I'm inviting Kim Jung Un to visit Birmingham

I'm inviting Kim Jung Un to visit Birmingham

he has probably read all my stories already.

So he may like to meet me.

WE have lots of nice eateries in Birmingham

So a chance not to be missed.

I'll persuade him to give up all his Nuclear nonsense too.

He can visit Saint Phillips cathedral with me.

Around the corner is a great Drukers cake shop.

Candles and Cakes the key to Nuclear disarmament.

This might be his last chance before Trump acts or China finally gets fed up waiting.

There is the German market too this Christmas, so come on Kim

Pay Birmingham a visit.

You can pitch  your tent i n my back garden, or try our 5 star hotel

The Swallow was where Bill Clinton stayed.

So what's it to be a tent or a Swallow.

And maybe Spring will come and Nuclear weapons can be given  up.

I'll even let you have my shades as a souvenir of your visit to Birmingham

Are you tempted?

Come on over to Birmingham and I'll feed you some Polish ham and bread.


https://www.amazon.com/MichaelCasey/e/B00571G0YC 

The Home Alone Stories

Well the wife is off on holiday to Shanghai, so I'm Home Alone with my teenage daughters and our cat Totoro, so you'll be having the Home Alone stories.

Once the Arthritis calms down. We had 20 cm of snow here, which is a lot for Birmingham, we thought the wife would not be able to get to the airport etc.

So grab a piece of grannie's cake and a nice drink of your choice the I'll begin.

Tempus Fugit – I am your Future, you are my Past

Tempus Fugit – I am your Future, you are my Past (c)

By michael casey

    

Its my smallest daughter’s Birthday soon, this got me thinking. My sister sent some presents over in advance and my daughter was delighted with her treasure, even if it wasn’t Winnie The Pooh but some other bear. Eyes lighting up as she went through her bag of treasure, counting out the treasure just like the King in his counting house. Her big sister observing and trying not to get jealous, however she had some treasure of her own, my sister had sent some Maths quiz books over to encourage her with her sums.

This morning they were having a disco in their bedroom, with a DAB radio blasting out Heart at high volume. I had an blue radio with holes in it like a sieve when I was their age, it had MW &  LW on it. FM was not the standard yet in those days. IT was while listening to that radio that we heard RFK had been shot, I remember running down stairs to tell me mum, she was in the kitchen, she was always in the kitchen, she fell to her knees and got her  rosary beads from her apron pocket.

A few years later Frank who was one of our lodgers went back to Ireland to look after his sick mum, her left all of his stuff behind, a full and heavy suitcase plus a Bush Radio. He eventually came back and said we, thats me and my  brother could have the radio. The Bush radio is a classic design. It has a large strip carry handle, like a giant strip of marzipan, it also has a  giant saucer dial with grooves in it, and as for the controls they were like dominoes, plus a grooved wheel to turn for volume. That radio changed my life. Why? Well me and my brother used to listen to the World Tonight with Douglas Stuart reporting, which was a 30min news programme from the BBC Radio4 and best of all it was followed by The Book at Bedtime. Because I started to listen to Radio 4 from the age of 10 or so I became addicted to Current Affairs as posh people call it, News to you and me. The stories and plays were great too. Though after 20years of radio plays, The Radio 4 radio play style can have its shine taken off. So that was my thing for 20years or so,I suppose that was what led me to Writing. It also made me realise Radio is better than TV, as far as news goes. Radio has more power and the picture don’t get in the way of the story. IF you try an experiment and listen to a news story then later watch the news and hear the same story, you will realise that the Radio version is better. Those of you in USA may not be able to do this experiment directly, so try closing your eyes and listening to the news, then watch the same piece later. Ears are better than Eyes.

Nowadays DAB radio is the thing, though they use lots of electricity, but the sound quality is so good. So my daughter has a DAB radio and that’s her standard, small radio but high quality. The Bush radio we had was bigger than a cereal box and heavy too, but it did change my life. It was company for me when my brother left home to do his gap year, before gap years were invented, as I struggled with my Latin, my Bush radio was the sound in the background. Though I had music on when I did homework, now as I write  this I have music on too but this time its via the computer. Where have all the years gone, I look at my eldest daughter and she looks so much like me when I was small over 40years ago. WE have a joke as we look into each others eyes. “I am your future, you are my past.”

HAD A VISITOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

https://www.amazon.com/MichaelCasey/e/B00571G0YC

My Bitcoin my Snot

My Bitcoin my Snot (c)
By
Michael Casey

I thought I should get in on the Bitcoin Bubble, the Bitcoin Con, The Bitcoin Drug Addiction.

Obviously Bitcoin will end in tears, as it is NOT backed by GOLD nor Oil nor Land.

So Bitcoin is WORTHLESS.

So it is a delusion, and many people will suffer.

