Interviewing Somebody©
By
Michael Casey
Welcome
to Casey’s Company
As
you can see we are a friendly company
Would
you like a drink before we begin?
Sorry
only tea or coffee, no Vodka or lager
At
Christmas, then that would be different
But
today you are here to be interviewed.
Now
why did you apply for a position at
Casey’s Company?
Because
you liked the 12 weeks holiday a year, but you do do preparation at home.
Because
you liked carrying a briefcase, because you liked wearing shiny black shoes and
a nice shirt and tie.
Or
was it because you liked the idea of being called Sir?
What
qualities can YOU bring to the role?
What
experience do you have in a similar role?
How
would you describe yourself?
Are
you self motivated?
Pardon?
Can I stop because you want to go and have a wee?
Ok
are you ready to resume?
You
want to go out and make an emergency phone call to your mum, you forgot to ask
her to buy some more toilet paper, and some beef burgers and tomato ketchup.
Anything
else?
Ok,
lets move on.
So
do you enjoy where you are employed at the moment?
You’re
not employed at the moment.
You
were sacked!
Why?
You
were found kissing in the stationary cupboard, and when security searched you,
you had 120 red pens and 120 blue pens, and 120 black pens in your nice fake leather
briefcase. So you were sacked on the spot. The Police were not called in as the
girl you were kissing in the stationary cupboard was the bosses daughter.
But
you do have a glowing reference.
Looking
at the signature it looks remarkably like YOUR handwriting.
Is
there anything more you’d like to add?
You’d
like to have the 1st two weeks of August off, as you’ve already
booked your holiday, other than that you can start straight away.
Oh,
you forgot something, could you be paid weekly and in cash.
THANK
YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
Oh
and when will we let you know if you have been successful in your application
for the post.
and don't turn up looking like this either
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