Turning Points

Turning Points (c)
By
Michael Casey

I think Turning Points was the title for George W Bush's book, so this may turn up in a Google search next to his stuff. A turning point just arrives by accident, well this has been the case so often in my life. One such turning point was when I finished one job and had nothing lined up to follow.

My dad was the same age I am now, 56, I can remember him shaving in the kitchen sink and saying all would be well. It may have even been his 57th Birthday. I feel young at 56, in my head I'm 20, though my wife would say I'm 12, sadly my body would say I'm 95. A triple heart bypass does that to you.

Before the operation I was well, but could have just dropped down dead or had a major heart attack. So to save me I had to have the operation. So that has been a major turning point.

Back to when my dad was shaving in the kitchen sink, our bathroom was so cold after all, soon afterwards my eldest brother said "try computers" this was 1977/1978. So I applied for one job and I became a computer operator back in 1978, when I was still a teenager. This was when computers were as big as wardrobes, 37 years ago, and magtapes were still used, as well as punch cards.

I stayed with the same company for 21 years, it paid for my house, I only left when I was made redundant. It was mad and fun, 20 year olds with the keys to a building in central Birmingham, overlooking the Chinese Quarter and a few night clubs. This was before Birmingham's Broad Street was even thought of.

I can see the funny side now, I was overlooking the Chinese Quarter all those years, then finally I meet a Shanghai girl, we now have 2 bilingual daughters, that's them in the Profile pictures, the photos are a few years old.

If we rewind till when I was 8 or 10, 48 or 46 years ago it was around then that me and my brother inherited an old Bush Radio. This radio was a turning point as me and my brother propped it up in bed beside us and we listened to Radio Four. The World Tonight with Douglas Stewart Reporting followed by the Book at Bedtime. It was because I was exposed to all this "cultural" radio that my intellect improved.

I spent 20 years listening to radio, 10 to 20 hours a week. If you work shifts and have days off in the middle of the week  what can you do? You listen to radio. Plays and News and Intelligent Conversation.  Not Shock Jocks who are in love with themselves.

So when I started to write, in pencil on paper, I had 20 years of Radio listening to help me. It did take me a year to learn how to write but Radio helped me so much. Now its 28years later, I have 8 books on Amazon, I need readers and an agent, not to mention a publishing deal.

Google Plus, which I still don't understand might allow me to meet people who know people so that I'll get more exposure for my words. Then a publishing deal, and radio. But I'm not holding my breath.

You write because it’s part of you, only 0.01% make any money. That figure is probably even smaller. Turning point would be meeting that editor, stuck in a lift together so that, so he'd hear your Elevator Ad literally.

Moving on, kids are turning points, potty training and all that. Our neighbour is having a baby so it got me thinking back to when our girls were born. We have a kitten too, so that's similar to a baby, litter training and so on. You will have 2 or 3 dustbin bags full of nappies, I remember putting the rubbish out every week. It’s such a delight when your girls or boys know how to use a potty.

Our girls were quick, 2 years or so and they were potty trained. Some kids take 4 years before they are trained, compare this to a kitten, 2 weeks. Then the dustmen are so happy too as they don't have smelly sacks to take away. Before I forget, save all your plastic sacks that you get from your shopping, they are perfect for nappy disposal. If you are a cricket fan you can see how they throw the ball and the wicket keeper stumps out the batsman. Taking off a used nappy is a similar action, though with the nappy it is bagged and thrown outside.

So we have turning points in our lives, things that happen that change us, sometimes they are planned, though in my life I've tended to stumble over things. MH  once said I was a happy stumbler, and maybe he was right.

I'd say it's always better to make plans, but life really does not have satnav, it’s how you react to things which makes the difference. If you are quick on your feet then you will survive and ultimately thrive.

Body Language

Body Language ©

By Michael Casey

I was wondering what to write about today when I looked out the window and saw a parked car, inside a woman was on her phone, she was arguing. Not because her passenger had made her stop before using her phone; I just wish everybody followed her example instead of trying to kill me when I cross the street. No I could tell she was arguing because of the way her free hand was moving, shaking about, stabbing the air angrily.

So despite me being inside I knew what was happening outside in a parked Mercedes, a lady was angry very angry. A few minutes ago she drove away, swearing and ranting as she went, I never knew women, could swear like that, I had to look up three of the words in a dictionary.

You can see body language in action everywhere, when a new person meets me and I mention I am a writer you can see the arms go up and cross the chest. As I carry on I see the arms going down, this means he knows I was not BSing him. So the conversation ebbs and flows and the body language moves in sympathy with the level of trust in the conversation.

