Friday, 13 April 2018

Clear My Diary

Just got an email about a Birthday Party in 6th months time. So I'll have to check my diary to see if I can fit it in. Prince Harry may be coming around to dig my garden, his aunty may bring her horse to help with the roses.

My classmates will all be 60 this year. I hope  I live that long, such is the nature of all my aches and pains I'm not really joking too much. But I need to live long enough to get my pension, and see  my daughters graduate,

I can remember the lad in question saying that my  witty comment was a S**tty comment so Mr. Ely the Gym and Woodwork teacher  hit him with the pump. That was in 1970.

I now qualify as a Writer, after 1,290,000 words or so I stick to that claim, though I am a worn out old fart too. So should I make it till October then I'll wear a Tshirt with my websites on:-

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

and

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com

and

https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk

Just in case the few want to buy my books as Pints will be limited.

Other than that I hope my pains lessen with the warmer weather.

Stay Pure, and remember no Golden Showers, just water. Holy Water.







The Ballet Dancer who met the Belly Dancer © By Michael Casey

The Ballet Dancer who met the Belly Dancer ©

By Michael Casey
 
 
Now they say that Truth is stranger than Fiction, so the Tale I’m about to relate is 100% true, especially the unbelievable bits. There was once a girl I was chasing, and she introduced me to Ballet. I had got a buy one get one free offer from the Hippodrome here in Birmingham, it was actually on the anniversary of my mother’s death. So was my mother pulling strings from beyond the grave?
 
Anyway we went to the ballet, and so when I went on holiday to Barcelona in the Spring I noticed a sign saying Russian Ballet and it was £10 which is cheap for ballet even back then. The night before the ballet was due to be on I was in a bar in Las Ramblas, I noticed a girl with really pretty chestnut hair, so obviously I spoke to her. She turned around and had a strong American accent, and a broken nose to match. She said she was a student.
 
I staggered home to my hotel in Pallell Ley, I had managed to relearn my Spanish by doing 15 mins of study every day for 3 months prior to my trip to Barcelona. It was 25 years since the exam and I’d never been to Spain. I was really pleased with how my Spanish worked. Now I was going to go to Russian Ballet in Barcelona. The next day I got to the theatre early and we had a selection from the Nutcracker. Two days ago I took my 2 daughters to see it here at the Hippodrome, the Birmingham Royal Ballet now has its home in Birmingham.
 
The Russian Ballet had 2 giant speakers but no orchestra, but it did have great dancers. As I watched I noticed a girl with great hair and as she danced closer and turned I could see she had a broken nose, it was the girl I had met in the bar the night before. I told my friend the story when I got back to Birmingham, we both laughed. There was a giant ballet set for the Arena off Broad St so we decided to go there. Yes who came dancing across the acres of stage, only the Russian with the broken nose. I laughed, my friend was overwhelmed by the men in tights, I’ll say no more than that.
 
My friend stayed a friend, but years later my second daughter reminds me of her, the same mannerisms, 12 going on 80. Now later that year I met my future wife, and yes you’ve guessed it, she was a ballet dancer. Well only in a photo that her mum had back in the flat in Shanghai. However my wife had a friend who WAS a ballerina in the Birmingham Royal Ballet. Yes Really. I was in fact positively vetted by Lai, we met in a straight pub in the gay quarter, the Queens Tavern up the side of the Hippodrome. Lai was wearing a bomber jacket, as if she had landed her plane on the roof of the Hippodrome. In Chinese Lai questioned my wife about me and my prospects. In the end it was the fact that I was a Christian that swung it for me.
 
Now I am married to a Shanghai girl, who looks 20 years younger than she is, I look as old as Santa Claus, with a quadruple heart bypass and painful arthritis, and we have 2 very clever and pretty daughters. It’s God’s sense of humour, ugly dads have beautiful daughters, and let’s not forget what my mother once told me, Love will Conquer All.
 
So now my girls have discovered the Birmingham Royal Ballet, at least Subway around the corner from it IS cheap, I was there 2 days ago before and after The Nutcracker, and I can say the two lads running it are very nice, as is the food. So dine at Subway before and after the ballet. You may bump into us at Beauty and The Beast and at Subway.
 
Ballet is very graceful, and yes I am more like a belly dancer myself. As I watched the Nutcracker I shed a gentle tear in the dark as I looked at my 2 daughters beside me, last Christmas could have been my last Christmas but for the Grace of God. As we all know Ballet Dancing is God’s Belly Dancing.
 



 

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Russian Roulette

Russian Roulette could be said what is happening in the world right now.

The Russian State poisoned 2 people here in Salisbury.
Then  we have the Pantomime of Denial.

Assad Poisons his own people again and again.

