My Wife the
Gardener ©
By Michael
Casey
My garden
grows/the weeds conspire to take
over/the weeds choke my bluebells/ but bluebells persist they are like
that/suddenly there is a crash and a bang/ a Shanghai girl appears/ her house
pyjamas are all rolled up/ she is more Japanese than Chinese/ she slings and
swings open the store open/ out tumbles the strimmer and the lawn mower/ their
silent slumbers are no more/ their plastic covers are thrown away/like the morning
duvet in the morn when sleep is over/ another crash and a scream/ husband fetch
me the wire and the don't electrocute me safety switch/ then she is off like a
Formula One driver/ only she attacks the weeds and our grass/ the grass is
getting its short back and sides/ the grass looks like a GI on his first day/
buzz and wooz and wooz and buZZ/ Shanghai girl attacks the grass/she must have
a lawn/that little piece of England has entered her bloodstream/ wooz and buzz
the machines cut the grass/ me I hide up the yard in safety/ I have a chopstick artists brush to
paint the gutter drain pipes/perfect harmony man and wife together in wooz and
buzz with drip drip drip of paint/ then the wooz and buzz ends/ all is silent as
the grass green as green can be is all tidied up and ready for picnic duties/
then there are barked orders/husband do this husband do that/ drip drip drip
the Shanghai siren disappears with sharp things in her hand/ the small front
garden will be attacked and tamed now/ she is a Shanghai dervish/ I slip into
the kitchen for Polish toast and my last
green tea/ the gardens are tamed as I finish my green tea/ I promise myself
never to buy it again even if it is good for me/ green tea fished/ I go out to
the front of the house/ a trucker stares at my wife/ he has never seen a
Shanghai gardener before/ she appears more like a rice sower than anything
else/ then with a flourish she is done/ Shanghai has tamed Birmingham weeds by
her heroic deeds. All is quiet on the Eastern front/ Mrs Casey from Shanghai
has finished / just in time to nag me again.
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