The Sounds Around Us

The Sounds Around Us ©

By Michael Casey

There are many sounds around us, even in the quietest of days or darkest of nights, you don’t even have to stop to hear them. I didn’t know what I was going to write about a minute ago then I looked up at my silent clock and heard the ticking of the other clock as I looked at it. It was like a ventriloquist clock act. So as Roachford sings in the background,  doesn’t he sound like Prince? So while Roachford sings I’ll talk to you all.

Well outside is the splash of car tyres in the rain acting as percussion to Roachford’s singing, and don’t you think Roachford sounds like a French cheese, and I did have a little bit of Camembert earlier on. There is the hum from our fridge coming from the kitchen behind me, and the noise from the old-fashioned strip light.

Earlier we had two very posh English voices discussing English GCSE exams. My daughter’s God Mother had face-time with her, Nancy did English at Oxford, and is in Chicago doing her Masters, Nancy has a perfect English accent, and obviously she is Chinese, and came to England aged 7 unable to speak a word. If I name drop I only name drop the best, the very best, so forgive me. I know nobody will ever name drop me, I know Michael Casey will never be said. Move out the way you fat old git is more likely to be heard.

As I move in my seat I can hear my bones click, today turned into a pain day, after I was at the pharmacy collecting my meds, I can see the irony and it does make me smile. As I smile I enjoy the sound of the keyboard, it’s an island keyboard, the characters and so on are well spaced out and better for fast typing, the sound and feel of the keyboard is nice and quite sensuous.

Yes the touch of a woman is nicer, but if you spend as much time as I do with a computer it’s great to have a good keyboard. And yes I know you are all smiling and saying why not have the letters of the alphabet on a woman’s body, or your boyfriends etc. Enough, think that one through for yourselves when you are in bed with the one you love.

I look up at the clock and think it’s time for a drink, so forgive me while I have some Aldi dilute blackcurrant and apple. Well did you have a drink while you were waiting for me to get back? Now that I’m talking about sounds every sound seems magnified, close your eyes and listen, its LOUDER, its louder isn’t it. I picked up my mug from the computer desk and the spoon inside it was like a bell ringing from a church, or where they ring a bell in Mass when the Host is raised by the priest. If you don’t remember go back to church and listen whether you are in Poland or Russia, sounds bring memories back, bring back Hope and Peace.

I picked up the bottle of Aldi dilute and the crushing plastic sound could be heard from the half empty bottle, in our house we have to be careful with the sound of plastic, because Totoro our cat awakes like a sleeping giant and runs to the kitchen, she thinks its food being opened.

Certain sounds have certain associations, the still of the night is broken. I dig out my night-time meds and the sound of plopping as I squeeze them out the foil, Monday means press Monday for that medicine. I take more water with the meds, the whoosh of the water as I refill my mug looking out into the darkness of the rainy night, from my warm kitchen. At this point STOP, if you are writing stuff for school, just WRITE WHAT YOU SEE, it must be easy if Michael Casey can do it, see 

I even name dropped myself.

I paid another visit to the bathroom while I was having my drink and meds, and I thought that there is a big different in sounds if you compare a man to a women using the bathroom. I won’t elaborate, you can record your dad in the bathroom while you stand outside or hide in the shower as you record him.

Or record your little brother or in our case Totoro the cat doing a posh pee in the bath instead of the litter tray. You’ll have fun with that one as you load it up to social media. BEWARE your parents will ground you or beat you if they have no sense of humour, Bathroom Sounds could be the next big thing on MTV.

I think it’s time I went to bed now, the sound of me occasionally screaming in pain will be my night time accompaniment, so avoid my weaknesses if you can, stay healthy. Maybe you should use your girlfriend or boyfriend as a keyboard, just be sure you know who to punctuate.  

IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE THEN CLICK THESE LINKS

 IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE THEN follow

 THESE LINKS

 

http://michaelcaseyfrombirminghamengland.blogspot.co.uk/

has 120 pieces of writing on so if you want a marathon go there

and have a read.

I hope you enjoy the silly photos as much as the writing

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/

is another site of mine.

AND

https://www.amazon.com/MichaelCasey/e/B00571G0YC    is 

where you can buy my 12 books and  help us move house.

And a big thank you to Japanese readers for popping by for a cup of green tea. Tell your Korean and Chinese friends too. 

