Who Dares Read Me

Who Dares Read Me ©

By Michael Casey

  

While I’m hiding from the paint fumes I’ll have a little chat with you, as Totoro hides under my bed, she does not like paint either, or she’s afraid she’s be used as a paint roller. Mr A our decorator is busy painting, with a shower cap on his head  to protect his Afro, it really is splendid, but now with the green shower cap on his head it’s not  as  nice. My daughters are giving him tea and biscuits to keep him happy, and I’ve just bought him some Sprite and Polish biscuits from the Polish shop. We did of course give him Lasagne for his dinner. You really have to look after decorators you know, it’s like getting a doctor’s appointment, or finding an honest Politician with or without Blonde hair.

So why are we decorating, because we really need to, and we are thinking of moving house. Somewhere bigger for our dogs, I mean our 2 daughters, and our dogs, though you will have made your own  jokes up already now. As I talk to you I wonder how the humour goes down in 12 and more countries that read my stuff, Singapore,China,Russia,Poland,Germany.France,Portugal,Nigeria.Ukraine, UK,USA  are just some  of the places that have popped up on my readers list.

Is it because the themes are eternal, or my writing last an eternity, I cannot guess what makes you all laugh, though I did get 3 years practice  when I was at CPNEC Birmingham, speaking to 100,000 people, some even said I had an act, I didn’t I was just repetitious 100,000 times. Which is a transferable skill to writing, I’ve just been and made more tea to flush out my cKd kidneys, but I have to make sure I don’t drink too much as the decorator won’t be finished in the bathroom for 2 more hours, and I cannot cross my legs for that length of time, I’d need to water my houseplants instead, and salt water is bad for plants.

When it’s all done we have to send photos to Shanghai for the mother in law to look at, my wife is on a visit to her right now, and she said she’d castrate me, or was it castigate me if I made a mess in the bathroom.  I’m not quite sure what the difference is between those two verbs is, but me and Mr A the decorator don’t want to find out, there are no positions for castrati  in the local church choir, and we don’t want to be the 1^st two. We will take him out for panini and a drink when we finish, as a thank you and as a huge sigh of relief that our singing voices will remain basso profundo, and not Minni Mouse.

Other than that it’s been a quiet day, I had a look at our bathroom it looks  so good now, 2 more hours and it will be fully finished. Then I’ll take a photo of it with me sitting on the loo with my pants down, only revealing the newly decorated bathroom, then I’ll boast it’s all my own work. Send the photo to Shanghai and my wife will say what I’m saying is so far-fetched it’s like shit from Birmingham. 

this is me the writer please buy my books on Amazon

    

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As I look back on my life

As I Look Back On My Life ©

By Michael Casey

Sounds like a piece by an old man ready for the Undertaker, though I am getting old now, though I still maintain I’m 20 in my head, even if these past 3 years my body has aged considerably, first with the arthritis and then with the  unplanned quadruple heart bypass, recovery seems to take forever. Anyway I thought I’d try and write a piece while I’m waiting for the computer tidy up to finish. I suppose Mark Twain thought the same thing though I don’t have his white suit, as portrayed in all the films on tv. And news of my death has been greatly exaggerated, though some nights the pain is so bad…

So as I look back what’s been the more memorable bits? Well my girls did say the other day I should write a memoire, my reply was that my book  300 and Not OUT had the funniest bits in, lots about them and our Shanghai mum. I choose not to write sad stuff, because I’ve seen too many sad things, hence my determination to stay a fool, well until Rupert Murdoch gives me a tape recorder and a few million quid, not that money is any use, I need a full body transplant, maybe like on Westworld, I saw the original film 30 or 40 years ago.

If I could live 30 more years that would be nice, but I’ve been honest with my girls. If I can stay relatively fit, and scream in pain in the night, long enough to see them both graduate they should be content with that, I’m not going to lie and say dad will live forever. The theory being they enjoy me while I’m here, and no it’s not emotional blackmail, though like all parents I’ll use all the tools in the toolbox.

So what’s been memorable, buying this house this home, after our dog peed on the for sale sign and I only then noticed it was for sale. That was memorable, well spotted dog, literally.  Having a breakfast club once I got the house, friends from working staggering here after the night shift and I made them a fry up, before sending them home to their own homes  to sleep the night shift off.

Watching Dawn every morning from our perch on Smallbrook Queensway, no we were not voyeurs, if you work the night shift it’s a privilege to see the day break each morning, that’s how I spent my 20s, watching Nature’s greatest girl rising each morning. I also was the company’s token Catholic or Christian if you want to be ecumenical, I used to use by lunch break to dash to Sunday Mass.

