Political Interviews

Political Interviews ©

By Michael Casey

Thank you for coming Candidate A, now as we have been called biased in the past the Press have decided to do things differently this time around. So please put your blindfold on and I will then enter the room, also in a blindfold, so we both have unbiased opinions. No gender or race preconditions.

You could hate my cologne or the sound of my voice.

True, we could have done this by radio too, or Radio Four if we were in England.

So hello and it’s an honour to meet you, in this fine country of yours, where exactly are we, my limo has such dark windows and my shades are darker than that guy who plays keyboards, you know the dead guy.

I’m a Classical music aficionado myself, they are all dead, and none wore shades, though Mozart could have done anything. So shall we begin the interview?

Sure Mam, but don’t we shake hands first?

Its Ms, I am as good as any Man, so call me Ms.

It you whistle I’ll come forward and shake hands Mam, sorry I mean Ms.

My name is John, if I’m allowed to reveal that much.

I’m Margaret, named after the English PM.

The interviewer and Candidate A move forward and stumble into each other.

My you are a pretty woman.

And you are so strong, your hands are so soft yet strong.

I aim to please.

Can you now remove your clothes and get into the bed to your right, my left. This is an interview for Naked Politics after all. Every political avenue had to be explored.

The things I do to get elected.

This should be pleasurable too. I am an experienced political interviewer. I did PPE at University in Cambridge, a few years ago.

New England is so beautiful, especially in the Fall.

Cambridge England, not in USA, I have lost my accent but I am from England, a little place called Old Forge and Singing Anvil.

Shall we start?

Ok, can you tell me Candidate A what are your policies on Global Warming?

It’s cold in this room can we at least cuddle a bit first?

Let’s huddle and cuddle, but keep that blindfold on.

So using foreplay as a metaphor Candidate A explained how things slowly hotted up before anything happened then there would be an explosion of warmth which could not be stopped, the genie would be out the bottle and twin peaks would wobble and melt. It might be nice being hot and warm all over but, there would be a price to play. That price was not a sea of love but a rising sea, which would sink low lying lands.

That was a good metaphor, but I’d like more if I may.

Candidate A reached out, this time he had a slap high and low and in between. You always have to be invited, even if you were blindfolded and naked in bed, with a Political Interviewer. Walter Cronkite had never dreamt of such things, some politicians in the 60s may have done them but we never knew at the time.

Now what are your views on the unemployed? The homeless and so forth.

So Candidate A examined her nooks and crannies, especially the nooks, but he was great with the crannies too, she felt the full weight of his nooks and crannies against hers. It was a hard life being a Politician and as for a Political Interviewer, you always had to go the extra mile, to tough it out and go the very edge where you were left breathless, but inspired as you perspired. You may not get a Pulitzer but the warm glow inside was worth all the toing and froing, it left you breathless, but your audience deserved it.

That’s the best explanation I’ve ever heard, said the interviewer.

I do my best to explain things, I hope I’ve proved I do give more than a toss for the homeless and the unemployed.

My final question as you have several more interviews to do, my final question is, what’s your policy on defence. A hot button topic, as you will agree.

I think we should always defend what’s ours and defend our friends, that’s what friends are for. If I may explain further.

So Candidate A using the political interviewer’s body as a map of the world, he explained defensive positions, and open positions, attacks from on high and attacks from below. Not to mention slow creeping attacks, and sudden nuclear attacks which could lay you waste. The Political Interviewer replied in kind with attacks and counter attacks and counter arguments. They were more than a match for each other, the blindfolds nearly slipped off such was the heat and sweat pouring from them, it was if they were fighting in some steamy jungle.

Well it’s been an honour to meet you, what’s your views on pornography? The candidate did not know what to say. The Interviewer asked him to remove his mask as she removed her wig to real her red hair. They had been filmed by 10 cameras, live streamed to the internet.

My political career is over.

It was the only way I could grab time with you, you are my husband after all.

John look at his wife naked on the king size bed, beside him.

Screw the election, let’s try for the 7^th time.

So they did, and John, or Big John as he became known in Election circles, won by a landslide. As the electorate want to see a real man who really loves his wife, and not machine with speech writers. And John was a real man, as the whole of the internet could confess, and if he was a machine, it was a sex machine.