Paxman, The Mature Times and Me

Paxman, The Mature Times and Me ©

By Michael Casey

So I did what you told me to do, I sent them my Elevator Ad and offered my services. Maybe if I was a bull they would have reacted better, as a bull’s services are always of great value. You are a countryman at heart Jezza, we both know that, and have your waders dried out yet? If you just stuff them with the free issues of The Mature Times from the hotel lobby then leave them upside down in the corridor by morning they’ll be dry. The absorption qualities are really amazing, you’ll be glad I gave you this tip, I bet you’ll steal loads of copies of The Mature Times in the morning, just to dry out your boots in future.

Be careful though, they do say the Hound of the Baskervilles was written in your hotel, Sir Arthur had been on a bender, you know what Medics are like, drinking from sample bottles and so on, my own daughter wants to be a Dr, so God help us in the future.

Now how is the writing coming along? Mary Beard sends her love and says she’ll meet us at The Trader in Old Forge and Singing Anvil, not next week but the one after. The Comedy Writers for Beginners continues in the back room of the pub, in the snog, I mean snug as they used to call it. We have a new member joining us, he’s a bit shy  but he does have a lot of time on his hands now, he goes by the handle of DC, like those American Comic Books, he said his last career ended in failure so his wife is encouraging him to start over.

I read in the DT, the real newspaper for old people, that, I forgot what I was going to say next, let me think.  I really have forgotten now, perhaps after I go to the toilet and have a coffee then I’ll remember. It’s the girls being at home all Summer, its worn me out, should have had my children before my 40s. Anyway I do miss our evenings together, if you asked nicely maybe the BBC would give you your old job back. 

Or maybe you could get a job writing for a supermarket magazine, such as Aldi or even Waitrose. Don’t be angry now but The Mature Times did offer you a position, and you would get as many copies as you like, perfect for drying out those waders. Or you could let me do it for you, I could be your nom de plume, and when did you get an offer like that? In a Tom Sharpe novel, oh.