Political Interviews or No Views at All

Political Interviews or No Views at All ©

By Michael Casey

So why do you want to be leader of your Party?

I’ve always had a sense of duty, I must help those less fortunate than me.

You mean you were in your mid 30s and your inheritance did not come yet.

No, not at all, I’ve always had an affinity with my lesser brethren.

Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself?

Yes that’s exactly it, my Faith any Faith gives that essence to one’s being.

So that’s why you got the vicar’s daughter pregnant when she was just 16.

It was love, deep deep love, our love of scripture brought us together.

So you stole the vicar’s car and eloped to Gretna Green, and were married.

I just borrowed the car, no charges were brought we were deeply in love.

You mean she was pregnant, and the vicar would have killed you.

That’s your opinion, we know it was just a deep deep love.

Was she hot? Red hair and curves galore, or was she a ginger full of freckles?

The former, but looks don’t matter at all, it was just love, love, love.

So when she  got fat after the birth of your child what did you do?

We always loved each other, but we realised the age gap was too much.

15 years I believe, so really you had seduced her.

No, not at all, she did all the leading, I just followed.

But you enjoyed it.

Of course, of course not, it was just such a tragic situation.

She joined a Punk band and disappeared off the face of the earth.

Yes that’s correct, but they did have 2 songs in the top 10 Punk chart.

So you raised your child without her, for six months that is.

That’s correct, I was a single parent, it’s in all my literature.

Until you married her even hotter sister, just 18 months older.

I had to think of the child and her aunty was the perfect substitute mum.

You divorced your wife to marry her sister.

I was thinking of the child.

You then went on to have 9 more children.

Yes, we had a very fertile relationship.

I’m amazed you had any time for politics, too busy multiplying your family.

I am a man of the people.

And did the sister lose her looks?

No.

Hence all the babies, you were worse than rabbits.

Just following the good lord’s message, go forth and multiply.

You could have just become a maths teacher instead.

Now we’ve covered your family record what about your politics?

To serve the people and be a good servant, a waiter to their desires.

Seems like you were satisfying your own desires, 10 kids.

A man has the right to bear arms and to hold his wife in his arms.

You certainly did that.

People know I’m one of them, so we connect.

It was thanks to all these connections that you stole millions.

Those were all Party contributions, they were just resting in my bank.

Bank of Panama and Bank of Faceless in Bogota, sounds normal.

They offered a high rate of interest, so I put money there for good of the Party.

So it’s nothing to do with you that the money disappeared.

It was a tragic loss of money for the Party funds.

So you resigned from the Party.

Yes I am an honourable man.

Then moved to a new 30million Property, with 2 swimming pools.

For the good of my children, one pool is not enough.

Because you have 10 kids and a white hot wife.

She has cancer and is dying.

I’m so sorry I apologise.

Thanks, I will be marrying her twin sister, when she sadly dies.

Her twin sister, is she the plain one?

No that’s her older sister.

Her twin sister is in fact the hottest girl in the family.

You certainly have ploughed the fields and scattered.

It’s my Faith, like I said I am a man of Faith.

Or you have a rattlesnake in your…..