Getting Ready

Getting Ready

Getting Ready ©

By Michael Casey

We all get ready, for this, for that and for lots of different things.  Our cat is getting ready, Totoro is asleep on the armchair in front of me, she is getting ready for the snow that is predicted, by having a good sleep. Sleep is good, it refreshes us and in the morning we will be bright eyed and bushy tailed. Sounds like Watership Down meets Bazil Brush, a funny British expression, bright eyed and busy tailed, I bet many of my overseas readers will have to google it.

But sleep is good, especially if you don’t get pain when you lie down or wake up every 2 hours, just giving you a glimpse into my life. I always say to myself I’m getting ready for the Undertaker, as the title of my comic novel is The Butcher, The Baker and The Undertaker, the irony does make me smile. As do the emails I get from folks advertising Funerals or Life Insurance, or even new homes in USA, but I’m in Birmingham England.

What else do get ready for? We get ready for Christmas, but as today is 12^th Jan 2017 Xmas is past. I have returned our crib, which my sister brought from Bethleham, from the front window to behind the tv in the back room. So instead of Christmas, we now getting ready for the rest of the year. One of my daughters is doing her GCSEs in the Summer so she is working hard to get the right results so she go to a good 6^th  form college. As dad I am doing my part to help her, by buying chocolate ready for when she gets home every day.

Today my daughter got her Mock results back, she was disappointed because in Maths she was short by 2marks of getting a 9, which only the top 2% in the entire country will get. She is very high in maths. She also wants to gets really high marks in everything. My only advice is the same advice my parents gave to my sister, you can always get a job in Woolworths, just be Happy.

Outside the storm is brewing though more on the tv news than on our doorstep, so the cat is curling up dreaming of cardboard boxes she can hide in and play in. Whenever we have packaging Totoro just loves to play with it. Now she is sleeping happy and relaxed, she needs to sleep for all her nine lives. Sometimes I envy her, able to sleep anyplace anywhere anyhow.

So what else can I get ready for? I get ready to be discovered as a writer, ok stop laughing all of you, or I’ll throw some of my million words as you. And some of my words can be very sharp, as sharp as Totoro’s claws, she is an attack kitty after all. In USA these past few days I’ve had 100s of viewers on a daily basis, have you guys got nothing better to do, or are you CIA?

https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk/  so perhaps one of you, has a 

connection and I can get exposure in the media. Ok, wise guy at the back, go outside naked in the snow and then Michael Casey from Birmingham England, you’ll have lots of exposure. I’m not Jason Bourne.

The thing about writing is that you may go to the John and when you come back and read back the previous sentence you have another idea that leads to this or that. You have to be ready to use whatever comes your way, fair wind or foul, and depending on what I’ve been eating it could be foul, very foul. Speaking of eating Aldi now has Kiln Baked Salmon, I try and eat salmon twice a week as part of my post quadruple heart bypass diet. And best of all it is ready to eat, opening the vacuum sealed pack is the hardest part of the equation.

Life arrives and you just have to follow the path and hope you get someplace nice, life repeats itself and hopefully you get better at it. This is good for 90% of your life but for 10% you are never ready. You cannot be ready for 10% of your life, you just have to react. That 10% is what divides the sheep from the goats. I think if you have had a varied life you are quicker at reacting. A fireman or a policeman has to deal with strange things everyday so when something happens they will be ready. Working as Front of House in a hotel also sharpens your reactions, you have to be ready for anything.

Even you the reader has to be ready, you have to expect the unexpected. Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition as Monty Python said in the 1970s when I was at school. And none of you, not even the wise guy from the CIA or FSB, I do have Russian readers too, none of you  expected me to head for the kitchen and a final drink of the night, and that my last word is COFFEE.

