The Bad Cat That Wasn’t ©
By Michael Casey
Totoro wasn’t a bad cat even though his owner thought she was,
it was just that she got fed up of being a house cat, house cats led a boring
life. It was nice being fed and having a nice litter tray by the back door, but
Totoro wanted to see what was behind the back door. So she plotted to escape
and have a look around the neighbourhood, she was allowed upstairs and down
stairs and in the lady’s chamber, and if there was an attic or even a cellar
she’d be allowed to go there too. But that was not enough for Totoro.
Totoro wanted to talk to the other cats and annoy that dog
that lived over the hedge. She had watched all the goings on in the
neighbourhood, but that was just through the window, she wanted to join in and
be part of it. Cat tv was no good, she wanted to be part of the action. One day
her owner Miss Lump who was rather plumb left the bathroom window open to let
the steam out. Only the cat got out too, Miss Lump who was a teacher had lost
her cat, though some of her students thought she was a witch who rode on a
broomstick with a cat.
Miss Lump did not notice as she was busy making harder and
harder maths tests for her Year8 students, they would thank her for it in the
future, even if they called her Witch behind her back, or other words that
rhythmed with Witch. In the morning Miss Lump heard a noise it was Totoro
asking to be let in, Totoro was sitting on the porch canopy beneath Miss Lump’s
bedroom window. Miss Lump was surprised to see her cat there, but she realised
she needed to allow Totoro some freedom.
From that night onwards she kept her bedroom window half open,
so Totoro could come and go as she pleased. Miss Lump did have a metal baseball
bat under her bed just in case any burglars came along, she was 110kilos and
knew how to swing a bat. Despite her size she was still pretty as she had red
hair and a very nice smile, when she wasn’t setting maths tests for her
students.
So Totoro became a night shift cat, coming and going as he
pleased, she went to see the nasty dog first of all, she jumped out of the
hedge straight onto the dog’s back, from that night onwards the neighbourhood
slept better. This was the first miracle Totoro performed. Totoro visited the
old ladies of the neighbourhood and tested their milk for them, just to make
sure it was good enough for them. She didn’t want any of the old ladies to
drink bad milk after all, she soon became the official milk tester for 4 old
ladies.
Totoro spent more and more time away from her home and Miss Lump,
but Miss Lump knew Totoro was ok so she did not worry. Totoro still managed to
come back and finish his food and use his litter. Totoro may travel far and
wide but she always poohed at home.
A little boy had come to the neighbourhood, he never went out
to play, Totoro went to see him, Totoro looked at him through his window, for
some reason the child slept downstairs with a bottle and wires connected.
Totoro did not know what they were, maybe he was part Gerbil, he had a bottle
and wires. If Totoro could speak he’d ask Miss Lump to explain.
One evening Totoro sneaked into the boy’s house to see him,
the boy’s face was so pale and white, he had spilt some milk on his clothes,
Totoro jumped on his lap and started licking the milk up. As he was licking the
milk up, the boy smiled and laughed, his mother heard the laughter and came to
see what was happening. To hear her son laugh was such joy for his mother, her
son was sick so very sick.
Totoro became a regular visitor to Tomas’s house, Totoro had
his regulars, Totoro was a travelling cat who was there to be stroked and loved
by everywhere in the neighbour. Totoro seemed to know that Tomas needed him
more than the rest, so she just moved in. She loved sleeping at the bottom of
Tomas’s bed, and Totoro loved her too, she purred like a taxi when he stroked
her.
Tomas’s mom rang the phone number on Totoro’s collar, Miss
Lump understood, and when she discovered Tomas was in Year8 she shed a tear, he’d
never finish all the maths test she set for her children. And Tomas never did,
3 months later he died on a Tuesday morning, still stroking Totoro, in her
sorrow and pain Tomas’s mother rang to share the sad news with Miss Lump.
Miss Lump went to school and passed out the test papers, as
the Year8 children did the biggest and hardest maths test of their lives Miss
Lump sat there crying. The children looked up from their test papers and
immediately they loved Miss Lump to death, they tried their hardest because they
loved her. After the test was over Miss Lump explained about Totoro and Tomas,
then it was the turn of the children to cry. A cat may have 9 lives but we only
have one said Miss Lump, then they all cried together.
Tomas left a legacy all of Miss Lump’s maths group decided to
live a bit for him as he didn’t have a chance to finish his life. In fact the
maths group became the most brilliant maths group ever. Tomas’s funeral was so sad with lots of
children in attendance, Totoro’s friends also came as they all shared him and
so they should be there for Tomas too.
Tomas went straight to Heaven, he was met by Saint Martin de
Porres who handed him a cat, the cat looked exactly like Totoro. Had Totoro
exchanged one of her lives so Totoro would not be lonely in Heaven. I don’t
know, we’ll have to ask Saint Martin de Porres when we get there, if we are
good.
Now there is evil in the world, now though Totoro was safe in
Heaven with Tomas, here on earth there is evil. One night a burglar who had
been looking around the area for somewhere to steal noticed Miss Lump’s open
bedroom window. So with a hop and a skip he was in her bedroom. Luckily for Miss
Lump Totoro and her 8 remaining lives was fast asleep at the bottom of her bed.
Totoro leapt and scratched the burglar’s face, the thief threw
Totoro and Totoro landed on a tin of paint which Miss Lump had been using to
touch up the paint in her bedroom. Miss Lump awoke to see an uninvited man in
her bedroom. So she reached for her baseball bat and battered the thief till he
fell out her bedroom window, breaking an arm and a leg.
Miss Lump looked at Totoro, she had saved her, though now
Totoro was covered in paint. Tomas watching from Heaven begged Saint Martin de
Porres to save Totoro’s life, even if it meant Totoro lost another one of his
lives. Saint Martin de Porres smiled, he had a soft spot for animals after all,
Miss Lump was desperate for a Vet to save her cat.
The Police came to take the burglar away, via hospital and an
emergency RSPCA Vet arrived too. Covered in paint was a terrible thing for a
cat, but Miss Lump wanted her cat to live. Several of Totoro’s other owners
arrived all the noise of police and ambulance had woken them up. They did not
care what it cost they would all chip in. Totoro had spread so much love they
just had to thank her.
So Totoro lost another life, but the Vet gained a wife. Totoro
was shaved and had to wear a cone to stop her from licking herself and the
poisonous paint, but with love and care and despite the lack of hair she would
survive.
The Vet’s name was Tomas Martin, no I’m not lying, his name was
Tomas Martin. He immediately fell in love with Miss Lump, and he just loved
maths too, multiplication was his absolute favourite. They went on to have 7
children the same number as lives Totoro had left.
