Through an Open Window

Through an Open Window ©

By

Michael Casey

I looked through my window and saw an open window which reminded me of my criminal past, at the age of 5 years old maybe. You see our lodger left his room window open, so I  climbed through and opened his black with catch two door 4 feet high food cupboard with paper lined shelves in. Yes, I can really picture it as I speak, this is 55 years plus after the fact.  I remember stuff, ask me serious stuff, useful stuff that’ll get me a job I haven’t got a clue as it would bore me so I’d never remember in 100 years or half that.

The lodger was the one whose anniversary has just gone, 15^th August 1980 was the date of his funeral at Saint Patrick’s before we shipped his body home to Killybegs Donnegal Eire. So 40 years on I’m praying for him, maybe in part due to my criminal past in  early 1960s. I’m sure I’ve got him into Heaven by now, and he is still calling me “young pup”. I had to struggle to get on the windowsill, then I had to lower his window down and enter his room. Then I had a bit of the tart, the ones you can still get, 6 in a packet in silver tins. I did leave a bite mark in a half-eaten one, before I made my escape from his room, I did of course like a good thief push the window back up. So nobody could possibly know I had entered and half eaten  a tart.

So the lodger who became like an uncle to me, he had a tart with his tea that evening when he got home from Nettlefords. Only my bite mark was on the tart. I remember him telling my mum, was I actually there, hiding behind her knowing a belting would be coming. The lodger kind of laughed. I cannot remember much more than that. Though he did put a catch on his window so it stayed ajar for fresh air, but no fresh thieves could enter. He drilled holes in the bottom of the window frame so he could soak me with a water pistol as I passed by on the way to play in the garden.

So a soaking was the price I paid for my “breaking and entering”. The lodger was good to me, he got me a briefcase for grammar school. It came directly to our house, it was only because it said “with compliments” from Embassy cigarettes that we knew it was from him. I did nag him for a watch if I passed the 11 plus  exam, this allows you to go to grammar school. 4 out of 60 passed at my primary school. And yes he gave me a watch, and thus my life long love of watches began. In return when he appeared very yellow and mum told him to go see the doctor, and it turned out to be yellow jaundice, I stayed with him as he lay in bed all covered up. I’d be 12 be then I  think, our house was right next door, and he was in the ground floor bedsit.

My  life has been interesting because of all the lodgers and interactions with them, maybe 7 years after that in 1979 another lodger died on me while I tried CPR. So life through a window literally, or the window of bedsit land and people and their lives does inform you. First hand knowledge of addictions, most of the lodgers were alcoholics or very close, work pub bed, work pub bed, that’s how it was in the 60s onwards.  I could say far far more, but I’ll leave it for today, knowledge is power and it is also pain, some things you never want to see first-hand, nor experience first-hand, and I’m not just talking about lodgers. So the best thing to do is watch through windows, Microsoft or otherwise, and be very very careful which windows you climb though, no matter how tempting the tart in the cupboard is.

Through an Open Window ©

By

Michael Casey

I looked through my window and saw an open window which reminded me of my criminal past, at the age of 5 years old maybe. You see our lodger left his room window open, so I  climbed through and opened his black with catch two door 4 feet high food cupboard with paper lined shelves in. Yes, I can really picture it as I speak, this is 55 years plus after the fact.  I remember stuff, ask me serious stuff, useful stuff that’ll get me a job I haven’t got a clue as it would bore me so I’d never remember in 100 years or half that.

The lodger was the one whose anniversary has just gone, 15^th August 1980 was the date of his funeral at Saint Patrick’s before we shipped his body home to Killybegs Donnegal Eire. So 40 years on I’m praying for him, maybe in part due to my criminal past in  early 1960s. I’m sure I’ve got him into Heaven by now, and he is still calling me “young pup”. I had to struggle to get on the windowsill, then I had to lower his window down and enter his room. Then I had a bit of the tart, the ones you can still get, 6 in a packet in silver tins. I did leave a bite mark in a half-eaten one, before I made my escape from his room, I did of course like a good thief push the window back up. So nobody could possibly know I had entered and half eaten  a tart.

So the lodger who became like an uncle to me, he had a tart with his tea that evening when he got home from Nettlefords. Only my bite mark was on the tart. I remember him telling my mum, was I actually there, hiding behind her knowing a belting would be coming. The lodger kind of laughed. I cannot remember much more than that. Though he did put a catch on his window so it stayed ajar for fresh air, but no fresh thieves could enter. He drilled holes in the bottom of the window frame so he could soak me with a water pistol as I passed by on the way to play in the garden.