And Hello to Brazil too, don't forget to tell your Spanish speaking neighbours.

There is 2 hours of audio, me reading my stories at www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com   too.

POLISH translation of THE WAY WE EAT

The Way We Eat ©
Michael Casey


Sposób, w jaki jemy nas określa, wyrafinowane z nas spędzają więcej czasu na rozmowy niż jedzenie. Czy to rzeczywiście prawda, jaka jest przerwa obiadowa dla mimo wszystko? Co się dzieje na kolację na to, co jest każda forma jedzenia w, jest to po prostu do jedzenia, co leży pod? Wiele pytań, proponuję kupić coś z lodówki lub misy owoców przed ustatkować mnie słuchać.


Ok zacznijmy od początku, znudzisz przez matki w sutek, mleko, mleko matki jest wszystko dostać. Oczywistą rzeczą jest, aby powiedzieć, że człowiek stara się pozostać w tej pozycji do końca swojego życia, w sutek swojej dziewczyny udając, że jest dzieckiem. Ale przejdźmy przed swoją dziewczyną daje podbite oko, albo un bleu jeśli ona jest francuski.


Trzeba wówczas sucharki Farley, która smakuje wyśmienicie, a następnie powoli można przejść z miękkiego i niechlujstwa żywności dopóki masz stałych. Jeśli nie miał żadnych dzieci, ale to naprawdę będzie Codziennik. Dzieci noszą śliniaczek dla dobrego powodu, plamy wszędzie i śladu blond włosach syrena ani Tom Hanks, po prostu bałagan wszędzie i jeśli masz szczęście tylko na krzesełku. Jeśli dywan jest bezpieczne to jesteś szczęściarzem szczęściarzem.


Dzieci podnieść nosy i wcierać go na ścianie, jak i otarcia na tapetę zbyt kanapki zacięcia. To kiedy to powstrzymać i może siedzieć prosto w krzesełku dla dziecka, że ​​ich styl jedzenia zaczyna się show. Jednym z córką siedzi jak ja, jak robotnik, rozkroku i głową w dół do jedzenia, jedzenie nad talerzem, albo ja po prostu zmyślam ją w zakłopotanie? Moja druga córka zjada jak dama, ze skrzyżowanymi nogami i długich wyciągniętymi ramionami, jakby Czerwonak, jakby był przy użyciu pałeczek, chociaż ona nie jest.


Oczywiście w naszym domu pałeczki są wykorzystywane, jesteśmy rodziną Birmingham Shanghai po wszystkim, a istnieje specjalny sposób korzystania z pałeczkami. Gdy miska odbywa się blisko ust, a jedzenie jest zdobywca prosto do ust, w próżni prawie jak proces. To wielka sprawa dla Zachodu używać pałeczek, moja mała córka opanowała je w 2007 roku, kiedy nie był jeszcze 4. Ona również mówił przed całą naszą rodziną Szanghaju w rodzinie spotkań dla 40 w restauracji Shanghai, Annie Fan Pi jest co powiedziała, co oznacza, Annie farted. Taka jest miłość rodzeństwa.


Farting po posiłku jest oznaką zadowolenia, choć tym więcej płacisz mniej restauracja chce do pierdnięcie. Jest to forma pierdnięcie snobizmu. W pubie z Barry i Steve i zespołu, a nasz zespół tak naprawdę nie wiedział, jak do picia, również w dół tawernie Queens było do zaakceptowania pierdnięcie. Ale jeśli pójdziesz do Hipodromu oglądać balet, który jest doskonałą drogą, jeśli nie zje przed koncertem nie sądzę, że będzie naprawdę podoba. Można umieścić tancerzy od ich kroków. Patrzyłem Despicable Me 2 w nocy, które jest super na drodze, a oni mieli broń fart, ale mam się na boczny tor ponownie.


Więc nie jest społecznie akceptowalne żywności odżywianie i farting dla tej sprawy i niedopuszczalnego żywności jedzenia i farting. Jestem trochę dribbler, więc owinąć ręcznikiem papierowym wokół mnie, kiedy idę do jedzenia, choć to był długi, podczas gdy teraz. Trzeba chronić Cię wełniane swetry po wszystkim.