The poisons were supposed to be have been removed years ago with Russian State help.

Now we have MORE poisonings and the Russian State supports Assad.

This is so sad as ordinary Russians are good and great people, they had to be to beat the Nazis.
And they have so many natural resources too.

But now its just lie upon lie.

While the oligarchs have stolen all the money from the ordinary Russians and live the high life all over the world but not in Mother Russia. Mother Russia has been plundered by oligarchs.

Meanwhile Trump blusters and threatens everybody, and a perfect storm arrives as his own lawyer got busted by the Mueller investigation, so Trump wants to sack the Policeman who is investigating him.

Trump has had an over active sex life, but now he wants to claim he is a near virgin. Nobody really cares what his score card is nor on which green he played. But planning a war and thinking about his purity at the same time could be too much for anybody. So will he flip and order a nuclear strike, or will he just commit suicide before ordering Global Suicide, or will a general take him out to save the USA and the rest of the world?

Now I wish this was just a fantasy, but sadly in Trumps World Stupidity Rules. As I have said before and many others too. Russia should be a Mother nurturing science and progress, a Revolution of Hope and Spirit working with USA and the rest of the world. Arms Race should be banished, did Putin really say a world without Russia is no use. Meaning only Russia matters.

Then Putin is a fool, the world needs all of us, the big and the small and even stupid writers like me.

If we don't stop pulling the trigger then day the final bullet in the chamber will come around and explode, not just killing one person, but the whole of Humanity.

So let's stop playing Russian Roulette with a person and a whole nation and the entire world.

Russians should be dancing and toasting the whole world. Bear Hugs Galore, that's what we need.

Otherwise this Friday 13th really could be the Final Countdown.



Spinning the Yarn



Spinning the Yarn ©
By
Michael Casey

As I just said I was wondering what to talk about today, when I found an old piece and I’ve loaded it up so you can all read it while I write something else. Then I was trying to find the right word, the right title, and I looked back at my back list, 1300 to 1700 individual stories or so now, and I spotted a few things, as I don’t want to repeat myself too much. So then I thought of Spinning the Yarn which is a phrase my dad used, I’m remembering it from 30 years ago, everything is filed away in my head and events unlock the sea of words, wrapped in Love.

I am very Lucky as I had parents who believed in Total Love, I am a poor reflection of them, but it means I have a treasure trove of memories and ideas that lead to stories. Being part of a large family with lodgers too, means we were a “family” of 13 plus a dog and a cat. Alcoholics galore leaning on the back door, as they puffed away on a fag as they paid their weekly rent, holding the lintel for support. Sometimes late for the rent, and spinning a tale as for the reason why. These memories go back 55 years maybe, including a struck off female doctor living with us, my dad carrying down the piss pot to empty it in the outside toilet. I can remember her and her hair held high like a German barmaid.

As I remember this or that it is my turn to spin the yarn, I’ve heard many a tale, and I did read all the Fairy Tales and James Bond when I was 10 or 11. I even put a paper bag cover on the James Bond to hide the silhouette of a naked woman on its cover. I was still in Primary School after all and a precocious reader. The sexy bits were boring to an 11 year old, maybe that’s why nowadays I write metaphors instead.

And on life goes you read all 17 or so of the Alistair McClain novels, you have a bookcase by your bed with 100 paperbacks in, this is in your teenage years. Then you listen to Radio 4 and plays galore constantly, not to mention watching at least 5 films a week. So looking back it’s inevitable that I’d end up a writer. But you don’t know that at the time, you just like reading.  

So this is background, you erupt onto the Front of House never working in Hotels before so that is 3 years more practice talking,talking, talking. Though in my case my first 3 books had already been written. Then the irony/joy is that because you have 3 years talking experience this gives you confidence to later become an Esol teacher. Excellent, excellent, exemplary was what the assessor said.

Now the choice of words is probably the only delay in what I say, shall I choose this or that word, or is this cheap rhyming too absurd. The choice of word does help spin the tale just as a spider spins a web a writer a tale teller uses words to help the tell tale. Now here’s the thing, if I was just sat here talking to you without the filter of writing down these words then it may not be as interesting. Because the filter of brain through fingers to keyboard and onto the screen for you all to read does have an effect on what I say. I think its better.

In my opinion when writers speak about their words on radio shows on in the Press then they are diluting the force of their words. They are like magicians explaining the magic tricks, they are like the big brother telling their little sister that Santa does not exist. And yes I can clearly remember my brother sitting on the stairs and sacrificing Santa before our little sister’s eyes. I can even still hear our mum telling him off. So I believe a writer should just write or talk as I call it, and never explain anything. He should read from his book, assuming he is a good reader, or get a professional reader instead, and that is all he should do.

