Grannie Elizabeth and the Soldier ©
By
Michael Casey
Grannie Elizabeth wasn’t a real grannie at all but to a lot of kids that’s what she was. She was Grannie Elizabeth, Elizabeth wasn’t her real name either, she just had an English accent like the Queen of England so she was Christened Elizabeth, Grannie Elizabeth. She was in fact a widow who used to babysit, babysit a lot and she was cheap, so she was very popular. As she walked down the street she would get nods and smiles and kisses from generations of kids. She was loved by a unites nations of faces, in New York. You see she had married a Yank as they used to be called and was transplanted to USA. Only her Yankie Soldier had died.
Her heart was broken so she could never marry again, her Wayne was the only man she had ever loved so how could she marry another. She had a widow’s pension and she proudly had a Stars and Stripes in her front lawn alongside a Union Jack, she was from England after all, and despite 50 years in USA she kept her accent. Her Wayne was special to her and he worked in Special Forces but they never really spoke about that. She just loved him to death, and when he died she miscarried, so her heart was doubly broken. So babysitting was some consolation.
Her kids were her kids and told to call her mum, but as time progressed she became Grannie, Grannie Elizabeth and loved by everybody. She got Birthday cards and Christmas cards and Mother’s Day cards, though the mother’s day cards did make her shed a tear, but she made sure nobody saw those tears.
Now she liked to jump on the bus and have an adventure, and that’s how she ended up in 26th and 2nd Berry Juice cafe. In fact she got off at the wrong stop and her feet needed a rest so she went and had a berry juice drink. It was while she was there that she met the soldier. He was in normal clothes but she knew a soldier when she saw one, besides he had a tiny tiny badge on his shirt collar. The exact same one her husband wore. It may have been the sore feet or the sight of the badge, or the jaw line. But Grannie Elizabeth started to cry.
The soldier looked over concerned. Mam can I assist he asked? Grannie Elizabeth replied in he Queen of England accent, sorry but you remind me of my poor dead husband. In England Mam? Grannie Elizabeth explained she had married a Yank, and he was in Special Services, she recognised his badge. She recited her Wayne’s service number. It turned out that the Soldier was called Wayne too, this made Grannie Elizabeth cry. Two Waynes, it was impossible.
So they chatted and the Soldier gave nothing away, but he did remember the service number. When they had finished their berry drinks Wayne put Grannie Elizabeth on the correct bus and waved goodbye. He also phoned a friend who checked out the service number, and he was shocked and awed to see who the original Wayne was. It turned out that the original Wayne has been a Legend decades before.
A week later a bowl of berries and a card arrived at Grannie Elizabeth’s house, gift wrapped in Union Jack and Stars and Stripes gift wrap. The other Wayne was a surveillance expert, so he had checked her out before sending the berries. From then onwards Grannie Elizabeth received berries on her Birthday and at Christmas, she also got a present at Honaker too as the new Wayne was Jewish. Grannie Elizabeth was pleased by the attention, she also started to pray for him every day, she did not want to lose two Waynes it would be too much.
This went on for a few years, Grannie Elizabeth had a fall and was hospitalised, only her flags fluttered in the wind. In the dark on the night some slime decided to break into to her home. But what you all need to remember is that the service is a family. So as the burglar entered her home he had the shock of his life. Wayne was there all dressed in black, he was not a cowboy, he was there with two buddies also dressed all in black quietly playing cards, waiting just waiting for such an eventually.
The next morning the burglar was found stripped naked and hanging between two flag poles. The Stars and Stripes fluttering alongside the Union Jack. The NYPD know a good deterrent when they see one, so they slowly replied to the call. Then they pretend argued about Health and Safety and who should climb the flag pole to cut the felon down. One bright spark said it was a Fire Department issue, so the Police had a coffee while the Fire Department came slowly, it was not a fire after all. Fox News got a tip off and Shep Smith featured it on his show, live as well, it was a slow news day so it got the most exposure as did the burglar.
The neighbours all came out to say how disgusted they were with the felon, and then all the children she had babysat over the years rung Shep Smith to say just how disgusted they were trying to rob a Veteran’s Widow like that. The VA had a lot to say when they discovered it was a veteran’s widow’s home that had an attempted burglary.
