We are all related in Paradise

We are all related in Paradise ©

By Michael Casey

Summer is the time for holidays, summer is also the time for delays. My wife and mother in law and our 2 daughters were stuck in Osaka due to the Typoon. Now they are about to land in Shanghai where they’ll finish their holiday. How China Eastern Airlines looks after stranded passengers is another matter, I won’t dwell on it, for now.

As for me I’m home alone in Birmingham so I’ve been using the internet to track the storm and to see how flights are affected. A few messages to the departure lounge and their camp bed made up of seats. I suppose afterwards my daughters will think it’s been a big adventure.

Back here in Birmingham we were awaiting the leftover hurricane Bertha, Big Bertha. My sister is planning to go to Chicago, so that’s to the West while my family is in the East the Far East. How would my sister’s planned trip be affected by the left over storm, she already had to wait a year for this trip.

Then I got thinking about my mother, she used to keep a bottle of Holy Water behind the side door, where the bread bin used to be, next to shoes and a row of coats hanging up, this is 45 years ago now. So if the storm was too much and she was afraid it would damage our roof she’d open the door up and sprinkle Holy Water, commanding the weather to calm down. Yes, Faith of a Child, it was this which I inherited when she died, because I needed it. And I never cried when she died either. My dad, I cried like a puppy dog beaten with an iron bar.

So in Paradise my mother is watching over us and sees the storm, Bertha is bearing down on England, mum’s youngest child’s holiday plans could be delayed. She has to get to Dublin first for the Chicago flight, the weather could delay her. So imagine what my mum does, any mum would do.

Reaching inside her smock, the blue one she always wore around the house, the smock she was wearing the last time I saw her alive, mum brings out a ten gallon container of Holy Water. Freshly filled that morning from the stream that runs through the garden of Eden. Paradise is the garden of Eden, didn’t you all know that. Mum drenches Bertha from on high and says, that’s enough, be still now. As I speak Birmingham has sunshine.

Besides mum a Chinaman appears and knocks her elbow, he apologises, my mum answers in perfect Shanghai dialect. The Chinaman is impressed, how did she manage that? He is speaking in a Kerry accent, a strong one at that. They both look confused, then they smile. God does work in mysterious ways after all.

My daughter is going to Chicago, my daughter is bringing my 2 granddaughters to Shanghai. Mum looks down and smiles. They continue speaking, mum in Shanghai dialect and the Chinaman in a very thick Kerry accent. The Chinaman reveals that his daughter has a Birmingham husband. My mum says she lived in Birmingham. They exchange pleasantries as mum magics up tea and Madeira cake, our Sunday treat when we were small.

It’s then that mum realised they are her granddaughters too, she jumps for joy, she never ever saw them when she was alive, she died too early for it to happen. She has 2 granddaughters, her son got married and had 2 daughters. Why didn’t she know that before? She reaches into her smock and produces 2 ten gallon containers of Holy Water, together they pour them over the Typhoon over Japan.

My dad appears, he’s had his bacon and eggs breakfast, mum shouts excitedly, we have 2 granddaughters, ½ Shanghai granddaughters. I know said dad, I held one in my arms before I came to join you here in the Garden of Eden. Why didn’t you tell me? I forgot.

Paradise is a strange place, it’s like a bouncy castle for kids, everybody is so happy and there is fizzy pop too, and Cadbury’s chocolate everywhere, Cadbury’s Crunchie is everywhere, growing from the trees next to the apples.

So the Chinaman calls all his relatives over, did they know they all have Irish relatives. Mum calls over all the generations of the Kerry family, and did they know they had Chinese family. Everybody is happy, the Chinese all speak with really thick Kerry accents. All the Irish speak Shanghai dialect. Everybody is happy, they have thousands of years of family stories to share. Mum pulls out a 20 gallon container, this time it’s Poteen, another type of holy water.

They all look down, 2 storms have abated, so they can enjoy their drink. What do Chinese/Irish family talk about? They talk about their grandchildren of course, and best of all you can drink as much Poteen as you like and you don’t get drunk, happy yes, drunk no. 

Another day in Paradise.

 a few photos to amuse you.

Autism The World needs all kinds of minds

AUGUST 6TH, 2014 18:18

Autism The World needs all kinds of minds

By michaelgcasey

There was an interview on the BBC 5 O’Clock news it was about Autism, the interviewee said just google Temple Grandin

So I did and I was very impressed and touched by the video. I’ll be googleing more now.

But for all readers of this just click the link, it could change your life

http://www.ted.com/talks/temple_grandin_the_world_needs_all_kinds_of_minds

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder ©

By Michael Casey

I can remember when my mum went back to Ireland for a trip in 1973, I really missed her. She had really missed Ireland and had not been back in ages so she went taking my two sisters and her own sister I seem to remember. The Jesuit priest who married her was disappointed when they arrived  to visit him in Killarney and I was not with them.

