What makes us who we are?

 michaelgcasey  Uncategorized  11/07/2019 5 Minutes

What makes us who we are? ©

By Michael Casey

Well I was going to write Tinnitus and Phlegm but this idea boiled over so you are getting that instead. Why did I chose “boiled over” well our kettle broke last night, in fact it could have badly burned one of us. The handle broke as I was having a late night drink, so luckily it was me and not one of the girls. So I have ordered a new kettle to replace it. As my dad used to say, if you buy rubbish you end up buying twice. I could talk for a page on the subject of Kettles, but you can do that for yourself. If you find Just a Minute on the BBC World Service you’ll have fun listening to the folks on that show, they talk about everything maybe they are my Spiritual Godparents. Or then again them I am just an unloved Bastard, you’ll have to decide that for yourselves.

So what does make us who we are? Well love does play a part, too much or none at all affects indeed creates our character. I was of course the 5th of 6th children, and the family Pet till a final little sister arrived. I’ve turned into the chronicaler of events in the family and otherwise a general writer, marching my words over the page and invading your minds.

So what makes me me and you  you. Obviously I am much prettier than you, well apart from on my Passport photo, there I look like a Criminal or a Jailor or even a Torturer. Ask the guy at Passport control, he laughed so much, I nearly spanked him with a rolled up copy of Trump’s book on Humility. It’s a 2 page book, with Trump’s photo and one line, I’m so Humble, even God asks for my autograph. But I controlled myself and  smiled at the guy at Charles de Gaulle airport, now that really really scared him.

I’m going off topic now, but that’s my gift, if you stumble over me, you soon forget what you were supposed to be doing. So I’m therapeutic, though some may say I’m just pathetic, but those are the ones I’ll stop praying for. If you tell somebody you’ll stop praying for them it does tend to confuse them. Confusion is a gift, it slows things down and then you get them to do what you want them to do.

What other traits do you have? Your smile, those come to bed eyes, though as you are an Undertaker your come to bed eyes, may mean Eternal Rest. Not Creation, though Undertakers do tend to be very happy people, otherwise they’d get Depression with all the sad people surrounding them on a daily basis. In general a smile breaks the ice, and can lead to friendship and love. But do make sure you brush those teeth first. This morning’s Breakfast is not the best view, so brush those teeth.

Then there is your hair, do you have it this way or that, or are you a through the bush kind of person. You haven’t combed your hair in weeks, there is a reporter on the tv with that look, and no I don’t mean Peston, somebody else. First impressions do count. When you are having that interview, within 15 seconds people have an opinion of you. If you look like a tramp in a suit, or skirt and blouse, then your chances are blow, just because you failed to go to the toilet before your interview. Look in the mirror before the interview. Is your hair tidy, is there breakfast on your teeth or down your shirt.  Is the zip open or closed, you are looking for a new job, not a Love Island conquest. So keep it closed. If you are a girl, be professional, don’t have too much on show, not unless you want a job in a Lap Dancing Club.

There are many things that make us, our style of clothing, are we a talker or a listener. He’s just a suit, but no brains. She’s all cleavage, no brains. Obviously I have a brain, you are all so cruel I heard the laughter in Lithuanian, and from the Moscow too, you are so cruel, I’ll put you in a story, you just wait I will. Whatever we are good at we have to promote it. And we have to balance it with the situation.

So when you see me dressed as a woman with my cleavage out, please do not squeeze my derriere, I’m dressed as a woman for a reason. It’s free entrance and free drinks all night for us girls. I can see my Russian readers hurry to the closet, to try and find granma’s clothes. Free vodka all night is worth dressing up like a Babushka. Which brings us to character. This is the most important thing of all. Are you honest or brave, or quick witted?

Can you react fast? If you work in hotel or a hospital then you can really be tested at short notice. It does not matter a damn if you are so so sexy, like me obviously, or if you brain is the size of my backside, or if your backside is so so tempting, not mine but any girl’s or boy’s even depending one who is looking. Or if you speaking 14 languages, or if all  you can say is (*^&&^, or any form of cursing.

What matters is how you are in a crisis. My Moscow friends no doubt as they read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker as they are doing at the moment, know this.Well  imagine they are in drag getting the free vodka, and then bandits arrive, what would they do? Would they sneak off like little girls? They are very big girls in drag after all. What would Ichi, Dizchi and Gregorgi do? Well I’ll let them tell you for themselves when they get home to Moscow.

