If you are wondering why

If you are wondering why I have people in my stories who are not perfect, indeed far from perfect, then just look at my photo. Obviously I am much better looking that George Clooney, but I drink instant coffee, none of your fancy stuff, and I drink from a mug. I don't have any money unlike George Clooney either, not even the tips he gives to folks in the hotels he stays at. I was Front of House staff at Crowne Plaza Birmingham NEC for 3 years, 2002 to 2005 so I  do know all about hotel work.

So why do I have the great unwashed as they can be called as "heroes". Because I am one of them, so stand downwind or at least 2 metres away from your screen. I am one of the least of the brethren, though having read any of stuff, and there are 4100+pages of stuff over the 16 books, on Amazon
 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0
or 1,400,000 Words or so, well you'll say I really am a stone that the builder rejected, or should have let his dog pee on.
But that is your opinion, just as "YOU wrote that!" in utter disbelief as if I'm dog mess on a shoe, that is just some of the remarks I've got alone the way. It's not a Via Dolorosa but you need to be very thick skinned if you want to be a writer. So the only path is to ignore all comments good or bad, and write what you like, what you love to write and what amuses you. And then hope that  folks will agree with you that you are a good storyteller.

I can remember watching the Storyteller with John Hurt on tv back in 1991 or so.  I just wish I were as good as him in that show. I also used to listen to my dad telling stories, yes repeating himself but I just loved the experience. And me and my dad were very close, and that's how I ended up with a wife, checkout Padre Pio and Me for details.

All in all I am an Altruist, I  won't claim to be anything else, so it's instinctive for me to want to help or encourage people which may explain why I was so good at hotel work, and then later as an ESOL English teacher. Then if you follow that through, I want my fellow "rejects" to win the day, I don't want arrogant patronising smug people to win or control me, which explains why I too detest Donald Trump. As my mother said when I was 4 or 5, you are as good as anybody. And I think the entire family proved that academically in my  generation, and our kids are doing just the same too. So never never never put down Kerry folk, nor Kerry mixed with Shanghai either. We may come from very humble stock, but without stock there is no goodness.

So when I write I add the stock, the goodness to the pot, and that comes from all that was poured into me by my mother and father.  From every person I have met along the way, great and small all of them  God's creatures. You learn from everybody you meet, and if you are too arrogant not to realise that, then you are missing ingredients in your own life. I'm not pretending to be  humble, life has humbled me along the way with the good and bad and sad things in my life. However the people who have been the kindest have been the little people, and I don't just mean the Fairies. And it's because I have observed all these little people that I have material to write about. However when I meet the Big People I will hold my hand out and take their kindness, and then I can share it with the little people.

So much for my dream, I've dumped my stuff all over the Internet just in case The Grim Reaper gets me first, and then all my words would have been lost. So now you know. I also know about chronic pain, so  I bore you all about that too.  So I'll finish now as I need some fizzy pop to drink, as I rarely drink alcohol,  though Stella Artois is nice when I do drink.

Support the little people in your life because they won't fly away to safety, they will come running to rescue you. And that more or less explains me. By the way, it is also better to pretend to be stupid, because some people cannot cope if your light is bigger than theirs, and that is reverse logic  for you, or have I got that backwards.

Michael Casey    25 Nov 2018

Down and Out

Down and Out ©

By

Michael Casey

Well the flu is leaving me like a receding tide, just leaving snot stains on my nose and on my sleeve where I could not find my tissue in time. So I decided to put some Genesis on, starting over the writing again, only I picked the wrong track which means I’m listening to Down and Out from And Then There Were Three Album. It does not matter It gives me another direction to point at. Yes, I’ve been Down and Out a few times in my life, but I always get back up again, and yes just before Dawn is the worst point. So you just have to dust yourself off and try again, and again and again and again and again. If you are one of my readers in Russia you know all about not giving in, you had the Nazi bastards in your living room and in your cellar, but you beat them, you beat them, Mother Russia beat them.