p.s. If Tom Ford donates a suit I'll wear it instead of PJs in my writer's photo

I'm 46waist  29.5 leg and 48 chest , yes I'm cheeky but I worked in a hotel for 3 years and 3 years at a law firm and 21 in a computer room  plus...  and i love blue

food for thought from 2009

Food For Thought

Think AS You Watch TV

By Michael Casey ©                                                                                    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As we sit in our armchairs watching the news , do we care what is going on over there , in some place hot , too hot to think about , or too cold to bear , ice and snow everywhere . Are we just waiting for the sports report , are we waiting to see was the battle hard or a walkover , did our favourite player score a home run , or 10 touchdowns , were the crowd , the audience behind him , did we win 100dollars from the bet we had on the side . In the interviews after the war was won , were we just watching to see the design on the teams shirt , is that a new logo , is that the same logo spruced up . Or is it a new logo entirely , does it make any difference in how the team played , or just another million dollars in the owners pocket , paid by us the audience , the fans , just so we can all look so identical . The reporters are screaming loudly , half excited and half in fear , they want to watch , they want to cover their eyes , but they are there so they must report . Are they in some arid desert , or in some cold cold place , pain and fear and hope etched on their face , are they in some war zone , or at the stadium , if all we heard were just their words , could we tell the difference , do we care , so long as we can switch it all off with our remote control .

Just a little food for thought , you can read my Betting On Disaster

Quotations and Soundbites

Quotations and Soundbites ©

By Michael Casey

I gave a book to the charity shop this morning on my way to Aldi, we have a ton of charity shops where I live, that and fast food shops. So I handed in the book to the lady in the shop, as there was a quotation on the back I read it aloud to her, just for dramatic effect. I asked who it was and she said Shakespeare, in actual fact it was Henry VIII. The quote was about fidelity so it made me smile, Henry VIII and fidelity.

It was so cold today I had to put 2 pairs of socks on, I also had to slap on the pain killer before I could even start up the road. Then later on I had to venture out again to the opticians with my small daughter. So now its 7pm as I look up at the clock and I know I have 2 hours to spare before Elementary is on tv, Sherlock the original was amazing a couple of nights ago then tonight we have the USA variety.

So you can see how I slot in my writing, I did post my Valentine Poem on my sites today as I thought Arthur my arthritis might be the winner today, so you all have it ready to woo your love or loves of your life, just make sure they don’t meet. I did once have to book a table for 3 on a Valentine’s Night…

I was looking at Fox to hear about the Hearings for Trump’s cabinet,  the guy who was alleged to be a racist had an Eastern looking guy with small children behind him, I didn’t know was that his own family or was it all Power Politics. Then you had the denials. Tomorrow you will have the former Exon guy stating he is perfect for the job even though he did billions worth of business in USSR, sorry Russia, though Putin seems to want to bring back the USSR.  Maybe Putin is word perfect with the old Beetles’ song, Back in the USSR.  Putin may even have it as a favourite on his Spotify song list. Will the Exon guy be able to change from poacher to gamekeeper, if I can use a simple analogy?

Especially in Politics we get quotations and soundbites galore. News clips are trundled out for 15 seconds on tv and folks are supposed to understand everything from that. It really is a disservice to people and politics. I am a news addict myself, have watched and enjoyed news for 50 years. I may watch and listen 4 hours of news a day, I could have watched Soaps instead and be the Birmingham England anchor for  TMZ, instead I am just words on a page.

Quotations are used to bring power to a situation, Tear Down That Wall was used by Reagan, now we have Build a Wall by Trump. So the metaphor of a wall has such great power, though Trump says his will be the real thing just like Coca Cola. Do people believe what is being said if all they hear is 15seconds?

Watching The Five on Fox, you have people almost shouting over each other, it really is News as Sports Reporting. Is the audience helped by what they see, or is it just background while they scream for a beer in a bar. Different countries do things differently, perhaps I’ve been spoilt by having 20 years exposure to BBC Radio 4 from the ages of 8 to 28 and for many years thereafter. So my formation as a news junkie was radio, not sport news reporting, and I mean where normal news is reported as a sport.

You said XYZ when you were 10, you said you’d never be a Politician, here’s the video your sister took at the time. But you said ABC when you were 23, you said you were not Gay, but now at 39 you have come out, does this mean you are a liar, Mr Chairman.

This goes on and on, its tit for tat, in the end its just plain boring and people switch off the news and watch the cookery channel instead. I confess I did stop writing this piece to watch Rick Stein in Italy on BBC2, he was in Bologna, my small daughter has christened him the David Attenborough  of Food. But where was I, wishing we could all visit Bologna when my health allows me, maybe in another year, health insurance permitting.

