How do Men
Shop? ©
By Michael
Casey
There is a difference
between Men and Women, and thank God for it. But how do men shop? Shopping for
men is about getting what you need, my shoes have a hole in them so I’ll go to
the shop and buy another pair. A man will buy a new pair of shoes that are
exactly the same as his old pair of shoes, or if he’s being adventurous he’ll
have a pair of shoes which are exactly the same but with grey laces and not
black. Now to a man this is being fashion conscious. If a man wants a new pair
of trousers he just goes to the shop and sees if they have his leg/waist size
and then tries them on, making sure they don’t split when he bends over and that
his package is not squeezed. If a man needs a suit he checks the trousers
before putting on the jacket, the jacket must be able to be done up without his
belly exploding the buttons off. A man will never button up his suit jacket,
but he needs to know that the buttons won’t fly off and hit anybody in the eye,
if ever he does.
If a man
needs a shirt he checks the neck size, 18.5 in my case, and then he sees if its
full fit or not. Then he buys 5 shirts exactly the same all in plastic . For a lazy shopper he’ll go
straight to Slaters and get what he wants. In and out in 30 mins for
everything. Then he’ll go to the pub and meet his mates and have one pint too
many and leave all his shopping in the Queens Tavern. Luckily they are honest
there and his shopping is saved, otherwise he’s have to waste 30mins in
Slaters, before going back to the pub.
This is
basically the difference between men and women. Woman shop, men pick up clothes
or whatever like an order picker does, without any passion. A man gets home and puts his shopping away
and forgets about it. Just like in the film The Fly where the man’s wardrobe
contains suits all the same colour, clothes are just a thing so they are all
uniform.
As for women
shopping s something different, the clothes have to be tried on and they must
make the woman look perfect, her bum or boobs mustn’t be to big or too small,
everything should be right. To help the woman chose her clothes she brings two
or three mates or her children with her. Her man is forced to come too, but he
plugs Radio5 Live into his ear and listens to the football while she is choosing. Men know 5 colours,
red, blue, red, green, yellow or maybe one or two more; as for a woman there
are at least 50 colours, and just as the eskimos have 30 words for snow a woman
has 10 words for each colour and its hews.
This brave
man, or am I stupid, I just give my wife the debit card and say leave me in
peace, so she goes off with a smile with the girls with her, they are young
Fashionistas after all. I decided years ago what a wife needed was space to
shop and not constant looks at my watch. So that’s what she does and her
bulging wardrobe will testify to the wisdom of my decision. When a woman comes
home its 2 hours of mix and match to make sure that the new clothes match the
old clothes, the husband tries to watch the big match on tv but his wife is
prancing around the living room asking “does my bum show” and various other
questions. It’s a penalty, and you sit on the edge of your seat, the wife
appears and blocks your view, so you miss seeing why your side was relegated. Normal life in homes
up and down the country.
The next day
you watch the match again in peace, you remembered to record it on Sky+ and as
for the wife she’s gone back to the shop to return ½ of what she bought because
it doesn’t match her shoes. And it’s
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