When you are down it can be hard so depressing, so you have to brighten your life up. Get out of the house and take a walk in the park, watch the tulips grow, watch the little old ladies walk in the snow. Go to the chip shop and try chatting up the girl behind the counter, only you never saw her large wedding ring, and her husband is as big as an Ox carrying in not one but two sacks of potatoes at a time. Then her gay brother tries chatting you up instead. Life is strange, but at least you got out the house and talked to a human voice, not shouting at the radio and its vacuous presenters who are cloned from plastic coffee cups polluting the world.

So you end up having a gay friend, your first ever gay friend, but at least you get free chips, and the Ox of a man likes you too, because you are kind to his gay brother in law. Sometimes good things come when you least expect them, Tim confides in you, he says you are so nice you could be gay too. A compliment you’d rather not have, so you boast about your large collection of magazines under your mattress. So Tim sniggers, so you show his some, just to prove how straight you are.

This has unintended consequences, Tim looks at the naked girls and says what kind of look or fashion would suit them best, before they are fully undressed. Otherwise he’s not interested. You joke and say you’d like a job taking such photos. Tim reveals a friend of his, a gay friend is in actual fact a Fashion Photographer, not a very famous one, but nevertheless that’s his job. Then you finish eating your chips.

So life is hard, but you’ve made a new friend just when you thought you’d had your chips, and life was rubbing salt in your wounds, and you were ready for that final drink of vinegar. Tim said he’d take you somewhere special. So you caught two buses in the Autumn chill, then you came to a warehouse in Tipton. You were at Flash Harry’s it was his fashion photographer’s place.

Just pretend you are gay, instructs Tim. So you pretend you are gay as Tim leans into you, as close as an Arab when talking. The British have a personal space that is much bigger, but different nationalities have different person spaces. Then you see Flash Harry taking photos of naked girls, it’s too good to be true, but you are gay so you cannot make any crass comments. After an hour, you realise that posing is not just standing there, and you appreciate what Harry is trying to do.

Tim lies that you are a bit of a snapper yourself and have a large portfolio, he’s talking about under your mattress. So Flash Harry hands you a camera while he puts the kettle on. Mary from the Dairy asks how do you want her, so you bite your lip. But once the camera is between you and her it feels different, just ask any real photographer. So you spend 10 minutes taking photos. Flash Harry comes back with the teas and Mary from the Dairy puts a dressing gown on.

Over tea they bring your snaps up on the monitor. And guess what, you have the gift. So there you are, you were down and nearly out but you found a way out via the chip shop. So you go to a gay club,by the Jester in Birmingham to celebrate your new career as a Fashion Photographer. You meet loads of the gay community, men and women, and straight girls who enjoy the best music in gay bars.

Everything is coming up roses, but there always cave men out here, so you are bullied for being gay, despite your protests, but you have to protect Tim, he’s smaller than you, and it’s the very least you can do after his friendship has lead to a new life for you. Run you scream to Tim, run I’ll hold them back. Tim wants to stay but he runs as your curse him to. You get a beating and it could have continued, but out of the darkness the Ox appears, he’s moonlighting as security nearby. He saves you,but as for the cavemen they have had their chips as they get thrown into the Canal, we have more canals than Venice here in Birmingham, not a lot of people know that.

After that your life is great, news spreads, the chip eater took a beating for his gay friend, and a Ox a man mountain appeared to save the day. Flash Harry makes you a partner in the business, you really do have the gift. No need for the portfolio under your mattress, all day long you are taking photos of naked women. But now you realise that a women is a person, and you feel almost ashamed. Mary from the Dairy becomes a friend, and then more. She takes your photo naked just so you can feel what it feels like. You hate it, and delete the photos. But the love for her keeps on growing.

So the moral of the story is, have some chips and add some salt to your life, life is not all vinegar, even on your darkest day. And no you cannot take naked photos of me, not unless your name is Mary from the Dairy.  

i have the flu pr some very snotty disease

I have the flu or some very snotty disease

thanks Russia for reading butcher baker undertaker     feel free to send me a hat and an automatic watch

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 22/11/2018 0 Minutes

I have the flu or some very snotty disease
so no new story today, I can barely breathe and have spent most of the day in bed with my panda

It's Thursday and I'm full of snot

It's Thursday and I'm full  of snot

so forgive  the lack of a story today

the girl in shop said she'd have a look at my stuff

so I'll have to improve my writing, or She'll look down on me, she is 6 feet  tall already.

