Greetings Cards©
By
Michael Casey
Well today is a very bright blue sky day, but go outside and you will discover just how fresh it is. It is freezing so I went half way down the hill to get a greetings card, and thanked God that was all the walking I’d be doing today. The cold air constricts everything and with my heart I’ve been told to watch it in freezing weather, and that is why I’m so happy this year is not as cold as last. Tomorrow a load of snow is expected to be dumped on England, I’m hoping London gets it and not us, here in Birmingham.
Perhaps I should send a greetings card to London, saying enjoy the snow. Traditions arrive, such as Christmas trees and Christmas cards, you can google it all for yourself as homework. I image greetings cards first began with Kings sending messages of Love or War. The king sealed the message with wax and on pain of death were his messages opened. Then with time the post office began, and then steaming envelopes open began too, servants can never be trusted after all, not unless you cut their tongues out first. And move lower with your knife if you don’t trust your wife while you are away fighting whatever battle there was.
This is just background. So why do you, yes you sitting there bored at work in 40 countries, why do you send cards? To impress your girl, or boy or grandma so she leaves you her house in her will? Whatever reason you send a card, there is always a reason. If you are shy then you can leave a card on the girl’s desk asking her to ring a number 123456789 and then you won’t be rejected to your face. You may send a series of comic cards, you even hand illustrate them if you are a good artist. May Lin from the Korean take away slipped me a cartoon written on the lid of a rice container. FATSO I love you so, which was both a good rhythm and accurate. Now we have 7 children and 5 takeaways. Romance and business via a home make greetings card, with silver all on one side to match my age and hair.
When you are sending a greetings card you have to send something nice, a picture of a nursing home to your grannie, to encourage her to move out her 7 bedroom mansion, and leave it to you as her 90th Birthday approaches. And a picture of rugby balls and half naked girls to your sports mad friend. And a field of flowers for your gay best friend, he saved you from a kicking many years ago, before he gained his 5th black belt.
The thing to remember is not to mix the greetings cards up. Your grannie would not appreciate a card with rugby balls and 1/2 naked girls on. Not unless she was a secret lesbian with thing for oval balls, in today’s world anything is possible, such as understanding Brexit.
Your rugby mad friend would not really like a pretty field of flowers, not unless naked women were strolling through them. Or a very young Theresa May was running through them being chased by a farmer with a shot gun, or is that Rees Mog?
As for the picture of the nursing home, your gay friend would just cry and cry, his dad owned a nursing home and used to beat him, but it did inspired him to take up martial arts. His dad soon left and your gay friend turned the home into a martial arts school, special discounts for seniors. I believe Steptoe’s friends were his first pupils.
A blank card is very useful as you can write Happy Xmas, Happy Birthday, Happy this or Happy that. Though as ever make sure you get the greeting and the person’s name right. WE are lucky as we just write everything in an Oriental language, so the receiver is happy, and never knows its the laundry list or the shopping list. It’s so different getting a card all Oriental. Which reminds me when I see people with Tats in Oriental language I always tell them seriously it means “this way up” I’m lying of course but people believe me, what it really means is “other way up.”
Well I have to have my dinner now, Queen are singing The Show Must Go On, they can keep their show I’m putting the dinner on, the dinner must go on, the dinner must go on, the dinner must go on. Brian stop that guitar noise, I just spilled the frozen peas all over the kitchen floor. Totoro stop playing with those frozen peas, and as for that drummer, his plating is worse that my Tinnitus. Yes they are all around my house, I’m trying to teaching them waiter skills, they can earn a few bob in their Summer Hols. Cliff you can shut up too.
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