I mention this because my 3 girls are off on holiday right now, my wife has not seen her mum for 5 years, so she’s saved up for the trip. Not being a smoker/drinker/gambler does help save the pennies, and having a good travel agent/bucket ticker seller also helps.

I’ve got into the spirit of things by using this Yu Mincho font, it looks really nice, I don’t know how it’ll look when I post this piece though. I’m turning Japanese I really think so, or turning into Totoro in my small daughter’s case. She is mad for all this Totoro, so today she bought a cushion in the shape of Totoro, yesterday she had bought a small toy  Totoro and today the cushion.

I may be back here in Birmingham but I get a status report every afternoon UK time, or night time Japan time. The wonders of technology means I can see my daughter running around holding her new toy, her new joy, her new love. Now that she has a Totoro cushion the little Totoro toy looks like its baby.

So the obvious question is, who out of the two stuffed toys she brought all the way from England is the father. Is it Tony or is it Fudgy? If you remember the piece Stuffing Tony then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

My wife got a bargain a fancy dress for a knockdown price, the last one the market had, it looks very posh like an evening dress maybe. Like a long skirt with a miniskirt on top. You’ll have to ask your wives and daughters to explain, that’s the best explanation I can come up with. I am not a Fashionista, just the token male and English speaker in the home.

So then over the Net I have to give a verdict  on this dress, and do they match the shoes too, see a husband has to work very hard if he has a Shanghai wife.

Then the mother in law walks into shot and I say hello with my usual greeting in Mandarin, I cannot write it here, but it’s the traditional greeting in our Shanghai/Birmingham family.

My other daughter bounces across the screen, a big big smile on her face. The Japanese spot cream really really works, so the trip to Japan has been worth it, just for the spot cream. There is also the matter of the eyebrow clippers too, they really really work. My daughter has been blessed with my eyebrows and derriere, with the clippers she can improve on one aspect.

Her face she cannot change, for me it’s like looking back in time and seeing my own face looking back at me, though obviously she is a female version. For her though the trip has been great. At the weekend they move to China and Shanghai and chez grannie. So they are enjoying all the space in the hotel. Grannie has never been to Japan before either, so 2 Shanghai girls and 2 ½ Shanghai girls are eating everything in sight. Remember Chinese people love food.

So this is how this home alone dad is not totally alone, I keep a fatherly eye on proceedings with the help of technology. Having said that its now 5am in Japan, they are fast asleep, me, I’m a bit peckish, so I make sneak out to the Chinese takeaway.

When in Rome do as the Romans do, or so they say.

 picture is from 9 years ago

New material coming soon so buy a book on Amazon Kindle while you are waiting

Exploding Eggs and Broken Panda

Exploding Eggs and a Broken Panda ©

By

Michael Casey

As I said yesterday I’m home alone while my girls go off to Shanghai to visit grannie, with a side trip to Japan as well. And yes it’s so quiet here. So how is the home alone dad coping? I’m fine, I’m perfect, it’s not as if I never looked after myself before.

I had bought some extra eggs as my wife believes in going to work on an egg. Then I noticed the best before date, 6^th August, or so I thought. I had 27 eggs in the fridge. 27 to 1, when normally it would be 27 to 4. So I improvised and boiled 7 of them. I don’t eat eggs regularly myself, they come and go off my eat list.

Microwaved eggs are a quick and easy meal for hungry daughters, if you can get them to come downstairs from their “penthouse” suite upstairs. Just remember to stir halfway  through, and don’t overcook or like a soufflé they can burst. While the microwave is cooking you can get the toast done, as I tell my daughters cooking is all about finishing at the same time.

So yesterday while they were at Birmingham airport I was hard boiling my 7 eggs. By the time they got to Amsterdam for their connection to Japan I had started on my breakfast of hard boiled eggs in garlic wrap. My daughter popped up on the computer screen, zooming in on her 13 year old spots. Then she asked me, what was I eating? So I showed her my breakfast and she said I was disgusting. All of you with 13 year old daughters will understand, the rest of you will just have to wait for your own girls to get bigger.

And then they were gone. So I finished my breakfast in peace. I still had 3 eggs for today. This morning I shelled the last eggs and put them in the microwave, I even put a plate on top to cover the bowl of eggs, see I’m domesticated. But not domesticated enough, the eggs exploded and blew the lid off the bowl and scattered egg everywhere.

