The Kids are Growing Up
By
Michael Casey
How do you know that the kids are growing up? Well they are taller, they tell you that you have a bald patch, and they steal your sunglasses, which is a big deal in my case. They need more money for this and that, and you look shabbier and shabbier in your old, 16 year old fleece which was freebie from a 2003 security conference at the NEC. All my neighbours think I’m a security guard, or granddad because they can read the writing on the fleece.
You can read it for yourself on the latest photos on my site. However just to confuse everybody I tell them its the name of a BAND, and I’m the manager taking 25% for doing nothing, except looking COOL. So obviously nobody believes me, so I do the dance steps in front of the security camera in my local store. They just call security, however there is a bond between security personnel. So seeing my neat shades the 4 security guys who were going to throw me on the pavement just reach for their shades and line up besides me, then together we dance. So now I’m a celebrity in the store, the lads came back to mine for some Stella Artois, people don’t give us enough respect they intone as they drink my Stella Artois.
Obviously in today’s world everybody has a camera, so my dance routine with the security crew goes viral, just like my hair. So now I’m even more well known in my area, and my daughters are even more embarrassed, that was your dad everybody proclaims, three times they deny it, then the school fire alarm goes. As the entire school line up, Mr Tonks from 5A, he takes out his shades and pushes back his hair, I saw this on Utube, we may as well get some exercise. Then Mr Tonks starts to do his version of your dad’s dance. Everybody laughs, but nobody laughs at a teacher in your school, so Miss Straight Knickers the head forces everybody but everybody to dance. 480 pupils dad dancing. She winks to the caretaker who is filming from the school roof. That Chinese head thought he had the moves, but Birmingham can beat him any day of the week. Then a miracle, the head changes the steps, she has a new boyfriend, even at her age, she has an American Marching Band coach boyfriend. OH MY GOD, Miss Straight Knickers really can move, and the entire school follows. She knows how to march, ask the coach he’ll tell you stories.
And that is how you get embarrassed first by your dad and then by your school, Miss Straight Knickers amazed everybody, but hopefully that Chinese head teacher the most.
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