Still a Child at Heart ©
By Michael Casey
I have been called a big kid, but I take it as a compliment, it was
when I went out to work, now I’m a hausfrau and full time undiscovered
writer but then they’d laugh at me and say I was a big kid. Why should I
care, it proves I have a young outlook, my body may look 95 and
sometimes it feels that way with all my pain, but otherwise, but
otherwise, I am 20 in my head, and my Birth Certificate splits the
difference.
I go out and buy sweets, mainly for my two daughters, but I have
their leftovers, and they introduce me to strange things like strawberry
shoelaces and 1001 variants of chocolate. Girls know their chocolate
just as a sommelier knows his wife sorry I mean wine, and a greengrocer
knows his onions. When you have children they improve your knowledge of
sweets, I am nearer in age to a grandfather than a father as I have a
young wife. It is a cross I have to carry.
So you are dispatched out into the rain and told to buy this and that
from the sweet shop, it’s on the left of the lotto display just above
your ankle, in a bright green or yellow pack, but don’t buy the red
version. So obviously I come home with the red pack, greeted with howls
of disapproval, until we open it and discover their new best favourite
ever for chews. It’s dangerous being a dad, daughters will lynch you if
you bring the wrong sweets home.
My own dad used to bring home cheese and onion crisps when he
returned from his weekend trip to the pub, I am told it must be Walkers,
nothing to do with that footballer, they don’t even know who he is,
it’s just trial and error. Now I would be on trial if I erred and made
and error of judgement and picked the wrong crisps. Though cheap crisp
things are ok if they are with the spicy dip from Aldi.
There is an etiquette for sweets and savouries, and you are in deep
deep trouble if you get anything wrong, children are like a hanging
jury, eager to stretch your neck should you buy the wrong thing. So any
of you out there planning a family, spend those nine months learning
everything there is to know about sweets, it is an investment in your
own mental health.
As we have a Polish Deli and general store by us I sometimes sample
their wares, I stand there looking at the pictures, as I’ll never be
clever enough to read Polish, and if the picture is nice, then I’ll but
their sweets. The tastes are different as are Chinese and Korean snacks
which we also have in our house, remember my wife is from Shanghai. So
you dive in and you can make some great discoveries, those Polish snacks
are great, I don’t know what it says on the packaging but they really
do hit the spot.
Polish coca cola is great too as it comes in 2.25 litre bottles and
is 50p cheaper than the real thing, ditto for Sprite and Tango, Poles
are big people so they need that bit extra. This means me and my small
daughter burp and belch so loud that the Poles stand on their doorstep
laughing at us, its Santa again they say, because I look like Santa with
my hair.
I could go on about all the different sweets, but your teeth will rot
just by listening to it. I do buy Colgate six packs at a time from
Aldi, but be careful where you store your toothpaste. When I am in dire
need for my Movelate pain killer I scream for my daughter to bring it to
me, and she rushes to bring the pain killer to me. Only she brings
Colgate to me instead, my arthritis would smell nice but the pain would
still be there if I spread it on my joints. So always store the tooth
paste far from your pain killer.
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