I may write about Teaching tomorrow, but then again let's see which way the wind blows

The mad numbers of viewers has lessened, but it's Thanksgiving so I  image you all have better

things to do. I did think a Pinnochio symbol should  be put beneath all Trump news clips as he

blatantly lies so much. For example the arms sales that could be lost would cost 17,000 jobs not

the 1/2 a million or so he stated. Doesn't anybody watch more that Fox news in USA? I watch 2

news stations, BBC, Sky and read 3 National nespapers daily, DT, DM and the Guardian as well as

listening to Radio news.

INFORMATION IS POWER , read 1984 and Animal Farm

Then please grow up, and don't just read Facebook news feed.

The Integrity of a Nation is at stake, and once lost it is near impossible to regain.

Look back at History, and learn all those lessons.

Reagan said Tear Down that Wall, after Kennedy said he too was a Berliner

Trump says How much it will it cost, and USA will be paying for walls twice over.

Not just in money terms but in Reputational Damage, what Price on Reputation?

You cannot buy off a Nation's Reputation with NGA

The USA people are a great people because of their Big Heart, enjoy Thanksgiving because it reminds us all of the True Great Heart of America, which is never a Transaction. Despite what any temporary and transitory president believes. In God We Trust not in any man.

Feeling Relaxed

https://profile.typepad.com/michaelgcasey   is where you  can go to hear 200+ stories of mine read by me, yes in my own posh Birmingham accent.

Feeling Relaxed (c)
By
Michael Casey

I'm feeling quite relaxed right now, I've staggered back up the hill with Milk and Fresh Orange Juice, and I did not sound like an abusive phone call when  I got home. Not too much heavy breathing, the trick is to rest 3 times while going up the hill. It will either kill me or make me fitter. Though I bumped into the Lizzie one of the local child minders, she looked after ours once or twice in the past.  She had a push chair with her and a toddler. So she is far fitter than me pushing kids up and down hills. She also has a degree in Marine Biology if I remember rightly. See our child minders are super educated.

Now today I've not needed a nap, so my body has recovered. Though I still wake up like a vampire every 2 hours in the night. Needing not fresh blood but the bathroom. I've had a nice day, I wrote Friend CV earlier in the day, though as ever I started with one idea in my head but ended putting a different one on the page. I had thought of writing something in the style of Linkedin Profile which I wrote years ago, you can find it amongst the 2100 other pieces of writing on my site.

In the end the direct comedy came to the fore. Remember too that everything I write is for the ears, you are supposed to be hearing this not reading this. So get your boyfriend to read it to you, and then you will allow him to do the washing up. Boys just love playing sinking submarines in  the kitchen sink with the cups and saucers. Or bribe him with your last Rolo, and I don't mean the slobbering chocolate coloured ladrador that I meet in the woods the other day. Though he may just slobber in some other way, if you persuade him to read my stories aloud.

I'm listening to Miley Cyrus right now, she has a really great voice, and Taylor Swift was here earlier putting the cups and saucers in our kitchen sink.  Justin was Timberlaking in the kitchen sink too, he should have been in the Navy he loves playing submarines in my kitchen sink so much. Though he always leaves a trail of breadcrumbs all over our kitchen floor. Speaking of floor I asked could he give it a quick mop, and he started dancing, with his one foot on the floor dragging a kitchen cloth everywhere. Only it was not kitchen cloth, it was Totoro our cat,  it really was such a shiny floor when Timberlake had finished. That was when Totoro broke free and scratched his legs. He'll tell everybody its a new tattoo until the scars heal. He did learn how to reach  those very high notes too, grace a Totoro our Ninja Cat.

So I see its nearly 10pm  now so I must watch some more tv news, how many more people has Trump insulted today? Do you think Jimmy Hoffa's body is buried in the foundations of Trump Tower, or would that win him more support from his  Religious Right Base. As somebody that loves History, I cannot understand how people have been suckered by the Trump magic trick.