So if you expect me to do book tours, if Rupert Murdoch ever discovers me, then that won’t happen. Radio is the best medium,and besides the idea of sitting in a drafty book store signing books, with my bad handwriting does not appeal. Nor does making vacuous appearances on chat shows. Let the Words out, let the Voice out, and for me Radio would be that way.

I’ve just reread what I’ve put so far and it seem too technical when really how I write is not. I stumbled over a way of describing my writing yesterday, its writing with hidden SatNav. Because I have a general idea where I want to go and at the end when I read back what I’ve written or talked to you about I always seem to have got to where I wanted to be. It’s like being a homing pigeon in reverse, who always finds a way to it’s destination.

Our drunken lodgers always found a way home, even if sometimes they locked themselves out and we had to let them back in the lodging house. They had SatNav back to their bedsit with us. So I hope when you all read these stories you like the trip and like the destination. The good thing is that there’s always another one the next day or so, depending on my aches and pains, so that you can hope it’s a funny one or a more serious one, but each one is always different.

Life should be full of variety, and there should be no paper covers on books, we should all should just enjoy uncovering the delights inside. Life should be fun, and if it isn’t you should try another library. And as you all remember in It’s A Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart married the Librarian, and don’t forget every time a bell rings an Angel gets its Wings.  

















Return of the Voice

I was thinking about what tALK ABOUT WHEN  i SPOTTED THIS FROM 2 YEARS AGO SO HAVE A READ WHILE i MUSE ABOUT WHAT TO TALK ABOUT TODAY.
MAY 21ST, 2016 10:30
Return of the Voice ©

I hope to resume my recording career in a day or so, ok, I'll pop a mike in an old plastic container placed on the corner of the computer desk, then I'll open a pdf and read it aloud.  It’s not as posh when you explain it. I have recorded over 200 pieces, my kids say I sound like a newsreader or a narrator, I hope to record everything I ever write, it’s my legacy to them.
I was too tired to record any for months but now I'm strong enough to record. Recording 5 in a day was my limit, I may be able to double that number eventually, but never more than 10 in a day. Its a more tiring process than you could imagine, as is the actual writing itself, a casual observer may think I'm very fast and no effort is involved, but its like after Hussain Bolt has run a race, I'm as knackered as he is.

When you read aloud, if you get it right you are adding an extra element to the words on the page, the words you have written yourself. I even read somewhere that one writer went on a presenting/narration course. Otherwise he would have sounded verbally incontinent, the um and ah and pausing in the wrong place. As you all know I did my presenting course back in 1998 and I later worked at CPNEC Birmingham in 10 simultaneous roles for 3 years.
So I can talk, the tricky bit is finding where to pitch your voice. If you in a hotel then you lean in verbally and you may adopt the tone of the guest, you may say wee if they are Scottish for example, or if they are highly educated you pitch your language to try and match theirs. I met somebody once at the hotel who was a little condescending, so in my reply I used concepts at his level, then I paused and said my brother did Economics at Cambridge, he looked at me and said, I believe you.

We have Ping and then we have Pong, your speech reflects this, we also have our parent's voice or our teacher's voice, or even our gutter voice, all of which we use as the occasion needs.  A voice for all occasions, but sometimes we can still be wrong footed, how would we talk to the Queen for example? I hope I'd treat her the same way I used to treat everybody in the hotel, with courtesy  without being on bended knee, and in her case we'd talk about horses, or rather ask her to forgive my ignorance but please talk to me about horses, having a dad who was a blacksmith would be the opening conversational gambit.

So words are toys we play with in the pram of life, toys can be thrown out of the pram and hurt people. Words can wound, hurt and malice and lies are the deadliest toys. The voice we adopt can sooth a child's scraped knee, far quicker and better than any bandage, so we have to voice our concern and voice our love, then our children return to their play, for we are the sound of love, music to their ears, banishing all tears.












P.S. I NEVER USE A DICTIONARY, IF I DON'T KNOW A WORD BY NOW THEN WHY PRETEND I DO.