So a soaking was the price I paid for my “breaking and entering”. The lodger was good to me, he got me a briefcase for grammar school. It came directly to our house, it was only because it said “with compliments” from Embassy cigarettes that we knew it was from him. I did nag him for a watch if I passed the 11 plus  exam, this allows you to go to grammar school. 4 out of 60 passed at my primary school. And yes he gave me a watch, and thus my life long love of watches began. In return when he appeared very yellow and mum told him to go see the doctor, and it turned out to be yellow jaundice, I stayed with him as he lay in bed all covered up. I’d be 12 be then I  think, our house was right next door, and he was in the ground floor bedsit.

My  life has been interesting because of all the lodgers and interactions with them, maybe 7 years after that in 1979 another lodger died on me while I tried CPR. So life through a window literally, or the window of bedsit land and people and their lives does inform you. First hand knowledge of addictions, most of the lodgers were alcoholics or very close, work pub bed, work pub bed, that’s how it was in the 60s onwards.  I could say far far more, but I’ll leave it for today, knowledge is power and it is also pain, some things you never want to see first-hand, nor experience first-hand, and I’m not just talking about lodgers. So the best thing to do is watch through windows, Microsoft or otherwise, and be very very careful which windows you climb though, no matter how tempting the tart in the cupboard is.

The Bad Cat that Wasn't

our cat just left a rat at the back door, she roams over 80 gardens, or maybe those with unsealed waste containers attract rats. Totoro is a Ninja cat so she killed it stone dead.

The Bad Cat That Wasn’t ©

By Michael Casey

Totoro wasn’t a bad cat even though his owner thought she was, it was just that she got fed up of being a house cat, house cats led a boring life. It was nice being fed and having a nice litter tray by the back door, but Totoro wanted to see what was behind the back door. So she plotted to escape and have a look around the neighbourhood, she was allowed upstairs and down stairs and in the lady’s chamber, and if there was an attic or even a cellar she’d be allowed to go there too. But that was not enough for Totoro.

Totoro wanted to talk to the other cats and annoy that dog that lived over the hedge. She had watched all the goings on in the neighbourhood, but that was just through the window, she wanted to join in and be part of it. Cat tv was no good, she wanted to be part of the action. One day her owner Miss Lump who was rather plumb left the bathroom window open to let the steam out. Only the cat got out too, Miss Lump who was a teacher had lost her cat, though some of her students thought she was a witch who rode on a broomstick with a cat.

Miss Lump did not notice as she was busy making harder and harder maths tests for her Year8 students, they would thank her for it in the future, even if they called her Witch behind her back, or other words that rhythmed with Witch. In the morning Miss Lump heard a noise it was Totoro asking to be let in, Totoro was sitting on the porch canopy beneath Miss Lump’s bedroom window. Miss Lump was surprised to see her cat there, but she realised she needed to allow Totoro some freedom.

From that night onwards she kept her bedroom window half open, so Totoro could come and go as she pleased. Miss Lump did have a metal baseball bat under her bed just in case any burglars came along, she was 110kilos and knew how to swing a bat. Despite her size she was still pretty as she had red hair and a very nice smile, when she wasn’t setting maths tests for her students.

So Totoro became a night shift cat, coming and going as he pleased, she went to see the nasty dog first of all, she jumped out of the hedge straight onto the dog’s back, from that night onwards the neighbourhood slept better. This was the first miracle Totoro performed. Totoro visited the old ladies of the neighbourhood and tested their milk for them, just to make sure it was good enough for them. She didn’t want any of the old ladies to drink bad milk after all, she soon became the official milk tester for 4 old ladies.

Totoro spent more and more time away from her home and Miss Lump, but Miss Lump knew Totoro was ok so she did not worry. Totoro still managed to come back and finish his food and use his litter. Totoro may travel far and wide but she always poohed at home.

A little boy had come to the neighbourhood, he never went out to play, Totoro went to see him, Totoro looked at him through his window, for some reason the child slept downstairs with a bottle and wires connected. Totoro did not know what they were, maybe he was part Gerbil, he had a bottle and wires. If Totoro could speak he’d ask Miss Lump to explain.

