i know myself

I know myself ©

By

Michael Casey

Well as promised here’s “I know myself” which is what my small daughter said in passing, hence that’s why you are getting this now. The delay if you noticed was because the pain monster decide to visit for a few days, though as I speak I’m still on the hook, it’s like having a meat hook through your chest and you swing from it. Or you are a piece of meat and Rocky is hammering you as you swing there, and no nothing to do with Swingers whatever they are. I just opened a memory then, “Swinging Dodgers Elsie Tanner” where you give a thumbs up and then gyrate it up and down, or down and up, if you want to prove you don’t misuse language stereotypes. That comes from the playground in 1966 maybe. See I’ll use any old material that floats to the top from my bottom, or from my bottom memories. Perfect for a Writer, or bore, you decide.

Now do you know yourself? I think most people don’t. Which might mean I’ve mixed with people who are blind drunk, or never look in a mirror. Stop and think. Do you really really know your own character? Not the one you play if you are an actor, or the persona you put on to protect yourself. Or the one you have for grannie in the hope she leaves you her money.

Hello to Turkmenistan too, they were reading my stuff today, they have wealth, so why read me? Is it a punishment from your dad, or do you want to buy my stories to help teach English? Now I’ve mentioned this is passing because, the next question is, what is your price. Can you be bought? Or do you really really know yourself. Watson in Elementary said a Billion dollars was her price. I’d settle for 10 million, a house, a car for my daughters, and a puppy dog, then I’d give 90% of all future earnings to Pain Charities. Now that’s my price, just in case Turkmenistan wants to hire me, though 5feet 10, and that’s just around my belly is high enough. And no I’m not high, just I have a surreal sense of humour.

You should all know by now that I side track myself, and lead you all  up the garden path, past Gill from StatsMR, and into the land of fairies, or fairy tales, which might best describe my writing. See I’ve just proved I know myself. What  about you. If you find a pound in the street you think you are lucky. What if it’s a £20 note? Do you think, beers for me and the lads? Or do you look around, just in case somebody may have dropped it. It could even be your own grannie. I did actually find £20 floating around Lidl on the Dudley Rd, on my way back from the hospital. And yes, I gave it to the security guard, and because nobody claimed it, a local beggar got it, as I instructed. So, there you go, I am either stupid, or mad, or I have been brought up properly. Remember too my mum was from Kerry, born in a “pig sty” as somebody remarked, and did not move to the new house till she was 12, you’ve all seen the stone structure I’ve posted on occasions. So, my values come from 1920s Ireland. Though as my dad would say about some people, “they could not be honest even if you paid them”. The next question obviously is what if it were a wallet? Well if there was a bank card inside would you rush home to use it. Or walk to the bank where the card belonged, and hand it in, so they could trace him.

Knowing yourself is not just about honesty as far as money goes. It’s about deciding when to keep the pound on the ground, or should you look. I’ve picked up a women’s purse at a busy crossings down the road, and saved her day. Knowing how your personality is means you might be more careful. Alcohol means you get your knickers off, so don’t drink, or have  a sober person there to protect you, male of female. Ditto with driving, alcohol and cars do not mix, they are not a cocktail, I spent years observing my drinking friends. Yes, alcohol is good, it relaxes and binds people together, in teams, in clubs, and so on. I have also spent decades watching alcoholics, so in my family none of us ever became drinkers. We could see the alcoholic lodgers as we grew up, one even died on me while was I still 20, so you know and learn things as you grow up. You may have had a family member who was a junkie, or a pothead, or a shoplifter. Whatever way you grew up it does influence your behaviour. But, you are NOT a prisoner to environment, yes it is harder, but you can do it. Education or Sport even Prayer is a way out, you can pick your own heroes.

So, in life you have to be strong and choose what is best for you. You may decide being a thief suits you best, or you just love a drink. When my dad was recovering after his near fatal heart attack in 1996, just 8 weeks after mum died in the marriage bed beside him, we had one of our lodgers come visit him in hospital. What did X say? Have you got a pound for a pint? I was there, perhaps I should have punched X. But it does illustrate what a waste of time Alcohol is, if it brings you down that low. You can argue the toss about Alcoholism  as a Disease, or just weak people? I’ll leave it for you to think about.

I could give more examples, but having experience in life does teach you, or at least inform you. Then you can choose, and you can argue amongst yourselves. Inner cities are bad, I know, where I grew up would be classed as one. But if a steelworker and a blacksmith from Kerry Ireland can have 4 of his 6 kids become teachers, with one via Oxford and another  via Cambridge, and me the “failure” with 19 books already written, 1,600,000 words, or 8000 pages, then you should all have a try.

If you know yourself, if you spend time reflecting, not just surfing the web, then you can amaze yourself. I used to work shifts 3 days 3 nights 3 off 3 evenings 3 nights etc and worse. They were long days and nights, in the end 12 hour night shifts, and for 14 years. So, I was lucky because midweek was free, and the weekend temptations just were not there in the 1980s, so I chose Radio, BBC Radio 4, which is like internal World Service. That was my education, 20 hours a week+, though I did start when I was ten or younger.

Yes, to some of you I can hear you already saying “boring fart”, yes but you are reading this, can you write? If you can then good for you. There is no money in it, not unless one of your 80 country readership finally decides to invest in you. I’m still hoping, maybe it’s Turkmenistan, but probably not, but I do know myself, what about you?