I may have a heart attack later, I need to move a few mattresses, HELP

I may have a heart attack later, I need to move a few mattresses, HELP

Part 2 of my bad back is still in play

I've ordered a new mattress

they only last one year as I'm so heavy and a side sleeper

so the pressure is like 2 or 3 women

So

my new mattress will arrive

they come in a box and you break the seal

and they blow up

then you have to move one out the way

and put the new one in place

with my bad back in play and the hernia on my chest

I'm useless now

So really I need a big women to help me out

or a big bloke

so I may stand on the doorstep and accost a passer by to help

I've just slapped on pain killer on my left shoulder too

this really hurts me every single day

such is my life

Help me with my mattress and I'll buy you fish and chips

What an Offer

Would that break the internet

Kanye West eat your fish, ready salted with vinegar

See the look on his face

Its sunny but freezing here in Birmingham

I may toddle to the Post Office in a bit

See if I can win the lottery

I waste  2 quid on it twice a month

A percentage goes to Good Causes

so its not a total waste of my 2 quid

the fumes from the pain killer are going in my eyes now

I may go sit on the toilet

Its a trick

Sit on the toilet and the delivery man comes

Must be the same in USA

The postman always rings twice

as you tinkle and sprinkle down your trouser leg

If you don't believe me, sit on the toilet

and hey presto your UPS or DHL man will come

Rat a Tat Tat

Ding Dong

I must be going now

I'll tell you more if I don't have that heart attack

10 years left, so I have to go someway

I'd rather die in bed after that big woman helped me

with the mattress

but is that too non PC

I wrote a Play called Battered Husband 35 years plus ago

Nobody got the joke then

I may dig it out later

just to annoy the PC brigade

p.s. I counted 171 countries have read me via my Wordpress now