One evening Totoro sneaked into the boy’s house to see him, the boy’s face was so pale and white, he had spilt some milk on his clothes, Totoro jumped on his lap and started licking the milk up. As he was licking the milk up, the boy smiled and laughed, his mother heard the laughter and came to see what was happening. To hear her son laugh was such joy for his mother, her son was sick so very sick.

Totoro became a regular visitor to Tomas’s house, Totoro had his regulars, Totoro was a travelling cat who was there to be stroked and loved by everywhere in the neighbour. Totoro seemed to know that Tomas needed him more than the rest, so she just moved in. She loved sleeping at the bottom of Tomas’s bed, and Totoro loved her too, she purred like a taxi when he stroked her.

Tomas’s mom rang the phone number on Totoro’s collar, Miss Lump understood, and when she discovered Tomas was in Year8 she shed a tear, he’d never finish all the maths test she set for her children. And Tomas never did, 3 months later he died on a Tuesday morning, still stroking Totoro, in her sorrow and pain Tomas’s mother rang to share the sad news with Miss Lump.

Miss Lump went to school and passed out the test papers, as the Year8 children did the biggest and hardest maths test of their lives Miss Lump sat there crying. The children looked up from their test papers and immediately they loved Miss Lump to death, they tried their hardest because they loved her. After the test was over Miss Lump explained about Totoro and Tomas, then it was the turn of the children to cry. A cat may have 9 lives but we only have one said Miss Lump, then they all cried together.

Tomas left a legacy all of Miss Lump’s maths group decided to live a bit for him as he didn’t have a chance to finish his life. In fact the maths group became the most brilliant maths group ever.  Tomas’s funeral was so sad with lots of children in attendance, Totoro’s friends also came as they all shared him and so they should be there for Tomas too.

Tomas went straight to Heaven, he was met by Saint Martin de Porres who handed him a cat, the cat looked exactly like Totoro. Had Totoro exchanged one of her lives so Totoro would not be lonely in Heaven. I don’t know, we’ll have to ask Saint Martin de Porres when we get there, if we are good.

Now there is evil in the world, now though Totoro was safe in Heaven with Tomas, here on earth there is evil. One night a burglar who had been looking around the area for somewhere to steal noticed Miss Lump’s open bedroom window. So with a hop and a skip he was in her bedroom. Luckily for Miss Lump Totoro and her 8 remaining lives was fast asleep at the bottom of her bed.

Totoro leapt and scratched the burglar’s face, the thief threw Totoro and Totoro landed on a tin of paint which Miss Lump had been using to touch up the paint in her bedroom. Miss Lump awoke to see an uninvited man in her bedroom. So she reached for her baseball bat and battered the thief till he fell out her bedroom window, breaking an arm and a leg.

Miss Lump looked at Totoro, she had saved her, though now Totoro was covered in paint. Tomas watching from Heaven begged Saint Martin de Porres to save Totoro’s life, even if it meant Totoro lost another one of his lives. Saint Martin de Porres smiled, he had a soft spot for animals after all, Miss Lump was desperate for a Vet to save her cat.

The Police came to take the burglar away, via hospital and an emergency RSPCA Vet arrived too. Covered in paint was a terrible thing for a cat, but Miss Lump wanted her cat to live. Several of Totoro’s other owners arrived all the noise of police and ambulance had woken them up. They did not care what it cost they would all chip in. Totoro had spread so much love they just had to thank her.

So Totoro lost another life, but the Vet gained a wife. Totoro was shaved and had to wear a cone to stop her from licking herself and the poisonous paint, but with love and care and despite the lack of hair she would survive.

The Vet’s name was Tomas Martin, no I’m not lying, his name was Tomas Martin. He immediately fell in love with Miss Lump, and he just loved maths too, multiplication was his absolute favourite. They went on to have 7 children the same number as lives Totoro had left.

the writer Michael Casey fresh out of bath 13 aug 2020

 and yes from that angle I have a double chin, sack the photographer

It's far too hot to write 2953 post

It’s far too hot to write ©

By Michael Casey

I was going to do a “chat” today as it really is far too hot to write, but I’ve decided to put something down, so this is the result. Yes, Some Like it Hot, and I do look great in drag, if you don’t believe me then come here and strip naked and I’ll try your clothes on. That’s the best offer you’ll get today, 12th Aug 2020, just so you can remember when you turned down the offer to cross dress with me. I’d strip naked too, and we’d exchange clothes. Yes,  you’d look like Coco the Clown in my clothes, by the way Coco was Russian and ended up in UK. I just checked his Bio. And Billy Joel did a great song too, so check his song out, it’s on Storm Front LP, I’m listening right now.