Shep Smith wondered who were the good citizens who had caught the burglar. Shep interiewed the burglar while he was still strung up, but the felon was very highly strung, as you would be if you had met the Devil in the night, 3 devils in fact. All the burglar would say and could say was it was the Devil and I confess. He had a major confession to make, as would anybody who met three poker playing Devils in the night. Enough for twenty years in jail, but it would be better that meeting those 3 Devils again.
Grannie Elizabeth switched on the tv in hospital from her bed. She saw her own home, but before she could be shocked Wayne was there with berries for her. He was with Jesse and Billy his buddies from the night before. That’s naughty what you did chided Grannie Elizabeth, but my Wayne would have done the same. So they all laughed. Meanwhile Shep Smith had worked it all out, a Grannie with a husband in the Special Services, Shep just smiled, he was off to England soon to Old Forge and Singing Anvil, maybe he’d tell the tale then in a bar.
As for Wayne and Jessie and Billy they kissed Grannie Elizabeth and disappeared, they had to return the doctor’s clothes they had “borrowed” they would flying out on a mission that very night. Wayne passed a piece of paper to Grannie Elizabeth as he left. It just said ring this number if ever you need a friend. 555 5555 With that they were gone.
Grannie Elizabeth got home and had a hero’s reception, she just waved like the Queen of England and sat inside to finish her berries, lots and lots of berries. Now the night her Wayne had died she had had a feeling and now she had the very same feeling. Her Wayne, Wayne number two was in trouble, she just knew it, but what could she do? She did think of he phone number but she was not in trouble it was Wayne, she felt it in her English water, or maybe she had had too many berries. So she went to the bathroom and then to bed.
She dreampt of her Wayne and then of the new Wayne, she dreampt of an orchard too, perhaps it was the Garden of Eden, perhaps she would die soon and be with her husband again. Meanwhile Wayne’s mission had gone wrong. He was hiding hoping to stay alive, only he was captured, things would be bad and end in darkness.
Elizabeth watched Fox news and a small item catch her attention, she knew it Wayne must be there in that place far far away. She was right Wayne was, he was being tortured as he lay chained and bruised and bleeding he thought about Elizabeth and he hoped he could die with as much honour as her husband. The torturers teased him, do you want to speak to your family before you die?
The Devil was there waiting in the dark for Wayne, but Wayne had half an idea in his blood soaked head. Can I speak to my grannie before I die? So they teased him and beat him before allowing him to phone his grannie. Only he phoned Grannie Elizabeth instead. Grannie Smith its so good to hear your voice, just rung to say I will always remember sharing berries at 372 on 12 or was it at 456 on 18 I’m sorrow if I’m all mixed up, but I do love you. Then she heard him being beaten before the phone went dead.
Grannie Elizabeth might be old but she was not stupid, with tears in her eyes she rung that number if only she could find the piece of paper. In the end it was under the berries. She shouted down the phone. This is and she gave her dead husband’s service number, and then she explained. It was a map reference, and a grannie smith is a variety of apple. Wayne must be near an orchard. Grannie Elizabeth called an emergency Prayerathon at her house, everybody came. They did not ask what it was for, when a grannie calls you come running. The NYPD and the Fire Service came too. Grannie Elizabeth had called a Prayathon so everybody got there.
High high above in the sky right over an orchard all dressed in black Jesse and Billy exited the plane with a few other Devils, they were going to a house warming. They were going to set fire to a house. Wayne was carried out by Jesse and Billy while the other gunslingers fired off their laser guided six shooters.
In New York Grannie Elizabeth fainted, everybody was concerned, but she was happy, she could feel it. In fact her husband’s ghost was beside her smiling. Wayne was alive, Wayne was alive.
The next day a general arrived at the house carrying berries, followed by soldiers also caring berries, as well as a bag of grannie smith apples. Nothing was said, it was all top secret after all. But when a general and loads of soldiers salute and go away laughing you can tell it’s a happy ending.
So I hope you all enjoyed today’s story 25th March 2018, which also happens to be Totoro our cat’s 3rd Birthday. My kids wanted a pet, I said they could have a dog if I died or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks later I had an unplanned quadruple heart bypass, at least my kids didn’t get a dog. So a cat was a happier ending.
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