrapper. 

You have to buy healthy food for them, all GREEN on the food Traffic Lights, apart from the chocolate tasting cereals. Some of the foods you can eat yourself, others you want to eat but your daughters insist it’s bad for you, so you cannot have it. You try having a daughter who wants to be a Doctor in the family. Not forgetting that they are rice eaters because they are ½ Shanghai girls, so they are very slim, so they are allowed to pig out with sugary foods, because normally they eat rice every day.

I’ve had a coffee break, very weak instant coffee with milk, no sugar. As I pass by the living room the girls are perched on the sofa reading, so I ask what do they want to eat today. It’ll be pasta with tomatoes, buy ten I’m told, I tell them they get how many are in a packet in Aldi. They want beef mince too, so it’ll be some mixture of pasta and tomatoes and the beef mince, and you can bet they’ll say I cannot have any, as it would be bad for my heart.

Celine Dion is singing Refuse to Dance in the background, you didn’t know she is a neighbour, well she isn’t, it’s from my music collection on the computer. Refuse to feed dad could be a song, as that’s what I get, often. Thought if they make too much then and only then am I allowed to have their food, I get the slops, only because Totoro the vacuum cleaner cat does not want them. How do you know your children love you? They give you their slops.

The children’s rubbish is like the tide it starts in their room and is washed up on the shores of the living room downstairs or on the steps of the stairs itself, before abandoned books and scarves and single shoes clutter the room where you do your writing. You me anybody, gets up from his writing chair and immediately trips up over a shoe, then Totoro who’s been hiding underneath the chair you are sat on jumps out to play claw your ankles. You scream in fright and the girls laugh and come to rescue the cat from you the BFG.

Alone in the bathroom the cat comes in to watch you, you never get any privacy, even less in the Summer holidays. Girls, your girls any girls leave their perfume everywhere, and not just the sweet smelling variety, all the chocolate and mince beef and 10 tomatoes pasta  has its effect, its own perfume. So you have to rush to open the window, while Totoro the cat decides to play with your dangling down trousers.

In the evening you wife the worker comes home, so you can hide now, as she berates you for the state of the house. It’s the pigs fault you say, you should have supervised is the reply. Perhaps we should build a pig pen in the garden, before she can reply Totoro appears from her sleeping place in a South facing window, so Totoro gets a cuddle and you are forgotten.

This is the kind of average day for a dad on Summer holidays daughters duty, I hope you you’re all enjoying the lazy days of Summer, if you want to escape it The Trader in Old Forge and Singing Anvil is a very nice pub, maybe I’ll see you down there.

At the end of the day

At the End of the Day ©

By Michael Casey

I hadn’t intended to write anything as it’s so late, 23:40, I said to myself “it’s the end of the day” then that triggered what I’m going to write now, so I’ve put Gerry Rafferty’s album on while I talk to you, hope you like it.

At the end of the day what do you do? Me and my small daughter have a ritual she comes and proffers her cheek and I kiss her goodnight, she prefers it when I’ve shaved that day. It’s our end of day ritual, it makes us both happy, one night could be the last night, so we both treasure it. Either that or she’s practicing her acting, she’ll probably end up an actor, the next Julie Walters.

Julie actually used to live ½ a mile up the road from where we now live. When I was writing my first book, The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker I had Julie Walters in mind to play Mrs Murphy if ever my book was filmed. At the end of the day that’s just a big big Hope.

At the end of the day you may count how much cash you have left in your wallet or purse. Then you reach for the cash box you keep under your bed, next to the chamber pot, and transfer money into your wife’s purse. This is a nightly act of love, though you have to be careful not to spill the chamber pot, garde de l’eau  is what the French used to say as they flung the contents of a chamber pot out into the street below. Then once you have transferred money into your wife’s purse so she can buy things for the family, she will thank you, by falling asleep in the middle of the bed.

At the end of the day you may have a quiet drink of hot chocolate, or an alcoholic drink to help you unwind. You may worry about your job or your family, or the bills, or just hope that the little leak in the bathroom does not become a big one. All kind of thoughts clutter your head. Totoro the cat comes for a cuddle, cats like being stroked, you have to be careful or she will spill your drink. Tototo hopes you’ll save some of your drink for her, she can smell the warm milk.

At the end of the day you’ll rerun the spool of film in your head which is your day, it could have gone better, but what happened happened, no use crying over spilt milk. Totoro would rejoice if you did spill some milk, she’d lap it all up. You sigh and give the cat the dregs before putting your favourite dog mug in the sink, tomorrow’s another day.

Its too hot to write a story

It’s too hot to write a story ©

By Michael Casey

Well we’ve had a lazy 1^st day of the school holidays, we’ve all been dressed in our slobs just busy doing nothing. That’s apart from being nagged as mum attacks us and the carpets with the vacuum. I’m listening to Celine Dion again, her French album, my small daughter has decided that her school bag is too scruffy for her next year, so a new Totoro theme bag has been taken from the back of the wardrobe.

My own 1^st school bag was a gift from Embassy cigarettes, our lodger had saved the coupons and had a bag delivered. It was a secret but we worked out it was him because of the with compliments slip inside.  He’s gone 36 years now, but I still pray for his soul, he did get me a school bag after all.

