Stocking Up for Students ©
By
Michael Casey
Well it’s exam time in our house and millions all over the
world, the stress levels amongst our children, and even when they are 50 they
are still our children. The stress levels are so very high, fatally high in
some cases. So what can we do, us parents that is. Not that you’ll get any
thanks, kids that age forget to say thank you. They can build a nuclear bomb,
or recite Pi, though baking a pie might be of more use. They can do many things
in their study or back bedroom or perched somewhere, but saying thank you, or
clearing away dishes, that’s impossible, nuclear physics is easier for them.
So what can you and me do? Well we stock up for students. First
thing you need is plenty of chocolate in the cupboard, and as it is exam time
it had better be Cadburys, rest of the
year any chocolate will do, but at exam time, it has to be the best. Even if
your pension is small or non-existent you have to go the extra mile for your
student. You do want them to visit you in the Old People’s Home after all.
Then you have to buy face wash too, bargain basement
facewash will do, having eaten so much chocolate over the 2 months exam period
the chance of spots can be high. So you have to be ready. Like a Boy Scout you
are Prepared. Chocolate and face wash. For variety you have to add crisps, and
you go the extra mile and buy Walkers crisps, despite that annoying footballer
whatever his name is advertising them, who is he anyway?
So your cupboard is loaded with crisps and chocolate, with
face wash at the ready in the shower. And for the duration of the exam period
you won’t mention your power bill caused by 20 minute showers, sometimes twice
a day. So you make sacrifices for your student, you reduce your shower time
from 5 minutes, and you are 3 times her size. You have a quick 2 minute shower
and use that new super soft towel to dry yourself with. Only it’s not a microfiber
towel it’s Totoro the cat, who enjoys every minute of it. When you realise you
need a 20 minute shower yourself, but you have to save money for the power
bill. So you run around the garden in a thunder storm, hoping nobody will see
you. But of course all the neighbours do, some even load it up to Snapchat and
Utube. However as well as all the little old ladies having a thrill as a Shrek
size naked hairy man runs around the garden with a bar of soap, you are spotted
by your future lover. As you fart in
unison with the thunder, as they say it’s an ill wind that blows no good.
Your student is back
attacking the books, or though in today’s world, it’s an online text book. So
you have to restrict your broadband use as the bandwidth is not good enough for
her to study and confer with her best mate and for you to watch a film at the
same time. You never thought 12meg would not be enough, with the cheapest
broadband, but buying chocolate and the power bill all takes money. So you have
to wait while she takes a break to watch your film in 20 minute chunks spread
over the evening. You hope she buys you a 1000meg package when you are in that
old people’s home, that’s if you live that long.
The student is hungry so you make her scrambled eggs with
beans in, she will fart all night as she studies Bio Chemistry, but it’s all
about reactions after all. You did buy the nicest bread too, the one she loves
that you only buy on rare occasions as it costs too much and the budget does
not stretch to it. But you are a dad and
dads go the extra mile, it’s a good job you don’t smoke or drink, or you would be feeding her frozen food.
She studies into the night and you wish she wasn’t a night
owl, the electric bill, the electric bill. You struggle to sleep because of
your Tinnitus, finally at 2.30 am your student goes to bed, you are still awake
with your Tinnitus. It’s hard being a dad. Nobody knows the sacrifices you
make.
Well, somebody does. After your streak and wash in the Thunder
somebody has their eye on you. It’s a woman with a telescope. Her name is
Louise, and she’s been observing you, as you sleep with your curtains open,
because you are afraid of the dark she has seen you in all your glory. Korean tastes are very different and she used
to be a K Pop singer, before she did Astro physics, she had turned her
telescope from the Heavens to your celestial body in your bedroom. But that’s
another story…
this will be today's story 29/5/19
first I have to go to the shops
so come back later and I'll be done
its nearly 2pm uk time
so be back in 3 hours and I'll have something
thanks to all readers all over the world, 60 counties now
or maybe one reader on the run, ha ha
feel free to buy a book as well
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=B00571G0YC&rd=1&ref=lp_rd_SEARCH
