Advertising Campaign

Advertising Campaign ©

By Michael Casey

We’ve got to get the message out, the whole world must know, not just everybody in our house, but the entire world. We want to scream and shout and let all the world know about it. It must be the best advertising campaign ever. We can do it, we have to do it, it’s so important, we want the whole world to sit up and take notice.

If we tell George and Brownie for starters then the whole of Old Forge and Singing Anvil will know in a matter of hours, they are the biggest gossips in the world, or Old Forge and Singing Anvil at any rate. Then if we tell Clarence, no not the cross eyed lion, you fool, you know Clarence who drives the No.11 bus. His route is 22miles all around Birmingham, he’s so talkative he does 5 or is it 7 circuits a shift, so that’s all of Birmingham covered in a day.

Then there’s Mandy the local call girl, no I don’t mean lady of the night either, I mean Mandy is a call girl, not a call girl stupid. She calls out the numbers at the bingo. That’s all the OAPs covered, and those students who come for the cheap beer. So if they know you’ve covered two major demo demo demo catholics, or whatever is that fancy word for groups of people. Oh you mean idle bastards with nothing else to do except play bingo. Only joking, I don’t want to be attacked by a slow motion hit man, nor  a spotty  student with issues, or is it selling the big issue.

So we have all of Old Forge and Singing Anvil covered plus a ring around Birmingham with the no.11 bus route. It’s not Colgate we are advertising is it, the ring of confidence and so on? Now if we ask Big Sid in the butchers to take a leaflet or two then we’d cover all the meat eaters, and all his girls cover 3 generations of customers, so the coverage will be huge. Almost as big as Big Sid himself.

Then is we asked Percy the Undertaker to mention it, have a few leaflets to spread about the crematorium. Percy could even write a poem for our campaign too, he’s not just an undertaker but also a poet. Then we could get Patrick to draw cartoons on the wall, he’s not as good as Banksy but always very colourful.

That’s all sorted then, Andy can run around delivering leaflets, or drive around in the hearse delivering them. If there are any left overs he can just throw they from the hearse as he drives, like confetti at a wedding, leaflets everywhere.

And what are we advertising, on walls and floors and at funerals too, oh I forgot to tell you, its and anti-litter campaign.