I laughed and started to clean the inside of the microwave out, as we have a galley kitchen I leaned on the sink as I cleaned the microwave out. Only this was a mistake, I leant on the plastic cutlery drainer thing. This sent our Panda flying through the air and onto the floor, the Panda was dead. No not a real panda, but a panda mug, the one I usually use to make scrambled eggs in. So exploding eggs and broken panda.

So much for my intended breakfast, so I had toast and Aldi marmalade instead, and 2 cups of tea. As I ate this, up popped my family, and grannie too, in Osaka at a banquet. My wife’s friend had driven them to the mountains near Kobe and his house. While I had toast, 3 slices, they were having 5 star Japanese/Chinese food. Even the dog, a beautiful Labrador had better food than me. How did I know, they showed me it online. Daughters can be cruel sometimes.

They are 8 hours in front of us there, so while I had my toast my wife had a banquet, she and my 2 daughters and Shanghai grannie who’d popped over to enjoy the fun. They’ve finished teasing me with food now, so they are returning to the hotel, it’s an hour’s drive away.

15 friends and family, one banquet in Osaka/Kobe, dog included, while I have toast in Birmingham. So thank you very much, no seriously, thank you for the most kind hospitality. One bizarre thing though, some of the teenage female guests think  that I am “cool” and good looking, it must be the breadcrumbs covering my face. 

cool and good looking to Japanese eyes

Writing Sumo to mine

For Bankers in Japan

AUGUST 1ST, 2014 18:06

For Bankers in Japan

By michaelgcasey

Did you know that in Japan they don’t take DEBIT CARDS, they prefer Credit Cards. Not a lot of people know that, as Michael Caine would say.

So if you are fiscally good, they think you are bad, and will refuse payment from a DEBIT card, they will direct you to the post office where you will get cash from a machine, which is then accepted.

How do I know this? My wife and 2 daughters are on there way there as I speak, so I’m Home Alone, just me and Arthur my arthritis. Just squirted Movelat on my pains. So BEWARE bring something else.

We discovered this 48 hours before the trip, we were SO HAPPY NOT . Luckily my wife could parachute into the middle of the Pacific and within 5 minutes 2 or 3 nuclear submarines would surface. USA, USSR and it feels like USSR once more, plus CHINA and all three would offer dinner, just as James Bond would pass by on a speed boat. She’s very networked, I think her name may really mean lucky.

SO JUST BEWARE, DEBIT NOT LIKED IN JAPAN.

My daughters told me on route that they felt so tall next to the average Japanese, my 13 year old said she was a giant in comparison, though she is 5’4″ now.. My small daughter has brought loom bands with her for the journey. She refused to continue learning piano, though big sister will soon reach Grade 2, she was thinking of the Saxophone, copying Bart Simpson no doubt. Would this be a good instrument for a 10 year old? I did say she’d have to practice in the entry. So any musical people out there please leave a comment. You can only imagine the Chinese Mum reaction to dropping the piano. So I’ll finish there for today.

Can I help you, Sir?

Can I help you, Sir? ©

By

Michael Casey

So you have a problem so you fill in a contact form or send an email, it’s easy, its simple isn’t it? You just write everything down you even put it in order, in bullet points, so you’ll get a helpful answer immediately.

Only Customer Service never reads your email, they just repeat what you told them already. You are told to do XYZ, then everything will be ok, but you told them already, you’ve  put it all in your email or on the contact form, you’ve put it down for a 5 year old, you’ve done XYZ already.

Only a 5 year old would have understood, you did XYZ already, their system does not work, they need to change the system. But the system never fails, it’s impossible, it’s the height of technology. Which is where the system fails, because they won’t even believe that their system can be improved.

So you have a series of emails back and forth, until they hope you will give up. And have a nice day too, they always say. American companies always say “have a nice day”, don’t they realise over here in England we think this is corny, worse that corny its meaningless because the people don’t mean it. How can you have a nice day anyway, their system does not work. I could segway into the Parrot Sketch from Monty Python…..

I was talking to somebody recently and guess what he had the same thing, in the end he had to email the CEO to get his simple issue sorted. I’ve done it a few times myself, don’t waste your time with the organ grinder’s monkey, talk to the organ grinder himself, though I may need to explain this for any American readers.

I should remind anybody who works in customer service that I did work in a 4 star deluxe  business hotel for 3 years, so I do know how it should be done.  The thing you do is get a result for the customer, if you haven’t done that, then you haven’t done your job.

However you can be honest and say you will get somebody to help who really can do it. So long as the customer gets a result then you have done your job.

It’s too hot to write any more, bad customer service just saps your strength, like the heat, though sometimes it is tempting to throw a bucket of cold water over them. Maybe there is an App that can do it.

this is my hotel look CPNEC 2002 to 2005