So instead you can all invest in my Snot. Snot from my left Nostril is only 1 million  a blow.

And snot from my right Nostril is 2 million a blow.

Or for 500,000 you can have a sniffle.

For 250,00 you can have a wipe of my handkerchief

For 10,000,000 you can have a whole complete snotty handkerchief.

My earwax is 75,000 for  a full Qtip full of my left ear.

My earwax is 100,000 for a full Qtip full of my right ear.

My Dandruff is 20,000 for a flake.

For a full comb worth of my dandruff you pay 1,000,000.

As for my bellybutton fluff that's cheap at 10,000 a scoop.

For the grease  from my greasy face  12,000 a bargain.

All of which proves that some people are so stupid they'll believe in nothing, such as Bitcoin.

So don't buy Bitcoins, just buy the rubbish from my bathroom bin

You know it makes business sense.


******
its 04.04 I had to get up because of the pain
it feels as if I have a lance straight through me...

Anyway I won't bore you with my tales of pain, I just spotted this is the DT

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2017/12/09/british-spy-agency-tests-bitcoin-vulnerabilities/

what if Bitcoin is a "worm" to take over the financial systems....  you have been warned.

If somebody wants to buy my house for 20 times its worth with real money, then tell Santa to leave it at the bottom of my chimney. Otherwise I'm reconciled to staying put now, a year of looking is enough.

I want to Sleep with You

I want to Sleep with You  ©

By Michael Casey

Before you all get the wrong idea, what I mean is that I just read a piece in the newspaper about Hästens Vividus which is the most expensive bed in the world. One of my dreams is that when we finally move house I'd like a new plush bed, though the one I've just read about costs as much as my house, so I really do need to win the lottery or for all of you to buy all of my books on Amazon.Your purchase will send me to sleep, unlike my writing which should make you laugh.

Beds are nice comfy things, where you sleep and make love, and scream in my case scream in pain these past few years due to my Arthritis. But there is nothing nicer than a nice warm bed, and a nice warm lover besides you. Or if you are too young for that a teddy bear or your dog or cat sleeping on the duvet at your feet.

When we were kids we used to pull back the curtains of our bedroom and bounce up and down on the mattress doing a show for our neighbours at the bottom of the garden. Once we spoke to our neigbours over the garden fence, they asked who the stupid people were, so we denied all knowledge 3 times, just then  our other neighbours’ cock crowed.

Beds take a lot of knocks, so the leg broke, not the same bed we were dancing on, but another one, we were a large family after all. So what do you do with a broken bed, we could not replace it just for that reason. So a baked bean tin was used in place of the broken bed leg, though when we wanted beans on toast the bed lost its substitute leg. So we then used a 100 year old iron,the old fashioned one that you heated up to iron your clothes with, one of those ones. And it was a perfect replacement leg, luckily we had an electric iron to keep our clothes pressed with.

Headboards are an add-on and the bed shop charges for one of those, if your headboard breaks then you have to suffer, or just put an extra pillow on  your bed, and hope it does not slide off the wall behind your bed. In hotels you have really big and majestic headboards, these can cost 100s of pounds, and if ever I really do get my fancy bed a headboard can cost 50% of the cost of the fancy mattress. The headboard also acts as noise insulation for snoring and other noises that come from beds. Though I’m hoping some fancy bed company sends me a fancy bed in the future, I could be a bed tester.I tend to wake up every 2 hours like Dracula rising from his grave, I am like clockwork in that regard.
I have of course broken a couple of beds, because because because, I am just so heavy. 110 kilos or 245pounds if you are American or 17.5stones in English. I weigh more that a heavyweight boxer, and I am 5feet 10inches or 178cm in French.I look much much lighter as its all compact tight fat, not wobbly fat, that’s why I am a George Clooney look alike.

So a bed just has to be strong. I did have one that lasted 25 years, but its replacement a metal one just wilted under the weight.Imagine a giraffe that’s fallen over after having too much grass,the green grass in fields, giraffe’s don’t do drugs, they always say NO. So my metal bed legs just gave way. We put the old bed frame in the street and a passing Polish guy picked it up and hammered it back into shape. He was only half my weight.

So my next bed was a nice wooden one that you assemble, only it had a tiny crack in it. That bed was really nice and pretty to look at, it coped with my mass really well. That is until one night there was a loud big BANG, in my bed. It woke me up,the crack over the 2 years I had it just got bigger until it snapped and one side of the bed gave way. So in the morning I took the bed downstairs and used it to form a garden fence, it still looks pretty at the bottom of my garden, like a fancy stile.

So finally I tried Argos and they had a 700pound bed frame, luckily it was reduced to 150quid. It weighs a ton and would not fit up my stairs until I removed all the packaging.I could barely lift the sections together but somehow I managed to put the jigsaw together. This is the bed I am still sleeping in, it looks quite posh too. It will stay in the house if ever we finally move as I do not have the strength now to take it apart.