People, me, you, the guys in the bar are being done a great disservice if we don’t have proper interviews with proper questions. If the reporting is like a junior high school then it’s not News, its Entertainment. So Mr Trump should have his toes held to the fire and not be allowed to twitter on Twitter. Hillary should have not been allowed to say vote for me I’m woman, I have a vagina and Mr Trump does not.  Forgive the language, Twitter is a bit of a dirty word after all. If all we get is a tweet instead of proper answers to questions then we are all being abused.

Government is By the People for the People, and Justice should be seen to be done. Government is not a clique attending Michelin 3 star restaurants. It’s not words tossed like scraps to the Press Pack, then doors slammed shut in faces. Yes Mr Trump should keep his Twitter if he wants to, I confess I found it addictive myself, I am not on it now. But Mr Trump needs to know that the 4^th Estate are a most important part of society, and without them spreading the word about what is really happening then all we get are lies. Are what do lies beget? Ignorance and War.

Just for the record I want Mr Trump to be a really great President and amaze us all, because a Strong and Gentle USA is the greatest influence for Good there is. The alternative is soundbites, and as we all know bites give rashes. I’m not expecting Mr Trump to be a political  Nudist, like those statues all over the country before the election. But meeting the Press and talking to them is more important than anything, even if you hate the SOBs, you can always wash your hands afterwards, Jesus washed the disciples’ feet, he was humble enough to do that.  How humble will you be to serve the American People?

Valentine Poem so you have plenty of time to plan

You're Never Alone When You Are in Love ©

                               By

      

                         Michael Casey

       Love is being together , Love is a smile , a Look , A Touch

       Or Just A Sigh , Not really knowing why you chose one another .

       Yet Together Till You Die

       

       Love is a Kiss soft and gentle on the cheek which warms your

       heart and makes you glad you chose one another .

       A Kiss can lead to more but I'll leave Passion locked Safely

       behind a bedroom door

       Passion spent you'll not give up each not even for Lent .

       You'll just lie in warm embrace and remember you forgot to say

       grace .

       Whispers and Promises are made , plans for the future and if

      she put her hair this way , Do you think it would suit her ?

      Then giggles and more embraces ,  Till the Night is over and with  

      a dig in the ribs you make him move over .

      Then your oneness complete , you have to put up with his cold feet !

      But when you are apart your hearts are still one ,

     Thought half is  absent you are still one .

      His socks under the bed , and after what you said .

      His  "toys" scattered about ,  and the clout you'll  give  when  he

      returns and the warmth of your body he yearns .

      His cold feet to chill you after he thrills you , are absent yet the

      thought makes you smile , at least you have the comfort for  a while.

      His grins and leers ,  which makes you smile at least  you'll  have

      peace for a while .

      But his heart is still with you , the love is always there - as

      bright as your fair hair .

      Close your eyes and he is still there ,  Remember the embrace as  

      he played his fingers across your face .

      Let your dreams go and remember the whispers in your ear, warm

      kisses on your shoulder before he gets bolder . The warmth of love

      that soars through your blood .

      Dream long , Dream deep , your Man toils while you sleep, though

      you are apart you are still together whatever the weather , for you

      are never apart for he is  locked in your heart .

      Though sometimes he can be trying , there's Never any need of

   

      crying for your love is Undying.

      Always remember he fills your heart even when you are apart

                        End

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8 IS LUCKY IN CHINA, or so my Shanghai wife tells me.

So copy the poem down on the back of a menu, then your Love turns the menu over and you take her there. just make sure she likes chips or pizza or chinese takeaways

or if you are Donald Trump you go to that nice 3 Michelin star restaurant, but don't take Romney as 3 is a crowd.

                            

Challenged at University

Challenged at University ©

By Michael Casey

We have a  decades running quiz show on tv called University Challenge, where teams from Unis, and don’t you just despise that word “Uni”, where they do a quiz to win a prize. A variant of it was in the Saint Trinians film, which may or may not denote my “intellect”, I’ll just look that word up in the dictionary. My memory of University goes back 50 years maybe, when my brother won a place at Oxford, Queens. A few years later another brother went to Cambridge, Downing. Dad, a blacksmith from County Kerry was very proud. His own teacher had once predicted, Casey one day you will hang.

So that is the background, I can remember my eldest brother with afro permed hair, gold rimmed octagonal glasses and flares. I can also remember him buying a tricycle for the youngest sister who was 13 years younger. Now he looks like a mixture of Sting and Harrison Ford. So that’s the then, but what of now?