Albo będziesz jak Niel i muszą zabrać skoczka off i umieścić go z powrotem do przodu, z plamy na plecach. Choć kiedy naprawdę niechlujstwa kilka drinków Niel ma po odwrócić się śrokdu, jak również, a czasami wewnątrz na zewnątrz iz powrotem do przodu. Więc co 4 strony z jednego skoczka. Kiedyś miałem zbyt dużo curry, ale nie zapytać, co odwrócił się na lewą stronę, a następnie ... ..


Miło jest wyjść mieć naprawdę dobre jedzenie w dobrej restauracji i ubierać się też, co CPNEC mieli wspaniałe restauracja dołączony do hotelu, który nazywa się teraz Pendigo restaurację wierzę, trzeba dzwonić je zobaczyć jeśli jest to jeszcze w Fine Dining wspornika. Wiem tylko, że w roku 2002 do 2005 jedzenie było super, nie mam tam pracować dłużej teraz.


Kebaby są żywnością ludowej, jedzenie pijanych chłopców 'ludzi, ale mogą być absolutny raj, jeśli okaże się wielki sklep kebab wtedy zawsze tam wrócić. Jak gołąb pocztowy znaleźć się kołysząc pełen alkoholu, jak zamówić kebab z wszystkiego. Jak rozłożyć wzdłuż głównej ulicy więc wilk swój kebab i sok cieknie ramię miarę łokcia. kilka razy zatrzymać się burb i pierdnięcie.


Raz w domu, niech Twój kot lizać papier pakowy, gdy switch w telewizji, to zawsze mądry, aby wytrzeźwieć trochę przed pójściem do łóżka. Znajdziesz ulotkę w tylnej kieszeni spodni o pracach Xmas zrobienia i jesteś oburzony, aby dowiedzieć się, że jego Wykwintne jedzenie, trzeba będzie zatrudnić fantazyjny kostium, ale zdajesz sobie sprawę, że jest to naprawdę świetne boozer pobliżu i 2-ci ulubionym kebab sklep jest za rogiem też.


W rano budzisz się pokryte chory, na szczęście to nie jest twoje, kot był chory na całym was, lickings kebab było zbyt wiele dla jej brzuchu. Ty zasnął w fotelu i kot spał na ciebie dopóki nie

 zwymiotowałem. To jest dziwne, jak wszyscy jedzą inaczej i bogatsi jesteśmy bardziej wyszukane jedzenie jest i bardziej wyszukane ubrania są. Ale pod koniec dnia, po prostu być szczęśliwym nie jest chleb na stole i jedzenia w lodówce. Pamiętaj Niel ostatni raz widziałem go jadł resztki ze śmietnika w Sankt Philips cmentarzu.

The Way We Eat

The Way We Eat ©

By Michael Casey

The way we eat defines us, the refined amongst us spend more time talking than eating. Or is that really true, what is the lunch break for after all? What is going out to dinner for, what is any form of eating for, is it just for eating, what lies beneath? A lot of questions, I suggest you grab something from the fridge or the fruit bowl before you settle down to listen to me.

Ok let’s start at the beginning, you get fed by your mother at the nipple, milk, mother’s milk is all you get. The obvious thing to say is that a man tries to stay in that position for the rest of his life, at his girlfriend’s nipple pretending he’s a baby. But let’s move on before your girlfriend gives you a black eye, or un bleu if she is French.

You then have Farley’s rusks which taste great, and then slowly you advance from soft and sloppy food till you have solids. If you haven’t had any kids yet it really will be an eyeopener. Babies wear a bib for good reason, splashes everywhere and no sign of a blonde-haired mermaid nor Tom Hanks, just mess everywhere and if you are lucky only on the highchair. If your carpet is safe then you are a lucky lucky man.

Kids pick their noses and rub it on the wall, as well as rubbing jam sandwiches on your wallpaper too. It’s when they stop this and can sit up straight in a child’s chair that their style of eating begins to show. One of my daughter sits like me, like a workman, legs apart and head down into the food, eating over her plate, or am I just making this up to embarrass her? My other daughter eats like a lady, with crossed legs and long stretched out arms, like a flamingo, as if she was using chopsticks even though she is not.

Obviously in our house chopsticks are used, we are a Birmingham Shanghai family after all, and there is a special way of using chopsticks. When the bowl is held close to the mouth and food is scooped straight into the mouth, in an almost vacuum like process. It is big deal for Westerners to use chopsticks, my small daughter mastered them in 2007 when she was not yet 4. She also spoke in front of all our Shanghai family at a family gathering for 40 in a Shanghai restaurant, Annie Fan Pi is what she said, which means Annie Farted. Such is sibling love.