Zuckerberg and Trump Relax in the Sauna together

Those SOBs  wanted to know which Hotel I stayed in.
You should have said you were staying with me in The White Hotel
Is that a Trump Property?
It is for now, but its a bit of a dump.
I thought you were going to in Latin America
No I'm just talking dance lessons, I'm going to do Strictly Come Dancing in England
It wasn't on your Facebook Page
The Hockey Mum removed it, she said it was demeaning
So you came to the Sauna
Yes me and 150 secret service
Is that them folding the towels?
No those are my statements for Meuller
If you don't sack him
That's not on my Facebook
Its on your call logs though
How did your session with the Senate go?
They believed my apologies, again, and again, and again.
Well it worked  for me before the election, grab and apologise.
I think they are a lot cleverer than they pretend to be
They have to act stupid or nobody will vote for them
Is that how you won?
No, I just tell the truth.
Zuckerberg chokes and secret service have to slap his back and burp him like a baby.
Can you recommend a good lawyer asks Trump.
As mine keep on getting arrested or just refuse to defend me.
I have my own but if you look on Facebook I'm  sure you'll find millions.
They will all pass the Wall test asks Trump.
I don't know what you mean replies Zuckerberg.
Don't do that innocent stuff with me shouts Trump.
Will they pass the Wall test?
Do you mean can they play squash?
I'm not talking about squeezing into the back of a truck either.
Will they pass the wall test?
Are you perhaps talking about Immigration?
Yes.
I have no opinion one way or another on that subject.
You should be a Politician snarls Trump.
Pope Francis appears in shorts and throws a bucket of ice cold Holy Water over both of them.


It'll leave it there for tonight as I have to sleep.

p.s. over on my Wordpress site are109pieces of writing including novel in full,
https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com
 In Spanish and German  The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC





Tuesday, 10 April 2018

Holiday Brochures for Students

Holiday Brochures for Students ©
By
Michael Casey

Well my big daughter has received a selection of holiday brochures, or rather prospectuses for Universities, though I told her the correct word should be prospecti, I did do Latin after all. This is a frightening prospect for me because it means my big daughter will be leaving home for University soon.

Soon being next year, you have to book your holiday or rather pick your University that early, exactly like the Thomas Cook Holiday Brochure. Though this is all about seats of learning. Thomas Cook did in fact bring my parents to England when he war was still on. My dad was thinking of going to American and his sister in Chicago had even sent money, but dad had already bought his ticket for England. And that’s why I don’t speak with an American accident. That and the fact that my dad met my mum in Victoria Park down the road from where I am now, she dropped her handkerchief and he picked it up, so the legend was told. But I digress.

So my daughter tells me she has to pick 5 Universities in order of preference, then assuming she gets the grades she gets her first choice, and her choice slides down to match the grades. 50 years ago and more I can remember we got a telegram at Christmas saying my biggest brother had got a place at Oxford, he passed their entry exam, he went to Queens.He was listening to Clapton at a million watts on a speaker that now sits in the corner of my living room. Another brother failed the Ox/Bridge exam, so he invented the Gap Year in 1974 and became a coal miner in Newbold Vernon.

However on receipt of his results with 4 straight As, A stars had not been invented then, he applied for Cambridge and went to Downing. Reverse snobbery perhaps, but then you still had to get the grades, none of this quota from social strata stuff. It should be a meritocracy after all, would I be allowed in to Cambridge just because I was fat and silver haired and wore shades and I was from Birmingham. I hope having the grades would be the most important quality.

But I digress. So how do I view my daughter’s departure in a year’s time? Well I’ll be looking at the crime figures, and will use google earth to scout the land where she will be. If I can find some martial arts  trained lesbians and gay men to protect her from the unwanted attentions of boys so much the better. A dad has to think of these things, either that or I have a life size cardboard cutout made of me that she can place in the corner of her room. Rather like those sleeping policemen you see in shops and so forth. So as I scout via google earth and online for martial arts clubs at the various universities she has on her list I’ll try and find her Putin’s Judo club, Sussex, Edinburgh, Bristol, Birmingham or Any place else.

No doubt my daughter will be looking at all the food places on offer at each of the University towns. She’ll be looking for good supermarkets, not just the cheap ones. Charity shops she won’t need, she’s not trendy, she doesn’t wear old second hand clothes. Zara is her 1st choice, that and others that this Gay Dad helps pick out and pay for.

Finance is a big thing when you go to University. We’ll no doubt discover the joys of the Student Loan. In the old days, 50 years ago that is you were given money. I think my brother got 1000pounds. He bought out little sister a tricycle, we stood on the back as she trundled down the yard, nearly 13 years age difference. Mum screamed at us not to break it. Dad was an ancillary worker in a steel works in Smethwick and his eldest boy was at Oxford, a great conversation stopper with Brockhouse the boss.

But back to now and the future. I have to encourage my daughter to keep the work rate up and pass those exams so she gets her 1st choice and not her 5th. This generation are Scientists, mine were Arts people. But if you have 1/2 Chinese blood and mum has a Biology degree what do you expect? I expected nothing, but standing by the fridge and making a heartfelt prayer led to a wife and kids. So maybe you should all just stand by your fridge and look at your dead mother’s photo and leave the rest to God, or Budweiser.
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Portuguese Translations

Humour Writing by the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England read in 167 countries so far https://www.amazon.co.uk/Micha...