I have bought a new mattress to go with it, and my advice is not to skimp on the mattress, the mattress should cost at least twice as much as the bed frame. So a cheap 100 quid bed should have a 200quid mattress on it. Don’t forget duck pillows and Egyptian cotton sheets. See you all want to sleep with me now, or rather not with me but in my bed. If I roll over I’d kill you as I’m so heavy, I am in fact 3 times heavier than my wife.

A good bed and mattress such as the Hypnos brand is a thing of beauty that’ll last for years and bring you much pleasure whatever you are doing in it,even if its just sleeping, so don’t buy a second hand BMW, but a great bed instead, and get a bus pass. Then you’ll have a greater appreciation of life and loving, without adding to pollution, though you may add to population.  

****

a lady once said that another lady wanted to sleep with me because I had such beautiful children.

the picture below of my heart scar is the nearest photo there is of me naked.

Snow Limits

 Snow Limits ©

By Michael Casey

I’ve just watched a cartoon on the tv about The Snowman’s parents life. We have all seen the animation The Snowman, Walking in the Air being the music that goes with it. I had not intended watching it but I was overruled by the wife, Harry Potter film was recorded and not watched. I’m glad we watched the animation about Raymond Brigg’s parents Ethel and Ernest, it was very well made and reminded me of my own parents.

My dad came to England in 1944 and spent the end of the war fire watching and working in a steel works. Having a few beers was also in order, one of his friends was placed on a bench in Victoria Park Smethwick to sober up, and it was there that dad came tumbling off his bicycle, and got shouted at in the blackout by a policeman.

So watching the Raymond Briggs animation mirrored my dad’s life and brought back many memories. We had an air raid shelter too, Anderson shelter to  give it its full name. Ours was full of rainwater and stunk. My brother tricked me into going inside via a plank, and once I was on an inside on a ledge at the back he withdrew the plank and I was forced to wade through stinking black water to make my escape. So I have stinking memories of that air raid shelter.

In the Summer the metal of the air raid shelter heated up and was a favourite place for cats to sun bathe and for my sister to sit and read, this would be back in the late 1960s. Then dad decided to dig the air raid shelter up. I remember that my brother who had trapped me inside was tasked with digging it up. This is harder than you imagined as it had concrete foundations a few inches thick, maybe 6 inches. Finally when the task was done the shelter was moved to the family garden and re-bolted back together.

All these memories came back because of the cartoon I saw a few minutes ago.We also had a garden shed made from an air raid shelter, so when we had a new big wooded garden shed the old shed was dismantled and placed in the other garden where our lodging house was.  A bit like musical Anderson Shelters, no bombs falling.

Then our lodger decided to put a central floor inside his, so it became posh. I was close to the lodger he was like an extra uncle to me, so I copied him and laid a full floor in the original dug up air raid shelter which was now at the bottom of the family garden. I started by the fence which formed a wall to the side of the shelter. And moved towards the door. By pure chance this gave a camphor to the floor, I also ended covered in filth, the blue bricks were all neatly laid as I had dug the soil up to slot them into position. I suppose those bricks may be quite expensive now as they are 100 plus years old now.

The cartoon tonight showed the old style bread bins, I have ours under our kitchen sink it must be over 60 years old now. There was also a mangle for squeezing the water out of the washing, but you have to separate the rollers when all the washing is done or they stick like glue together. Mum forgot once and when dad was finally able to force the rollers open, and dad was as strong as an Ox, there was a bite left in one of the rollers.

So as you can can imagine many many memories came flooding back tonight, even the fact that his dad was a milkman. An old school friend whom I used to play rugby with in 1970s, because we were a grammar school, his dad was a milkman, and Benny Hill had a number one hit with Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West.

It was also mentioned about how special it was to go to grammar school. I can tell you something about grammar schools and Inner Cities. In my family 4 of us went to Grammar school, then 2 of my brothers went to Oxford and Cambridge. Our neighbour 4 doors up, 2 of his went to Grammar school, and then both went to Oxford, he was a mad labour bus driver.  A third child was sent to Elocution lessons.

Further up the same road we had a PhD in mathematics. And around the corner, the son of a nurse and a crane driver was a PhD and his daughter is a medical Doctor. What did all of us have in common, we all went to Mass at Saint Patrick’s and the boys were all altar servers there. So I don’t believe your environment dictates what you are. Hard work and love dictated what you can be.

I would love for my book The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker to be cartoonised or on the radio, or to be honest just for any of you to read its 600 pages. Perhaps you have to be famous first before that happens, it does start slowly after all and Americans especially love fast things, like food, cars, bucks and women. However they did like Lord of the Rings and if any of you need reminding, I am a Birmingham writer too.  

https://www.amazon.com/MichaelCasey/e/B00571G0YC