It’s far too hot to write ©
By Michael Casey
I was going to do a “chat” today as it really is far too hot to write, but I’ve decided to put something down, so this is the result. Yes, Some Like it Hot, and I do look great in drag, if you don’t believe me then come here and strip naked and I’ll try your clothes on. That’s the best offer you’ll get today, 12th Aug 2020, just so you can remember when you turned down the offer to cross dress with me. I’d strip naked too, and we’d exchange clothes. Yes, you’d look like Coco the Clown in my clothes, by the way Coco was Russian and ended up in UK. I just checked his Bio. And Billy Joel did a great song too, so check his song out, it’s on Storm Front LP, I’m listening right now.
Just wait a moment as I pass a bucket to Billy, he came around to sing for me, standing where the Christmas tree will be, Taylor Swift has already been and gone, she’s such a bad high dusterer. Anyway Billy has just puked in a bucket, he wasn’t expecting me to be totally naked sat in from of my PC. I was wearing just socks of course, I don’t want to leave sweat marks on the floor, otherwise a small Walrus of love, nobody beats Barry White for the singing after all.
I’ve just sprayed myself with cheap and Cheerful Stink for Men, a new perfume, I would prefer Ck1 or CkBee but nobody sends me any. Not even Jeff Bezo, and he has everybody’s address, so I make do, and it covers my sweaty stench, though most would prefer it to Cheerful Stink for Men. But as Jeff is too busy, I’ll just kill the flies with my “perfume”.
I’ve just put dinner on now, you have to very careful being naked while cooking, you could either freeze or chop, or burn your assets, at least my socked feet stop me from slipping on the polished kitchen floor. Our neighbours had a shock the sight of a naked bear in a kitchen, I am very hairy and of course and covered in scars, you’ve seen the photo online, just to prove I really did have an operation, and not literary exaggeration. I think one neighbour had a stroke at the sight, the other would have had a stroke, but was wasn’t near enough. And yes folks that’s a 1970s style joke, why should I waste material?
So I’ll pause now for dinner, and to remind you all to watch Hotel del Luna, the best Kdrama I’ve ever seen, so far. Though if Studio Ghibli or Korean tv wanted they could do all my stuff, and then I’d die happy, I know what you are all thinking, just die you fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham, totally naked except for socks, you could even be a ghost in Hotel del Luna. You are all so very cruel, I may have to squirt some Cheerful Stink for Men at the screen so you can all smell it as you read me. You are all so C R U E L, I’m going off in a huff, or a minute and a huff if Grouch Marx were here having an ice-cold pint of Stella Artois.
Well I had my hot dinner on an even hotter day, so now I’m back and I’m bad, Barry is singing, he’s Like a Blind Man lost his way, but I know he’ll find his baby in the end. As Barry serenades us I’ll continue. So what more shall I say? Well Kenco Smooth coffee is nice to follow any mean, instant in a big cat mug, with milk, as British people take their coffee. And no it’s not product placement, that’s what I really drink. I’ve put it far away from my desk as I spilt a big drink recently and it went everywhere. So I have to prance away and back again, just like a ballet dancer like in Birmingham is Ballet, you can find it and read it for yourself. But don’t spill your coffee or you’ll really scream, and then your cleaning lady will hit you with the mop bucket and tell you to clean up your own mess.
Barry is explaining just how much he loves his love, a small crowd is forming in the street, listening to him sing, he’s just doing his tiger sound too. I stood at the window and they soon went away so very very disappointed. Barry started on the next song and some have turned back, he’s singing “for you I’ll do anything you want me to” He has such power, how can I compete? Oh, well maybe if I live a thousand years, the girl in Hotel del Luna is over 1000 years old, and does not look a day over 26, so eventually when I reach 1000, and she is 2000 plus maybe then I’ll be good enough. Just how do Korean girls look so young. I just have to learn all the Barry White song book.
So this is how I write stuff, its called IMAGINATION and listening to lots and lots of music. Then there are cross purposes, switching and ditching, rhymes and word crimes. Then there is misdirection, just follow me up the garden path, past Gill from StatsMR, it was her who said I lead people up the garden path, so lots of love to her. Then there is pathos and opposites, no Korean girl, remember my love of Kdramas, would ever visit me, that’s why you put it in, because it will never happen, because it is absurd. Obviously I not so secretly hope it does, happen, God does have a sense of humour after all. You jumble everything up, then the left overs from the jumble sale become my pearls of great price, well in my imagination anyway.
And the end result is what you see on the page. Or I hope you really do hear my voice, this is radio after all, not boring words on a page. Over on Typepad there are 200 plus short stories, 12 hours of my voice, so you can hear it for real too. As I look at the clock it’s 4pm and I will watch and cheer and cry as the penultimate episode of Hotel del Luna starts. Maybe just maybe one day she’ll visit me, though Yoona could visit too. How surreal is that?
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