Let's hope it doesn't end with a star erupting. I did write a piece about aliens intervening in Human Life, I'll try and dig it out, but it must be somewhere on this site. Butcher Baker Undertaker site

So with Miley Cyrus finishing off her song, I'll listen to the sound of my Tinnitus, a new disease I've acquired only this year. Then I may watch Mrs May before I hit the sack.
I hope you are just as  relaxed, and if you are not you can play submarines in the kitchen sink, until your lover screams stop that racket and come to bed.

 

Friend CV

Friend CV ©

By

Michael Casey

I was thinking about nothing in particular, and a few ideas came to mind. A great priest we know died the other day, my sister passed on the news last night. So obviously that brought back memories, my sister said he cried when our mother died. He was one of 5 priests who jointly celebrated her Funeral Mass with a church packed with 100s, I can remember him saying when my dad finally died 5.5 years later, think of the Welcome. So today let’s think of the Welcome he will receive from the both of them.

Only when you die do you really know what people think of you, only when you die do you discover who your friends really were. It’s far better to find out while you are alive, and share a drink, share a meal, share laughter with them. Or that best friend you share a bed with, and share a life with.

So what I want to talk about today is friendship, and how do we become friends, do we have to have a CV and if it’s good enough we get the job of being a friend. What would you put on your Friend CV, I’d put I abhor the Friends tv show, all smiles and teeth. How do strange bedfellows become best friends? Mandy was the girl who had it all, but she was had by a bad boy and her heart was broken, her friends just stood around useless.

But Tracy who longed to be part of the group just tagged along minding the coats and handbags, that’s all she was good for. But when Mandy’s heart was broken by Vincent, who thought he was God’s gift, he was such a hunk, but but but, he went too far and Tracy was livid. She went up to his table and sat on his lap, she was a big girl a very big girl, then reaching over she grabbed his pint, she wanted to grab something else and rip them off, but she controlled herself and settled for pouring a pint all over him and his designer clothes.

You big fat ugly bitch, screamed Vincent, the DJ scratched his record. Vincent raised his fist as if to hit Tracy. You are just a big girl’s blouse was Tracy’s reply as she grabbed him by the labels and thew him to the floor, before straddling his body. A girl must know how to defend herself and Tracy was a Judo black belt. Let me comb your hair as  she slapped his face. Mandy he needs another drink, and Mandy came and took a pint from his table and poured it all over him. Beer shampoo will make you ever so good laughed Tracy, as Mandy helped Tracy up. The boys on Vincent’s table were livid, and made the mistake of standing up. So Tracy had to take all 4 of them out, I forgot to say, as nobody took Tracy out she had plenty of time for Judo lessons, as was in fact a 3^rd Dan Black Belt, Putin was a pussy compared to her.

The hall erupted in applause, every girl who’d ever had their heart broken by anybody screamed and shouted. The DJ put The Winner Takes It All on the speakers. Though the crowd walked Tom, who any girl would die for, he walked up behind Tracy spinning her around, will you dance with me. He was Tom, head of security. He’d seen Tracy’s moves and he’d been moved. He was a Black Belt too, a multiple Black Belt and now true love had come calling.

Tracy had proved she was a good friend to Mandy, she did not need to fill out a CV, she had proved by her actions the kind of friend she was. A friend in need is a friend in deed. As for Tom, he could look past the “big, fat, ugly” tag he’d seen the girl inside, she was the only girl for him. Where had she been all his life? She was always training, but at the session before or after him, they had never met, so close but never meeting, like sliding doors.

As for Vincent and his mates, they were banned for life.

  

The Singing Newsreader

The Singing Newsreader ©

By

Michael Casey

Climb every mountain, follow every stream, follow every byway till you find your dream, a dream that will come true. Yes, yes and yes, my boyfriend is a FIREMAN, all man and plenty of fire.

Bindy winks straight into camera one, and it wobbles, she has the looks.

Well Folks, here is tonight’s news, Lady, my sweet Lady. Sorry folks, but Hank is such a catch, I had to give him help, so he used my ladder, it was in my stockings.

The President today said this or was it that, nobody knows, whatever’s on the Q cards he just says it. I’m the first, I’m the last, I’m your everything. Why the First Lady gave him a Barry White album we’ll never know, well not until the book tour after he leaves office. Though he does wear baggy clothes to hide his lumps, maybe if the President could just sing like Barry White all his problems would be over.

