Being a Gay Dad

Being a Gay Dad ©

By Michael Casey

Now before I start a message for Googlers, I am not Gay, though this will come top of all future Google searches.  What I am is defined by Who I am, not who is my preferred sleeping partner. Being Gay or Black or Disabled is unimportant, can I find the remote in time to watch Grimm or Sherlock or Elementary now THAT is important, as is do I buy a round of Stella Artois, or am I always in the toilets when it’s my turn to buy a pint.

We can discuss prejudice at a later date, being fat, silver haired having a quadruple bypass and arthritis to make me scream is irrelevant too. But at least I have a pretty family, and I am a good writer, though you may disagree and I may then try to play the fat silver haired quadruple bypass and screaming arthritis card.

So where was I, I was here looking at clothes for my daughters. I’m not stupid I’m not going to traipse round the shops I’d lose the will to live if I had to do that. I have written on this topic before, after 700+ stories most things are covered. Though you may all wish I was covered too, rather like a budgie’s cage, then I may shut up. Some of you are such cruel cruel bastards, I could sob now, and play the sob card, but some of you may think I’m a SOB anyway. See how you twist my words, you bunch of lawyers.

The thing about shopping online, or just window shopping online before despatching the kids out to the shops with money in their palms, is that it’s so much quicker. You can have a 40 min window in between your favourite tv shows, or in my case the Press Preview on Sky News, or the latest Andrew Graham-Dixon Art History show on BBC4.

So you gallop through the websites, as you stop you say yes or no and an item is picked. You pick shape and form, colour is so so important too. My smallest daughter just loves yellow, that’s why I bought a yellow flowering plant yesterday that’s on the shelf to my right by the phone. If the clothes item is yellow it’s got an 80% chance of being picked immediately. If it’s on sale and it looks really good we pick 2 of them. All the time I have an eye on the clock, I must not miss my show, missing BBC news is a capital offence.

My big daughter is harder to please, and I really have to reward her as she is doing so good at school, and she’s on track to be a Dr, God Help Us. So we scroll down looking at this and that, simultaneously we’ll say STOP, this item must be bought. If this happens frequently and if you push them towards something that they agree is really nice, and you the dad spotted it first, THEN YOU ARE A GAY DAD.

My girls are at school or out with their friends, or even with their Gay friend, when asked where did they get this or that the answer is FREQUENTLY, oh Dad spotted it. YOU HAVE A GAY DAD. So then you have to accept it. I am a Gay Dad. This means I am a Fashionista, but I do have a Shanghai wife, which means she dresses better than a Parisian or an Italian. I’ve gotten used to this these past 2 decades. As for me Cotton Traders is my shop of choice, but only because I have a great big derriere, but take a look for yourselves, not at my derriere but at Cotton Traders.

A Gay dad knows what colours are best for his girls and even for his  Shanghai wife. I can boast we’ve walked into a store, I take off my shades and walk around and walk out in less than 5 minutes. Why did I walk out, because the colours may be ok for a convention of undertakers, but for beautiful women, a bit of colour is always needed.

You have to know what colours work for your girls. Red is my wife’s prime colour, you can have a swatch done so you know your colour palette as far as your fashion goes. Me and my girls know what works best for mum so we advise her on what will won’t work. Mainly she knows her own style, but sometimes she does bring home a Cuckoo so we all say yuck and send her back to the shop for a refund. That’s where being a Gay Dad comes in useful, if I have to bear the cross of having a young wife, I do want her to stay looking good. While I dress in blue cord a la Cotton Traders.

Now that I’ve explained everything I hope all Gay Dads can come out of the ladies’  changing room with their head held high. It is a badge of honour to be called a Gay Dad, it means your daughters love you, especially if you pay.