Quiet Day

Had a rest day today, the pain monster came out to play. Feels like I'm hanging from a hook in my chest and  hips and shoulders joining in. Wish I was in somebody else's skin, like the Darkman film on tv tonight.

So you are spared new material today. But I'll write more maybe tomorrow. I could insert cheap rhymes, but you can do that yourself.

Study Pain Relief tell all your clever kids, as I tell mine. Electrical Impulse machine to stop pain and so forth. That's for the Future.

Here's a old piece to keep you going till tomorrow.

 jan 2013

 Loyalty ©

By Michael Casey

I was just watching SUITS on Dave channel 111 on Sky, it’s about a law firm in Manhatten.  It made me think about Loyalty, why are  we loyal and what makes us loyal. Taking the king’s shilling paid for the army, now terrorists the world over are loyal because they get paid in dollars, or they get a share of the poppy crop or whatever.  Guns for hire in Westerns all of whom were loyal, as loyal as the last bag of gold.

We are loyal to our football club, even if we are in the Far East and Manchester United is OUR club. Football breeds loyalty, so long as we get our £250,000 a week, then the club sells us and instantly we are loyal to our new club, paying that little bit extra, and don’t we just love blue when before it was red.

We are loyal to our brothers and sisters, we shared the same upbringing, we shared the same womb. We are loyal and would do anything for our kid, even  when he steals from us to feed his drug habit, or alcoholism. We are loyal even if they aren’t, its hard to let go even if we should, a drowning man will drown the rescuer, nothing is worse than being betrayed by a sibling.  Sometimes  you do need to walk away.

Why do we need loyalty? Because then we are not alone, we share something and that’s a basis human need, just as food, water, warmth and sex are  basics of life. If we lack those then we are not complete, we are like a jigsaw with pieces missing. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to find all the parts of us, to feel loved and needed and have somebody loyal to us.

Dziękujemy Polsce, książka do przeczytania, POZOSTAJE ON MOJE PRAWA AUTORSKIE.

As a thank you to my Polish Readers if you go to my other site you can read some new material.

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/2017/07/22/dziekujemy-polsce-ksiazka-do-przeczytania-pozostaje-on-moje-prawa-autorskie/

The Time Machine

The Time Machine ©

By

Michael Casey

My life seems to be repeating itself at the moment, mind you, you all may say it always does that always. I’ve just watched the end of a modern version of The Time Machine on the telly. I remembered that I had a copy of The Outline of History on my book-self to my right, this too was written by H.G.Wells. He also wrote The Invisible Man, you may have seen the tv series with the Russian from The Man from Uncle in the title role, but then again you may not have seen it.

Watching the Time Machine made me realise just how fast time is. Is approaching 50 years since I read The Outline of History at Primary School, Mr Lester the Head teacher gave it to me as a leaving present. Yes I was a History geek at primary school, so History and Time is in my blood. I still feel that my life has not yet started. My big daughter is waiting to start her A levels and then I hop go to Cambridge to do Medicine, her younger and smarter little sister may be a Phd in something else. Or she may just become the new Julie Walters.

It would just be nice to achieve something more, yes 2 clever daughters is great, but selfishly what about something for me. Time   is ticking more loudly, my own ticker is held in check by beta blockers, but can I achieve a little thing for me, please.

So that’s my feet of clay, perhaps I should become Beckham’s new best friend and we can discuss humility down the local kebab shop. I can tell him to buy Gillette G3, one blade lasts 3 months. Or 8 in his case, that’s why he sports the rough look on occasions. We could advertise Dr Pepper, my favourite pop. Though I do enjoy a random Stella Artois, 12 pints a year probably.

When you first start to drink you drink Mild which is like dish water, and then you graduate to Cider, any cider. Then you may discover lager, Stella Artois hits the spot. A Time Detective can tell your age or where you are in your allotted time just by looking at the drink on the table before you, or spilled on the carpet. The size of your beer gut also betrays your age and your social status. Time, Tide and Belly waits for no man.

