Annie and Bettie get
their Man ©
By
Michael Casey
Now if you have read
The Butcher The Baker and the Undertaker then you will have heard about Annie
and Bettie, I don’t think I’ve mixed the names up, but it is over 30 years ago
since I wrote the book. However the twin sisters are still impossibly
beautiful, and still work behind the bar of The Trader, their dad’s pub. They
have now gone through puberty and have complexions to die for, I won’t say any
more but imagine English Roses to the Nth degree.
As the whole world
comes through the doors of The Trader they have become experts in People
Watching, to be honest growing up in a bar they have a degree in psychology at
very least. The Human Animal observed from behind the taps of a bar. Customer
service was of course ingrained into them, though this does not mean they did
not know how to have fun.
Today they were
dressed as Pregnant Nuns, Rodney or is it Roger the Traffic Warden had
imprinted his love of dressing up and amateur dramatics on them from an early
age. So they dressed up and acted out dramas as they served behind the bar, it
made life more interesting for them and it helped pass the time. As you can
imagine The Trader was a very happy place to have a drink in, very very rarely
was there any trouble.
The twins’ mother was
worried that her beauties might do the wrong thing and get pregnant by some
BASTARD, so she made them promise at age 7 that they would stay pure, and only
ever go to bed with their husband. The twins honoured this promise as they
loved their mum and dad so much. It was an easy promise to keep as they hadn’t
seen any husband material, so they were not tempted.
However these past 3
years a revelation revealed itself to them, the twins had a crush on the
draymen, they saw them regularly for years and they’d have a cup of tea
together after each delivery. The draymen were just ordinary guys, nothing
special. In fact they both had something that marked them out, you see Ken had
a stutter, and Len had a limp, caused by dropping a beer barrel on his leg
years ago. Other than that they were perfect, Annie and Bettie had decided that
they were husband material.
Ken stuttered away
but Annie loved him the more, when she heard on the radio about stutterers
being able to sing she persuaded Ken to sing for her. And guess what? Ken’s
singing voice was like Johhny Cash, so deep and appealing. She would have gone
through a Ring of Fire for him. As for Len he was as strong as an ox, as was
Ken, but seeing him limp made Bettie love him the more. He had no limp in her
eyes, he was husband material too.
Ken and Len didn’t
know it but they were marked men, they had husband written all over them. Now
over the years the friendships grew, but nothing happened, Annie and Bettie
were good girls, and a promise to a mother is a promise to a mother. However
the Urge as the call it in Ireland does come, and that Saturday night, the
night of the big match, the Urge would win and could lead to Sin.
The Trader was full
and everybody was matching the Man U v Villa game on the big screen. Len and
Ken were in a corner enjoying the match, Annie and Bettie were sighing, the
Urge was upon them. It was a game of two halves and everybody was merry. It was
then that it happened. A drink was spilt and angry words were exchanged. Annie
and Bettie looked up and stopped the Guinness in mid flow.
Sor sor sor sorry, it
was Ken trying to apologize. He was mocked by a giant of a man. Len limped
forward trying to be the peace maker. He in turn was mocked. Annie and Bettie
felt the urge upon them, Annie whispered to Bettie, tonight is the night I
become a woman. Bettie whispered to Annie anything you can do I can do better.
Again their men were being mocked.
Sing for me Ken
screamed Annie over the noise of the match. Ken knew the song she loved so he
sung, Stand by Your Man, his singing was perfect. In seconds Annie had leapt
from table to table to be by his side. Bettie was right behind her, Len needed
her, she knew she needed him. They were their chests heaving, it was now or never.
Annie grabbed Ken and kissed him, his stutter would vanish forever after a kiss
like that. Bettie would not be beaten, Len’s limp would never go but Bettie
didn’t mind.
Then Annie and Bettie
swung around, they were still dressed as pregnant nuns, have you got a problem?
The giant of a man laughed in their face, turning to his mates, pregnant nuns
are the only girlfriends these guys will ever get. Len and Ken moved forward,
they were so angry. Annie and Bettie defused the situation by kissing their men
and placing their men’s hands where only a husbands’ hand should be. The whole
pub gasped, the match was ignored, was this going to be a Strippergram.
Trust me, said Annie,
trust me said Bettie with a parting kiss on the cheek for their HUSBANDS. I
don’t like BASTARDS the twin sisters said in unison. With that they
simultaneously, dropped kicked the giant of a man, before kick boxing his
friends to the ground. GOAL.
Villa beat Man U 3 2
in extra time, but in The Trader a giant of a man and his ugly friends were too
dazed to notice.
The whole pub laughed
at them, Villa and Man U fans united, they did not like bastards either.
Mocking a limp, and mocking a stutter, will only get you in the gutter, and you
will see stars. Annie looked at Bettie and Bettie looked at Annie, NOBODY would
ever mock her husband. With that they pretended to faint, they were caught by
their husbands. The husbands took them to bed. They had waited and now they
were ready. Their mother had been out shopping, and she fainted for real when
Wayne said their twin daughters were upstairs, being touched for the very first
time, Madonna was singing the song on repeat.
But Len and Ken were
the perfect husbands for her daughters, though they would still need to go to
church and the registry office, to make it official. Were the girls right to
beat the bully? Well if you have multiple black belts, in fact they are 3rd
Dan in some martial art, I forget which, what would you do? Stand by your Man
is such a nice song after all.
**********************
this will be part of Tears for a Butcher if ever I get around to finishing it
the 30 years later sequel to The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
though in the fiction it continues on the very next day
All I need is that speed typist.... I could write it in 3 months
or 24 two hour sessions
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