Style, or the Way I Write ©
By
Michael Casey
Frank Carson the Comedian used to say, you’ve heard them all before, but it’s the way I tell them. Roger our driver was in tears and nearly crashed the van taking Frank back to the airport, because Frank really was that funny. I’ll never be like Frank, I don’t wear glasses for a start and my best fake Northern Irish accent is laughable. But I do have something in common with Frank, a certain style. No not in Fashion but in the Way I tell Them, or rather write them.
You can write in a variety of styles, just as you speak differently to different members of your family. You won’t cheek your mum or she’s give you a slap in the puss, and if she’s been cleaning the floor then she may just slap you with the mop bucket, and throw the dirty water over you too. It never happened but you were wise enough not to vex her. You speak differently to your kids and to your cat Totoro too. I my case I never treated my girls as children I just talked to them straight, the cat I talk to as if she is a child, thought in cat years she is a teenager. So Totoro must be thinking why am I treating her like a child as she slips in or out of a window at 3am, ready for fun.
The way I’ve written so far could be called my Style, it’s come about after first 20 years of listening to BBC Radio 4, which is speech radio, quality PSB if you are an American reader. Then my 30 years writing on top, so that’s 50 years of loving words. Which only happened because of a Signpost in my life when I was scared of a teacher so I hid in books. One thing does lead to another. What you are reading could now be called my natural style, as opposed to my Gangham Style or another style I may adopt as the urge takes me.
Sarcasm or Parody or just simple exaggeration can be used to make a point. Such as the Leader has had his office extended in order to fit his ego in, or to fit in a bigger desk, so he can have sex with 2 interns simultaneously while he is on the job, or to fit more maps on so he can see which country he’ll invade next. And on it goes.
The point of a joke is to make a point, and you can repeat the same joke to get another laugh in. However I’d say after 3 times you need to have a new joke, otherwise it’s just boring. Not unless you are a great comedian delivering those line, discuss. We have a comic writer and performer in UK whose material is good, however the delivery is not so good, the timing is out be a second, in my opinion. Which goes back to Frank Carson, it really is the way you tell them that matters.
As a writer by putting a comma in I hope this means that when you read it you get the timing right and its funny, or it amuses you. If my punctuation is bad then its not as funny. Though do people read punctuation? I try and break my stuff down into short paragraphs so the reader and the eye gets a rest. If its a sea of ink then people can be put off, especially if the reader does not have English as a first language. Ellen Palin the NY poet, I hope I spelt her name right, she once said I should keep it punchy, then she split my lip for upsetting her, ONLY JOKING ELLEN.
So by use of style you keep the reader interested and not longing for the end of the sentence or paragraph, or bathroom as any fellow Ckd sufferer knows from experience. You’ll have noticed that the last couple of paragraphs were serious in tone, but I punctuate them with a laugh to make the reading more fun, or bearable if you hate my writing. Wait for the joke could be the nature of my writing, just keep on reading then they’ll be a custard pie moment, though I hope I don’t telegraph my humour too much, as American comedies do, discuss.
Having said all that I don’t write to be read, and yes I can hear the cards amongst you saying, too bloody right he should be burnt not read, so thank you Nazis and KKK for your appreciation. Though Nazis with KKK could be something on the menu in some Chicken Diner somewhere, in the Deep South, south of Hell or Hades if I’m being posh. No where was I, yes I just put my dinner on, I’m having Chicken what else.
I write to be heard, by your ears, so its a Storyteller that you are reading on the computer in front of you. Get your girl to read this to you while you are in bed, consider my writing to be a form of foreplay, when she gets to the end then…
Stop, I haven’t finished, get out of bed and put your clothes back on, my words should be respected. No, my words should be enjoyed like a bar of Cadbury’s chocolate, then once finished you can get on with your life, or just go back to bed with your girl. What I want is just a couple of minutes of your time, before you couple. See the obvious use of words to convey different meanings, but you are smiling now, or one of you is dead. That’s all I want to do with my words, to make you smile, to give you a bit of relief in your hard and fast days.
I also try never to be explicit, naughty maybe but always nice, its all in your mind, not mine. Its like Panto and Ken Dodd, a joke for the kids and a joke for the mums and dads, and on and on spiralling into infinity, until we all get dizzy and throw up all over the cat. And why are there always carrots in puke, even when you never eat vegetables?
I hope I’ve given you an inkling into my words, and if you have an inkling I’d suggest you go and visit your doctor before it becomes a rash. Words are Weapons of Laughter, I hope I can get my 1,100,000 words read on the radio, any station, any time, any place anywhere all over the world in any language. Even if my own voice is not good enough to be used, but the Words are, that I am certain of. So what word can I finish with to impress my readers all over the word. It really should not be a word but a sound as I write for Ears, so my final word is, listen, FART.
