Are You Ready Yet?

Are You Ready Yet ? (c)

By Michael Casey

Now I don’t know about you, but I believe being on time is a must, it’s not optional it’s a must. Some people would be late for their own funeral, who are you thinking of now?

Different cultures have different views of time, our priest says that Shona people are very relaxed about Time, 11 may mean 12 or 12:30, but at 1pm they have Shona Mass in our church. Italians and Mediterranean people are more relaxed about Time too. I imagine the Swiss are absolutely sticklers for time, that’s why they make so many watches. In the olden days, as in the days when Knights were bold only candles told the time. A notch on the candle told the monks when to get up. The clocks were invented, but they only had an hour hand on. Time was different.

Was it Mussolini who invented being on time, at least the trains run on time was an excuse for Fascism. We know wrist watches were invented because it was a quicker way to look at your watch when you were in the slime of the trenches of the Great War, the War to End all Wars.

Fashion arrived and watches went everywhere, in all meanings of that word. I as you know love watches and one day I’ll have a fancy automatic watch. But I have side-tracked myself, Are you Ready Yet is really about dads and their families.

Everybody up, we’re going on holiday.

But its only 5am dad.

Move, out of bed quickly, or we’ll be late.

Groans from half -awake children and the wife.

The taxi will be here soon to take us on holiday to Malta.

But I’m need more sleep dad.

You can sleep in the taxi.

The taxi is not till 6.30  dad.

And the plane isn’t till 9 dad.

You have to be on time.

Mum appears and the 3 of they discuss in Chinese why dad is so stupid, and how they were having a great dream till they were woken up.

Dad I was dreaming about Winnie the Pooh

When does she not dream about Winnie the Pooh, muses dad.

Quick downstairs, eat and shower and then I must turn the gas and water off while we were away.

WE all had a shower last night, we can shower when we get to Malta.

Go on eat then, encourages dad.

It’s too early to eat, we can snack at the airport.

Its 5:10 you should all be ready by now, says dad as he pulls the covers off his 3 girls.

Rise and Shine, Shake a Leg, he continues as if his girls were in the Navy of long ago, that’s where Shake a Leg comes from after all.

5:30 everybody is still in bed. Dad is pacing up and down.

You’ll miss the plane, he intones. Its 5:55 he lies.

As one 3 girls bounce out of bed like Tiger from Winnie the Pooh, in seconds he is crowded out of the bathroom. Dad mutters if only he had his own bathroom, one day, one day, when he wins the lottery.

At 5:55, the real 5:55am all are ready, so dad goes on the internet, now they nag him, he’ll miss the plane etc.

6:15 all are ready and standing by the front door waiting for the taxi to hoot. Dad runs around switching off water and gas. He did see the Home Alone film, so ever since them he switches everything off.

Dad decides to have a final visit to the bathroom, his trousers are still down when the taxi hoots.

Are you ready yet scream his 3 girls with glee. Dad has to sort himself out in the bathroom, only he forgotten he’s turned the water off already. So he has to turn the water back on just so he can wash his hands, then turn it off again.

Are you ready yet shout his 3 girls with glee, using all different accents from tv. Daddy’s trousers fall down, because in his haste he has not done the belt properly, it’s a shock for the taxi driver.

3 girls laugh, that’s why they love him so much, their clever and stupid dad.

See perfect timing says dad, its 6:30 exactly.

Yes daddy, perfect timing, but Are YOU ready yet.