Sign of the Times

Sign of the Times ©

By

Michael Casey

Sign of the Times can mean anything, its a song as well. But what does it mean to you? To me, tonight it means my physical body has perhaps reached its weakest, well for today anyway. I used to be able to stand for 12 hours a day and walk 5 miles. Today I can go out shopping but return tired, I don’t quite need a nap, but its a close thing. In a way its sad because you can feel the shadow of the Grim Reaper fall over you. This weekend also marks the anniversary of my dad’s death so that does bring on many memories.

I used to be a lumberjack and I was ok, chopping down trees, and wearing girlies’ clothing, suspenders and a bra, just as Monty Python did. I did get a lot of flack from the other members of the rugby team, but good hookers are hard to come by, so they respected my clothing decisions. I was quick and I always got the ball, I did not want my stockings ripped after all. It did happen once and there was such a maul afterwards and 3 players were sent off, and the referee’s mum came on to slap a few legs, just to restore order.

But that was then and this is now. How things change. You used to sing dirty songs on the coach to rugby matches, nowadays that is just a memory and you cannot remember the words at all. You go on visits to Holy Places instead, that’s what marrying the vicar’s daughter entails. It must be the same for Theresa May’s husband, visiting The Palace of Westminster when really he’d like to go to Crystal Palace to watch the football. But marriage does that to you.

When you first marry you are both full of vim and vigour, figure skating around each others’ bodies in bed. Then children appear, so you go bed to sleep instead. Besides the children have radar, so they can intercept and parental desires. You are both trapped apart, holding the babies so you cannot even practice making any more babies.

Your looks begin to fade, and your clothes get tighter, you’re sure they have shrunk in the wash. Its because Married Men, and Women get fatter, its God’s design. Thin to bait the trap, then hips and bellies get bigger, and everything drops thanks to Gravity. But you love each other, besides nobody would want you now, because you have the married look. You are permanently tired, school runs and overtime to pay for your crime, sex and marriage. They come and go together, so you have buy shoes for children and trendy clothes too. Meanwhile you evolve into the missing link, the tramp with the well dressed kids, you cannot afford anything for yourself.

And on it goes so you buy clothes in 2^nd hand or charity shops, not because you are being Retro and Trendy but because that is all you can afford. And its there while changing to try on a new secondhand pair of trousers that you meet temptation. The woman in the charity shop sees your strong legs and wants all of you. You end up making love amongst the donations in the back of the Charity Shop.It wasn’t planned it wasn’t even anything, it just happened.

Your wife doesn’t suspect but you become very well dressed in a Retro kind of way. Your kids work it out but don’t care because you are out of their hair, but in, well enough said. Your wife doesn’t notice because she has gone back to work and is now a manager. So you carry on carrying on in the back of the charity shop. So in a way it is perfect, except you get the woman in the charity shop pregnant, she thought she was too old to conceive, but with a lot of Charity anything can happen.

So now you are living the married life again, with your pregnant girlfriend living in your daughter’s bedroom. She has gone to University now, and your wife is so very understanding and charitable, so a baby conceived in a Charity shop is born, its a girl, so you call her Charity.

You did not plan any of this, it was inconceivable that Faith the girl from the Charity shop would have a baby. You Hoped she was mistaken, but no matter what you had Hoped, Faith had conceived Charity. At least your wife was understanding, she liked the idea of more children but it did not happen in the marriage. But now a new baby was born, she was just too understanding. I forgot to say she was the manager of a Baby Wear Shop.

See God works in mysterious way, though some might say men should just keep their trousers on, especially in charity shops.