As for my daughter’s bag I left it in the street, some child will love her panda themed old school bag, all they really need to do is put it in the washing machine. Girls do like new things after all, bags, clothes etc, so my small daughter has now moved on to a Totoro school bag. My Embassy school bag lasted a few years of grammar school, though as for cigarettes I detest them, any slight whiff makes me feel sick.

Though I believe Dunhill still to do some very high quality leather products. Which is interesting how brands change and morph into something else, I hope my writing morphs into a training scheme for English, anything really so long as it puts money in my pocket.

It’s still too hot to write, maybe 25degrees in the house itself, we have the doors and windows open, Totoro our cat has decided to hide under my sheets on my bed, she is not stupid after all. I always have to make sure she is not hiding otherwise she’d be a very squashed pussy.

What else can’t I write about, oh my plant corner to my right next to our piano. I threw one plant away, or rather banished it to the front garden because it had died, Totoro thinks eating plant leaves is like chewing gum for cats, so the plant dies. A potted plant is the same price as a lottery ticket, so instead of a losing lottery ticket I buy a plant which will last longer, or until Totoro chews too much from it.

So because of the minor heat wave we are having in Birmingham the plant on the naughty step so to speak seems to have come back to life.  This means it returns to the shelf by the piano and the other plant in the posh vase gets put outside, Totoro may have fresh breath, but the plant is on its last legs despite its posh vase.

I should take a photo really, but it’s just too hot to do anything, except talk about all the things it’s too hot to do. I’ve just remembered we have ice lollies in the freezer so I’m going to have one, before I’m told they are bad for me. Well the ice lolly was great and while I was sucking it I had a quick look at the Dunhill site, Duke Large Zip Tote  looked great, if only I could afford it, when I’m rich, though I’m still alive so that must count as being rich.

I’ve put the other Celine Dion album on, the one in English, it’s very good too, it’s still too hot to write a story and the clock is clicking, in 30 mins its 9pm when all the films start on tv, so I have to  finish for that. I do want to thank the merry band of readers I have. Sometimes 70 or so a day from all over the world, Switzerland and China have recently joined my readership. If your name is Jack and Weibo is your company, please get in touch about my teaching English with humour idea.

Though it’s more than likely it’s a guy in a takeaway in Hong Kong who has stumbled over me, or the gay fashion designer Gok Wan wondered what was so special about me and did a few clicks.  He’d need a double size tape measure if he designed anything for me. Whoever and whatever country you are from all I can say is thank you, it’s nice having any readers, and don’t forget to buy a few books on Amazon.  

The final ice lolly is in the freezer so I may force myself to have it, before we settle down for a film, we are a film critic family such is the level of our film knowledge. Did I tell you the end of my book The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker could have been turned into a film, it was another case of close but no cigar, but as you know I don’t like smoke. So stay happy and cuddle up with you own family and watch a good film or Sky 785 has some good Chinese series on, even with no Chinese you can laugh your head off. My favourite one was about a guy who worked in the marriage office!

Are You Ready?

Are You Ready? ©

By Michael Casey

Well I hope you are ready, all of you out there, are you really really ready? Schools Out For Summer, you can almost hear the thunder of footsteps down the main road, almost the herd hurtling home, if you forgive the alliteration, I threw that in for English teachers, they just love a bit of alliteration. As we know those who cannot write use alliteration, or write for the under eights.

Alice Cooper’s Schools Out for Summer is being played on radio stations, ever eager to be topical, they are all so topical, all so the same with the same top 50 playlist. I avoid that by listening to Magic Radio, and Magic Chilled, I’m listening to it now while I talk to you, though I do have one eye cast out the window waiting for my girls to arrive. My family are teachers too so they will be breaking up for the Summer as well. I’m sure they are listening to Alice Cooper’s Schools Out for Summer as they drive home.

Did I tell you I met Alice? He stayed at CPNEC when I worked there. Roger took him to the cinema and then picked him up again afterwards, what else do you think Rock Stars do in the afternoon prior to their Show? It was nice meeting Alice, I can remember in the 70s hearing the song for the 1^st time and then to meet him years later…

So are you all ready? You must have you fridge filled with stuff for your kids, juice and milkshake, not forgetting snacks to go with the drinks. You must have the washing machine ready to be loaded with their school uniforms which will be abandoned all over the floor while my kids, your kids, everybody’s kids get ready for Summer and street clothes.

The cat will jump about too, she will be getting six or seven weeks of attention now, purrrrrfect. You must be ready, you have to be ready, your sanity depends on it. You have smashed the piggybank so your kids can have money for the holidays, if you haven’t smashed that piggybank then do it now, right now, don’t wait for the song to finish on the radio, get the cash.

So the fridge is full, the washing machine is ready, the door ajar, you have used a tin opener to open the piggybank. There is a pile of silver on the living room carpet, Totoro the cat is playing with the coins, now you are ready for Summer. Oh no you are not. You forgot your own secret stash. You put the kids first but forgot yourself. Do you have a stash of Stella Artois hidden under your bed, to you have your own stash of sweets for your own sweet tooth. Do  you have  a few things for yourself  hidden, really hidden well, so you can survive the Summer?

Well I hope you are ready, and don’t forget to go to Poundland for extra batteries and snacks, it could mean the difference between life and death.

Or something even worse, an accusation that

“YOU DON’T LOVE ME”

 I think I may open a pint of Stella Artois just to steady my nerves, you can all do the same if you haven’t done so already. Happy Holidays.