Going to the pub was my friends and the entire company’s religion, though I will say some of them were more Christian than your regular Christians, perfect company on any desert island. A huge thankyou to Barry and Steve and Dave and not forgetting Miss Dangly, it was a mad mad existence and I am so happy I had such a life for 21 years there at Stats. 

My 3 years at CPNEC was so special too, Roger and Jim were so kind to me as was Phil and all the girls in housekeeping. This is beginning to sound like  an Oscars speech, so maybe I should add right now thanks to my mum who said I was as good as anybody when I was 5.  And to dad who said do what you like but do your best.

All sorts of memories can fill the page, and fill a Life too, so as I head towards the final chapter, should I sing My Way now, should I stay in the past? No I still want to write 29 books and this will be part of book 11,that was the way my big daughter showed her love, by telling me to write 29 books, there were 29 dresses in the film after all, so if I keep on writing I keep on living, then she doesn’t lose me.

WikiLeaks and Me and The Election too

WikiLeaks and Me and The Election too ©

By Michael Casey

I’ve come away from watching RED for the 5^th plus time to write a piece about the USA Election, just a few weeks away. Last night was the posh dinner and today even more WikiLeaks came out.  The total irony about the Election is that it’s all about pants, Trump wanted to use Bill’s lack of pants as a weapon, then all the girls, 10 to date came out and spoke about Trump’s activities. Then all the leaks came out, which made things Pants for Hillary. Pants means rubbish here in England, was the game good? No it was pants.

A guy who is hiding in Russia who betrayed his own country gets to manipulate the voters in USA. It’s ironic that Hillary had all her email problems and now is being shafted by emails again. And Republicans are so eager to believe a traitor, assuming all the emails are true anyway.

My other point would be, we all say we hate Mrs Smith from down the road because she parks her car so badly and restricts the flow of traffic in your posh little drive. But we never say it to her face because she bakes the best cookies in the whole of Alabama, so we accept her bad parking for fear of losing her cookies, we all remember the bear in the Andy Williams show is it 50 years ago now. We will send emails and messages to each other saying she is a SOB the way she parks, so what would happen if WikiLeaks revealed that. There would be disharmony in your little community Mrs Smith would no longer share the cookies.

In the big wide world secrets are secrets for a reason, you don’t share them for fearing to upset one party of another. You have to organise things so as not to upset people, you have to show one face so as not to lose face as the Chinese say, my wife is from Shanghai by the way. We are all Rubic cubes, and we are a mix of this and that, we unscramble the cube to produce order. Now if internal emails which have been hacked come to the fore what does it do? It just scrambles the cube again, and yes people are two faced and argue and bicker, but I would say this is normal in any family.

Mom can I go out tonight, who are you going out with, ok so long as you are back by 11pm, and wear a Tshirt under that skimpy blouse, and make sure you avoid Liam, he’s a sick SOB, and bring some milk from the late night shop when you come home. These are similar conversations held every day the world over, and the child may bitch and moan about her mum, but she will bring home the milk.

If her private emails were broadcast there would be a rift in the family, it’s like diaries used to be in previous ages nowadays it’s our emails. 

Which ARE all scanned by the way, I get Undertakers, and Health emails, as well as pain relief emails offering me services. You need to have a decent subject line before I open one and michaelgcasey@hotmail.com is the only email I use, so any offers for my writing need to go there. I’m taking a chance now as I could get millions of hate emails, ok 3, one from Snowden and one from Trump and another from Hillary.

So if we think about WikiLeaks what is the purpose behind it? It’s to help Trump become President, who would be weaker than Hillary despite her faults, personally I’d vote for Bloomberg but he is not running, and I live in Birmingham England not Alabama so I have no vote anyway. Some things are secret for a reason, and if we go back to watching RED, some very strong things have to be done to protect a country.  Hillary watched Bin Laden being executed live, while Trump was doing a beauty show.

WikiLeaks  seeks to influence the Election by showing one sides inner workings, the sad reality is that this time around in USA 66% of  all the voters don’t really like either of them. Today we had a major hack event in USA major companies had DOS attacks, it should be a wake-up call to USA, it should also wake up the entire population, THINK FOR YOURSELVES.  

 And protect your computers before the whole country goes  dark, just like in another Bruce Willis film.

I have to go take a leak now.