Let’s just say, you never squeeze a Moscow boy’s bum even if he is in drag. Obviously Ichi, Dischi and Gregorgi will take out the 6 bandits while still holding a glass of vodka in one hand. They guard the car park outside the British Embassy in Moscow, and it was the Cultural attache there who told them about Ben’s Bar Birmingham. And Cultural Exchange is always a good thing.

So  I hope you have some idea about what makes us all special, and I hope we can all drink in peace to that.

Translations

persianBBUPORTUGUESE BBU2019China BBU-convertedChina BBU-convertedВ поисках индийской принцессыWydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesbbumar2008-en-zh-cn-1BBUMar2008.en.zh-CN (1)BBU in HebrewBBU in Arabic300 وmy new bedBBU Russian Translation microsoft wordBBU in KOREANBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish ExamplesKOREAN TRANSLATION Still Alive 2015The Polish TranslationsSpanish BBU아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015아직도 살아있는 2015

Tinnitus and Phlegm will be next story on Wednesday or Thursday

Tinnitus and Phlegm

 will be next story on Wednesday or Thursday

I had a bad night of Tinnitus last night, 5am before I could sleep

and Phlegm too.

However I thought that Tinnitus and Phlegm was a great title for  a Story

No,  it will not be about Tinnitus and Phlegm, it will be about Tinnitus and Phlegm

Tinnitus and Phlegm Solicitors

as I just typed that I'm thinking it could be set in Dickens time

though as ever I never know which way it will go till I start it

it's more fun for me that way

these are NOT mass produced stories even though there are 2000+ of them

What else can I say, yes Stella Artois is great, I've had a can a day for 4 days

Nothing compared to all you drinkers out there

And maybe Christmas before I have another drink

12 pints a year, so effectively T total

all our lodgers were alcoholics, so it puts you off for life

We even had a struck off alcoholic female Dr as a lodger

I can remember my dad carrying down the Piss Pot to

empty it out in the outside toilet

Such a luxurious upbringing

In the end it's inevitable I'd end up a Writer

https://www.amazon.com/MichaelCasey/e/B00571G0YC 

from Brazil to Oman

from Brazil to Oman

well my readers are far flung as usual, and yesterday in 6 languages too on Wordpress

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/


So thank you all, but please spread the word then Amazon and Netflix might pick me up,

probably using a crane or a Russian weight lifter.

The exam results are still a month away, so is it BioChemistry  or Doctor?

You'll all know when I know

I may write something new later today. I have put 2 books in German Translation on Amazon

so lets see if there are any takers.

I still dream Rupert Murdoch takes me under his wing

My daughter did have a pigeon pooh on her face and destroy her makeup

So she went into a store in Birmingham and they were kind enough to fix her face

It is a sign of good luck after all

And that is what  the Irish say "Good Luck"

Tomorrow 9th July 2019 would have been my parents 70th Wedding Anniversary

so hello, to all the Casey Clan

Scrabble Vendetta

Scrabble Vendetta ©

By

Michael Casey

The Media Scrum outside Saint Patrick’s wasn’t going to go away, in fact it would grow and grow, the Media would have to take over the Windmill Pub next door such was the amount of Media attention. Big Sid the butcher was on the operating table over the road and inside the church Mrs Murphy one of those whose lives he saved was Praying at Warp Factor 9. Forget about not mixing matter and antimatter, she might be inside the church but her soul was at the very gates of Heaven screaming her supplications, as well as Daughters of the Rosary the world over.

Outside hairy Amjit the Alsation was licking the wounds of Jesus on the cross, this was his prayer begging and pining that Big Sid the Butcher should live. Mrs Kemp had arrived at the church too. Who are you the Press demanded to know. I’m the Grandmother of the pregnant hostage. But you cannot be, Mrs Murphy inside Praying like a Devil is the  grandmother. Said one lazy reporter from the Daily Fuzz, he certainly was not a hot reporter. SHE is the Irish Grandmother, I am the English Grandmother, it was MY daughter held hostage, but OUR grandchild was in danger too, as was OUR unborn grandchild. She then stamped on his toe with her shoe.

Sky reporter went live, and the Daily Fuzz was pushed to the back of the crowd of journalists, it was like a shark feeding frenzy. Mrs Kemp explained again, and then extreme zoom, what do you think of the Post Office raiders. The Director had his finger on the bleep button. What do I think of those men, those excuse for men, they are not even men, not even little boys. They dare come to our community, and threaten the Saintly Mrs Murphy, and MY daughter and MY grandchild, and MY unborn grandchild. Well I think there is only one solution. And what exactly is that Mrs Kemp, asked Kay Burley from the Sky Studio. I’m going to feed their balls to my cat, that’s if they have any.