The same can be said for your shopping habits, they betray you. They also indicate the Time in your marital status. Pizzas and cereals indicate family. Marks and Spencer meals for one indict a career girl or a divorced man. Tesco is family Ocado is success, or they send you free coupons and you stuck with them. Besides you can bulk buy Whiskas cat food via Fetch, Ocado’s pet shop, they give coupons too, and Totoro your cat enjoys climbing the food mountain under the  kitchen table.

The seasons of our lives change, I still feel 20 in my head and I look younger than I am due to being fat, fat people don’t have wrinkles as any child, or mine, will tell you/me. My internal organs now they are 95 at least, I won’t be donating them after death. And some nights when the pain monster comes calling I really don’t fear Death as that would see the end of pain.

So attitudes change with Time, you think you need to be more Hedonistic as you’ll be dead soon. Or in plain English, when um dead um dead, so enjoy life now. Streak through Iceland asking have they seen Ken Dodd, was it true they had frozen his assets, or was that just a prawn cocktail of a story. If you are reading this Sir Ken, can I borrow 100,000 of your old jokes, as for the tickling stick can I borrow that for some dusting, the French Maid refuses to stand on the kitchen table.

If you can remember Ken Dodd on Top of The Pops then you really are getting old, but refuse to die down. I hear songs and I say I remember that when it was first on the radio. Now though there are nostalgia stations on the radio, so you can live in a time warp. If you go see the Rocky Horror show you can see them dance the Time warp, I’ve seen it on the stage a few times, even with the creator running down from the back of the rep to take the applause.

So revivals of theatre productions remind you of your days when you went to the theatre a lot, or to see bands in bars. But marriage and children end all that. You go shopping to see your brood and you remember that the new local discount store is on the site of Radfords an old department store where you bought your first ever chess set. I still have that chess set its in a wooden box in a draw in my chest of drawers. No not in my drawers, a bishop and pawns in your drawers is not advisable. In my chess of drawers, Boris sneaks in everywhere, he is the master of the double entendre, whatever that is.

And on it goes your life and your decline, aided and abetted by wine, age and wealth leads to wine and whining. You decide to have a fling with the girl from the takeaway, there’s 40 years age difference, but she wants to learn English and you do have a large back catalogue. So Egg Fried Rice leads to Vice, despite your own inner voice. And that’s why you are prawn crackered. It was your accent that was so attractive, you remind her of a fatter Benny Hill, and its ok she’s on the pill. So did you give in despite it being a sin.

I’ll leave it there as the cat wants to go out, and have I let the cat out of the bag, and I cannot think of any more rhymes to explain imaginary crimes. Because when you are old your time has run out, even if the egg fried rice has not. 

Creaking Like an Old Boat

Creaking Like an Old Boat (c)
By
Michael Casey

I was thinking what to talk about today when I stopped to stretch, only all my bones creaked, I could hear them. But it least it reminded me about the times I've been on a boat, as I just wrote that down I remembered I'd been on a boat in China too, it wasn't a slow one either. So that's what I'll talk to you about today. Boats are strange things full of hopes and fears, you can go as far back as Jesus and before to when people feared for their lives as they earned their daily bread.

My grandfather in Cromane Kerry Ireland was a fisherman farmer, he joined the Merchant Navy too and could have possibly ended up in Shanghai before his own grandson, me, did. While he sailed the seven seas the Black and Tans were loose in Kerry and my mother could have been killed in the womb, or so the story goes. In Kerry you have a bit of land and you farm the sea too. On the wall beside me is a drawing of fishermen in a traditional small 2 man fishing boat that had oars to power it, my uncle had one of those too.

