The Wedding Dress Designer ©
By
Michael Casey
Now Spring is almost sprung in 2019, and long ago I wrote The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, what I am about to share is a piece from Tears for a Butcher, which will be the sequel, 30 years later. Though the full story may never be told, as I don’t have as much energy nowadays, quadruple heart bypass and arthritis does slow down the body. Though the spirit is willing. In the first book there are 4 builder brothers, two sets of twins, Mathew, Mark, Luke and John, the Gavin twins so to speak. Now Mrs Murphy decided they should be married, all work and no play so to speak.
Girls, do you want to meet a man, a real man, 4 in fact. This is how Mrs Murphy tossed the invitation to the 4 nursing sisters down the clinic. They were totally unimpressed, so Mrs Murphy showed them few photos her friend had produced. In fact they were in a glossy folder, Mrs Murphy had decided if she was going to be Cupid she’d do it properly. The four sisters said in unison HUNKS, after years of building works the Gavin had plenty of muscles.
What’s the catch, they’re not Gay or something, are you playing a joke on us? Mrs Murphy smiled, come for tea tomorrow and you can ask them yourselves. But we are working late tomorrow. Come as you are, put these on, she threw fish net stockings at them. You are so stereotypical, came the reply. Whatever that means I don’t know, but do you all want a chance to catch a good man, or do you want to die old virgin maids. The 4 nursing sisters looked at each other and laughed. Show us those photos again, I like that one, this one is nicer, he’s cute. The left over is for you Sarah. I think he’s the best one, came the reply, and little did she know but she was right, John was her’s and she was his. It was written in the stars.
So the 4 nursing sisters arrived in the fish net stocking as instructed, very stereotypical whatever that meant. Mrs Murphy had a buffet prepared, her new Jewish fried in USA had advised her what to do. She was a bit of a matchmaker over there so was more than happy to offer advice. In fact she said she had a feeling about Sarah and John, it was written in the stars after all, and didn’t her son the zillionaire have spy satellites amongst the stars.
The 4 nursing sisters arrived, Mrs Murphy told them her plan. That’s disgusting, we don’t know if we can do that. However when Mathew, Mark, Luke and John arrived still covered in brick dust, all arguments were settled. It was written in the stars and in Mrs Murphy’s play book, as advises by Esther her Jewish friend in the USA.
Mrs Murphy had put her extra chairs upstairs, deliberately meaning that there not enough chairs. You sit down you look tired insisted the nurses, though their feet ached after running around all day. There could have been arguments of manners. So the boys sat on the sofas, with the girls perched on the arms of the chairs. Mrs Murphy served tea and biscuits for all of them, typical Irish hospitality. Now a man, any man who has a nurse in fish net stockings perched on the sofa beside him just turns to putty.
They all enjoyed tea and sandwiches, and more tea and cake and more sandwiches. With Jelly and Ice-cream to finish. Mrs Murphy was treating them like children, she only had one child herself, but now she had 8 in front of her. John dribbled everywhere so Sarah catched his dribbles with her finger and licked the ice-cream off. The other 3 nursing sisters look on disapprovingly, before realising it was written in the stars, they could feel the electricity between them. And Sarah deserved the best, especially after that BASTARD last year. So the other three decided to laugh.
Then Mrs Murphy asked would they like a drink. Is is red lemonade asked John hopefully, it was always perfect after ice-cream. The others laughed, except Sarah, he’d won her heart there and then, the BASTARD was dead now never to hurt her any more. Yes red lemonade would be nice chipped in Sarah. I have a bit under the stairs in the pantry replied Mrs Murphy. But I have cans of Stella Artois for the boys, but what about the other sisters? Anything is fine, came the reply, they had seen Sarah light up before them, if she was happy then ditch water would have been fine. Luckily Mrs Murphy had something else ready.Esther said it was a special night, a night of hope and new beginning , so she insisted on sending something. In actual fact it had been couriered from France, from another dear friend of Esther’s. From Epernay, where the champagne comes from.
Champagne and Stella Artois, what a mixture, with Irish red lemonade for John and Sarah. Everybody laughed and the nursing sisters decided it would be more comfortable to sit on the boys laps, besides Sarah and John were like stars in the bright sky, their love illuminated the room.