The Press exploded, Mrs Kemp continued, My Husband is a Freemason I’ll have you know. I don’t know what he does at his Lodge, but whenever he makes a Promise he keeps it. My husband has promised me their balls, so they can hide in Prison but my Husband will deliver. I will have their balls and feed them top my cat.

The Press pack exploded. And is there anything else you would like to say asked Kay from Sky. There are A, asses, B they are beasts, C they are clowns, D they are dunces, E they are Eejits if I can borrow a word from the saintly Mrs Murphy, F they are. Kay interrupted just in case.Then she interviewed the next guest, The World Scrabble competition was on, and England had lost two from the squad due to food poisoning, so the French were already gloating.

The French team captain, was so very smug. Maybe that lady could join the team as a standin, she at least knows her alphabet. Kay was inwardly livid, but ever the professional she linked back to the Scrum.

The French team captain for the world Scrabble championship was wondering would you like to join England’s team as a late replacement. Mrs Kemp smiled sweetly, I haven’t played in years, but if England expects, then I’ll do my duty. The England captain knew he hadn’t a hope in hell having lost his 2 best players, so he said ok,if the French did not object to a late replacement.

So it was all decided. A little light relief after all the dangers in the Post Office. As Kay finished the interview, the French captain moaned his interview had been cut short to cover a nothing butcher, brawn beating brain. Mrs Kemp still had the earpiece provided by Sky, I’ll have his balls too was his reply. Only Kay at Sky heard this,but there was something in Mrs Kemp’s voice that made Kay’s eyes light up with delight. She then rung her friend Peter Bets at Sky sports. You have to cover the Scrabble Championship live Kay purred. Why asked Peter? Just Woman’s intuition said Kay smiling.

Now the French team captain thought Mrs Kemp was just a boring housewife, the housewife bit was true. But Mrs Kemp had a past, a very large past, thousands of pages long. No she wasn’t a slapper, but her past covered thousands and thousands of pages. No she wasn’t a girlie magazine model either, but the French man’s jaw would drop, zut alors.

The day of the Scrabble World Championship arrived, Kay had friends around for beer and chips. She had looked up Mrs Kemp and her intuition had been spot on. Mrs Kemp apologised because she’s not played in years, she was a bit rusty,but she would do her best.Sky had put the championship on Sky Sport 69, Man U were playing Chelsea, so all the channels were playing variants of that.Then there was an act of God, like rain at Trump’s parade on July 4^th.The floodlights were on the blink. So the match was abandoned,all the local pubs heaved with football supporters.

And that’s how you got 80,000 football fans rooting for Scrabble. Kay refused to tell her friends what she knew,Andrew even offeredto vacuum and do the washing up, but NO. Just watch. Mrs Kemp loosen the buttons on her blouse, she was a mature woman, but everything was still in full working order. She loosen another button. The studio lights were so hot after all. Football supporters in the pubs cheered and jeered, show us your hits miss they sung.

Then Mrs Kemp showed the French what she was made of. Short words, long words, strange words, backward and forwards. Kay smiled, then she relented,she whispered in Andrew’s ear. Andrew stood up and did a Flamenco step,this would teach the French. The studio lights were so very hot, the studio manager was told to dash next door to the Flaming Pie. He came back with a tray of Stella Artois. Mrs Kemp knocked hers back in one go. She spilled some on her blouse, she she stood and took it off. Uproar in all the bars. She was there in all her glory in a red bra, one her husband had recently given her, Freemasons are not stupid after all.

Mrs Kemp looked the French captain in the eye, my attire does not frighten you does it, you have seen a woman in red before? And on they played, more words, long and short and extended. Mrs Kemp was toying with him. The French were like children in a playpen playing with building blocks with letters on. Mrs Kemp was getting bored, not enough challenge. So she decided to construct long and strange an bizarre words. Just for her own intellectual amusement.

Foul cried the French, she’s cheating, no such word exists. Page 278, section 1b , subsection 12. In bold.Smiled Mrs Kemp. Dodds Dictionary 1934. The computer scanned and there it was. She must have an earpiece or some way of cheating stammered the French captain. Mrs Kemp stood up and removed her bra, shall I remove everything so you an search me. Then she put her bra back on. It was a Graduate moment.

Beer was spilt all over the country and everybody phoned a friend and shouted put Sky 69 on. Mrs Kemp smiled again, he was but a little boy. The Frenchman cursed her in French. Mrs Kemp replied in the worse filthiest French imaginable. She spent not one but two years in Marseilles  in her university days. The French captain blushed, in fact  he turned into a Pillar box. The floor manager was sent out for wine this time, as Mrs Kemp said the French were whining for wine.