If you have ever watched farmers haggle at a market, you’ll see the buyer move away and half turn his back on the seller. Then the buyer will half turn back and make a higher offer, the seller will say he feels insulted by such an offer and then he will half turn away. Can you meet me half way says the seller, and the buyer takes his cap off and scratches his head before putting his cap back on. They move closer and a price is agreed for the 3 calves and a milk cow. They spit on their hands and the deal is done. We’ll go for a pint says my Uncle Henry, and so it goes on.

If you see a girl that you like there is other body language, Nature’s body language, if you don’t know what I mean then ask you mother, who’ll probably throw a bucket of water on you. Girls tend to stroke their hair, you both move closer, your eyes dilate. She may touch your arm, you’ll straighten your tie, or just puff up your chest. If you were a bird you’d show your display of feathers, anything and everything to prove you are interested.

People lie to get what they want, to get that girl, to get that boy, politicians even carve things in stone, a la Moses if you like. You can tell a liar because they lick their lips or look skywards as if their script is written on the inside of their eyeballs. They cannot look you in the eye, Hitler however could look you in the eye, and look what happened to him. And to Us.

Our bodies deceive us, we quiver in fear, or swell with pride, we jump for joy or slump in a heap. People talk with their hands, I do so myself, though I have to be very engaged to do so, but if you see me gesticulating, and they cannot touch your for it as Eric Morecambe would say, then you know Michael Casey is really interested in this subject.

If me or anybody else is just like a puppet without the strings, then you know the Duracell battery of Life, of Hope has not been inserted. Somebody inserted a Duracell into David Cameron and look what happened to him.

Body Language can win the girl, win the race, win that contract, keep that factory order book swelling. So use your body well, learn to dance like Ed Balls, learn presenting skills, be honest, look people in the eye and say let’s make love and in the Spring there will be growth, just like Chancy Gardinier predicted. 

Pain Hurts Like Hell

Pain Hurts Like Hell ©

By Michael Casey

I don’t know what I’m going to write till an idea presents itself and then I throw the bucket down the well and we all see together what the day has brung. That’s the way I write and talk to you. Today Pain has come to the top of the list, and if it was a person I’d have thrown the bastard down the well and drown it.

Many people have Pain, all sorts of people and even children too, which breaks our heart, we would willingly take the pain on their behalf. Somebody I love had a major operation 2 years ago, my prayer then was “I’ll take the pain, let her not have any pain” And guess what? I had the pain and she did not. My Arthur turned up unwanted and unannounced 2 years ago and boy oh boy did it hurt, but the one I love, she had no pain.

So was God a Literalist? Did he have a sick sense of humour just like the song Blasphemous Rumours, the Depeche Mode song? And when we die we’ll meet God and he’ll be laughing. I used to sing that song at the top of my voice on the night shift in the computer room. Little did I know God would have the last laugh.

Now I’ve just had a triple heart bypass, and you get months of pain afterwards as your body recovers. One doctor on the surgical team said my chest would be tender for up to a year. So I’ve been taking up to 4000mg of Paracetamol a day for months now. I’ve been reducing it as the pain allows.

Sadly recovery is not a straight line graph. Some days I can get away with just 2 painkillers, which is great. However on other occasions once you go to bed the pain monster awakes and makes sure you do to. Then just for fun other parts of your body join in, such as your scars on your legs, a sharp scream inducing scream. Or you roll over in bed,  or not even that, the sheet brushes the scar on your chest, that makes you scream and frightens the pigeons off your bedroom roof.

My Arthur, my arthritis decided to get in on the act too, so you have a spasm of pain from your back and hip area. Now is this God having his Depeche Mode Blasphemous Rumours moment. Am I a sinner who deserves all this pain? Some schools of thought do believe this old school stuff. Yes, you do pray, you do scream in prayer when you are in pain, perhaps priests should beat us to make our prayers better.

Again I don’t believe in this Medieval school of thought, as I talk to you my shoulders hurt and I’m getting a spasm from my ankle. My chest scar is a foot long I suppose and the scars on my legs go from my ankle to well above my knee. I have to spread my legs in bed so that my scars don’t rub each other, or my neighbours would hear me scream.

Last night at 2.20 I came down for a pain killer and some peppermint tea, Totoro our new kitten decided  to get frisky so I had to make sure he didn’t attack my bare legs. Wrapping my dressing gown around me for protection I put the kettle on. I then had to get the fake fishing rod out so I could entertain our kamikaze cat, he does have a Japanese name after all. Peppermint tea in one hand and fishing rod in another, me Michael Casey the overgrown garden gnome, fishing for a kitten in a living room in the middle of the night.