We gota gota gota gota build, build build can you feel it rising White Uneducated Women can you feel it rising. The Wall, the wall, we gota gota gota build the wall, oh its so tall, so very very tall. Don’t be afraid of my beautiful barbed wire, get past the prickles and feel what it does for you, feel the force baby, feel it, feel it feel it. Feel my beautiful barbed wire, oh, oh , oh, can you feel it, can you feel it, its so sharp, and so very very shiny . White Uneducated Women just come to the President, feel the embrace of my shiny barbed wire, it’s setting my soul on fire, feel it baby, oh baby feel it baby, barbed wire, shiny barbed wire. Oh, White Uneducated Women will you come for the President, lets roll that barbed wire, set my soul on fire. Keep the Hispanic trash out of our WASP America, let’s keep it clean no Hispanics, to sink our country like the Titanic.

Well that’s enough about him, Bindy winks again, the camera wobbles again. Other news stocks are up, up up up and away, in a beautiful balloon, or should I say bubble, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles everywhere sticking in my hair. Hiding the true reality, but soon it will be back to life back to reality, but not for our President, so long as it stays ok till after Judgement Day, 401K Day. He hates that actor with the muscles, at least he cannot run against him President. Now he is definitely all MAN, like my new boyfriend, did I tell you about my new boyfriend.

Production is up, everywhere, so the President is claiming credit  for that. MULTIPLICATION, multiplication, though he wants to ban Planned Parenthood, as if its a gang from those nasty nasty caravan people attacking our borders, Way on Down, Way on Down, as Elvis used to sing, Down Mexico Way. The priests banned that song in 1920’s Ireland I’ll have you know. I’m not just a vacuous bimbo reading the news here on WXYZABCTCPRadio station, I had an education. We don’t need no Education, We don’t need no Thought Control, sing the camera crew back to Bindy, who takes off a shoe and throws it at Lance on camera 5.

Which brings us on to gun control, the President says he’s not just an arms dealer par excellent, Annie Get your, everybody get your gun, lets be safe with guns for everyone. Food Glorious Food, bullets for everyone, hot ones, smoking ones, laser guided ones, silent ones, any kind of guns you like. Buy a gun for your sister and your brother, even your little old mother. Guns are better than sex, maybe for the President but not for me and my fireman. Hose me down boys, hose me down.

All the cameras wobble as Bindy throws a glass of water over herself. Now to finish let’s have a Ma and Pa story. There was a man, a lonely man, who went to Paris and the Moulin Rouge, and what did he discover. You Can Can Can, standing in the rain getting soaking wet, he met MaryBeth who was studding to be a Vet, but for one year only she was going to be a Can Can Dancer at the Moulin Rougeto give her confidence when dealing with animals.

Hank as no hunk, but he was a man with a child in his eyes, and he knew all the Kate Bush songs too. So running up that hill to the Moulin Rouge to enjoy the view, he fell over and bruised his nose. So MaryBeth treated him like a wounded animal, and she swore after she’d finished stripping elegantly at the Moulin Rouge she’d marry him. He’d get a job riding a bicycle selling onions to American tourists, who could not speak a word of French. So she stripped while he got to know his onions, and her’s too. Onions do add flavour to any concoction after all.

Now the year is up and they are here in the Studio.  MaryBeth are you happy to be home and putting your finger up small animals’ behinds. Hank are you really going to open a French restaurant and language school. I’m so happy for you. But if I may ask a personalm question, as Paris is so romantic how did you avoid getting pregnant?

Well I am a vet, or will be so I know all about stopping animals breeding like rats, not that Hank is a rat. Planned Parenthood if you like. What do you say to that Hank, 3, 6, 9, the goose drank wine etc.

Well that’s all from me, I’m leaving. I’ve got a new job with the Press Pack at the White House. The President banned nearly everybody, but he really really really rates my work, so I’m on the way to the White House. He even recommended a good dry cleaners, so I won’t ever have dirty clothes when we the Press wash his dirty linen in public. I’m going to enjoy being a Gem. 

p.s.  hope Journalists everywhere like this, I want a column by the way Mr Rupert