It was late when they were finished so Michael the old taxi driver was called to take the sisters home to the nurses accommodation. They all kissed Mrs Murphy goodnight, Sarah had found somebody good. What do you think of the boys? Hissed Mrs Murphy, they’ll do I suppose came the reply. So shall I invite the mortuary workers around next week to meet the boys, if you’re not interested. It’ll be your funeral if you do, came the instantaneous reply. So they’ll do is sister talk for, buy us more stockings, came the hissed reply, followed by laughter.
As they got into Michael’s cab they remembered they did not have the boys phone number, but outside it was written on the side of their van. Though as they would discover they only had one phone between them, so they’d have to buy them all a cheap phone, just so they could talk to them privately. Did we behave badly dressing in fish net stockings, and then sitting on their lap? What do you think Sarah? I’m going to marry came the reply. They all screamed. But what if he’s a bastard the 3 others whispered. He’s a good man, he’s the man with a child in his eyes, that’ll be enough children for us. Then she began to quietly cry. Little did she know, little did she know.
Mrs Murphy ushered out the boys, and did you like them? Yes came the reply, John would drive as his brothers had alcohol in him. He just smiled, he knew it though he said nothing, he had just met his future wife.
The next week the same situation, though the girls sat on the boys laps immediately,why waste precious time. However there was one thing different, the 4 nursing sisters had hatched a cunning plan. Mandy who used to work with them years ago had become an actress, and she was coming to town in The Rocky Horror show. She had even got them 8 tickets for the midweek matinee. Now the Gavins were not much for theatre, and didn’t even know of the show. Yes really, I mean have any of you heard of Shoplife by Michael Casey?
The boys were blackmailed into attending, come or never see any of us again, a lot of spoon and no sugar so to speak. The boys warmed to the idea of dressing up as doctors in white coats, they could borrow white coats from Patrick’s bakers or even from Big Sid the Butcher. The girls let them plan just how great they’d all look as doctors, smiling more and more, Sarah blew bubbles in her red lemonade. Then with peel of laughter all was revealed. The boys would not be dressing as doctors, the sisters would, the boys, the Gavins, the huge hulking Gavins would be dressed as nurses in stockings and suspenders.
This was met with disbelief, but fair was fair, the sisters had worn stockings, now this NFL size builders would be wearing stockings and suspenders as women. Collectively the Gavins took a deep breath, said they would do it.Besides at a matinee the theatre would be half full. There’d nip in and out in the darkness of the theatre, and nobody would know it was them.
Well apart from the whole street, who thought it was such a great idea, build your love life by dressing up as a transsexual in stocking and suspenders. So they attended, Michael squeezed them all in his taxi, straight to the door. The Hippodrome holds 1500 people I believe, ring them up and I’m sure they will tell you. The Gavins were sledgehammered and wrecking balled to see the masses. All they could do was laugh and hope nobody could recognise them beneath the face makeup plastered on.
At the end of the show the stars asked was it a special occasion, Sarah dragged John onto the stage. Either you ask me right now or I’ll ask you right now.The audience waited in anticipation.
WILL YOU MARRY ME, they said in unison.
This was not in the script, the audience HUSHED.
YES, YES came the double reply.
The audience erupted, the other 3 Gavins climbed on stage, as did the 3 nurses now doctors. Together they danced the Time Warp.
Nobody would see them sneak on the stage, nobody would know it was them. A NFL size builder in stockings and suspenders had just got engaged to a real nursing sister dressed as a doctor, with 3 other sister doctors and 3 more NFL size builders in stockings and suspenders. Yes nobody would see them, Apart from 10 million hits in a week on the Rocky Horror website, not to mention every body else’s FaceBook.
They did worry would it damage their building business, quiet the reverse. And that was why Sarah was going to have a dress, a Wedding dress fitted. Danny’s Dresses was well know for Wedding dresses, Danny was gay so you could run around semi naked trying on your wedding dress and not feel embarrassed. He was more interested in your nail varnish than the size of your breasts or your bum. Though he as always excellent with a tape measure.
Sarah and the sisters were going for a 2nd fitting one day and Danny was greeting them with kisses on his door step. A lad jogged past and shouted POOF. Now Ruth was not having this, so handing her heels to Sarah she chased after the jogger with the big mouth. She tripped him and banged him into a bollard, banging his own bollards in the process. The security at the clinic had taught her that one, Taz tactics he called it. Ruth dragged him back to the dress shop. Apologise, the youth apologise.