Why don’t we have a bet on the side suggested the French captain. A crate of the 48 would be nice said Mrs Kemp,she did know her booze after all. Agreed. Then the French captain tried to rile her, who is this Big Sid anyway, I love Big Sid is everywhere, is England GAY?

England stopped, nobody could or should say that. Sky rung the Police to get a safe escort for the French team once the competition was over. The studio manager pointed and a video clip was played. CCTV of the Post Office and Big Sid saving everybody. This is an Englishman said Mrs Kemp, and he has done his duty.

She was enraged, she stormed up and down and around and backwards and forwards the Scrabble board. Some words had not been used is 360 years,God alone, literally knew what they mean.But tonight God was on Mrs Kemp’s side. For God and England and Big Sid.

The French were put through the Mangle, and yes for pure spite Mrs Kemp  put mangle down as her last word. Applause all over the country. Then a lot of shouting, a Frenchman on his Tour de France bike arrived, he wore a spangled beret and a Tee shirt that read J’adore Big Sid.

It was Joules the French cultural attache,Mes Excuse, he bowed as low as a Japanese apology. This man does not represent the French.  Of course you will get your wine too, the 1848 you mean. The 1948 I would not clean my bicycle with. Mrs Kemp gave him a hug, her bra came off and he had to hold up his beret to cover her embarrassment.

Then Mrs Kemp explained  Kay and Andrew cheering on, you see my married name is Mrs Kemp. But I did stuck English and European languages, I am actually a Dr of Letters, but I never tell anybody in case they think I’m a medical doctor and want me to look at their bum. Though the French Scrabble captain had been kicked the bum , metaphorically speaking, and might perhaps need the attention of a medical doctor.

There was one other thing, Mrs Kemp was descended from 14 Generations of Dictionary and Encyclopaedia compilers. The French captain didn’t stand a chance. The French cultural attache now he really was a gentleman, a very gay gentleman.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B00571G0YC

me in Lourdes France 1991

later on it'll be Scrabble Vendetta

later on it'll be Scrabble Vendetta

I was going to do a bit more of The Priest and The Playboy which will be part of Chapter 10 of 

Tears for a Butcher, the sequel to The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker  but instead later on

 I'll write Scrabble Vendetta which is a lot of fun for me.

Imagine Helen Mirren , a bit younger in her Red persona and there's a clue, a posh killer.

What happened was I was having a beans and bacon toastie and I spilled it all over my reporter's

notebook, just like Jon Sopal's one, where he keeps all his Trump autographs

So the pages stuck together, really, yes really Jon.

So I left it on the radiator to dry and later I could prize it apart and get the story back, really, yes

really Jon. Then I'd borrow Christian's razor, the one he uses to shave his legs, and ears with, really

 yes really Jon.

Then I'd have a stubble version of The Priest and The Playboy to carry on with, really yes really Jon

In the meantime I'll write Scrabble Vendetta.

I don't know when all my favourite reporters sudden were in USA, I know its been a few years now,

but the chance was so sudden, I may have been preoccupied with health problems, so I missed it.

Really, yes really. Now all I can do is heckle from afar

So gather around Jon Sopal's Scrabble board, and no that's not a metaphor,

and think what'll Casey come up with.

See you all later, I have to have a Stella Artois today, my first since Christmas really,

then maybe 3 months before I have another.

No doubt you all fell over in shock, Casey practically T total, who the Trump does he think he is

Really , yes really. Let's get to the bar fast, and yes if you believe any of this, it proves just one thing

I must be a good writer after all, really yes really.

p.s. I love Beyond 100 days , tell Kate to slap Jon with a wet lettuce on the back of his legs,

look what it did for Larry Grayson's career, really yes really


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Arabic, Polish and Japanese translations are being read today on my Wordpress, and even in Australia

they cannot avoid my word.

Hope you have all had a good rest

Hope you have all had a good rest

the heat and tinnitus combined is very tiring so no new story today

don't you ever look backwards  and find a story, please give it a try for yourself

there's 2400 pieces on this site

Meanwhile here's a randomly chosen piece


https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B00571G0YC


this is from 12/12/2011

Writing in My Head ©

By

Michael Casey

I started writing Tears for A Butcher and I’ve done one chapter and a few pages of the 2^nd chapter. I have all sorts of ideas for this follow up to

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker but I’ve got lots of material for the finale and one or 2 other chapters, but I’ve not started on chapter 3 or chapter 4, I’m thinking it’ll be 12 chapters like the 1^st book. Then I have a puzzle, should I write the book out of sequence and then stitch it together or should I wait for sequential chapters to form and then write it. There is the other problem though  problem is the wrong word to use, I don’t want to spend a year of my life producing more stuff until I leave the launch pad with my other stuff. I have 4 books on Amazon Kindle, very cheap and you can now borrow them via Amazon too.