I

t was nearly 3am when I went back to bed, my pain subsiding and the cat finally settled. Kittens are like the balls in a pinball machine, they bounce around everywhere. This morning after the school run I have to rub painkiller on both shoulders, my Arthur has spread to there now, it may be due to the restricted sleeping positions.

I think if I could get a free trip to Malta at the Hilton the sunshine would help no end, so Paris if you are reading this, a family room would be perfect, plus breakfast. There is an underground supermarket nearby too, so you could push a trolley for us. Saint Julian is the bus stop I seem to remember.

Well I made myself smile then, Paris Hilton in heels pushing a trolley around for me in a subterranean supermarket. Seriously though folks, do go to Malta if ever you get a chance, its great and best of all they sell Deep Heat painkiller spray.

The Cat's Miaow Heralds Christmas

The Cat’s Miaow Heralds Christmas ©

By Michael Casey

Yesterday was 9^th May 2015, a day of celebration in our house, Christmas had arrived early, over 7 months early. Yesterday was the Day of the Cat, or Totoro Day, forever etched in our memory. Yesterday my 2 daughters finally got their cat. They had begged for a cat for years but yesterday was the day they finally got their wish, their hearts desire.

I had to have my Triple Heart Bypass before I relented, now the cat had landed. It was a confluence of events, a friend of my big daughter had had kittens, or rather her cat had had kittens, four in fact. So she asked my big daughter did she want a cat. So I agreed, so long as it was a boy cat, a Tom as we say here in England. One reason being that I wanted another male in the house, I have been the token male in this Shanghai/Birmingham family for years. Now with a Tom cat the number of males in the household would be doubled, girls 3, boys 2.

I also did not want lots of future kittens all over our house, so a Tom cat was better than a girl cat. He would never be neutered either, I don’t want to give my wife any ideas. So Saturday 9^th May arrived, the collection day. We had bought a cat box or jail, so at 11am prompt both my daughters skipped merrily around the corner to the friend’s house, the cat box swinging in their hand, they did bang it on the front garden wall, but Totoro was not inside yet.

Around the corner the kitten was placed in the mobile jail and transported back to our house, my girls singing Elvis’s Jailhouse Rock as they carried Totoro to his new home. Once home, our house is his home now, 7 weeks old and now he is adopted and has a Japanese name, he will hear plenty of Chinese from my Shanghai wife. He was going to be named Maomi, which is the Chinese for cat but our small daughter overruled us. Totoro is his name, after the fat cat from the Studio Ghibli films.

Totoro sniffed around the house, we had his basket ready, a wicker one that was ½ price from B&Q. Inside was an old rugby shirt of mine, then 2 blankets, so he would have a soft bed, a 3^rd blanket arrived from my sister when she came to view the new kitten. A scratch post was ready in a corner, it’s a bit like a pole dancing post for strippers, only its cat size and covered in rope. At the top is a wrecking ball with marbles in, though no Miley Cyrus attached.

We’d been shopping for cat food, we had Aldi tinned food ready, the girls decided to top this up with cat treats and Whiskas, which is the top brand here in England. The girls also bought cat milk, how on earth do you milk cats, perhaps elves or fairies go from mother cat to mother cat and steal the milk while they are asleep.

Whatever magic is used all I know is that in our fridge is a tiny bottle or two of cat milk, if you listen carefully as you pour it into a saucer you can hear it go “miaow.” As for Totoro when he eats he makes a noise like a machine, an eating machine.

As for the girls their joy is something to behold, Xmas really has come early. I told them they must ring their uncle and thank him, he gave them a large donation of pocket money which came just in time to allow them to splurge on the cat. So Totoro Casey the cat is now a member of the family, it was a big job getting the girls to go to bed last night.

In the middle of the night at 4.30am or so I came downstairs for a pain killer and to see how Totoro was getting on; he was happy, burrowed under all his blankets. I was concerned that he hadn’t done his pooh yet, or pee, even though he had been fed and watered. I had a slice of toast before going back to bed.

I was glad Totoro hadn’t activated the burglar alarm in the night. So I switched the alarm back on and headed back to bed. Only I did something wrong, and the alarm went off, making loads of noise. Totoro looked up from his basket, he didn’t need to say anything, he knew humans were morons total morons, didn’t I know cats need their beauty sleep, 16 hours a day of it.

