Selfies Galore

Selfies Galore ©

By Michael Casey

Now where shall I begin, let me look in the mirror and pull in my rather large belly, and maybe pluck and eyebrow or two, and I am just a bloke, and we are supposed to be less vain. Now I’m ready I’ll get my camera out and take a selfie. I just hope my arm is long enough to take a good picture. Or I could get one of those fancy cameras with a lcd screen on both sides. Or I could balance the camera on the mantelpiece and hope Totoro our cat doesn’t knock the camera, I could just end up with a picture of the cat’s bum. What do you mean it would be so much better than a picture of me and my rather large belly.

People can be so cruel when you post pictures of yourself online. I only do it so that you can see just who is this Michael Casey from Birmingham England. The face behind the 800,000 words and counting, I hope that in a couple of years I’ll reach my 1,000,000 word.  And I’d like to live long enough to reach my 2,000,000 word, my fading health permitting. I’m going through a pain period of my life at the moment, but God is good, and he’s spoilt me in the past, so maybe he’ll spoil me even more if I say more prayers.

Back to Selfies, people have fancy phones with cameras on, I don’t myself, I cannot even tell you where my mobile is, and as for the number, I’ll win the lottery before I remember the number. I thought paying 10 quid for a phone was a scandalous waste of money, it’s just a dad’s phone, millions of dads have them. As for kids they must have phones with cameras on, nowadays you get 10megapixals and more on a basic phone, and internet too. All of which keeps Car Phone Warehouse and their ilk in money, millions of money.

Kids take selfies and send them to their friends, and they are posted in cyberspace, so the whole of Life and History itself is recorded. Excuse me Mr Hitler can you goose step a bit higher, so I can send a photo and video to my mum in Buenos Aires. Fat Boy, can you move out the way, I want to take a picture of the missile launch, what you are the leader, you’ll strap me to the missile so I can send video as I strike Japan.

People really do lose their mind once they start taking selfies on with their phones, quick let’s get a good selfie of the man drowning at sea. That’s great we got some good shots, now let’s go to the pub and take selfies of us drinking, under-age drinking. Did anybody call the rescue services? No, we were too busy taking selfies, but we can call the undertakers instead.

Famous people can become famous, just by taking selfies, I do of course mean the Z list celebrities, Joan Rivers IS sadly missed, as she had a sense of prospective and knew how to call things by their proper name, BS is always BS.  So I was thinking of covering myself in chocolate and getting naked nubile Japanese girls to lick it all off. Then I’d take selfies and see if I could break the Internet, my derriere is much bigger than that lady whose name I cannot remember, I think she has a relative in North Korea of the same name, Kim something.

If it’s strange or involved beautiful women, it just has to be turned into a selfie to adorn the internet, somebody is making a lot of money somewhere, I just think that men should get in on the action. So the darts team should appear  naked in front of the pool, the pool table that is. With just packets of cheese and onion crisps and pints to hide their blushes, they could use it to crowd fund a new toilet door in the gents.

All manner of things can be selfied and unmasked  by the camera phone, you cannot piss in a shop doorway on a Friday night without your willie being snapped and exposed on the internet. Do you recognise this man would be the caption. And on and on it goes, though the thing people don’t realise is that while they are taking selfies of the moment they are missing the moment. Life if to be lived, yes take photographs, but live life first.   

 Next you’ll even be recording yourself making love, instead of just enjoying making love. Though didn’t somebody do that, and where did that lead to, to a selfie life where your arse is more important than the content of your heart.