It’s a bit  of a puzzle, I have enough material to write fully formed chapters, but should I do it this way or that? There are no rules, and if I got a few quid for my 4 “masterpieces” then I’d be encouraged   to strike the anvil, my dad was a blacksmith after all. What do other writers do, I’ll put this on FaceBook and see if I get any replies. I love my cast in my book, its exciting when I think of things they can do, I’ve decided to marry a few off in

Tears For A Butcher, it will be funny and full of pathos, but when will I have the time and push to do it, I never get writers block, quite the reverse. I have compromised and used blogs as a method of keeping the writing juices flowing, but I have reoccurring dreams of my cast, not real dreams but the stories want to escape me and dance on paper. If I could draw cartoons I’d be drawing them, there goes Mrs Murphy, here Big Sid, there’s the undertaker, I do envy cartoonists. That’s all I have to say, apart from this, coffee made with hot milk is so so nice. Goodnight everybody

Michael Casey    

Michael Casey Hot Stuff

Put Jean Michel Jarre's Rendez Vous Part 4 on and listen to him as I talk

It's a very exciting piece, in my imagination old ladies, abuelitas dance is celebration

their prayers have worked Big Sid the Butcher in Inglaterra is alive after being shot 3 times

defending a mother, a child and an unborn baby and his friend Mrs Murphy not forgetting everybody

else in the Post Office.

So that's the film version of my story dancing around my brain, with JM Jarre's music

I don't really need a tv , I have imagination

I still have to write Tears for a Butcher, I've put fragments online

I'll probably never actually write all of it.#

Not unless a Korean Kpop girl comes and speed types for me as I

sit on a sofa and dictate.

12 chapters, 2 sessions of 2 hours and I could dictate it.

48 hours to write a 600 page book

I would spread it out over 12 weeks

Then I'd marry the Korean girl and have 5 sons, and form a Kpop band and martial arts club

In reality John Henry Newman's ghost is more likely to pay a visit, the Oratory is just up the road

It's too hot to sit and write a new story, or a fragment, so I'm just boring you all with my thoughts

Yes, that's what I do all the time, you are all so cruel

I'm going to change the music now just to confuse you.

Peter Gabriel's Come Talk to Me

I still have my angle painting besides me so that's appropriate

I have the painting 20 years now, it's faded as  it's a water colour

My oil paintings have not lost their colour, they are even older

I bought them pre  children, but nowadays I could never afford them

A thief would get a tenner for them to sell for drugs, such is today's world

In the local shop, a former WWW fighter was strolling around in his track suit

with his muscles hanging out, tats on display

It's just so hot today everybody is letting everything all hang out

and no I don't mean my fat belly, it's my Winnie the Pooh look

I bought chocolate for my girls, its compulsory

I may streak around the neighborhood later

It's good to let fresh air around all your covered up bits

It prevents smells and cobwebs from forming

It gives the neighbours a treat too, I can see all the net curtains flutter as I race by

Don't you do it where you live?

Such boring areas where you live.

I do live in Nudist Close Birmingham, next door to the fishing tackle shop

Which can be quite dangerous as Dave his pole out and castes about

He did catch me once, I thought I was dead bait

Luckily Lindy Loo from the take away gave me the kiss of life, and took me away

She laid me on her counter top while she finished preparing the boiled rice

 The aroma restored me to life and I waved goodbye

A startled customer arrived and Lindy Loo explained

Just Eat Delivery Boy for Nudist Close

that's enough surreal stuff for today

Do tell all your friends about the 2000 stories here  and Google Translations over

at  https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/

and remind Netflix and Amazon I'm being read in 60 Countries

and up to 7  translations are being read simultaneously of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

even 21,000 Polish readers in 3 weeks

And Shoplife my play was  accepted for the stage 30 years ago

https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B00571G0YC


Enough, I'll put some clothes on now, I have go outside and buy and ice cream

Mario, the ice cream seller wouldn't know where to put the flake if I were naked

And this is why I call my writing Cartoons made from Words

Thanks all

Happy 4th of July

The quality of a Nation is judged by its's Charity, everything flows from that

me in 1991  Lourdes