When the Irish return to visit family they use the night ferry, and that is an experience in itself. I’ve been a few times, at Christmas 1973 I went with my dad, the seas were rough and the bar was opened early. You really can hear the ferry creak and moan, just like my arthritis. The boat rocks up and down, and people puke and everybody is merry. You might get a cabin, which feels like a cupboard with shelving for six, and you stay there for the 6 or 8 hours I cannot remember which.

In the morning you queue for breakfast of some sort, then you disembark, the journey is half over you have to catch a train from Heuston Station, that’s Heuston Dublin down to Kerry. Kerry is the furthest point from Dublin, the back leg of the dog of Ireland.

Once landed in Kerry my aunt, mum’s sister would be there to wrap us up in her love, and yes as I speak to you I really have tears welling up because she really was the greatest aunty ever. She could do anything and did, she could was our cook and guide and driver for 2 weeks, and maybe 1000 miles up and Kerry’s boreens, back in 1973 the roads had not been improved. Delia was a great driver and knew everywhere, Sat Nav had not even been thought of back then. I think they still don’t have postcodes anyway. You start at the back of beyond and take a left from there to beyond still, and they up a steep road blocked by hedges you would find one of the Casey Clan. I have 40 first cousins by the way.

In Dingle there is a bar cum book store and there I bought a copy of the Prize about the Oil industry, everybody should read it, its a great read too. When I was there with just my sister we went on a creaking boat to see Fungy the dolphin, its worth a trip too, though if Fungy is still there you will have to ask the mermaids.

We had a postcard with a cartoon of Kerry on,that was our map for our 1000miles in 2 weeks. Now that Delia is gone the title of best aunty ever, or best friend ever has been past on to my sister, but don’t tell her I said it, she never reads or even knows about my writing, so let it be our little secret. Ok. Or do you want to swim with Fungy?

I was going to talk more about boats but my nostalgia for Kerry got in the way, if anybody is going they can tie me to the roof rack. There are a couple of 5 star hotels in Kerry, one German MP used to holiday in Kerry and you may bump into his security detail in the car park, but that was maybe 25 years ago. Going back is on my bucket list, when I’m nearer to kicking that bucket, I think my daughters should see Kerry,they have been to China maybe 5 times now,so it should be Kerry’s turn.

Boats creek and groan and are tossed about by the waves, as are people by their lives. Its when you arrive at the safe harbour that you feel relieved and head for the bar or the warm embrace of the best aunty ever. I have been very fortunate to have such an aunty and such a sister, but never tell her that, so whatever Life does to you, no matter how much your bones creak and moan always remember to come on back Home.  

MY BUCKET LIST

Rearranging the Furniture

Rearranging the Furniture ©

By

Michael Casey

I just thought of this title for today’s piece then I remembered that somebody once told me that SAS folks sometimes called a mission, rearranging the furniture. Obviously this is a distant memory, so I’ll leave it there before anybody comes knocking at my door.

Today’s piece is about literally rearranging the furniture. I have a space under the tv, so I’ve filled it with a very old DAB radio, one of the first from when they came out maybe 15 plus years ago. Its covered in wood so it looks liker a piece of furniture as did the old radiograms years ago. I did have a lovely radiogram 30 years ago, but its lost with time. One of my first memories from maybe 55 years ago is of an old grammar-phone which was a nice piece of furniture, when it broke it was thrown into our back garden I can remember playing with it in the garden.

So have you ever rearranged the furniture? Or altered it? Another memory from 45 years ago was when my brother came home from Oxford and painted an entire room white. The doors, the skirting boards, the bed frame, the wardrobe, the dressing table and the chair. I was like sleeping in a dentists or a science fiction film.

When you get your first place you try different positions for the furniture, a different look and feel is achieved by having the furniture in different positions in the room. And yes I know what you are all thinking, so I won’t say the obvious. But John Lewis God Bless Them do do great carpets, its worth the investment, and with good underlay you get a great bounce. Boris will you leave the room, this is radio not top shelf, whatever that is.