It was 5am now, I went back to sleep, my pain assuaged. In the morning when I got up it was just me and Totoro in the house, I was home alone, plus cat. When my wife came home from church she told me that Totoro had done his business in a corner of the living room.

Our small daughter had cleaned it up, it was our coalition like deal before cat. I was relieved, not as much as the cat but I was relieved, the kitten of the family had made his first pooh at our house. Then Totoro decided to show just how clever he was, he peed in the corner where hours before he had poohed. I laughed, didn’t they know cats like corners.

So that’s the beginning of Totoro’s life with the Shanghai/Birmingham Caseys, the cat with the Japanese name who’ll soon be bilingual. Miaow. 

Social Media Will Win This Election Tonight, Alright?

Social Media Will Win This Election Tonight, Alright?

By Michael Casey

Ok, so here is the plan, we are gonna party tonight, better than 1999, ok, alright we gonna change the Election result tonight.

My friend, you know who, but you know who I mean don’t you? 

Anyway he said he didn’t believe in anything but in fact he does, he believes in money, MUNY as John Wayne used to say. So here’s what’s moving on up and getting on down. WE are going to have synchronised parties everywhere, all over the country, 23 of them, or is it more I don’t know the paper got stuck in the fax machine.

So while we have everybody partying away they will forget their own name in a drunken orgy of political tea parties, and I don’t mean those Americans either. We have the Mother’s Union make all the sandwiches, and Mary watsit off the telly has baked cakes, we told her it was for Charity, she was so accommodating, she even wanted to come. But I stopped her, it’d blow her brains off the kind of party we are having, I’ve injected some plant food I bought off the internet into all the cakes.

Lord Dodah from the house of Lords had donated 100 crates of 80 year old malt whisky , he has a friend in Old Forge and Singing Anvil who has a pub, don’t ask me where he got the whisky from but its good stuff. We’ve got the Sibling Brothers to do the music, don’t ask me what kind, they’ll just send a link and we rig it up to the music system, with a usb stick as backup.

So while we have these rave parties all over the country in swing seats the punters will be totally but totally off their heads. The parties will be all night sittings just like in the Houses of Parliament. They won’t have the energy to get to the Polls to vote.

So our party will win, 23 seats, that’s all they need to be a government. Or was it 88 seats, the paper got stick in the fax machine. What? Which party is our party?  Whoever pays the most, LabToryLibKip, I haven’t got a *&^% clue, I’ve been trying Mary Watsit’s cake, God she’s such a baker. Oh yea, I did inject a bit of plant food into it.

Now all we have to do is post the message on social media and then everything is ready. What time does the Library shut? We have to hurry or all  plans will come to nought.

The Library closes early on Wednesday, so we cannot rig the result of the Election. Can’t even catch the bus to Birmingham and the brand new library, the biggest in Europe, that’s closed as the council cannot afford to keep it open. Let’s go to the chip shop instead. 

May is full of memories

May is a month full of memories. ©

By Michael Casey

 Tomorrow my wife is 33, so its happy birthday to her.Next Friday, one week after her Birthday its the 10th anniversary since my mum died 2 months after that, my dad died, my brother did CPR and saved him long enough for the doctor to come injection straight to the heart.  Dad had died , but was revived. He was given a week to live. I sat in my sister’s house a few hundred yards from mine and we picked hymns for dad's funeral.

 But he came back, read Padre Pio and Me for details www.michaelgcasey.wordpress.com  

Later in May just 2 years ago my wife's dad was killed in an accident in Shanghai. I rushed home from the hotel, my eyes full of tears. Only he agreed with me and said I'd been right to send JJ back to China with the message to tell her parents all my bad points. Now still young he was dead. He died a few days before his granddaughter's 3rd birthday, his 2nd granddaughter was still only 7 months old.

 Two deaths and 2 Birthdays that’s what May brings. Every May brings the promise of Spring and Happiness that Birthdays bring. But it is balanced by 2 deaths. Death of a mum for me, and death of a dad for my wife.

 Eternal balance and equilibrium. I remember my mum standing by the fridge in her blue and white smock, that was the last time I saw her, apart from in her coffin when I kissed her ice cold cheek. So much warmth now it was all gone. My sister went back to her house one day a few weeks after the funeral. There were flowers growing everywhere, white daisies growing everywhere. Our mum had sneaked up to my sister’s house on the 82 bus, then she'd planted seeds. Their scent was her memorial.

 Always loving her children, her 6 children, now the flowers were her smile goodbye.

I had put my wife on the first flight to Shanghai, I rung the hotel and said I'd be back in 2 weeks, I was left holding the babies, while my wife dashed off. Her dad was not quite dead when she arrived in Shanghai, he was on support and still warm, JJ had time to kiss him goodbye. Then she had to arrange the funeral.