Just wait a moment  as I pass a bucket to Billy, he came around to sing for me, standing where the Christmas tree will be, Taylor Swift has already been and gone, she’s such a bad high dusterer. Anyway Billy has just puked in a bucket, he wasn’t expecting me to be totally naked sat in from of my PC. I was wearing just socks of course, I don’t want to leave sweat marks on the floor, otherwise a small Walrus of love, nobody beats Barry White for the singing after all.

I’ve just sprayed myself with cheap and Cheerful Stink  for Men, a new perfume, I would prefer Ck1 or CkBee but nobody sends me any. Not even Jeff Bezo, and he has everybody’s address, so I make do, and it covers my sweaty stench, though most would prefer it to Cheerful Stink for Men. But as Jeff is too busy, I’ll just kill the flies with  my “perfume”.

I’ve just put dinner on now, you have to very careful being naked while cooking, you could either freeze or chop, or burn your assets, at least my socked feet stop me from slipping on the polished kitchen floor. Our neighbours had a shock the sight of a naked bear in a kitchen, I am very hairy and of course and covered in scars, you’ve seen the photo online, just to prove I really did have an operation, and not literary exaggeration. I think one neighbour had a stroke at the sight, the other would have had a stroke, but was wasn’t near enough. And yes folks that’s a 1970s style joke, why should I waste material?

So I’ll pause now for dinner, and to remind you all to watch Hotel del Luna, the best Kdrama I’ve ever seen, so far. Though if Studio Ghibli or Korean tv wanted they could do all my stuff, and then I’d die happy, I know what you are all thinking, just die you fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham, totally naked except for socks, you could even be a ghost in Hotel del Luna. You are all so very  cruel, I may have to squirt  some Cheerful Stink for Men at the screen so you can all smell it as you read me. You are all so C R  U  E L, I’m going off in a huff, or a minute and a huff if Grouch Marx were here having an ice-cold pint of Stella Artois.

Well I had my hot dinner on an even hotter day, so now I’m back and I’m bad, Barry is singing, he’s Like a Blind Man lost his way, but I know he’ll find his baby in the end. As Barry serenades us I’ll continue. So what more shall I say? Well Kenco Smooth coffee is nice to follow any mean, instant in a big cat mug, with milk, as British people take their coffee. And no it’s not product placement, that’s what I really drink. I’ve put it far away from my desk as I spilt a big drink recently and it went everywhere. So I have to prance away and back again, just like a ballet dancer like in Birmingham is Ballet, you can find it and read it for yourself. But don’t spill your coffee or you’ll really scream, and then your cleaning lady will hit you with the mop bucket and tell you to clean up your own mess.

Barry is explaining just how much he loves his love, a small crowd is forming in the street, listening to him sing, he’s just doing his tiger sound too. I stood at the window and they soon went away so very very disappointed. Barry started on the next song and some have turned back, he’s singing “for you I’ll do anything you want me to” He has such power, how can I compete? Oh, well maybe if I live a thousand years, the girl in Hotel del Luna is over 1000 years old, and does not look a day over 26, so eventually when I reach 1000, and she is 2000 plus maybe then I’ll be good enough. Just how do Korean girls look so young. I just have to learn all the Barry White song book.

So this is how I write stuff, its called IMAGINATION and listening to lots and lots of music. Then there are cross purposes, switching and ditching, rhymes and word crimes. Then there is misdirection, just follow me up the garden path, past Gill from StatsMR, it was her who said I lead people up the garden path, so lots of love to her. Then there is pathos and opposites, no Korean girl, remember my love of Kdramas, would ever visit me, that’s why you put it in, because it will never happen, because it is absurd. Obviously I not so secretly hope it does, happen, God does have a sense of humour after all. You jumble everything up, then the left overs from the jumble sale become my pearls of great price, well in my imagination anyway.

And the end result is what you see on the page. Or I hope you really do hear my voice, this is radio after all, not boring words on a page. Over on Typepad there are 200 plus short stories, 12 hours of my voice, so you can hear it for real too. As I look at the clock it’s 4pm and I will watch and cheer and cry as the penultimate episode of Hotel del Luna starts. Maybe just maybe one day she’ll visit me, though Yoona could visit too. How surreal is that?

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