Farting at a meal is a sign of contentment, though the more you pay the less the restaurant wants you to fart. It is a form of fart snobbery. Down the pub with Barry and Steve and the team, and our team really knew how to drink, well down the Queens tavern it was acceptable to fart. But if you go into the Hippodrome to watch the Ballet, which is excellent by the way, if you dine there before the show I don’t think they would really like it. You might put the dancers off their steps. I was watching Despicable Me 2 last night which is fab by the way, and they had a fart gun, but I’ve side-tracked myself again.

So there is socially acceptable food eating and farting for that matter and unacceptable food eating and farting. I am a bit of a dribbler, so I wrap a paper towel around me when I go out to eat, though that’s been a long while now. You have to protect you woolly jumpers after all.

Or you’ll be like Niel and have to take your jumper off and put it on back to front, with the stains on your back. Though when he’s really sloppy after a few drinks Niel has to turn his jumper inside out as well, and sometimes inside out and back to front. So making 4 sides from one jumper. He once had too much curry but I didn’t ask what he turned inside out then…..

It is nice to go out to have really good food at a nice restaurant and dress up too, at CPNEC they had a fabulous restaurant attached to the hotel, it’s called Pendigo Restaurant now I believe, you’ll have to ring them up to see if it’s still in the Fine Dining bracket. All I know is that back in 2002 to 2005 the food was great, I don’t work there any more now.

Kebabs are the people’s food, the drunken lads’ people’s food, but they can be absolute heaven, if you find a great kebab shop then you will always go back there. Like a homing pigeon you find yourself swaying full of alcohol as you order a kebab with everything. As you stagger down the Main Street so wolf down your kebab and the juice trickles down your arm as far as your elbow. You stop a few times to burb and fart.

Once in your house you let your cat lick the wrapping paper while your switch on the tv, it’s always wise to sober up a bit before going to bed. You find a leaflet in your back pocket about the works Xmas do and you are disgusted to find out that its Fine Dining, you’ll have to hire a fancy suit, but you realise there is a really great boozer nearby and you 2^nd favourite kebab shop is around the corner too.

In the morning you wake up covered in sick, luckily it’s not yours, the cat was sick all over you, the kebab lickings were too much for her stomach. You had fallen asleep in your chair and the cat slept on you till she puked. It’s is strange how we all eat differently and the richer we are the fancier the food is and the fancier the clothes are. But at the end of the day, just be happy there is bread on the table and food in the fridge. Remember Niel the last time I saw him he was eating scraps from the dustbin in Saint Philips churchyard.

Translations Galore JAPAN CHINA KOREA POLAND RUSSIA FRANCE PORTUGAL just keep on scrolling then tell all your media

Why all the translations?
Because you lot can read English as its your mother tongue.
But I have readers who have English as their 2nd or 3rd language, after cursing and Anglosaxon.

You lot can afford to buy a book for the price of a pint of beer.

The others need persuading, hence the translations.

I write for RADIO, or is that just the static in my head, I really must clean my ears, or get Totoro our cat to lick them out.

So if anybody reads my stuff then they can pester their local DJ/Host to use my material,
and pay me of course.

Now I'd like to break  the world, and my words are bigger than Jim Kardasian's rear end and I have a million WORDS and more. So IF the translations are read and then passed on to RADIO people then I may get my break, which would have been 50 years in the making. Then I'd be an overnight world wide sensation.

I can even read out my stuff in French or Spanish if somebody does a quality translation for me. I have good fake French and Spanish accents.Other languages would have to be read out by native speakers. So if somebody somewhere reads my stuff in German or Russian perhaps they can annoy radio people on my behalf.

Then I break the world and maybe my Learn English via Humour takes off too. As I look out my window I see a horrible sight, builder's bum as my neighbour is having work done on his house. Is this Fate sticking its tongue out at me?

If I were a woman I may enjoy such a sight, but I am no woman, just a man with potential. Or could it be Kim Kardasian in drag over the road, working as a humble carpenter for a day.

https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC    to find my 12 books



The stone building is where my mum as born and raised till she was 12 with 8 other family members, very humble.1920s Kerry Ireland