Speaking of shelves though, if you are a reader of books not Kindle books, then a few shelves are always useful. Good old Argos has cheap but nice looking bookcases, bookcases not bookCaseys. Again it all depends on your budget or if you have relatives to give or donate furniture to your new place.

A wedding gift list might just be a bed, a good high impact mattress, Boris I told you to leave, so leave, and a table and chairs. It can be Ikea or any brand you like where you assemble the furniture. How about having an assemble furniture party. You are creating a family through marriage, so why not have friends around for a DIY party, at the end of the day everything is ready, all your furniture is there.  

I like rocking chairs myself so I had an armchair on rockers when I bought my suite for my home all those years ago. As I look outside in the street the base metal rocker is lying rusted in the street awaiting the scrap metal man to take it way. I think my eldest daughter may have have been conceived in that rocking chair. And after she and her little sister were born they loved that chair so much. It must have lasted over 20 years, and has lay rusting in the garden till now.

Yes buy quality furniture, as my dad used to say if you buy cheap you buy twice, so save up and wait and then indulge. Boris, leave the room. Which reminds me, good locks are a must, and bolts too. More importantly you want to feel relaxed and free in your own home, so by thinking a little you can get extra enjoyment just by having things just the way you like them. If you spend your time in front of the computer then a nice chair is important, by pure luck the cheap one I have just got not only is comfortable, but it looks nice. So I get a good vibe just by looking at my chair, which may or may not help improve the writing but if you are happy you are more productive, productive Boris, PRODUCTIVE.

On the shelf beside me there is now more space, mainly for Totoro our cat , because the radio has been promoted to under the tv in the other room. It may sound stupid but arranging the furniture does may a difference. As does cleaning out the mess two daughters and a wife leave in the bathroom, when all their lotions and potions are cleared away, you feel so happy. Then Totoro the cat jumps through the window while you are in the shower washing your assets, this frightens me to death, is she auditioning for the SAS? 

Inwardly and Outwardly

Another pain night, you go to bed to sleep, I go to be racked with pain.

I'll write this later today when I get some sleep, it may bore you or be an eye opener.

And whoever you are in Poland reading my stuff in the middle of the night, thank you, but get a life or a girlfriend instead. Not unless you are up due to  your pain

here's a previous piece until I write this new piece later today

No it’s NOT Kinky Sex it’s just PAIN ©

By Michael Casey

Well its 3am and I’m screaming in pain, the neighbours think there is a Kinky Sex Club somewhere in the neighbourhood, but there is not, it’s just me screaming again, in pain. I wanted to use this title before but I held off, but now it seems so right. I’ve had a couple of pain killers and they are slowly beginning to work.

My dad was in the war and he never took pain killers, says one, or my child had this or that and she never complained. Well God Bless them, but I’ll remind you, there is no competition in pain, it just F**** hurts. So when your grannie or child or cat or dog IS in pain, do be a little supportive. Don’t say shut up, you are trying to watch the chart show on the myriad of rubbish music channels on Sky. Why are they so badly presented with really rubbishy graphics. Just give us the Music, Old Grey Whistle Test leads the way, or Jools Holland’s Later.

Veteran09 from the DT will no doubt offer his prayers, so thank you again, and a very Merry Xmas to you. Maybe the Queen will send you a Christmas card this year as you are so loyal, he is also very kind. Now the rest of you, how about adding pain relief to your Will, you could set up a pain relief centre here in Birmingham or sponsor somebody at the Medical School. I’m not a Brummie mad person, I’m just lazy, if you set up the centre here in Birmingham I’d just be a bus ride away from it, so I could jump the queue.

Pain Relief Centre does sound like a house of ill repute, you could have a competition to name the centre, and the best name wins the pot of money, hopefully here in Birmingham. Rich people DO leave money to good causes and they  frequently leave it in their own name. So could we have the Michael Casey Centre for Slapping on Movelat Gel, or the Michael Casey Slapping Centre for short. Though that does sound like a kinky sex club, though it is NOT. We have so much modern medicine but still pain persists. And by the way I have NO money, if any billionaire is reading this I’d love to have a nice big house, so think of me in your will. Assuming you have any money left after buying another football club.

