Law Speak ©
By
Michael Casey
We all have our own way of speaking, you know what
I mean like, um, er, yeh, you know, what I mean, like, in it, like what I was
saying like.
That’s why we have barristers or is it baristas in
Court? To speak clearly on our behalf. And
those that use words as their tools have a special way to use these tools,
these things called words. If you know what I mean like, Harry.
A lawyer says:- I was somewhat disturbed.
We say:- I was livid, I’ll kill that bastard.
A lawyer says:- There will be consequences.
This means:- You will have a visit from the bailiffs
in the middle
of the night.
A lawyer says:- It would be mutually beneficially
for our economic
viabilities.
This means:- Lets move in together, get those
Silks off now!
A lawyer says:- We should compare and contrast the
aspects of
our mutual satisfaction
This means:- page 79 and 99 and 103 of the Kama
Sutra
A lawyer says:- The prospect of advancement for
our mutual
skills through the
generational aspect.
This means:- Let’s work our way through the Kama
Sutra,
because I want your
babies, NOW!
So on it goes, posh words, tender words. Words
dripping with the letters of the alphabet. Letters which are Bold, letters
which are in Italics, letters which
are underlined with love. When a lawyer gives his heart, she gives her
everything. Signed, sealed, codiciled, copies taken and bound, and certified
and stamped. That’s what you get when a lawyer falls in love.
Love is too weak a word for a lawyer, its mesmerising intoxication, it’s an
hallucination of pulchritude, it’s a goddess visiting Birmingham from Heaven
itself. And no this does not mean his new girlfriend is from Harborne either.
Her beauty stills his beating heart, he drops his
briefs, his papers on the floor, you non-lawyers can be so so so, non-lawyer like. A lawyer in love is such
a great great thing, like an eclipse. The diamond of her beauty, her pulchritude
overwhelms, intoxicates him, the air itself is torn from his chest.
She has power over him, just like in the James Bond film. If you have to compare
a lawyer in love, who else but James Bond bares any comparison, they do go to
the same tailor after all.
After the scales of justice have been shaken to
the core, blindfolds and love games galore, then there will be children, 2 or 3
or more. Tarquin, and Rapunsel Smythe-Casey
Q.C.s just like their dear papa Michael Casey.
So was it good for you, see you by the drinks
machine, you can unruffled my hair as we stand there.
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