Danny said bring him inside he can have a cup of tea, I think you may of hurt him. So Stu, for Stu was his name was brought inside and ordered to sit and drink his tea. While Stu rubbed his bollards Danny showed the dress. Now this is when something interesting happened, you see Stu did not just have a big mouth, but he knew about sewing. As he drunk his tea and rubbed his bollards, he commented on the stitching and style, he even suggested embroidering the names of the couple to be married in the hem of the wedding dress in silver and gold thread.
Danny screams he ran to Stu and kissed him on the lips spilling the tea all over Stu’s trousers. So Stu went into the back to take his trousers off and dry them with a hair dryer. While this happened another future bride arrived, she saw the half dressed Stu, so Danny closed the door on him, he’s going to be my new stitcher he said with a wink.
And that’s how Stu got a job in the wedding dress shop, word soon got around the brides, Danny had his trousers off the moment he met Stu. It was a good laugh, perfect revenge for Stu’s bad ignorant words. In fact Stu needed a job and though all 8 of his sisters and cousins were tailors of some kind he just wanted to avoid it. But now after banging his bollards, and spilling tea all over himself there he was the right hand man in Danny’s Wedding Dress shop, though he was strictly a man a HETROSEXUAL man. Though everybody assumed he was Gay with a capital GAY.
Now one day a body builder arrived to see his girl get fitted for a wedding dress, he especially liked the embroidery, his name and hers on the hem of the wedding dress. He wasn’t superstitious at all, he was going to shake Stu’s hand. However his bride was just too pretty and she just threw her clothes off. Keep the knickers on Danny chided, but she did not care, and they were a couple of gay dress makers, so she could show her dress to her man without any knicker line.
Stu stared and stared, she was just too pretty, he was about to groan, he should put a bucket of ice cubes down his trousers. The bodybuilder looked from his girl to Danny and then to Stu, he was about to come over and shake his hand. But the look in Stu’s eyes would give everything away. Stu was straight, and was looking at his naked future bride. Danny had to act, the biggest act in his life, he grabbed Stu and put his tongue down his throat, for a full 20 seconds. Stu struggled at first but he could see the body builder approaching, he had to act too, he grabbed Danny’s bum and squeezed it as if his very life depended on it. And indeed it did. The body builder laughed, you daft buggers, can’t you wait till you get home.
And that’s how everybody knew without a shadow of a doubt that Stu was 100% gay in fact he was Danny’s needle and thread. Stu washed his mouth out, and then thanked Danny for saving his life. Danny smiled, that what partners do. Stu look alarmed, business partners, I mean you are a good kisser but I’m sure my arse is black and blue. They both laughed. The next week Danny and Stu Dressmakers appeared on the door.
Would Stu even meet a woman? Well funny how you should ask, but he did meet a nice girl, she just wanted to pretend to her family that she had a boyfriend, just so they wouldn’t think she was a Lesbian. Some families are so boring after all, Love is Love whatever way God reveals it to us. She was to be a bridesmaid, but again, she was naked while trying on the dress and Stu stared.
She pushed him into the storeroom and confronted him. So you are not Gay, no but don’t tell anybody or I’ll be killed by these boyfriends. Ok I’ll not tell anybody you are not gay, but you have to pretend to be my boyfriend so my family doesn’t think I’m a Lesbian. Confused. Ask William Shakespeare. She just needed time to think for herself, maybe she was half Japanese how would I know? Well after a few months of dating he had to finish off some stitching for a wedding dress, so she came back to the shop with him.
Then as he stitched as only a master tailor can stitch, a stitch in time saves nine as the rhythm says, she undressed. Then he hemmed and gathered, with a big stitch and a little stitch, with gentle fancy patterns all over her body and she replied in kind, nip and tuck, nip and tuck. No thimbles used, just perfect precision weaving of bodies. How could he explain it to Danny, he had to reveal himself finally, just as he was revealing all to the girl who would not be “Lesbian”anymore. Life is strange, it is a many splendored thing, two names entwined in gold and silver silk on on wedding dress. Or two bodies entwined in the storeroom of a wedding dress shop. And yes, that was where their first of 9 threads were created, for like a said a stitch in time creates nine, children.
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