Now I wear my Chinese dad's best watch on my wrist, I have always loved watches, now I have a good one , all because somebody had died. May is a time of celebration in China and the East, the Spring Festival and so forth. For me May reminds me of my blessings, a mom who gave me such a deep Faith, as deep as I need it, and we all know that can be very deep indeed especially in time of need.

 My dad survived because of a miracle and I am not abusing the word. My prayers were heard and now I have 2 daughters too when then I had no clue what the future would do. May moves me and I hope it moves you all, none of us can predict the future, no matter how hard we try but I know my ma and pa are looking down from up there in the sky.

****I wrote this a few years ago

Explaining Politics to Children

Explaining Politics To Children ©

By Michael Casey

Imagine you have to explain Politics to kids, what would you say and how would you do it? All Politicians are Liars and Bastards could be a good opening to begin with and grab their attention. Politics is all about Public Service, could be another line, just make sure you don’t say pubic service by mistake or you’ve lost your audience forever.

So what exactly is Politics, “the art of the possible” is one famous quote, you get a stale 2 week old Easter egg if you know who said that, no cheating on Google. Will kids in today’s world believe you if you said the Liberals were once a major force in politics and Labour is a new party, relatively speaking. Would kids have heard of the Whigs, and where exactly did the Tories come from as a name for the Conservatives, “nobody knows  Sir, they are just bastards” may be one interjection from Clegg at the back.

So you start by explaining what Democracy is, the kids say that this lesson is so boring and vote that they go and play football outside instead. So then you have to explain that teachers are dictators, so can they all sit down again and put the ball down. Such is modern day teaching, having taught myself this writer can vouch that it is even worse than that.

So you start the simple way, you’ll explain each party in turn. So you start with the Labour Party, so some wag at the back says it’s a party for pregnant women. So you reply that it’s an ever growing party as their numbers grow every 9 months. Then you talk about unions etc, the kids think this is so boring, until another wag says the students union is the best one, as the beer is so cheap, and he cannot wait to be a student. Was Tony Blair’s policy all about getting millions to drink cheap beer? I suppose in the end you do get a degree as well, I’m told 41% gets you an engineering degree, but the maths is so hard, could Prince Harry have passed engineering maths?

You try explaining Liberals next. The class is ahead of you and say they are all wear anoraks and smoke skunk, that’s why they wear sandals as laces would just be too much on shoes, besides laces become snakes if you take too many legal highs. As for yellow being their colour, it’s because they eat too many curries, but Birmingham is the best place in the world for curries, did Sir know that? Liberals like jointing things, such as Cameron’s government,  in fact they’ll join anything,  it’s the only way they can make friends.

Moving on to the Conservative, the clue is in the name, conserve, keep steady and not change too much. Aren’t they just rich bastards Sir? So you have to explain they have their own businesses and work hard, that’s why they move to nice areas. So they don’t have to mix with the likes of Smith and Jones, Sir, comes from the back. So you ask a rhetorical question, imagine you win the lottery, where would you go and live? I’d live in a nice house with those rich bastards the Conservatives, Sir.

UKIP, is next on your list, does anybody know what UKIP stands for? They don’t even know themselves , Sir, comes from the back. So you explain, United Kingdom Independence Party. And no they are not a Real Ale appreciation party. They are more than that, though judging by the leader, there is a large element of truth in that statement.

Scottish Nationalists, what exactly are they? Well they are Scottish and they are in fact a Separatist Party. They hate the English or so it feels, they are very clever because the educational standards are higher in Scotland. If only I could teach in Scotland bemoans the teacher as he kicks the football and it hits Clegg on the back of his head, but at least it makes Clegg pay attention.

All of the parties do have one thing in common, they love the sound of their own voice, they love being interviewed and getting a few quid every time they are on telly. The food and drink in the Houses of Parliament are great and cheap, that’s why a lot of M.P.s become alcoholics or just fat, that’s why they lean back and sleep in the chamber. The story of microphones bedded in the furniture is just a myth they are just a bunch of old sot

Now students I do hope I’ve explained the political system to you, we do have such a bunch of wonderful people ruling us. You can watch The Ruling Class the 1972 film with Peter O’Toole as homework. Don’t forget as you can now vote at 16, thanks to Prime Minister Miliband, don’t forget to go out and vote on Thursday. Now let’s go outside and play football.  Sir’s been smoking skunk again laugh the kids, Sir must be a Liberal.