Don’t come near me with that poster you are invading my space, don’t talk to me about that god, because I don’t want my values polluted by your pagan ways, or by your Christian/Jewish/Islamic/Anythingist ways. I just want to stay in my bubble, and not be hurt or misunderstood by anybody or anything. And take those statues down they are just so so, the haircuts on those busts offend me. The length on the trousers on that statue is just so offensive.

That statue of David is offensive, nobody has a body that perfect, can we have that removed from the university too. And no Sarah doesn’t want it moved to her bedroom so she can dream the perfect dream with the perfect man. That’s a sexist thing to say she be damaged for the rest of her life, I think she’ll sue the University. She has American friends after all and they really do know about suing. And she’s a lesbian too, so she’ll sue twice over.

Can we have a non-alcoholic bar too, people whose faith bans them from taking alcohol should be able to chill and relax in a bar, but a bar without any alcohol in. It’s a human right to be free to relax, and no just going to a café is NOT good enough, you are lecturing us now, invading our free space, we feel intimidated by you saying we should not be in a bar if we don’t like alcohol. That’s just non alcoholist, we’ll get the union to start a strike of lectures over it.

And the lectures are too long, and too hard, and we don’t like the syllabus either.  The books are too heavy too. Switch subjects or buy a Kindle. That’s a sexist thing to say, you are inferring women are too weak to study, I’m a man anyway, can’t you tell by my short hair. But women have short hair too nowadays, that’s a sexist remark inferring that I’m a lesbian, but I’m a man. Or is it some cross-gender insult?

And on and on it goes. Am I just an old fart, ok I just smell like an old fart. But when my brothers went to Uni, when my sister went to Uni, see I held my nose so I couldn’t smell my old fart, and I used “Uni”, when they went they went to study. My other brother the Downing Cambridge one, he was a miner for a year before he went up to Cambridge, he didn’t complain about the hard work and broken finger nails.

When you are at University you meet lots of people and exchange views and food. Like scrambled egg with Heinz beans in, 40 years ago nobody at Cambridge had even dreamt of it. Nowadays people would complain that it was mixing food groups, and the pollution afterwards would be unacceptable, so a petition would be started over beans and eggs.

Especially as the eggs were produced in inhumane circumstances, I said circumstances. Innuendo is definitely a big big NO NO, though having a big big  NO NO might in itself be classed as something worthy of applause 40 years ago but now everybody would run for sanctuary in the church the haven of safe place.   Once there all religious objects would be thrown out of the church as they invaded the safe space for the religiously inarticulate.

All of which makes me sad so I’ll make my daily pilgrimage to Aldi, though I’ll be condemned for using the phrase pilgrimage, especially by those of no faith at all. Dave Allen and Lenny Bruce are up in Heaven crying they are glad they are dead, modern University students are challenged, challenged because they have no sense of humour and want to choose what they should know without any relation to common sense.

Life involves everybody and everything, so be catholic in your tastes, and yes I chose the word catholic on purpose just to see who many ignorant comments I’d get about its meaning in this context. Have friends of all faiths and of none, try different foods and learn about all kinds of everything. Then and only then will you be a rounded person, I’ll get complaints about being fattish now. Even try scrambled eggs with Heinz beans in, but do open he windows first. Don’t paint yourself into a corner, because it’s just your own mind that gets smaller, which reminds me of that statue of David in the winter.

New Neighbours

New Neighbours ©

By Michael Casey

Well the house we looked at was no good, very good on paper but the reality was another matter entirely. So we are stuck where we are, so we won’t be moving and we won’t be anybody’s new neighbours. Then I just looked out the window and its seems we are having new neighbours ourselves. So that gave me an idea…

I don’t like the look of them, see the way he scratched his bum, and in the street too, he’ll spit chewing gum out in the street too. See they are disgusting.  If he did that in Singapore he’d get 30 lashes of the cane, and then he’d really need to scratch his bum, that’s if any of it was left. I hate people who spit out chewing gum in the street. You get it stuck to your shoes and then it sticks all over your new carpet. See we have slobs coming into our nice lovely street.

What about her, his wife walking next to him. Looks more like street walking to me, she looks like a Lady of the Night to me, you can always tell, they are all slightly bow legged, if you know what I mean. Her hair is dyed too, and look, just look she has an ankle bracelet on too. If you see a woman with one of those it always means she a self-employed business woman. They may as well have a tee shirt with SLAG written on it.