So anybody out there reading this why not leave your money to this good cause, pain relief, and no I’m not suggesting a French Maid arrives to relieve pain either. I’m suggesting we study pain, and then kill it off. Obviously with my Shanghai connections maybe we could get a Chinese Dr to teach acupuncture here in Birmingham, as needles are far cheaper than pharmaceuticals.

Yes I’ve used humour in this piece, but I have grabbed your attention, you could call it the Frankie Howerd and Kenneth Williams Pain Centre, and have David Walliams as the visiting Professor, call it anything, just take the F****** pain away. It’s 3.35

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come back later for  the new piece 

arthritis  cKd post unplanned quadruple heart bypass pain just 3 issues  as they call them

Because I'm worth it

Because I'm Worth It(c)

By

Michael Casey

We've all seen the ads for perfume or something, I use Jeyes Fluid, a drain cleaner, behind my ears myself. We've also had the news that News Readers' Salaries at the BBC are to be disclosed. So how do you feel if everybody knew what you earned?

Me I'm an impecunious punk, I know because that's what my brother called me in 1971 in a letter he sent to me at Romesley Field Training Course, he did add a pound note in the letter though.

So Avril why are you worth such a large some of money? Because I deliver the teas to the executive board of the company. But you are 79 and should be in a retirement home. But I love my job. No Avril, its really time to retire, don't cry over my spreadsheet. What's that you want to show me your final set of holiday snaps. Ok, but then be off with you to the retirement home. These are pornographic photos you have given me. Yes my grandson works on security, if you look closely you are looking at your own arse, instead of talking out of it. What do you want? You can stay serving the tea, see how magnanimous I am. No, I'll retire to your holiday home in Bermuda, Because I'm Worth It.

Tv stars earn big money because their agent steals 25% of it in fees, or so that’s what I’ve reading the Press.So how do their appraisals go? Well Francis, how’s the programme been? Do call me Frankie, that’s what the audience call me as I am so hip and groovy after all. Or are you talking about the AA program, I thought nobody knew about that? Or do you mean the substance abuse program or the. I’ll interrupt you Francis, sorry I mean Frankie just the stuff we pay you for.

It’s going well, but how did you know about the other stuff? It is an Investigative Journalist programme.We didn’t it’s the Catholic Guilt you have left over from when you were a catholic, you are a habitual confessor. Oh Sugar.Do you mean Alan? No I mean Oh Sugar, not oh Sugar. Do you want sugar in your tea? That’s perverted, oh you mean a sweetener in my tea. We don’t do sweeteners we are the BBC.

Which brings me to the reason why I called you here to the Ritz for tea, I’m sorry to say you have to go. Go where I’m on holiday, so I can’t do any foreign holiday reporting till I’ve finished my holiday to Bermuda, Avril says my room is spick and span and just waiting for me. Frankie you are sacked. You mean I’m F F F Fired? Yes.

Why?

Because you are NOT worth it.

Then Frankie sells his story to Hello magazine with pictures of him with his head in his hands. He re-emerges on Channel 99 as a new host earning double the salary, meanwhile the BBC employ a researcher with a double first in PPE from Cambridge as the new host of Frankie’s old show, on a quarter of Frankie’s old salary. Obviously she’s a lesbian , as the BBC has quotas to fill after all, she is great at her job. She keeps a diary as it could be worth it in the future. My life as an undercover lesbian at the BBC. The trouble with Media people is that they examine themselves too much.

My own diary is my Total Recall of the Past, apart from what I had for breakfast or did I take all my pills today. I’ll leave it there for today, you have had 2 pieces and a poetry selection form me for today, so I hope you go and buy some of my 14 books, because I’m worth it.

  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

Only 3 usd each.