Writing Comedy an Idiots Guide That Fails ©
By Michael Casey
Well first of all a big thank you to the Polish readers out
there, 20,500 was the score when I checked a minute or two ago. Why? I have no
idea and a famous British comedian Eric Morcambe once said if it works it
works, don’t analyse the Joke. So am I tempting Fate this April Fool’s Day
2017? Or Poisson d’Avril if you are French, and I also get French readers, not
unless its Roman Polanski in Paris and the fashion guy with the fingerless
gloves. They read my stories avidly you know, they even ring each other up and
compare notes on my latest story. He, that’s me, is total rubbish says
Polanski, yes total rubbish says the fingerless gloves Fashion designer,
Lagerfeld, I just remembered his name, anyway Lagerfeld thinks I’m total tosh
too, see a 3word alliteration just for you.
When you come over for cheese fondue just bring 2 more packs
of TUC biscuits, it’s my monthly treat says Lagerfeld. And what film shall I
bring from Blockbuster Video asks Polanski, who has a gold membership card and
can now get 30% discount. Oh I heard that Paddington is a gem, if you can get
Paddington 2 as well then we can make a night of it, my VHS video recorder has been fixed now replies
Lagerfeld as a model parades a new 500,000 design in front of him. More buttons
is all he says, it is for the Korean market and they just love buttons after
all. And thanks Roman I just got 10 crates of Chinese champagne from a grateful
Shanghai client so we may as well try it with all my staff, actually it’s not
too bad with cheese fondue.
As Lagerfeld uncorks all the Chinese Champagne the 1st
Paddington is placed in the VHS video
recorder, as Polanski is here they watch on a small 15inch tv with a little
table laden with cheese fondu and
Chinese champagne. They had a debate for 6 months before they upgraded the tv
to colour, they are real Film People after all. In a corner covered with a
sheet is a Mark Kermode, you don’t want to miss any of the film after all, once
started you can never interrupt a film, this is not Sky Q after all.
The loyal staff are facing the opposite direction, they have a
102inch UHD tv screen with a sound bar that could keep the North Atlantic out,
or an over eager boyfriend, they have the latest blue ray versions. Carl really
does look after his staff, his family. So merrily Roman and Carl enjoy their
film on VHS, the TUC biscuits go down well too. Tears are shed when Paddington
is in peril, Polanski and Lagerfeld have to console each other, but are so
happy when all is well at the end, now
they shed tears of happiness.
Then Lagerfeld and Polanski discuss the film craft in
Paddington, and Lagerfeld scribbles down an idea for a duffle coat, his
billionaires cliental will go mad with desire for it. Almost as much they’d
want to breed with Michael Casey to have pretty half half children just like
his own. Roman and Carl laugh till they cry just at the thought of that idea.
Then they play poker, Lagerfeld changes his gloves for this,
Polanski thought he’d fleece Lagerfeld for the 10 dollars they play for, but
Lagerfeld treats the poker as seriously as he treats everything, apart from
Michael Casey, he is the fool from Birmingham who gives him so much joy, well
in Michael Casey’s imagination anyway.
Just as they are finishing their epic game of poker and
Paddington has been replaced by the Kardasians on the mega tv Polanski and
Lagerfeld laugh till they cry at the serious antics of the Ks. I couldn’t make
a film to parody the Ks they do it so well themselves, says Polanski. I could
make dresses for all of them, they would be made of paper bags, Walmart paper
bags, or maybe Prix Unique bags to be a little more chic. Then Roman and Carl
collapse into each other’s arms laughing.
So that explains just how I have French readers, it a Polish
reader and a German in France, making dresses for Chinese Billionaires, who all
want to breed with me to have beautiful children, who may or may not have
silver hair. Just one thing Carl, if I may call you by your Christian name, can
you remove the covers from Mark Kermode, he has to get back to the BBC in time
for the Film review.
Happy April Fools’ Day everybody from the Birmingham Fool on a
Hill.
Don't forget the Dancing in the street to Village People in the morning
Irony
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