Are they bringing in their stuff? Move the net curtains up a bit more so we can see if they have any nice stuff. No its all rubbish Alba brand stuff in the off silver colour, why don’t don’t they buy Alba Plus brand, now that is quality stuff, still the same off silver colour, but the quality is so much better. What brand is our stuff, let me see, we have Alba brand everything, all still working 20 years later.

Even we the cat peed all over it, I suppose Alba stuff must be good after all. Why do I listen to you in the first place, why did I marry you as well. To take me off the streets when my fat ankles broke the ankle bracelets. You are such a cheeky bleeder. If I knew where our electric Alba carving knife was I’d cut off your balls, if I could find them.

Look they are bringing in their bed now, I’ve never seen one as big as that, you don’t think she is going to work from home. We’ll have hot and cold running prostitutes up and down the street. The shame of it all, we used to be have such a nice street. Mr Moan used to live in that house, he was generous giving us loads of electrical items, he said he always won so many raffles, just like your brother. Didn’t they both end up in Winson Green jail, for shoplifting. 

Then they decided to come out when they came out, they went to live in Warwick together and they opened a nice tea shop, with teas from around the world. They didn’t steal them either, receiving stolen tea was a much safer existence, and the evidence was drunk daily. They did read tea leaves as a side-line.

Look they  are bringing loads of books now, books about about you know, about Cairo, you know the Cairo is sucha, look they’ve dropped one. Get the binoculars, read the title. What back ache for beginners, that must be very seedy. What are the other titles? Stretching  the right way, now that sounds kinky to me. Quick read the other titles before they pick the books up. What you must be blind, she’s a back doctor, a cairo practicerer. Well that’ll be nice having somebody respectable in the street, but she does look like a hooker. Yes, she still looks like an old prossee.

What time is it, 17:10 pm , can you speak bleeding English or I’ll hit you with my stick. Ten past Five in the evening. I know its evening its dark you fool. Well are you ready, they’ll be here 20 mins. The Bailiffs say we have to go or its jail. They are right bastards throwing us out after all these years. I haven’t finished all the newspapers. I have 20,000 copies of the Daily Telegraph, I’ve only read half of them.

Then there is my collection of bird cages, I have 48 of them. That’s why I had the newspapers originally, to collect all the pooh. But when the birds escaped and took over the upstairs, I just saved the newspapers, just in case just in case. You get used to the smell of bird pooh after a year. It’s those bastard middle class neighbours.

They’ll miss us these nosey neighbours, their house prices will go down, without us the neighbourhood will suffer. Come on the bailiffs are banging on the door. Watch careful, oh my you slipped on Tim Stanley’s comment piece on on, I cannot read it, its covered in bird pooh. 

But you are right The Daily Telegraph gives the best coverage, well for bird pooh anyway. Should we ask that nice back prostitute dr thingy to have a look at your back before we get a lift to Warwick. We’ll be professional tea servers, what a nice future we have.

Now is the Time

Now is the Time ©

By Michael Casey

Now is the Time

Now is the Time to set aside our past

Now is the Time to forget who came last

Now is the Time to forget our woes and dance towards our Future

Now is the Time to Remember We are best when we Invest

Now is the Time to Invest in each other sister and brother

Now is the Time for Hope and to get off the ropes

Now is the Time to Forgive one another for we are sister and brother

Now is the Time to Dream our dreams together

Now is the Time to Laugh and Sing and Dance

Now is the Time to Dare to Better than we ever hoped

Now is the Time to Rope a Dope any difficulties and rebuild our cities

Now is the Time to plan the route ahead to be positive and strong

Now is the Time to have Confidence that nothing will go wrong

Now is the Time to reach out to Sister and Brother and our Mothers

Now is the Time for the family that is the United States of America

For WE are family, the red, the white and the blue and stars too

Let us bring our shared Future into view

Let us not allow anything to dampen our Hopes no matter who won our votes

For it is only together that we can once again reach for the stars

Our aspirations show the world who we are

All our hopes and dreams unite this United States of America

Together we will sing together and wing our way back to the stars

Back to the Stars which prove we are one United States of America

Sing America Sing and Fear Not what the Future might bring

For we are family the family United, United States of America