The Dinner is in the Oven Getting Burnt

The Dinner is in the Oven Getting Burnt ©

By

Michael Casey

So why this title, The Dinner is in the Oven Getting Burnt? Well I’m still coughing and spluttering and waiting for a man to arrive, two men in fact, to do two different things. I won’t tell you, you can use your imagination. If you see a gate open don’t you wonder why or just pass by? Well I wonder and then I can even make up a whole story, depending on what kind of gate it is. Though we may paint our new garden gate but that’s another story that led to a wall, no Donald Trump is not our neighbour.

Events happen, as do things, and they sidetrack you, speaking of which it’s time for dinner, breakfast was 5 hours ago, the cat has been fed twice in that time, so now it’s time to feed myself, or I’ll get really ratty. So pause while I eat, The Eurythmics are singing so listen to them while I eat some salmon steaks.

Well the smell of burning was everywhere so I thought I’d burnt my dinner, in fact it was just some oil in a tray at the bottom of my oven. As for my salmon, that was perfect, 20 mins in the oven for perfect baked salmon. It’s supposed to be good for me, so I eat it, if it tasted horrible I would not eat it at all. I know somebody who’s lost a lot of weight and I get advice, about diet, but frankly Quality of Life is Everything, Quantity is just a load of old fish cakes. Besides if you told me what to write or how to write or gave me any advice in Writing, do you think I’d listen? I had a play accepted for Production back in 1989, so why should I ever listen. So please no food advice either, though me email will be full of rubbish by the end of the day.

As I sip my tea, what are you drinking? I hope you like it, Lech, Boris Gregorgi have just nipped in to borrow our potato peeler, Totoro uses her best nail. So sat on Boris’ head like a Russian hat Totoro is going up the woods to help make a new batch of Vodka, it will become the 2019 batch. She likes variety in her life, it explains where do you go to my lovely when I’m, all tucked up in bed, as Peter my neigbour used to sing about his cat.

I want to talk about why we can all get so engrossed with something that we forget to eat, though I never forget to pee, with my kidneys I really need to, but we are so engrossed we get tunnel vision. In my case it’ll be following the news, or fixing Windows 10 again, though it seems to be ok lately. I won’t say any more or hackers will be coming through my door. With Due Respect, only fellow illiterates ever believe such stuff, I have plenty of my own diseases without anybody telling me that on their deathbed they are sending me money. The only way to send me money is by buying the books on Amazon, or if you are Jeff Bezos you know where I live so you can do it in person.

Jeff Bezos has just had a coughing fit and left phlegm all over his rug, or maybe it was his cat, as the colour matches his cat’s colour. No doubt he’ll email me and say I’ve won a prize, only it’ll get deleted along with all the other fake emails I get. See while I explain all this my dinner is getting burnt, so it’s a good job I’ve eaten it already.

Though Jeff is a good cook, his Bezos beans on toast is fantastic. He times the beans to perfection, using a Russian Military Automatic Watch he bought on Ebay, sorry I mean Amazon. He cooks the beans so they are about to explode, then sprinkes garlic sauces from his left hand on to them. He holds his nose with his right hand while he is doing this. The toast he cooks on an open fire with a copper fork with a wooden handle, Santa gave it to him. He believes in Santa, he may be a rich man, but he still believes in Santa.Then he gave 2billion to Charity, so Santa gave him a 2^nd fork, donate one, get one, donate 2 get two.

Jeff posted me the beans on toast in a silver foil box, Tim Peak had left it when he was working his Christmas job at the Amazon warehouse. If Tim Peak saves up all his Christmas pay he’ll hitch a ride to the Space Station again. If you remember my Spaceman and the Arch-Angel story you’ll understand, Jeff Bezos does, he wants Tim to read the stories not a Russian Cosmonaut. So if Tim Peak reads from the Amazon book list Jeff will sponsor Tim.

Sorry I had to answer the door, our Polish friend came by, he’s from Cracow, his dream is to go and buy a house in Cracow, with his lawyer girl. But I was talking about beans, I just emailed Jeff Bezos to share a secret, jeffbezossecretemailaddress@buyallmichaelcasey’s16bookbooks.org   

If he adds beaten eggs to the beans and garlic it tastes even nicer, but he will need to hold both hands over his nose later, though he can turn the central heating off. He can buy a face mask on Ebay, sorry I mean Amazon, and pretend he is a storm trooper. Amazon does have great deals on toilet paper, I can testify to that.

Now while I’ve been droning on if you have been following me then your dinner will have burnt. I burnt my bacon 50+ years ago as I was playing  in the garden, in those days we had a flint lock thing to light the gas with. Electronic ignition and even disposable cigarette lighters did not exist. So you’ve had the History lesson while your dinner burns in the oven.

The moral of the story, just as Star Trek always had a moral, live long and prosper, enjoy your life, but don’t be like I King Alfred and burn your cakes. Do less, enjoy food more.